Of Wyverns and Brands

Chapter 23

The ship sways under me as I sit down within the hull, hidden among the cargo. After Ike had told us of how Greil had sacrificed himself to stop the Black Knight, I had numbly walked away, only wanting to find some place where I could just be alone. And now as I sit here in near complete darkness, only one thought keeps running through my mind.

It was my fault.

I could have stopped it. I could have said something. A few words to Ranulf, and there wouldn't even have been bloodshed in the town.

But I didn't. I didn't say anything. I didn't even try to go with them to make sure everything went as planned. I could have prevented all of this. His blood, Greil's blood, was on my hands.

How would I be able to face Ike again after this? How could I speak to him when I had known that the Black Knight would be there?

I was the one who wanted to change what happened, but I didn't even care enough to think about what was coming up. I messed up royally, and there was nothing I could do about it now. I don't know which is making me sicker, the rocking of this stupid boat or the lump of guilt that is sitting in the pit of my stomach.

Is it even possible to change anything? I had saved Greil, and now he's dead anyway. It's as though fate is mocking me for even trying. Is everything going to happen anyway? Is there no use to all this? Why am I even here? Did that stupid bird simply drop me here to watch me flounder about uselessly? What is the point to anything I'm doing?

The noise of someone moving about nearby reaches me. It's probably Sothe, as he's the only other person I could imagine hiding down here with the cargo. He's not very sneaky with all that noise.

With only a short exclamation as a warning, the pile of crates behind me suddenly go tumbling away, leaving me flat on my back as the crate I was leaning against goes sliding away from me. Before I can even register what happened, something unexpectedly drops right on top my stomach, driving all the air from my lungs.

Well that hurt. Trying to get some of the breath back into my lungs, I attempt to sit up, only for whatever was on me to start moving. Which means it's a someone. "Really, Sothe?" I cough out, not enjoying the interruption of my self-loathing.

Sothe starts at my voice and scrambles off of me. "Sorry! I'm sorry! It was an accident!" My, Sothe, you sure have a high-pitched. …That's not Sothe, is it? Then who… "I…was just trying to find somewhere to be alone." Oh…it's Mist.

I don't reply, not knowing what to say to her right now. Of all the people to run into, why did it have to be her? As cowardly as the thought made me feel, I was glad that it was so dark down here. I don't think I could handle seeing her face right now.

"I'll just…go somewhere else. Sorry again."

As she starts to get up, I impulsively murmur, "Sorry, Mist." I'm not even sure why I say it. What good will it do? Her father's gone, and I'm the reason.

"Drake?" she questions, stopping.

"…Yeah, it's me."

Instead of leaving, Mist just sits there now, silent. Minutes pass of just the sounds of the sea while I sit there awkwardly. What thoughts are going through her head right now? Is she thinking about her dad? Is she replaying the moment he died, a scene she actually witnessed this time?

Is she thinking of that promise I made not long ago?

Guilt tears at me as the silence starts to get to me. I'm sorry, Mist. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to let it happen. I wasn't thinking. I want to fix it. I wish I could do it all over.

But none of these words would come out. My throat tighten just at the thought. How could I ever tell them? How could I ever let them know that it's all my fault?

I start when Mist's low voice breaks the silence. "Hey, Drake? …Did you know your parents?"

"Yeah," I quietly reply, wondering where this was going.

"What were they like?"

The guilt within is only growing as I quietly answer. "My mother was strict. She always kept me in line and made sure I had proper manners and such. But when I needed it, she always knew when to show her gentle, loving side. My father was always hardworking and making sure I never went without, even up until the day he died." I cringe when I suddenly realize what I said.

"What happened to him?"

Should we really be talking about this? "He…got an illness that couldn't be cured. A year ago, it finally killed him." Lung cancer from smoking, specifically.

After a few moments, Mist asks another guilt inducing question. "Do you…do you think that they're up there somewhere, watching over us?"

"I…like to think so, sometimes."

"Drake, why? Why did…why did that…why-?" I hear can hear Mist starting to tear up as she tries to finish her question.

And it's my fault. I ball my fists and bite my lip as the thought runs through my mind over and over and over. It's as if fate has thrown me in this very situation just to see what I've done; what I've caused.

"Dad's gone…and I…I don't know what to do, Drake. Brother said…that he was…going to protect us now…but if he dies, too…then I'll be all alone… What do I do, Drake?" Mist asks, sobs punctuating her words.

"I'm…sorry, Mist." That's all I can manage to say. What else can I say? I don't have the answers. I can't change it. And I'm the one who caused all of this.

And so I sit there as Mist begins to cry just a few feet away, my heart tearing at me as I listen to her grieve. I wanted to stop this. I wanted a happy ending, but I hadn't cared enough. I hadn't tried enough. I hadn't been passionate enough. If only…if only…

And that is when I make up my mind. Never again. This was my fault, and I can't run away from it. I can't bring Greil back, but I can still make sure this doesn't happen again. I need to get stronger. I need to shape up and start doing what I know I need to do. I can't just sit back and let the others carry the load like I've been doing anymore.

-o-

After Mist had calmed down, I went to find out where I was supposed to stay. With so many of us, we'd all just be sleeping in hammocks in the passenger area of the hull. But even though most of the mercenaries were here, no one was talking. The morale of everyone had plummeted, even for the merchants.

Though I tried laying down as night fell, I only dozed off a few times as my mind kept shifting gears, constantly occupied. One moment I'd be thinking about how I had messed up, the next I'd just be blankly staring at the ceiling as my mind went numb.

The sunrise is a deep red as I walk up to the deck the next morning. "Red sky at night, a sailor's delight. Red sky at morning, sailors be mourning," I mutter to myself, remembering the old saying from somewhere as I walk over to Midnight at the front of the ship.

"You seem to be familiar with sea lore." I look back and see Nasir approach. Despite his close proximity, Midnight doesn't seem to mind his presence, though I'm guessing that's because he's actually a Goldoan dragon and not a simple sailor.

"I don't remember where I heard it before, but it seems to fit rather too well this morning," I reply, a little uncomfortable around him.

"I agree. It is always hard to lose a close companion, and I fear today will only bring more trouble," Nasir says ominously.

"More trouble?"

"We're making for landfall now," Nasir explains. "It seems a few of your companions do not plan to continue on."

Shinon and Gatrie. Guess I should have expected that.

"And what do you mean by that!?" a familiar voice shouts from below deck. Boyd's voice is soon followed by Shinon and Gatrie coming out of the hold.

"Exactly what I said, boy," Shinon answers as Boyd comes running out.

"How can you act like this? Where's your loyalty?" Boyd angrily demands.

"Back in Port Toha," Shinon drily remarks. "I followed Commander Greil, and I'm not about to follow some untrained, young pup. He'll go heading straight for revenge and lead everyone to an early grave."

"What about you, Gatrie? You're better than this!"

Gatrie is looking really uncomfortable with it all, but he's still holding onto his packed stuff. "Look, we're mercenaries. We risk our lives for gold everyday. I just think it might be better to…look for other types of employment. Maybe as a bodyguard or something."

"I can't believe the two of you!" Boyd shouts, throwing his hands up into the air.

"Boyd, stop shouting. You'll wake Mist." Boyd immediately quiets down as Ike steps out of the hull as well. The strong emotions from yesterday is now gone, replaced by a stoic mask.

"But they're turning on us." Boyd's voice is much quieter as he accuses the two once more.

"I know, and I'm sure everyone else has heard as well now. They have every right to make that decision. Shinon's right. I'm an inexperienced leader that may well end up leading us all to our deaths. I have no right to force him to follow me."

"Even he agrees about his incompetence," Shinon says. "I'm leaving as soon as we make landfall."

Boyd's face goes through a range of emotions before he finally just shoves Shinon away and says, "Fine, you two-face scoundrels. I hope I never see the likes of you guys again." Gatrie flinches at his words, but Shinon simple smirks as Boyd leaves.

Ike leaves without a comment and comes over to me with a rather serious demeanor. My nervousness begins to grow as Nasir subtly walks off to leave the two of us alone. "Drake. I want to ask you something."

This…can't be good. "What is it?"

"It's been hard since yesterday," Ike begins. "My mind has been replaying everything that happened over and over. I kept asking myself if I could have done something different, but I know there's no use to that. I need to continue forging ahead if I'm to make any progress.

"But something began to bug me. Before we parted ways, you were rather distracted for a while. And now I think I know what it was. Tell me true. Did you know that the Black Knight would kill my father back there?"

Ike is looking me straight in the eyes. Though seemingly expressionless, his eyes seem to drill eyes, almost as if he is daring me to try to lie. "No, but…I…knew he would be there," I finally reply. As Ike continues to stare, my guilt makes me cave and start spilling. "I didn't know he would attack Greil. All I know was that Ranulf would stall him and escape. Honest. Ike, I promise I didn't know Greil would die. I risked my life to save him before. I wouldn't have let him go if I knew."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Ike interrupts, his voice hard.

I stop and lower my head as I feebly explain, "I…didn't think it would matter if I did. I'm…sorry."

I raise my head just as Ike walks away, finished. That's all. No screaming. No accusations. Not even a single blow. He just walked away.

And yet I wish he had. My stomach churns as he just leaves me there with my guilt almost as if he didn't even want to waste any more time on me. My dad had a quick temper at times, and I was used to him yelling and screaming at me, but this…this seems to hurt so much worse somehow.

Depressed and not in a mood to talk, I stay next to Midnight while we head to a random spot along the coast. About half of the mercenaries come out to say their farewells as Shinon and Gatrie leave. The suffocating mood from last night grows even stronger as they head off. Even the sailors seem affected by it now.

Before anyone has a chance to disperse, though, Ike steps up on top of a crate nearby to speak. "I know we are all grieving the loss of my father. It was too quick, and I did not expect to have to try and fill his place so soon. Shinon and Gatrie have already made their decision and left, and now it is your turns. I will not force anyone to follow me, and know that any debt or obligation you may have felt for my father has been paid for already. Do not choose to follow me because you have to.

"I plan to follow my father's wishes and help escort the princess to Begnion. Nasir, I request that we stay here for half an hour. You all have until then to decide whether to you will stay."

With his speech over, Ike gets off the crates and heads back down in the hull while the rest begin to disperse, each person now lost in their own thoughts.

In the end, we cast off and head south once more, the rest of us deciding to stay. But inside, I wonder if anything will go right again.

-o-

AN: Depressing chapter, I know. It was also quite a difficult chapter to write, in which I rewrote the beginning all over to try and get it right. And despite what one may think, being depressed when writing about it does not help, but only hinder the flow. My little trip ended on quite a bad note, so now I have even more drama going on. I did want to at least get one chapter up, though. Submitting something does help lighten my mood some, and I'll try to get the in-story mood up as well.

I've had this chapter in mind for a while, but it also did not go out as planned (part of why it was harder to write). For example, the inner monologue significantly changed directions as I began to write it, which dragged Drake in a different direction. This mood, in turn, affected Drake's response when Ike questioned him. So despite all planning, I let my characters have the final say on how things turn out. Drake is definitely becoming more and more independent of my standpoint.

9/13/17: Somehow forgot Ike's speech. Don't now how, really, but now it's up.