AN: Let's keep this goin'! Only a two more chapters left!
Disclaimer: I know nothing about math or science. I was a communications major and I work in advertising. I have basically no clue.
The next few weeks were uneventful. Slowly I moved more and more of my things into the Tower and life began to take on a rhythm. Steve would head out on leads or missions, come back within 48 hours and stick around for days at a time.
We started turning the extra bedroom into a nursery with Tony's reluctant approval and Pepper's Stark card, handed over with a wink and carte blanche. Darcy and Jane came to visit often and Darcy, a surprisingly talented crafter, began working on booties to match the blanket I was making in my spare time. In my way-too-much-can't-fill-the-days-losing-my-mind, spare time.
I loved being back in the tower, and enjoyed all the time I was able to spend with Steve. I tried not to be ungrateful for the peace and quiet before the baby came, but I couldn't help but feel a little useless.
Bruce had assured me that I was fine to work as long as I didn't push myself too much, and Jane had been asking me regularly if I wanted to come down to the labs to look at one of her projects. But I just didn't feel right going down there. It had been radio-silence from Tony ever since I'd come back to the tower, even during community dinners that Darcy dragged everyone to on the communal floors. It was strange, and entirely uncharacteristic, and I was positive that of all the people I thought hated me, Tony was the only one who actually did. Going to the labs would be stepping on his toes even more, and frankly, I didn't want to risk it.
I huffed impatiently on the couch, turning the blanket over to work on the next row of stitches. Steve closed his sketchbook abruptly, the slight slam echoing loudly throughout the apartment. I looked up in surprise.
"What?" I asked. Steve raised one eyebrow and shook his head slowly.
"You've been moping on the couch for the last two hours, huffing every couple of minutes."
"I have not. I'm knitting." I returned, my tone only slightly defensive.
"Yes, but you've been making this face the entire time." He raised his sketchbook and turned it my way. There I was, sitting peacefully on the couch, yarn stretched out over my stomach, the picture of domesticity and motherhood, right down to my resting bitch face expression. I grimaced.
"Alright, you got me. I'm just bored. I know I need to finish this blanket, but I'm going crazy in this apartment." I let my head fall back against the couch.
"You should go down and help Jane," Steve offered. I sat up and glared at him as he went back to his sketchpad.
"I can't go down to the labs, you know that."
"Mmm, sure."
"Steve!"
"I promise, Tony won't bite your head off. And if he does, he'll deal with me."
"Oh yeah, cuz that macho promise will totally convince me to go down there." Steve looked up and sighed.
"Charlotte. I know that you're scared, but seriously, it will be fine. Tony is just one man, and Jane and Bruce could really use some help. You've been going stir-crazy up here." he rose and came to pull me off the couch. "I love you, but avoiding this can't be good for you. And not using your brain past counting stitches, it's got to be annoying." I sighed and grumbled, leaning my forehead against his chest. He rubbed my back soothingly.
"Fine. I'll go. But only to check in on Jane and Darcy!" Steve smiled and pulled me back, kissing my forehead gently.
"Good. And if anyone gives you any trouble, just let me know, okay?" I rolled my eyes.
"Okay. But you're making dinner tonight if I'm going to go 'work.'" Steve chuckled as I made my way to the elevator.
"Deal. Just be back by 5, and I'll have dinner on the table." he smiled smugly. I couldn't help but roll my eyes again, pecking him lightly on the cheek before the elevator doors closed.
"J, Jane's lab level please." I said, taking a deep breath and trying to quell the immediate panic. "J.A.R.V.I.S., who's in the labs right now?"
"Drs. Foster and Banner, as well as Sir and Miss Lewis." My jaw clenched.
"Any idea what Tony's working on right now?"
"Sir is currently working with Dr. Banner on his L.E.G.I.O.N. project." I sighed in relief. Okay, he'd be too wrapped up in his robots to worry about whatever I was doing with Jane. The doors opened and I stepped out into the labs, passing through the extra security doors easily. Darcy looked up at the sound of the doors opening and grinned.
"There's Miss Preggo! Glad to see that you two could finally join us!" I sighed and gave her an exasperated look. Jane was still nose deep in one of her notebooks and hadn't noticed my entrance. In the distance, behind a few panels of glass I could see Tony and Bruce looking at mechanical blueprints on a large screen. Bruce met my eyes and smiled, giving a small wave. Tony followed Bruce's eyes and saw me, his face darkening immediately as he turned away.
"Jane! Jane! Charlotte's here. Finally someone who likes math!" That pulled Jane out of it.
"Charlotte, thank god! I'm so close with these calculations, but something's off and we can't figure it out. All of us have read through it like 5 times and nothing." She pulled me over to her desk, sitting me down in one of her computer chairs. I looked down at her notebook, pouring over the scribbled calculations. They looked good, and made about as much sense as you'd expect calculations about interdimensional travel to, but she was right, something was off.
"Are these the right numbers? I feel like they're not in the correct format to work here. Can I see some of the data?" Jane got a crazy look in her eyes and grinned, bringing over her laptop and a stack of files. Scanning through them, I noticed some errors.
"Some of these numbers are inconsistent. It's possible that the computer's mucking with them somehow. Something similar happened in one of my grad classes. Gimmie a second and I can build you a program. Is it okay if I use your laptop?" I asked. Jane nodded, smiling just slightly crazily.
"Sure! Ugh, finally someone gets it! See, Darcy, Charlotte gets it. I knew something was off with those numbers. I knew it! Can you pull some more of the earlier readings from this week? If something's been screwing with these, it's possible the same thing's been happening for a while." Darcy sighed.
"Sure thing boss lady." She went over to another table and gathered up a huge stack of papers, dropping them with a thump on the desk next to me.
"It's gonna be a long night." she finished, hands on her hips, appraising me, almost daring me to back away. Always one to take the bait, I grinned.
"Then ladies, let's get to work!"
Six hours later, we had broken down most of the data, Jane's initial equation was slowly beginning to make more sense, I was halfway finished with a program to help filter and reformat Jane's readings, and I was having a ball. It was fun to use my brain like this again. Fun to joke around with Darcy and Jane and unlock the secrets in her readings. In fact, it was so much fun, 5 o'clock came and went without any of us noticing.
It took Steve coming down to the labs and knocking on the glass to get our attention. When I looked up, he was there, hands on his narrow hips, brow raised in exasperated bemusement. He quickly forgave me for missing dinner, and had brought down a large bowl of macaroni and cheese to share with Darcy and Jane. With a kiss on the cheek and reminder not to stay up too late, he went back upstairs, chuckling to himself.
Around 9 o'clock, Thor had come down to drag Jane upstairs, and Darcy quit shortly after, trying to drag me upstairs, but I resisted. I was so close to cracking this piece of the equation and needed to finish. After some of her best cajoling, she gave up, leaving me with all of the files.
The lab was nice when quiet. The perfect level of white noise and silence was naturally soothing, the temperature not too warm or too cool. The desk chair was comfy, even for me. So much so that I didn't come out of my math induced trance until nearly 11 o'clock when something thumped at the opening of Jane's lab space. I looked up in shock, my mind racing before focusing on the source of the noise.
Tony straddled one of the other chairs and glared at me, silently. It wasn't the glare that unnerved me. It was the silence. Tony was never silent and he had gone two weeks without a word to me. I turned and nervously fidgeted, trying to put my hands in my lap before realizing my stomach was in the way, finally resting them on the arms of my chair. Tony just continued glaring. I'd never seen him so still.
"Tony? Are you alright?"
"Yeah. Actually, no, no I'm not. Why are you here?"
"I came to help Jane with some of her equations," I started, gesturing back towards the desk.
"Cut the shit, short stack. Why are you here?" Tony cut me off, his tone terse. I turned back and sighed.
"I'm here because I want to be with Steve. I know-"
"Are you sure about that? Because you seemed sure before Christmas and then you disappeared for six months."
"I know, and I'm sorry-"
"Not only that, but you came back pregnant, and all of a sudden Steve's gone from being miserable lumberjack to doting daddy. God knows how you got him to forgive you so quickly,"
"Well, it wasn't exactly-"
"But I'm willing to bet one of my suits that it had something to do with the kid you're growing, who may or may not be Steve's-"
"Tony!" I exclaimed, finally fed up. Blue sparks scattered from my hands onto the floor. Tony raised an eyebrow coolly, but I could see the alarm in his eyes.
"That's new." he murmured, watching as I tried to calm down, the sparks slowly receding back into my skin until I was calm.
"Are you going to let me talk now," I asked, putting hand on my side to soothe the baby who had begun fidgeting as well in response to my heightened pulse. Tony sighed and sat back slightly.
"Fine."
"I left because of that. Because I scared myself and Bruce and Steve. I was afraid of what I could do and I didn't want to hurt anyone. I went far, far away and really didn't plan on coming back. And then, things got a little complicated."
"You got pregnant."
"I got pregnant in December, I found out about it in January. I swear to you this baby is Steve's and he knows it. That's good enough for me." Tony scowled briefly.
"So what happened? Why can you suddenly shoot sparks? Am I going to have to start calling you sparky?" I chuckled.
"I'd certainly prefer it to short stack. And it's a long story." Tony turned the chair around and sat against it, crossing his arms.
"I've got all night." I nodded, and began.
"But how did you not know you were a mutant? Isn't that something that's kind of hard to ignore?"
"Well, yeah, but it didn't start happening until after the party." I took another spoonful of ice cream from the pint that Tony had grabbed out of one of his secret stashes, taking the fact that he was willing to share as a promising gesture of peace. "But apparently whatever happened to me at 13 not only got rid of all of my memories, but suppressed the gene enough that it took some pretty intense cranial recalibration to get it back." Tony looked up.
"Cranial recalibration?"
"I hit my head really hard." Tony nodded in comprehension.
"Like Clint post Loki."
"Yeah, kind of."
"So, you still don't remember anything about when you were a kid?"
"Just bits and flashes. I get the general feeling that it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. I'm working my way through it, but it's hard, especially when you're uncovering things you might not have really wanted to see." Tony nodded solemnly.
"Look, I'm sorry about just showing up here. You were right, I disappeared for six months and then just seemed to show up and everything's back to normal. But, I want you to know that it's not. Steve and I are still working through things. I don't think Darcy trusts me again yet and Bruce still tiptoes around me like I'll break. I know this is kind of fucked up, and if you don't want me here, I can go. I'll find somewhere else to live. Just know that as much as I try to convince Steve to stay, he's going to want to come with me."
"I know that kid. And really, I'm sorry for being a jerk. I don't take kindly to people screwing up what we've got going here. And I liked you, you were smart and un-wedged the stick in Spangles' ass. It was nice to see him happy."
"And then I screwed it up."
"And then you screwed it up. But I understand now why you did, and it helps. I know what it's like to fuck everything up and to try and fix it." a dark shadow passed over the engineer's face fleetingly, replaced with his signature smirk. "I know you're working on it, and I'll try to be less of an asshole about it. No promises." I chuckled.
"That's good to hear."
"Alright kid, you should probably head upstairs. It's now 2am and you probably shouldn't be up this late. Spangles is gonna give me an earful tomorrow for keeping you up in your delicate state." I chuckled, rising from my seat with a hand from Tony.
"Oh he's fine. I think he's just happy to get me out of the apartment for a few hours. I've kind of been driving him crazy with my cabin fever." I walked over to the exit of the lab, Tony following close behind. The lights dimmed in the rest of the lab and the doors clicked shut behind us.
"Have you really been avoiding the labs because of me? Shit. Don't let my grumpy face stop you from getting your science on." Tony said, raking a hand through his hair.
"Really? Because I think Jane and I might've reached a breakthrough on some of her Conversion data. I really want to show her some of the stuff I came up with tonight after she left. She's going to freak out." Tony smirked.
"Excellent. When you're done with that, do you think you could swing by and take a look at some of my legion software? JARVIS told me about how quickly you were able to get him back online after the incident. I have a hunch your math skills might not be limited to interdimensional travel." I chuckled and smiled, a little light glowing inside of me at the idea of Tony asking me to look over some of his stuff.
"Sure, I'd be happy to." The doors of the elevator opened on Steve and I's floor to a dimmed kitchen and living room.
"And maybe we can see about getting you an actual salary this time. You know, SI has excellent family benefits." Tony winked at me as the doors closed. I sighed contentedly, rubbing my stomach softly.
"You know baby, I think everything is going to be okay." I murmured before making my way into the bedroom and crawling into bed.
It was dim and cramped, with two sets of bunkbeds lining the small room, worn and faded alphabet wallpaper bordering the top of the walls. The room smelled of crayons, cigarette smoke and the lingering scents of alcohol and urine. A sliver of light from underneath the closed door revealed the face of a young girl sleeping in the bed next to me. Katie, seven, blonde hair, green eyes, loves monster trucks and piggy back rides. The knowledge filled my mind in an instant. A small body shifted in sleep above me. Sarah, four years old, wanted to act like a big girl, but still cuddled with me during storms. Didn't like dirt, but loved playing inside with her Captain America action figure.
Heavy, staggering steps thumped down the hall before the door opened, light flooding the room and outlining a middle aged man with a bottle in his hand. He reeked of whisky and stumbled inside before sitting on the edge of Katie's bed. Mike, my foster 'dad'. An alcoholic, nearly always angry, a waste of a man who loved to make fun of the little boys in the house and shot squirrels from the back porch for fun. He drunkenly grabbed at Katie, waking her from a deep sleep. She whimpered as her eyes opened, squeezing them shut again in fear and resignation. The knowledge of this happening before flashed through me, along with a deep rage I hadn't felt in a long time. Katie whimpered again and I sat up.
"Leave her alone." I whispered, still trying not to disturb the others, but from the rustle of the body above me, knew that I had already failed.
"Shush girl, this ain't any of your business." he slurred, not even turning to look at me. I pulled the blankets off of my legs.
"No. You leave her be. She hasn't ever done anything to you." My voice sounded different in my ears. Higher pitched and with a slight southern twang.
"Girl, I swear if you don't shut your mouth."
"You'll what? Pick on someone your own size?" My chin jutted out stubbornly, filled with naive determination. Mike grunted and staggered to his feet.
"Go back to sleep girl." he said, drawing himself up to his full height. I stood, squaring my shoulders.
"Leave Katie alone." I said again, louder, unafraid of anyone hearing now.
"I'm going to warn you one more time. Go back to sleep or shut up." We stared each other down, his eyes glazed, but hot with anger. I glared back. This wouldn't be happening. Not tonight, not ever again if I could help it. Katie watched the two of us, her eyes darting back and forth between us nervously.
"No. Leave her alone." I said firmly, my voice low and dangerous. Rage flowed through me, skittering up my spine and down my arms. I was filled with power, with righteous anger like never before. I was strong, I was powerful and didn't need to be afraid of this old drunk anymore. Images of blue sparks on my hands, of tossing a blue ball between my hands under the covers flashed across my mind. I was a teenager now, almost a grown up and it was past time for me to protect the little ones. They didn't deserve a childhood like mine, they didn't deserve Mike and his whisky breath and heavy hands that grabbed and pinched and hurt everywhere. They deserved better.
Mike took a step toward me, reaching out and grabbing onto my hair. I yelped as he pulled me out of the room, trying to make my hands work the way they had before, trying to make them spark, but the pain kept getting in the way. Every time I tried to focus he yanked harder, and my concentration broke. As he pulled me out into the hallway I screamed, a door further down the hall opening, an older woman stepping out, her mousy hair pulled into a bun, her face pinched. Marta.
"Michael, what are you doing with her?" she asked, following us down the hallway.
"Girl's getting mouthy. Taking her outside to smack some sense in her."
"You can't do that, she's too old now. Too smart. She'll tell someone."
"Not the way I'm going to beat her." he pulled me out the door into the night. The moon was dark, just the stars providing light. Nothing was around the house for miles, just flat fields as far as you could see. He threw me onto the dirt driveway, the gravel scratching up my bare legs and stinging my hands, embedding my palms with tiny rocks. I looked up at him, scrambling backwards. He grabbed a large stick leaning against the house and came toward me.
"When are you gonna learn to keep your mouth shut?" he asked, swinging the stick, hitting my knees together hard. I cried out and curled up, trying to protect myself, but it was no use. He grabbed my hair again, pulling me up onto my knees.
"I'm gonna beat this into you until you get it." he grumbled, bringing the stick down hard on my back.
"Shut your mouth and keep to yourself." he swung with every word, the blows landing all over my legs, back and behind.
"NO! Leave me alone!" I screamed bloody murder, the pain only driving my anger. I felt that familiar rush of power flood through me, running up against my skin and making it feel tight on my body.
"You stupid girl. Shut up!" he shouted, bringing the stick down even harder, his last hit striking me between the shoulder blades and pushing me down onto my hands and knees. Suddenly the pressure was too much and the power under my skin burst out, blasting Mike back 10 feet and pushed Marta onto her knees from 15 feet away. I was panting on the ground, my entire body wracked with pain, but my anger still drove me. I staggered to my feet, advancing on the limp body of my foster father. My hands still sparked an eerie blue in the dark night.
"You will never hurt them ever again." I said, my voice echoing strangely. Michael rolled over, fear now in his eyes, his pants soaked with urine. It filled me with a strange sort of pride, my mind immediately pulling back from that thought in disgust. In the blue glow from my hands he looked so powerless, so weak, and I knew he'd never hurt one of those girls again, not after tonight. "You so much as touch them-" Pain, sharp and vibrant rocked through my skull and everything went black.
"Charlotte, Charlotte, wake up! Wake up, you're alright." Steve's voice pulled me from the dark and I startled immediately, my eyes opening and hands sparking in tandem. Steve's blue eyes searched mine as I tried to focus, my breath halting and hitching.
"Steve, I -" my eyes fell on his hands, grasping my wrists firmly, red marks all over his fingers, a large burn mark on his chest. The realization crashed over me. I had done that. I had sparked him in my sleep. A panicked noise forced its way from the back of my throat and I tore myself out of his arms, running out of bed and into our bedroom, closing the door.
"JARVIS, don't let him in" I choked out, falling to my knees near the opposite wall and reaching the toilet just in time to lose my dinner.
"Miss Samuels, your vital signs indicate that you are experiencing a high amount of distress. Shall I notify medical?"
"No! No JARVIS, just lock the door." JARVIS was silent, but I could almost hear him judging me.
"Charlotte! Charlotte! Let me in!" Steve shouted from the bedroom, banging on the door. I wiped my mouth and sat against the wall, tears streaming down my face now. My breath was still short, hitching and stopping before I could pull in more air. The baby squirmed and moved hard, bringing me back to reality and forcing me to breathe. Steve continued to bang on the door.
"Charlotte, please, you can't just lock me out again. Don't do this, let me in! Please!" My breath hitched on a sob. Help? How could he help? Why would he help? I'd hurt him, those angry red marks on his skin burned into my mind. I couldn't let him in, I just couldn't.
"Please, Charlotte, please." desperation tinged his voice and my heart dropped. I looked down at my hands, unclenching them from my sides and working to get them to stop sparking, remembering the techniques that the professor and Jean had worked on with me. Satisfied that the sparks had rolled back I sighed heavily, wiping my tears.
"JARVIS, open the door." Steve rushed in, his eyes wild with concern running over and kneeling in front of me, unafraid to reach out and grab my face gently, inspecting me for any injury.
"Are you alright? What happened?" his voice was firm, but kind.
"It was a dream. Not even a dream, a memory. From when I lost my memories." I said. Steve sat down in front of me, his hand resting in my leg now. "I was scared and angry and he was hurting them and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop any of it."
"Who was hurting them?"
"My foster father. He was a drunk and was touching the younger girls. I couldn't help myself and I was so angry so I tried to stop him. He dragged me outside and beat me until I couldn't take it anymore and just exploded. He got shocked back a few feet and I was going to hurt him more. I was going to kill him" the knowledge rested heavy on my shoulders, stealing my breath on a sob. "I was going to kill him, but before I could someone knocked me out. It must've been Marta."
"Marta?"
"My foster mother. She must've been afraid I would kill him. I don't remember anything after that. Just waking up in the hospital without a name." I swiped again at tears I hadn't noticed starting to fall again. Steve pulled me up and into his arms cradling me softly.
"Jesus, Charlotte. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." his voice sounded deep and angry in his chest, shock working its way in as well. I tried to control my breathing with little luck, realizing vacantly that he was holding me firmly against his chest, right where I had shocked him earlier. I pulled back, shocked to see his chest was perfectly smooth. I looked up in confusion.
"I told you Charlotte. You can't hurt me. And even if you do, I heal fast." Tears welled and I lay back against him, sobs wracking through me, babbling that I was sorry as he soothed me. He picked me up, bringing me back to the bedroom and laying me down, holding me gently in his arms as I cried.
"I'm here for you. You're safe now. You're going to be alright. If there's anyone who understands everything changing in an instant it's me and the people in this damn tower. We can help you, let us help."
AN: Oof. That was heavy! Just a glimpse into Charlotte's past trauma, hope that helps answer some questions.