I hope all of you had a good start into the new year!

Chapter 12

They talked until late at night. At some point, Quinn quickly filled two bowls with fruit salad and ice cream.

Midnight snack! She handed a bowl to Rachel who eagerly took it.

Can't let you starve. Apparently, I seem to be the reason you don't get to eat much.

With a motion of her head, she indicated the food that still stood on the table, only half eaten.

Rachel chuckled.

Is it really that late already?

Quinn only nodded at that, dreading the moment when Rachel would say the inevitable words that she had to get going. However, for the moment she seemed content sitting cross-legged on Quinn's comfortable couch, tasting the fruits and ice cream.

Both women were lost in their respective thoughts, while enjoying the dessert.

Quinn had told Rachel about the first day at Glee club and what feelings Rachel had provoked in her. And how she had tried to hide all these emotions behind her mean demeanor.

Once in a while, she would catch a slightly amused glint in Rachel's eyes.

You are enjoying this revelation far too much, you know, Quinn grumbled at some point.

Come on, what was it that really hooked you up? My reindeer sweaters?

Rachel teased, drawing a little reindeer head behind the words.

Quinn laughed at that, and then sobered. She had beaten around the bush about the main reason.

No, she mouthed and shook her head.

Then she pointed at Rachel, followed by moving her right hand away from her own chin, her fingers forming a 'V'.

Your voice. And your eyes, she added, by pointing at Rachel again and then pointing twice at her own eye with her index finger.

Quinn searched Rachel's face to gauge how much pain her honest comment had caused. To her surprise, Rachel seemed quite calm. Or she would not let on to her true feelings. But Quinn would have noticed, she could read Rachel like she could read no one else. Then she watched Rachel scribble her answer on the pad.

You know, I really had no idea about this, none at all. I mean, I noticed that you had strong feelings for me, but I interpreted them as despise, envy, contempt, whatever. I really thought you hated me and my voice at some point. I mean, I really could get on people's nerves, I can admit that :-). I only noticed in our senior year that you actually liked me at least a bit.

Liked you a little? I was – still am - head over heels in love with you, Rachel! Quinn wanted to exclaim but kept these thoughts to herself. Instead, she asked:

Why were you always so nice to me? Why did you always know the right things to say to me? So many times when I have felt like lashing out with all the anger I had at that time, you set me straight. When I was pregnant, you made me aware that I had real friends in Glee Club. When I wanted to destroy Shelby by telling Figgins about Puck and her having an affair, again it was you who helped me see the futility in my plan.

It sometimes got me so mad that you were able to look right into my heart and soul to help me make the right decisions when all I wanted to do was to hurt people. I never understood why you even bothered. Haven't you wanted to hit me and knock me over? Not just once? I would have hated me; I still hate the person I was at high school. I hate myself for what I did to you.

Ashamed, she dropped her head and kneaded her hands in her lap, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. She did not have the strength to look at her friend sitting on opposite side of the couch with her legs tugged under her.

At that point, Rachel gently reached out and turned Quinn's head to one side. She then removed the earplug from one, then the other ear. Quinn closed her eyes, her skin tingling under Rachel's touch. All that existed at that moment was the feeling of the brunette's hand on her chin. She wished she would never let go. Quinn had to suppress the urge to hold Rachel's hand in place, and felt berated when the other woman finally took her hand away. She held her eyes closed, lingering in the experience she had just felt.

"Don't hate yourself, Quinn." Rachel's voice softly washed over her. When she heard – actually heard – Rachel pronounce her name in that soft manner, she thought it was the most beautiful sound. And so very special. She locked it inside her head so she would never forget. Before she could say anything, Rachel continued.

"No, I never wanted to hurt you. You did a pretty good job of doing that yourself. I just wanted for you to see the real Quinn - the Quinn that I saw, which I knew was there under all the outer layers."

Rachel paused for a moment. She was surprised that despite all her fears and insecurities she found it easy to actually raise her voice and speak to Quinn. It made it so much easier expressing herself. She just hoped that she was able to bring across her feelings in the right way and that her speech was not slurred or monotone. In her head, it sounded normal. Maybe she should have practiced more, just as her speech therapist had suggested. Well, it was too late now.

She found Quinn's hazel eyes searching hers. They locked their gazes and held it for a couple of seconds. Then Quinn's hand moved tentatively, searching for the right signs.

I wish you would never stop talking.

Rachel furrowed her eyebrows and Quinn hastened to explain.

I appreciate this gesture so much Rachel. But please don't do it if you don't feel comfortable. I understand, really.

What was Quinn trying to tell her? Was her pronunciation so bad that Quinn wanted her to stop talking or did she really just want to make her feel comfortable?

Her doubts must have showed on her face because Quinn immediately picked up on her feelings.

Rachel, it is amazing, when you talk, you just sound like you used to! When I had my eyes closed a moment ago, I could have sworn for a moment that everything was back to normal. It is a very special gift for me to hear you talk, Rachel. Don't ever think anything less, please! I understand how much effort it must cost.

"Actually it's not the speaking itself, just wondering so much how I sound. I don't know, I always think I sound flat or monotone, even though in my mind I hear myself talking normally. But I have no way of checking my pitch."

Quinn pulled the pad onto her lap to explain her thoughts in more detail.

Well, I think you do have a way of checking your pitch somehow. Otherwise, you would not be able to pronounce the words as you did. You said you hear yourself talking normally in your mind. Apparently, you can still transfer the sounds you have in your head to your voice, even without hearing yourself. This is the only way I could explain why you sound normal when speaking.

Rachel had to digest this. If it were really true, maybe it would make her life a bit easier if she allowed herself to talk a bit more. She would not have to be afraid that people looked at her strangely, fearing they would not understand what she was saying.

After all, she was always known to have that unique talent that enabled her to translate melodies she had in her head into song in an instant without any trouble. She only had to glance at the notes on a sheet and she could instantly hit the perfect key on her vocal cord. But that was when she had the advantage of controlling her voice through her hearing. She wondered if what Quinn said was true, did that mean that some of her talent was still there? And that it might help her to keep her voice sound normal when talking, at least? After all, that was what her speech therapist also had told her.

She found it interesting that she was able to discuss this very sensitive topic with Quinn. Her dads had asked her to talk more. She had flat out refused every single request from them. Especially from them. She had feared that this would lull them more into their denial. If she talked to them, they could still pretend. There was no way she was going to do that. If she had to face the truth, they would also have to face it.

Rachel found out that just because Quinn had never asked her to speak and was always trying to understand her in different ways, it was Rachel's own voluntary act to give that concession to her friend.

At one thirty they both decided to call it a night. Even though they still had a lot to talk about. Especially the kiss. Both had danced around that topic, neither of them wanting to touch upon it yet. Eventually they would have to address it, lest it became a huge pink elephant in the room that made every other interaction just plainly uncomfortable. That was something that none of the two ever wanted again. Without openly planning it, they both knew they would have to discuss it and its consequences next time.

Quinn had offered Rachel to stay in her guest room, because it was already so late, but Rachel declined. She wanted to wake up in her own surroundings.

At least Quinn convinced her to take a cab.

"Thank you, Quinn, for the dinner." Rachel stated while getting up from the couch.

Which we only have half eaten, Quinn conceded and waved across the dining table and kitchen.

Rachel chuckled. "Well, you know what I mean."

Rachel searched Quinn's eyes and saw the deeper meaning reflected in the other woman's green eyes. Quinn nodded and hugged Rachel and both held each other for a moment, grateful to have found each other again.

Then Quinn help Rachel into her coat; accompanied her downstairs and waited for her to get into the taxi. Before climbing in, Rachel turned and threw a dazzling smile at the blond woman. Quinn reached out and squeezed her friend's hand in a silent reply.

When the car drove off, Quinn gave a little wave and stared after the disappearing taillights.

Continuous thanks to my beta reader Nicole!

I'm very grateful for all your reviews and all the followers!

The reviews help me understand how the story works for you and which kind of elements you like... and wish for. I hear you ...

There is just no telling if I can or cannot follow up on your wishes. Somehow my heart always keeps meddling and then the scenes often turn out differently from the way I originally planned them in my head. Let's see where it is steering me :-)