Chapter 6: Decisions, Decisions
No one ever told me that to be great at something, you have to practice. I'm sure someone mentioned it at times, but I didn't listen. When the dark brown tom with leaves covering his eyes told me that practice is the only thing that will make me better at controlling myself, I listened. Mostly because he was really weird, but I listened.
"The only way you'll ever truly be normal, is if you go somewhere to learn." He had said, "Practice controlling your strange condition, and you'll be able to do most anything you set your mind to."
If only it was that easy, though. I can't just waltz into the ShadowClan camp and ask to learn how to control my overwhelming need to kill anything that moves.
I can imagine it now: I walk into the camp, making cats stare at me and judge my every move. Hollystar comes up to me and asks why I'm here. I'll say that I want to control my overwhelming need to kill anything that moves. That makes all the ShadowClan cats freak out and panic. They run into a hiding place and I just laugh. Hollystar laughs too, because she's like me, and we would laugh at cats running away from us. Seriously, that would be hilarious.
Anyway, I walked back to where Joann was waiting. I couldn't believe she actually waited. I would've tracked myself down and given myself a beating. I would make sure that I didn't run off again. Stalking someone was just rude. Funny, now that I think about it though. I send cats to stalk other cats. Real funny.
"Cat!" Joann called when she saw me, "I was so worried!" She ran up and practically jumped on me. I actually had to fight to get her off. I never thought I would have to fight me sister to keep her from hugging me to death.
"Calm your tail feathers!" I shouted, "No need to get all hyper just because I left for a moment."
Joann finally got off of me and sat down expectantly like a little kit, "So...the cat I thought would help...won't help..." Usually, when one of the cats I sent off to get information would say something like this I would cut off their heads and then gruesomely chop up the rest of their body. Now, I wasn't feeling like doing that. Probably because I feel completely dedicated to my sister, or probably because I feel like because I killed our mother I need to not also kill my sister.
But still, I glared at her like I was going to murder her. She was so scared, and her face was hilarious. Maybe I should do that more often. Just glare at cats and make them practically run in ultimate fear. It would be so funny. I would be laughing so hard. And no one would be able to tell if I actually wanted to kill them or not. (Note the sarcasm. I do not want to scare all the cats I run into.)
"So..." I whispered, "Did he, or she, tell us who would?"
Joann looked down at her paws, "No." She mewled, like a kit who just got scolded, "He just spat at me, telling me off for my temper."
This got me. This struck me right in the head. I really didn't know my sister. I thought she couldn't stand blood and gory things and bones. I thought she was the nicest cat In the world, and that's what made her a target for all the bullies here. I thought that no matter what, she would hate me. I was so wrong. I need to right my wrongs.
"Temper?" I asked, just to get to know her, "I thought you were the nicest cat in the world." Yes I know, just saying my own thoughts, but isn't that what everyone else does? Don't they voice their own thoughts?
"Yeah. He said that my personality was just as frosty as my eyes. He said that both of us belong in ShadowClan. Because we wouldn't mind killing other cats just for enjoyment."
Okay. That was going way too far. Maybe Joann has a temper. Maybe she has a cold and frosty personality. But that does not give anyone the right to say that she wouldn't mind killing. That doesn't give anyone the right to say that she belongs in ShadowClan because she has an attitude like them. That does not mean that she belongs in a place where I'm there. I could attack her. Rip her apart. I don't want to endanger her. I want her to be safe. So I can right my wrongs. So she might forget the brother she had. The brother who killed his own mother.
I went over and hugged her. I saw tears pool up in her eyes. I saw the distress she was in. I could smell her fear and sadness. I just wanted to help her. I want to go back and start over my whole life. So Opin would still be alive. So I wouldn't feel like killing every cat I meet. So Joann wouldn't have to go through this. I hate seeing anyone like this.
"It'll be okay." I mewed, "We'll be okay. For now, though, let's just think about going to ShadowClan."
I felt Joann flinch when I said that. Obviously. She just got through an argument where some stupid mouse-brain said that she should go to ShadowClan to be where she belonged.
I feel terrible. Really terrible.
And all I felt was pain. And all I wanted was for the pain to stop.
"It's fine, Cat. We'll go to ShadowClan." Joann moved away from me and stood next to the river, "You need the help there."
I nodded, "Okay. If that's what you want."
So the next day, we went to ShadowClan.
Remember when I said my life went to hell? That was only the beginning.
I wanted to thank all of you for the support!
- Moon