Disclaimer: I don't own FMA, I just like to play around in it's world and torture Ed for awhile.

Author's note: post series and rather AU. Some movie events will happen, but differently.

Warning: may contain movie spoilers. Does and will contain bad language, violence, blood and death. Maybe sex too, but I haven't decided.

Beta: Kittygirl109

34. Relapse (Ruckfall)

"Mein gott!" Johann exploded with emotion, but his medical training kept the panic at bay. "Fritz! Go and get operating theatre three ready. Matthias, inform Professor Jungbeck. I hope he didn't call all the AB negative donors in because Herr Elric will be needing a transfusion. Ach, is he ever bleeding!"

Edward had squeezed his eyes shut soon after he awoke, but he opened them again and raised his head slightly. He gasped at the sight because the entire midsection of the hospital pajamas he wore was a red, sodden mess. Edward raised himself up to his elbows and stared in mounting horror, that's MY blood! he thought and began to hyperventilate.

"Let me through!" a woman's voice groused and medical students parted to let Frida pass to his bedside. She took charge immediately and put a hand on Edward's chest to push him back down and hold him there. She crisply ordered, "Hans! Put some screens around the bed!"

To Edward she said, more softly, "Stay down, Herr Elric. I'm giving you something to make you sleep."

On a table next to the bed, she set down a small tray which held a cotton ball, a small bottle of alcohol, and a filled hyperdermic needle. With well trained efficiency, she soaked the cotton and swabbed the inside of Edward's elbow. He shuddered when she slid the needle in, then groaned when the drug was administered. The familiar feeling of disconnected muzziness spread throughout his body and Edward drifted away to a place deep within his mind.

Edward floated upon a pool of dark water. It was perfectly round and surrounded by black evergreen trees which grew to within a few feet of the water's edge. Looking up, Edward could see a patch of very blue sky with some puffy white clouds drifting across. It was very quiet and peacful in Edward's subconscious, the water was warm and smooth as glass, moving up and down as he breathed. As the anesthetic he received in the outer world took effect, his subconscious self slowly sank beneath the surface of the water. All the way down to the bottom of the pool where he remained, perfectly comfortable during the repair surgery.

As Edward struggled towards consciousness in the recovery room later, his inner self - his Ego - rose back to the surface. Immediately to his left, a short pier jutted from the pool's shore. Standing on it's very end was a small blond boy wearing a blue shirt, tan shorts, and red sandals.

Edward.

Or, Edward as he had been before. Before his father had abandoned the family home. Before his mother had died. Before everything had gone wrong. It was Edward as Id. It was the Edward the ego longed to be again. The face of the inner Edward lit up with joy and he abruptly stood up in only ankle-deep water. He took a step toward the boy Edward, then stopped and held out his hand. "Come to me. Let us be one again."

But the boy Edward smiled sadly, and backed up a step. "No, we cannot. That time is past. You will never return to being me." He turned smartly and walked away, stepped off the pier and onto the shore. Then he melted away into the trees.

The inner Edward began to shake. He fell to his knees and put his face in his hands. "NO!" He cried out in anguish. "It cannot be! It - it...mustn't be!"

A voice which was both all around him and within him at the same time whispered, "It is. It simply is."

Edward sighed deeply when he woke up, back in his hospital bed. He raised his head slightly and looked down at his body. Pristine, startched white sheets covered his midsection. Edward dropped his head back to the pillow and he felt tears pricking the corners of his eyes.

Mindful of of the new stiches pulling painfully, he cautiously turned over on his left side and pulled his knees up to his chest. He drew a long, shuddering breath before a sob broke from his lips.

A few minutes later, his class duties done for the day, Hohenheim entered the ward to visit him. He'd been on tenterhooks since shortly after lunch when he'd been informed of the hiccup in Edward's recovery. The old alchemist stood at the foot of the young man's bed and listened for perhaps a minute before he turned to a passing nurse, and asked, "Excuse me, but why is my son crying?"