Chapter 8: Forget and Remember

I lunged at my sister. Joann. The cat that I had sworn to protect. And now I was going to kill her. My claws stretched to gouge out her eyes... wait...hold on, I completely forgot about my promise not to tell any gory stuff. Yeah. Just ignore the part about gouging out Joann's eyeballs. That totally didn't happen.

Anyway, when I was done attacking her, I saw what I expected to see. Tufts of black fur and bones and organs and blood splattered all over the forest floor. And the trees. And a little bit got on Sunwind while she was trying to stop me while also not getting herself killed. When I was done killing my sister, I forgot I had one. I forgot what just happened. All I could remember was the terribly annoying voice in my head and that some stupid cat had decided to cross my vision. When I was finished killing my sister, I kept walking towards the ShadowClan camp like nothing happened. Then I saw Sunwind's face: Horrified, scared, fearful. She looked like she just saw a ghost, then the ghost just murdered her best friend.

"What?" I growled. I was still really angry.

I'm so angry I could just hug every cat in the world to death! Hugs make others feel better!

Okay. Moment of truth. I've heard twolegs use words that usually mean angry. I don't really know what they mean, but angry means angry. So I will say that one word now. FUCK! THAT FUCKING VOICE IN MY HEAD NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I WILL PERSONALLY MURDER EVERY CAT THAT JUST SO HAPPENS TO CROSS MY PATH!

Don't get used to that, it was probably a one time thing. Just needed to get my anger out.

Okay. Rage moment over, but Sunwind was looking pretty good for picking right now. I could smell fear, not the usual scent I picked up when I was around her. I had forgotten about Joann, and now my next prey was her. The pale ginger she-cat with the black mark under her left eye. The cat who decided that just because I killed for a living didn't mean I was evil. That it didn't mean I was a demon sent from hell. She didn't care that I hurt cats who said I was a mouse-brain. She was the first cat who thought I deserved a chance. And she as going to die too.

"Y-you." Sunwind stammered as I walked toward her. My murderous gaze didn't waver. I know this, because not once did she find it was okay to let her guard down. She was ready to run at any moment, "You...j-just..."

"I just what?" Annoyed, super annoyed, I stalked toward her. She backed against a tree. She was scared to death. It was the greatest fear scent I'd ever smelled. Just wonderful.

"Y-y-you k-k-killed..J-J-Joann. C-cold b-b-blooded m-murder..." She flinched as I raised my claws to slash her. I still didn't remember who Joann was. I just remembered a black cat with amber eyes, white paws, and a white tail-tip getting in my way while I was in a rage.

"Who?" I asked.

Sunwind backed up against the tree further, getting ready to dash, "Y-you're s-sister." She whispered.

I was confused at this. I had a sister? I backed away from attacking her, but only slightly. I was still annoyed. Still angry. Still ready to kill any unlucky cat who I didn't like. Suddenly, my head was pounding. Then I blacked out again. You will soon find that this is a normal occurrence for me. And this, is what I saw:

Joann was running around like a maniac, trying to hide from her brother. After she saw the bloody mess that her mother had been turned into, all she wanted to do was hide for the rest of her life.

"JOANN!" Cat called out to her, "COME OUT YOU LITTLE SCAREDY-CAT!"

Joann held her breath. She didn't want to die by the claws of her own brother. She didn't want to die at all.

"JOANN!" Cat called again

"NO!" Joann yowled back, "I refuse to talk to someone who would kill in cold blood!"

She smelled Cat nearby. Hopefully his newfound abilities in killing didn't give him a better tracking skill too. Before his incident he couldn't track anything properly. If Joann was lucky, that fact would still be true.

"Found you." Cat smiled.

Joann jumped up and tried to run away, but Cat jumped in front out her and pinned her down. This, this monster now had Joann completely she could do was pray to her ancestors. Opin had told her privately about StarClan, the cats who protected them and gave them signs of the future.

"Just get it over with, then." Joann pleaded, "Just go ahead and kill me."

Cat looked at Joann with confusion, "Why would I do that?" He sat up and groomed his chest fur, "I don't want to kill you. That would be scary."

"B-but you just killed Opin." Joann questioned, "Why not just end my life too?"

"Because you're my sister." Cat whispered. He pressed up against Joann, making her flinch at his touch, "I don't want to hurt you too."

Then I woke up. I remembered my sister. I remembered a scene from my past that I didn't remember before from Joann's perspective. And I still wanted to kill someone. Anyone. Just something that I can dirty my claws with, get my anger out on, that has blood and flesh and bones.

But I'm still thinking about Joann through all of this. Sunwind disappeared, probably because she thought I would kill her when I woke up, and I could only think of Joann. I thought about how she was always there. How she was the only cat that I didn't kill who sometimes angered me. Which just made me wonder: Why?

Why was it only her that was spared?

And when ShadowClan came to kill me, I didn't lash out at them. I didn't get so mad that I absolutely had to kill them. Which made me wonder: Why?

Why were they spared too?

I know you're wondering, I thought Joann lived? Well she did, she just won't be with me for a while. And everything will make sense when she comes back. Trust me. Even the trials that seem to have no part in my story whatsoever. Everything will make sense.