Standard Disclaimer for Glee and I have no ownership over the original characters.

Chapter 13

It was Saturday the next day and Quinn had an evening show she needed to attend. They had agreed to meet again on Sunday for breakfast.

Rachel woke up on Saturday morning to the flashing light of her alarm clock. Recently she had gotten back to her old schedule of rising early and exercising a little before starting her day. Now that she did not feel so nauseous anymore, she had also taken up running on her treadmill again. In the beginning, because of the dislocation of the ossicle bones in her ear, her equilibrium had been severely affected. With every hasty movement, she felt her head spinning. That caused her to tumble more than once and accounted for numerous bruises. She was still cautious walking down stairs, allthough the spells of dizziness had almost ceased completely.

After her workout, she treated herself with a nice long and hot bath - also something she had not done in a very long time. At least not without thinking about drowning herself. She took a book with her and while the white foam floated around her, she noticed that she had read the same page of the novel in her hands for the third time without remembering the words. Her thoughts always wandered back to the evening she had shared with Quinn. Everything had happened so differently from what she had expected.

She would not have imagined that Quinn would learn ASL. Even though a fluent conversation was not possible yet, it still impressed Rachel immensely. How Quinn had managed to learn so many words and formulations in just a couple of days was amazing. She knew from her own experience to star in a Broadway show took almost every free minute for preparation and rehearsals. That did not leave much leisure time in the peak seasons, which was definitely the case, with Christmas coming up and so many more tourists exploring New York. She would have to ask Quinn about her schedule next time. She must have spent every free minute practicing ASL.

The fact she had picked her up at the subway station also showed great consideration from Quinn. It was a well appreciated gesture. Rachel had felt strangely safe and secure all of a sudden when she saw the familiar figure standing on top of the stairs, offering her one of her beautiful and honest smiles. And Rachel knew a lot about smiles. As an actress, you were the master of smiles for all kinds of people and situations. So she could discern fake from true smiles easily, not matter how well versed people were in trying to hide their real feelings behind them. With Quinn, she had only seen true smiles being directed at her. She did not try to hide her feelings in Rachel's presence. Not like she had in high school, acting as if Rachel's existence caused her pure agony.

Rachel knew the true reason behind it now, but it had been very disheartening all those years ago.

Now, everything about Quinn's actions seemed genuine and unaffected. The brunette had to acknowledge that her former high school friend was truly trying hard to make Rachel see she cared deeply about her and her situation.

But why on earth would Quinn want to go as far as to experience deafness herself, Rachel still could not quite understand.

Well, that was not quite true. She could understand the interest behind it, yes, but she did not see why Quinn would actually go through with it. Quinn could see what impact and limitation it had on Rachel, even with the smallest interaction, so why did she want to endure it herself? Rachel could not blame Quinn for breaking down like she did when realization hit her. Even though it was only a temporary situation for her friend. Nevertheless, at that moment it was real and Rachel could relate so much.

She remembered when it was the first time she had realized what was wrong with her after waking up at the hospital.

She watched people move around her, the pain in her head wanting to make her vomit and her dads peering at her with anxious faces. Rachel had no idea where they had come from. Someone must have called them. How long had she been out? Later she learned that she had been unconscious for two days.

At first, she had not realized what was wrong. Only that something was not right. Then it hit her as a doctor breezed through the door and apparently spoke to her dads, but none of the words reached her ears. She had thrown a confused look at her parents, then back to the doctor, lifting a shaking hand to her ears that were covered in thick gauze.

Hiram held a pad in front of her, where someone had written in short words what had happened. When it registered, she bolted upright in her bed, despite the pain, fighting against the hands that tried to hold her down. She had ripped at the bandages screaming and ranting until a doctor and a nurse finally managed to sedate her.

After that, she had lain in her hospital bed, not eating and not communicating. Every time someone tried to get her attention, she just turned her head in the other direction. At that time, she had not believed she would come to the point she found herself at now – to be walking, talking and still breathing. And that the person that mattered most in her life would actually want to experience what she was going through.

Though Rachel had to admit with a smile, her friend's self-imposed deafness had given her a reason to touch Quinn more often than otherwise would have been necessary. Every time she had, it sent electric sparks up her fingers. Not speaking about the kiss that they shared. That almost felt like a 1000-volt charge surging through her. Rachel still felt the tingles in her spine remembering. Subconsciously she touched her lips with her fingers, savoring the feeling of Quinn's soft lips against hers.

With a start, she pulled herself out of her reverie. How on god's earth could that have happened? What did it mean for her, for Quinn, for their friendship? Just five days ago, she would not have thought of ever having Quinn back in her life, and now all this?

It was just crazy. But crazy felt so good right now, she admitted to herself.

She had always wondered why she had never managed to forget Quinn completely. Why - despite all the meanness and rudeness the blonde had displayed towards her - she had always wanted the other girl to see for herself the wonderful person she, Quinn, could be. That arrogant and aggressive outer shell could not deter Rachel from the fact that there was so much potential and depth in that girl. She had hoped for Quinn that one day she would find that spark inside her and would stop suppressing it.

Rachel was glad that their separation had served at least to fuel Quinn's strive for a career in the show business and that she had found her true inner calling and stayed true to it.

Rachel closed the book and dropped it next to the bathtub on the floor. Then she slid down and ducked under water. Pushing herself up again, breaking through the surface of the bathwater, she smoothed her long brown hair out of her face with both hands and reached for the shampoo. Slowly she lathered the liquid into her hair.

Returning back to the evening before, Rachel was still somewhat confused. Where did the kiss leave them now? Surely, a relationship was out of the question. Rationally thinking, she had never considered herself to be into women and she had never considered Quinn to be into women either and she was not sure she had the strength to go through with it. The short time with Quinn had awakened her spirit again, but plunging head on into this relationship – be it solely based on friendship or more - was just too much for her right now.

One other reason that kept nagging at the back of her head was the simple fact that she was deaf. That would take too great a toll on a relationship with Quinn. Hell, on any relationship. With Quinn being a professional singer on Broadway, Rachel just could not see herself in the picture. As much as Quinn tried to show her how much she cared, Rachel dreaded the day when Quinn would notice that this was not a momentary situation, but that her deafness was permanent. There would never be a change. She would never be able to see a show and compliment Quinn on her singing or help her prepare for a role.

If push came to shove, it would be hard to survive Quinn leaving her again, no matter what kind of relationship they were in, friendship or else.

Rachel firmly shook her head at her own musings. God, there she was already discussing things in her mind that five days ago she would not have dreamed of ever happening. She had to stop assuming, at least when it came to Quinn. She had learned that much so far.

After rinsing her hair, Rachel slowly got out of the water and grabbed a towel. When she was standing in front of the mirror, slowly trying to get the knots and tangles out of her brown mane, her heart asked her a different question. What did she have to lose?

She had been at the very bottom of her own nightmarish pit; so deep that she actually thought about ending her life. Any perseverance left in her had managed to keep her fighting for her life and convince her to at least give it a try. So she looked up from that deep place she had been and actually searched for a way out. And now, over the past days someone had managed to pull her upwards. Her heart tried to tell her that she should hand out her trust and take the offered hand.

She decided to take one step at a time. Wait and see what the next day would bring.

After a light breakfast, Rachel dropped into her desk chair and opened her laptop to check her few messages. Kurt had sent her another e-mail. He missed her, he wondered why she disappeared off the face of the earth, he was worried, he wanted to see her. And that he would repeat sending her these messages until she was finally willing to admit that he still cared about her very much. He would never give up. When she had deleted all his e-mails before in a rush and in anger, today she managed to smile at his tenacity and at the exact same words she had heard from someone else before.

Kurt had been the only one she had allowed to visit her in the hospital. Just once. And she had sworn him to secrecy about her condition, making him swear by his father's life never to tell anyone. Then she had blocked all of his further attempts to contact her again. It had just been too painful.

As she stared at his words, she realized all of a sudden that all she had accused Quinn of, she did in the same way to Kurt. And to her other friends for that matter. She had pushed them out of her life without even letting them know why, without even giving them a chance to do right by her. She had just assumed that she would be a burden and did not want to face the repercussions. So even before someone had the chance to make a mistake, she quenched all attempts in their seeds without even clarifying why.

She had been absolutely adamant that no one should learn about her accident or particularly about the consequences. People were speculating that her disappearance obviously had something to do with the car crash, but they never learnt the whole truth. She had sworn her assistant to absolute secrecy and Melissa had done an excellent job handling the press, insurance agencies and her lawyers with regards to her contract obligations with the theater. As the accident had happened late at night, no bystanders had witnessed it. A tenant from a nearby apartment had heard the crash and called for help. That was her luck. The only bit of luck she had that night.

Her thoughts returned to Quinn. Deep in her heart, Rachel knew that she would have forgiven Quinn. If she would have been given the chance to understand why she kept away from her, she would have tried everything to help and support Quinn in whatever way.

As this revelation washed through her, she also grasped why Quinn was trying to support her now and what all the other people that cared about her wanted to do. They all wanted to let her know that no matter what had happened, no matter how it changed Rachel's life, they would still love her. HER. Not just her voice, not just the successful singer or actress but her as a person. The other things were all facets of her, granted - important ones, but still they were only a part of her. There was still so much more about her even without her voice or her ability to hear. She just had to find out what that was.

Tears slipped down her cheeks and for the first time since the accident, she was able to accept herself the way she was, including all negative and positive aspects. As she silently cried, she felt as if another burden had been lifted off her shoulders.

And then her fingers flew over the keyboard.

- Dear Kurt -

I'm so sorry! I have been such a mess and you were trying to be a good friend and I never let you. I feel so ashamed and stupid and it took me all these months to come back to my senses. Well, at least to the remaining four :-)

Kurt, I don't know where to start to explain and apologize to you. A lot has happened and I am still trying to sort out my thoughts. But I realized that I pushed you away when I needed a friend the most. I hurt so much after realizing what the accident had caused that I did not have the strength to face anyone who knew me from before. It has taken me all these long months to get my bearings again.

I'm not great, but I am getting better. I still have a long way ahead of me to accept and learn and plan, but at least I'm taking a very small baby step forward. And it took another person to pull me out of my stupor. That was when I noticed that friends are always important and that one cannot exist without them.

I was not a good friend to you over the past months, Kurt. But I would like to try to be a better one in the future, if you let me.

Please let me know how you are and what you are up to!

Thank you for never giving up on me.

- Hugs Rachel -

She pressed "send" and leaned back in her chair. Yes. She was definitely taking a step forward. And it felt good!

... ... ...

Just a couple of hours later she received an answer from her old Glee partner. Eagerly she opened the text.

- Dear Rachel! -

I'm so happy about your message!

Don't ever apologize, Rachel. I can truly understand that you needed time to digest and understand what happened and what impact it has on your life.

Believe me, I will keep sending you messages for the rest of your life, if necessary. Even though you chose to not want to stay in contact, I wanted you to know that I was still there and would always be there. That is why I kept sending my e-mails. I didn't know if I should have reacted differently or if I could have helped you in any other way, but I felt that when it was ok for you, you would know that you could contact me.

That is what friends are for. True friends do not abandon you when you are going through a rough time.

I'm really glad to hear that you are better! And who is this mysterious person that helped you? I'm curious, you know, I want to know all about him or her! You could at least have given me a name! Well, I'm just teasing. -

If you knew Kurt, if only you knew, Rachel thought. He would either squeal in delight or drop his jaw in pure astonishment. He was a sucker for this kind of stories. She shook her head, smiling and focused back on his message.

- I would very much like to meet you, if that is ok with you. Whenever you're ready. Let me know. I am also happy to communicate in any written form as long as you wish, if that makes you more comfortable.

Just in case I can convince you to a real life meeting, I happen to be free tonight. One of the in-style parties has been canceled at the last minute. Now isn't that a coincidence!? You know the address :-). I would dress up especially in a welcome outfit for you, Rachel!

And I could update you then on my incredible life in the world of fashion! Blaine is not home, so you would have me and my gorgeous self all to yourself and with that, my undivided attention. How does that sound?

- Love Kurt -

Rachel could so imagine Kurt dressing up in one of his unique and special Kurt-ish ensembles of clothes. Oh, she really missed him, she noticed. It would be good to see him again. Since he already knew about her deafness, at least she would not have to be afraid of going through the whole 'shock-and-I-can't-believe-what-happened'-phase.

Going back to her old apartment, that was something else. That's where everything began. Her life in New York, NYADA, her first Broadway roles… Rachel was not sure if she was strong enough to face those memories that the familiar surroundings would trigger.

Then again, she really wanted to see Kurt, but she did not want to invite him to her apartment. Somehow, this would be a step too far, to let him enter her sanctuary. She had debated with herself for a long time about inviting Quinn over for breakfast on Sunday. But as she had already shared quite some intimate moments with her through their discussions – and yes, that kiss also counted for one of the more intimate moments– she felt ok letting Quinn enter into her home.

So where would that leave her for the evening? She closed her eyes. Memories came up anyway at any inconvenient time. But now, not only of the old times, also more recent ones, very recent ones. She figured, if she ever wanted to overcome the loneliness, this longing and the pain at always having to think about her losses, she would have to create some new memories, good and happy new memories.

This she could only do if she started to participate in life again. And that also included interacting with other people. Why not start with friends who really cared and take Kurt up on his offer? It was a safe environment - except for the way getting there, but that she could manage somehow. She had done it the night before.

Rachel let out a deep breath and typed her answer, a little surprised by her own boldness.

- Hey Kurt! -

Guess what. I'll take you up on your offer! And I'll send this e-mail quickly so I won't have time to change my mind…Would 7 p.m. be a good time to drop by?
Oh, and please do wear that hippo brooch for me!

And you are sure you don't want to use your spontaneous night off for an unscheduled make-out session with Blaine ;-)? Sorry, couldn't resist it.

- Rachel -

It did not take long for the answer to come back.

- Haha, Rachel, haha.-

I see you are getting back to your old self. We are not scheduling make-out sessions anymore. We have become a very spontaneous couple, so you know! But if it makes you smile, I will let you tease me all night. (I am theatrically placing the back of my hand against my forehead, sighing dramatically.)

7 pm is fine. Dress up.

- Kurt -

Rachel had to laugh again at Kurt's antics.

- Aaaawww, you're so sweet, Kurt!-

Why the dress-up? And which degree of "dress-up"? Like totally 'Tony Award winning' dress up or just a 'I meet a good friend after a long time' dress up? I need some guidance here.
To be honest, I was figuring a cozy night on the couch… Going out is kinda not in my range currently…

- R. -

Maybe she should have declined his invitation from the beginning. This was already getting out of hand before it even began. An envelope floating across the screen alerted her to another e-mail.

- Rachel, relax, we will stay put, I promise! It goes more in the direction of 'finally I meet my most stylish friend Kurt again and I need to look good to impress him' kind of dress :-). But any way you dress, you'll look gorgeous, I know!
And if you choose to come naked, fine by me, just get here!

- Kurt – very excited! -

Rachel only managed to smile and shake her head at the screen after reading Kurt's response. This was going to be interesting.

Ok guys, I give up. No, not on the story, don't worry. But everytime I try to space the text a bit further apart to make it easier to read, especially when switching between the e-mails and normal text, this system here does not save it and squeezes everything together again. GRRRRRRRR! Soooo frustrating!

If anyone knows how to do it, help! (Yes, I have tried to use double space and double-double space here and in the original document. Doesn't work. Shift+Enter also does not work. As soon as I save this document, every formating is gone. Gonsky. It's ok, just ignore me, computer software! Just do that. One day you will want something from ME and then look who is laughing! Ha!)

Guys, never mind me, just being back from my first day of work after three weeks of vacation... I tend to rant if I am tired. :-) And I start talking to things. Like computers. I KNOW they can hear me and are secretely laughing their heads off behind my back.

Well, I'll go rant a bit further on my chapter 15 that is probably more productive than stealing your time here.

I have just been watching the newest Castle episode 'Significant Others'. Is it just me or is there motive behind the names used in this episode?

There is a

- Mr. Schu(e)ster

- Noah

- Lea(nne)

- And last but not least: 2 characters dating named Cory and Michelle!

HELL-OOOOOO? :-). I am definitely watching for Castle references in the next Glee episode! :-)