The next evening, Kylo lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a long time.
The room was dark, but it had been more than long enough for his eyes to become accustom to dim light, and even exhausted, he could see every line in the grate of his ceiling. It had been hours, and he could even have counted them if he wanted to, anything to distract him.
If only.
The day had been awful, in some ways, far worse than any other day he could recall in current living memory. He just couldn't stop thinking about that dream, that infernal dream. It was haunting him, every detail was burned into his mind, even after only one visit.
But mostly, he couldn't stop thinking about Hux, and all the things they'd done together. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw the man beneath him, cheeks flushed and teeth pulling at his red, quivering lips. If enough time passed as he thought, and if he concentrated, he could hear him, he could smell him, he could taste him.
And the worst was, Kylo liked it.
He realised very quickly, that he was thinking about the other world, and the other Hux because he wanted to, because it felt good to.
All morning he had denied it, he told himself that it was a lapse of some kind, and that he should be disgusted with himself, because what they had done, what he had done, was… indecent.
It was wrong to want someone that much, for those reasons. Surely it was against every instinct, surely it would only be a detriment to him, to anyone who felt the same way.
Desire wasn't important.
And the fact that it was Hux of all people made it worse.
Hux was not someone to think about in this way, he shouldn't have even been put in a position where he could see or imagine him like that. All blushing faced, and his expression twisted into blind bliss.
But the more he thought about it, all he could remember was how right it felt, how freeing it was, totally unlike his life outside of the dream. The Finalizer was stifling, and his duties even more so, but there was no escaping them, except perhaps in sleep. With sleep, would come these dreams, if that was indeed what they were.
And as such, now Kylo was conflicted.
He could fall asleep, dream of nothing, and return to his life, or he could hold onto the thoughts and feelings, and hopefully dream again, and Hux, this other Hux, would be waiting for him. But should he have wanted the dreams then?
Equally, if he fell asleep, and no visions of the other world came to him, would it be wrong to feel disappointed? He was more than certain he would, feel disappointed that was.
Memory was fickle, and if he never saw Hux again, that Hux, then he'd disappear. Kylo would never know how it felt to have him beneath him again, or above him, or anywhere near him. He'd never be kissed like that again.
He would mourn those kisses.
Kylo sighed and looked to the hologram of the time displayed beside him in dim red numbers. It was the early hours of the morning now, and either way, he'd have to sleep soon.
He shifted on the mattress and closed his eyes, clutching at the covers which covered him from the waist down, until he relaxed his fingers, and laid them flat on the cool duvet.
Soon, Kylo felt the familiar tug of sleep, and when he could hardly force his eyes to open, he knew sleep was seconds away.
He felt as though only seconds had passed, but now his eyelids had lost the tired weight, and they opened almost easily.
The room was light, full of clean, warm air, and across from him on the bed was a sight that made his heart swell and his lips turn up into a smile.
Hux looked so peaceful, his soft hair flared about him on the pillow, and his expression so unaware, and gentle.
Kylo sank further into his own pillow, and very quickly all of the doubts and shame were forgotten, all he wanted to do was wake Hux up, and start another day with him.
0o0o0
A week later, Kylo woke to another empty bed.
But once more in a clean, white covered bed, in a bright two-person bedroom.
The bedroom door stood open, and across the hall the bathroom door was also wide open, framing Hux who stood brushing his teeth at the sink.
The passing nights had been to Kylo a separate life from that on the Finalizer, and he didn't mind that all that much at all. He fell asleep in one world and woke in another. He still didn't understand it, not in the slightest, but he realised now that he didn't care.
This Hux, Armitage, barely left his side. When he wasn't a few feet away, using the bathroom, cooking in the kitchen, or reading at the other end of the couch, he was more often than not beneath the ravenette. They shifted together, like two pieces of the same machine, but unlike cold machinery, the activity was practically spiritual.
The noises Hux made were like obscene prayers, and they both spent plenty of time on their knees.
Kylo sighed, and couldn't help the smile that spread across his face,
The redhead spat out the foam in his mouth, cleaned his toothbrush and his face and then turned to look to the bedroom as he put the towel back on the drying rail,
"Morning" he laughed, approaching he bed, dressed only in his underwear,
"Good morning" Kylo nodded, sitting up a little.
Hux stopped atop the duvet and smiled down at the other man, before going in for a kiss,
The ravenette gladly accepted it, sitting up further and placing his hand on the back of his neck, guiding him into a deeper kiss.
"Mmm" he hummed in response once they pulled away from each other, "Breakfast?",
"I could do with a shower actually" Kylo laughed, biting his lip,
"Well…" Hux trailed off, leaning forward to kiss at his neck, "How about we have breakfast- and then- shower together?" he asked, between drawn-out touches across his jugular,
Kylo raised an eyebrow and let out a breathy chuckle, "Okay, I like that plan more" he said with a nod.
"Good" the redhead laughed, "Pancakes?" he suggested, shuffling back to the edge of the bed,
"Perfect" the other man nodded, searching the floor for something to wear as he was currently completely exposed beneath the covers,
"Ten minutes" Hux nodded, leaving the room.
The only underwear Kylo could find were soiled, so instead he grabbed a new pair from the chest of drawers on his way out. He then made his way down the corridor to the kitchen, soaking in every detail as he went and marvelling at his incredible change of attitude. It was some kind of strange effect that Armitage had on him, it made him forget the apprehension, and all that was left was the desire, and dare he say, love?
Kylo sat at the diner and watched dreamily as the man in question whisked around the kitchen, preparing what was sure to be one of the finest breakfasts Kylo had ever eaten,
Hux winked at him every time their eyes met, and soon enough he stood from the counter and joined him in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around the redhead's waist, and kissing the space between his neck and his shoulder at every opportunity.
"Nearly done Ben, want to sit down?" Hux asked, sliding one of the last pancakes onto a waiting plate,
The way he said his name made Kylo stir, it only sounded right coming from him, "Hmm, I don't know" he replied, his hands trailing down the other man's sides and stopping at his abdomen, his fingers brushing the waistband of his briefs,
"Ass on seat Solo" Hux said with a chuckle, cocking his hips back and knocking Kylo off of him.
The ravenette sighed and went back to sit at the diner, being greeted with a stack of pancakes on a plate seconds later,
"Breakfast, then play" Hux said, sitting opposite him, raising an eyebrow as he cut a pancake with the edge of his fork,
"Deal" Kylo nodded.
As he expected, the pancakes were quite unlike anything he had ever eaten, light, sweet and wholesome,
Feeling particularly useful, he then offered to clean the plates once Hux had collected them and put them in the sink.
The redhead laughed and sat on the counter to watch him do as such,
Having not cleaned the dishes almost his entire life, Kylo took his time, but mostly so he could also watch the other man who was in turn watching him.
"Come on, time for that shower you're so interested in having" Hux smirked as the last plate was slotted into the drying rack,
"Excellent" Kylo nodded, situating himself between the other man's legs that were dangling from the counter.
He placed his hands on his hips, and slowly moved them downwards to rest under his thighs,
"I love you" the redhead beamed, winding his arms around his neck,
Kylo smiled back and lifted him easily from the counter, "I love you too" he nodded.
They made their way to the bathroom, the ravenette placing the other man on the counter top as he brushed his teeth and they wait for the shower to heat up. They then stripped each other of their underwear and stepped into the hot spray together, their hands entwined.
Under the shower jets, Kylo found his thoughts escaping him as everything else melted away and only Hux and his hands seemed to exist.
When they weren't touching one another, their lips never parted, and overall, time became a fiction in the close, hot cubicle,
By the time they had finished, it was miraculously night time, the sky outside a mixture of pink and purple.
Hux yanked Kylo to the bedroom and quickly unravelled the towel from his waist, pulling him down onto the bed,
Kylo of course, followed in every step.
0o0o0
They looked the same, but they weren't the same. That was something Kylo couldn't quite get over.
He had couldn't figure out why the dream Hux was so different to the real one. Maybe the dream Hux was just more suited to him, because he had been the one to think him up.
Unfortunately, their differences couldn't stop Kylo from watching the real Hux however, every time he saw him, all he could think about was his Hux, the one who kissed him, held him, told him that he loved him.
The one who writhed beneath him, touched him in all the right places, moved his tongue like-
Kylo nearly coughed out loud.
That was quite enough of that, sitting on the bridge was hardly a place to get hard.
Six nights had passed, and each time he had dreamed that he had the company of Hux. They fell into an easy routine of spending time together, reading on the couch, eating together, and of course having a tremendous amount of sex.
That made it all the more difficult to see the real Hux, acting as he always did, namely being so cold to Kylo.
Currently he was stood across the bridge, looking over his data pad and gently shaking his head,
The way he stood so upright, one hand on his hip, was driving the Sith knight mad,
It made him think of one particular night when he had raked his teeth across Hux's hip and left a purple mark from sucking at the skin, only to be massively enthused the next night when the bruise was gone.
The ravenette shook his head, and let out a deep breath, his attention going back to the Hux that stood before him.
The man in question moved suddenly, heading straight for the exit it seemed, and Kylo quickly followed, keeping him sight as he made his way down one of the corridors.
It was hard to tell where Hux was going, it was almost as if he was wondering aimlessly. Kylo made sure to stay ten feet behind him, ensuring that there were people between them as much as possible,
He couldn't help but follow him, he wasn't the Hux he knew, but he was the next best thing and although it seemed unlikely, he had become increasingly happier the longer he spent with the man.
Hux turned a corner to the right, and Kylo sped up a little as to not lose him,
When he too turned the corner however, he found an empty corridor, there weren't even any troopers.
The ravenette began cautiously down the corridor, but after taking a few steps through the silence, it became clear that he'd somehow lost the other man. He sighed and paused by a window that looked out into the vastness of space.
Nothing put life into perspective quite like this sight.
Kylo sighed and placed one hand on the glass, leaning against it contemplatively,
There was too much on his mind, far too much. It was making it impossible to think of anything else, but at least the thoughts enthralled him, made him feel less alone.
"Ren?" came the stern question from behind him,
Kylo nearly jumped out his skin, but luckily he just managed to catch himself just in time, and he turned to regard who had spoken.
Hux stood behind him, his arms folded and a furious expression on his face,
The other man gulped and quickly removed his helmet, acting entirely on instinct,
The redhead seemed very unimpressed however, "Would you like to explain why you've been following me?" he asked, his tone pointed.
"I- err" he responded, his mouth having gone dry, "I wasn't",
He raised his eyebrow and continued to glare, "If this is under some kind of 'secret' instruction of Snoke's or worse yet, some kind of fools errand you have put yourself on, then I insist that you cease immediately",
"I wasn't following you" Kylo insisted,
"Do you take me for some kind of moron Ren?" Hux snapped,
The other man was very quickly starting to remember why he disliked this Hux, not even the one he spent his evenings with could make up for the cruelty in this one, "Don't flatter yourself commander, following you would suggest that you were of some kind of importance"
His mouth fell open a little, until his jaw clenched, "You will show me respect Ren, immediately, or I-"
"You'll do what commander?" Kylo asked, cutting in and managing the best scowl he could in retaliation.
Hux's eyes seemed to shake with anger in their sockets, and before he could restrain himself, he had brought his balled fist thundering upwards, colliding directly with Kylo's left cheekbone.
Kylo was left in shock, it wasn't just that Hux had hit him -that was of course a rarity- but it was also something about the very feeling of their skin touching in that moment.
It was like he'd been struck by lightning on that exact spot, and now the jolt was spreading down through his body, electrocuting him in every fibre of his being.
He found himself unable to recall a single occasion when his bare skin had touched, or had been touch by the bare skin of the real life Hux. He had struck him, yes, but Kylo didn't feel any pain.
For the briefest of seconds, he had found the contact nothing but erotic.
He watched as Hux's Adams apple bobbed in his throat, and an expression of surprise covered his own face, and perhaps a second of panic. He was in total shock that he had let his steely resolve crack, and that he had allowed himself to react in such a way. But clearly he was also expecting retaliation in some form, probably a fist connecting with his own face, and he couldn't keep the worry from his expression.
And any other day, Kylo would've obliged. But now he was frozen,
It couldn't be avoided, like it or not, this was the face of the man he loved.
The ravenette gripped his helmet so hard, he thought it would crack, and with a deep sigh, he turned on his heal and resolutely walked away.
He walked directly to his room, hardly thinking about each turn as it came, and then he sat, for the longest of times.
He wasn't over thinking, he wasn't thinking at all, he was just very lost. He didn't know what or indeed how to think. He was hardly certain of how he had made it back to his room.
Kylo finally looked up from his clasped hands a few hours later, and was met with a read out on his bedside table that told him that the night had come,
He stripped down to his underwear slowly, and climbed into bed, finding that no matter which way he lay, he was uncomfortable.
Kylo wanted nothing now but to sleep, dreams or no dreams, and thankfully it came to him soon.
0o0o0
Kylo woke to a marvellous view of Hux's back.
With each breath, his muscles shifted beautifully, moving around the dip of his spine and over his sharp shoulder blades.
The ravenette smiled and let out a long, smooth breath.
Slowly, his hand spanned the short distance across the mattress, and his fingers grazed the pale skin of the man's back. At first he followed the gaps between muscles, but soon he instead took to joining each freckle, making constellations on his flesh.
One evening that had passed, he had stayed up worshipping those tiny mark, touching his lips to each other them. The noises Hux had made that night were musical.
The redhead took in a deep breath after a few minutes, and Kylo smiled again, retracting his hand,
"Good morning" he said softly,
Hux rolled his shoulders and coughed, clearing his throat, but he didn't answer.
He then shifted, turning onto his back, and then onto his other side, so he could face the ravenette,
The expression he wore was wholly peculiar, until all of sudden he frowned and Kylo's stomach sank,
"Ren?" he asked sharply, "What the fuck is going on here?"