Chapter 7
Kenshin stood up. The worst of the storm had passed. He took the red koma and closed his hand around it. Fresh tears flowed from his eyes. He covered them with his free hand and took a deep, shaky breath. Although she hadn't moved, he suddenly felt her presence.
"Yuwa?" his voice was thick.
She stood in the entrance but didn't dare step in. He uncovered his eyes but didn't look at her.
"Is this familiar at all?"
He extended his arm, handing her the koma. She stepped in the house to take it. As soon as she realised what it was, her face lit up.
"This was one of the toys your father used to sell. It was too expensive for any of us; so he gave it to your mother when they got married. And she gave it to you."
He turned to face her. The sight of his tear stained cheeks and his bloodshot eye broke her heart.
"I remember," he said.
She smiled wistfully.
"I remember," he repeated, painfully. "You used to sit here and sing me songs when the weather was bad. Oton used to sleep in that corner, but you and I slept together so close to the irori that once the futon almost caught fire. This is where you crouched and washed the rice… This is…"
As he pointed to this and that area of the house, words escaped him faster and faster. Like an avalanche, small details kept growing into bigger memories that overwhelmed him completely. He staggered dangerously close to losing balance. Yuwa caught him and helped him sit on the raised floor. Dizzy, he lowered his head between his knees, his hands clasped behind his head. She gently pet his back.
"It's ok. It's ok," she repeated gently.
They spent a moment like this. Somehow, it felt right.
Kenshin finally propped his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands.
"The tears," he said. "They just won't stop."
Yuwa continued to pet his back.
"You're safe here. You can cry. You're home. We're home."
Another moment passed. He stood upright. She handed him the koma. He turned it over and over in his hands.
"I would like to see their graves," he said.
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The sun blinded him momentarily. It made his head throb even more. They walked in silence to the small temple. If his uncle was about, he didn't show himself. They got around the dilapidated structure and found themselves in a small cemetery. Yuwa lead him to his parents' tombstone without hesitation. A bundle of purple morning glory had been laid on the base.
"Did you...?" he asked.
She shook her head.
"I always clean the area, but my father brings the flowers."
"Your father?" said Kenshin, taken aback. "I thought he hated them."
"I don't know why he does it, maybe it's guilt. But he's been doing it since after Yumi died and it's the one thing he never forgets."
She pointed at another tombstone. Flowers had also been laid.
"This is my family's plot."
Kenshin got closer. He spied three names on the stone. Yumi. Shinichiro. Shinta… Shinta?! He turned to Yuwa but she was quicker.
"This isn't for you. My father adopted my husband, so we all share this plot."
She paused and took a deep breath. She looked at him in the eyes.
"Shinta was my son. He died a few days after he was born. He almost took me with him. Almost."
"I… I'm so, so very sorry."
She waved her hand, as if to brush the topic aside.
"I still had a role to play in our story," she said. "So the gods spared me so that one day, you and I would be reunited."
She glanced at her son's resting place then back at him.
"You probably have many things to tell them. I'll leave you to it."
She walked away. Kenshin observed her for a moment then went back to his parents' grave. With the tip of his fingers, he caressed the top of the stone. He crouched and traced the characters. Himura. Although it was remarkable clean, he wanted to purify the stone. He put the koma next to the flowers and stood up. He quickly found a stream. He walked up to it and, cupping his hands, scooped some of the cool water. He half-jogged half-walked back to the tombstone and let the water flow on top. He wiped his hands on his hakama and sat down in seiza.
He stared at the characters a long while. Where could he possibly start? What could he tell them that they didn't already know? He cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry."
His words were almost lost in the song of the cicadas. It would be a hot day.
"I'm sorry that I believed that you didn't want me. That…"
He couldn't say the words. Even thinking them was painful. He took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry that…"His voice faltered. He pushed through. "That I thought you didn't love me."
Fresh tears streamed down his face. He wiped them with the back of his hand. He sniffled.
"I remember now. Not everything, but many things." He sniffled.
Some small animal moved around in the tall grass, making it quiver.
"I often wonder why I made it so far. Maybe it's because you have been watching over me…"
He bowed.
"Please continue watching over me. I have done terrible things and I know I don't deserve this happiness, but please…"
He remained prostrated for a while. Finally he got back to his feet. He hesitated a moment, wanting to take the koma but he then decided against it. He would leave it there, his once most prized possession. What could be a better offering?
He took a few steps then glanced back. He smiled through his tears.
"In spite of everything, I hope I've made you proud."
Yuwa waited for him seated on the steps of the temple. She stood up when she saw him.
"Are you ready? If we go now we should get back to my house just in time for breakfast."
He took one last look at the village's ruins. He could almost see it come alive in his mind's eye.
"Yes. I'm ready."
When they reached the house, Yuwa's husband had just finished preparing breakfast. He raised an eyebrow at his wife. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. He laughed. Kaoru was seated in the shade on the engawa, nursing a hangover. The cat, as if in solidarity, was lying on his back but with one paw extended to touch her leg. Everyone, minus Kaoru, ate breakfast. Exhausted, Kenshin and Yuwa went to sleep for a few hours. Had someone walked in on them, they would have found the pair sleeping on their back, their hands extended, fingers touching.
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They turned around and waved many times. Yuwa and her husband had seen them off to the limit of the village and then stood watching over them as they made their ascent. When they reached the top of the hill, they waved one last time. The valley finally disappeared and they entered the forest's shade. To Kenshin's amazement, Kaoru seemed to have completely recovered. She lead the way with a light step but he still felt tired.
"Did you go to the old village last night?" she asked after a while.
He nodded.
"Did you see your parents' grave?"
"Yes."
"That's great! Maybe one day we could come back and you can introduce me," she said.
"Maybe," he replied with a gentle smile.
Delighted and looking forward to rubbing her victory in Megumi's face, Kaoru picked up the pace. Kenshin shook his head.
As they'd gone down the mountain, Yuwa and Kenshin hadn't talked much. However, they'd agreed on something. This was the last time that they would see each other. Some things were meant to stay in the past. Now that she knew he was alive and now that he remembered, they could finally close this chapter of their lives and move forward.
He hoped that he would be able to tell Kaoru-dono of his childhood one day. Maybe one day, he would learn to share his pain with the ones he loved.