Don't own Glee, don't own its original characters!

I am so grateful that you are all taking the time to read this story and also to feedback what you think about it! You make me blush! :-)

nightcuddler: *Tiny spoiler alert*: There will be a short visit back to Ohio over x-mas. Other than that everything else will take place in NY again.

ellie-dragonveelaprincess: Thank you for writing a review for my story and for letting me know what you think about the friendships portrayed here.

summer1234: Thank you for this wonderful review and the insight and explanation you shared!

Chapter 27

After a while, Quinn pulled her arm back and rubbed her forehead. Rachel placed her hand on Quinn's back, just below her neck. The blonde appreciated the comforting gesture to reestablish their physical connection.

Despite it being November, it felt sticky and hot in the train now that the ventilation was cut off as well. Hopefully they could get out before they all started to suffocate. Goddamn cabs! They always appear all at once when the shows are over to ferry the people to wherever they want to go, so later, when the actors were leaving most of the yellow cars were driving elsewhere around the city. Quinn didn't like taking the subway; no matter how convenient it usually was – IF you did not get stuck in a tunnel in the dark. She preferred wide and open spaces.

Even as a kid, she had never liked going down into the cellar. Well, that probably was a typical kid thing. It was never much the dark that bothered her about it, but just the thought of having such a massive structure of concrete resting above her head when being down below had always been disconcerting for her. This was one of the reasons she preferred her apartment being on one of the upper floors. And it also granted her a nicer view, more light and there was no one making noises above her.

She bent forward and rested her elbows on her thighs. Her movement caused Rachel to slide her right hand along her back, letting it rest lightly between her shoulder blades. Quinn was glad that she was not stuck there alone. Even though she knew it must be so much harder for her girlfriend to endure, she drew comfort from Rachel's presence. Just the little soothing gesture of feeling her hand was already helping.

"You ok?" She then heard Rachel's low voice ask.

Not sure if she would be able to see her in the eerie, hardly any light was cast off from the cell phones around them, where people were still trying to get some connection; she took Rachel's hand and placed it on her own left cheek, nodding shortly. She let her own hand cover Rachel's, holding it in place. Then she felt Rachel tugging her down gently with the hand that still rested on her back and she lowered herself until her head rested in the petite woman's lap. Quinn gave in to the small hands softly caressing her head and shoulders. She just wished they were lying in bed instead of being stranded in a subway.

When one of Rachel's hands came near her lips, she quickly placed a kiss on it, causing one of the caressing fingers to slowly trace her lips. Before it wandered off towards her nose, she gave it another peck and then let it explore further. After the finger had followed the shape of her nose, it trailed off to her right ear and then stopped. She felt Rachel move.

After what felt like an eternity, Rachel noticed some light at the tunnel wall out of the corner of her eye. She nudged Quinn slightly and pointed outside once she sat up. It was very faint, but there seemed to be something coming from behind. God, hopefully it would not crash into them at full speed – whatever it was.

Not having quite finished that thought, they felt something bump into their train as a small jolt ran through the structure of the waggon. Rachel gasped and grabbed Quinn's hand. A short moment later they felt the train moving and with agonizing slowness it crept through the tunnel towards the next station. The former diva could not hold back the sigh of relive when she saw the lights of the next station approach. Even though they were only battery powered emergency lamps the personnel had placed along the platform, it was better than that darkness they had endured during the past hour.

When they were exiting, Rachel noticed another train behind theirs. Apparently it had pushed their subway into the station. Wondering shortly how the engine could work with all the power still gone, she turned around to look for Quinn. She noticed her right behind her and felt her place a hand on her back, applying a soft pressure as if to say I'm here. That's all she needed to know and so she focused on getting out of there as quickly as possible.

Assuming Quinn was still behind her; Rachel rushed out with the other people, brushing by other passengers, not caring whom she bumped into. Only when they were outside did Rachel finally slowed her steps. She gulped down some fresh air. Turning around she was momentarily confused when she did not see Quinn right away.

Quinn had a hard time staying behind her girlfriend, but she finally managed to catch up on top of the stairs.

Rachel, are you ok? I thought you were going to run all the way home, Quinn asked when she reached her.

The brunette nodded. "Yes, sorry, I… I just had to get out. I needed…. I felt like I was in a cage down there."

Quinn placed an arm around Rachel's shoulders and pulled her against herself in a comforting hug. The she let go again to sign.

I know. It was claustrophobic even for me.

That surprised Rachel. "It was? You seemed so calm down there."

Quinn just shrugged. I was surprised that most people stayed so calm anyway. Besides, just your presence made it easier for me to bear, knowing that I was not alone.

"My presence? How could my presence have helped? I was a wreck down there most of the time." Rachel did not understand.

Quinn searched for the right words to explain.

Rachel, you held up pretty well down there, considering the circumstances. And communicating with you helped to keep my mind off the fact that we were stuck in the dark god knows how many feet below the surface of the earth. I am no fan of tunnels or elevators. I endure it if I must, but I try to avoid it whenever I can. Why of all nights all cabs must be occupied or be somewhere else in this city tonight I don't know. Who would have known a subway ride could become a nightmare.

"I didn't know that subways and elevators were on your avoid-list," Rachel remarked as they started walking.

They were not too far from Quinn's home. They just got out one station too early. Despite the late hour and the promise of winter in the air, they agreed to walk the rest of the way home. Rachel needed to walk off her anxiety and she could not fathom being cooped up in close surroundings again, even if it was just the inside of a cab. Quinn was also content in stretching her legs a bit, despite having spent her evening on stage. She commented on Rachel's remark.

I don't mention it if I don't have to. It seems kind of silly and awkward considering that subways are quite a practical and convenient thing to get around, she signed, turning sideways slightly so Rachel could see her hands. Besides, being afraid of elevators when I'm living in New York City with all the skyscrapers is not helping either. But at least it using the stairs keeps me fitter than other people, she added with a small grin.

"Well, I now share the sentiment for subways. I know what you meant when you said that subways can be a treacherous thing when you invited me for dinner for the first time." Rachel said in a low voice. Quinn had meant it as a joke at that time, but tonight, it had not felt like one. She could not shake off the feeling of entrapment and absolute loss of control.

Quinn squeezed her girlfriend's shoulders in response as she looped her arm around her again. They walked on in silence because it was a little difficult for Quinn to walk and sign at the same time as she would have to keep twisting sideways.

Rachel pondered over Quinn's words. She felt bad that in all her own panic she had not paid more attention to Quinn's state of mind. Added to the still lingering anxiousness and fear, now also guilt washed through her in waves. Hopefully these feelings would ebb away soon. Her mind kept telling her that everything was ok.

When they finally reached Quinn's apartment, the blonde dashed off to use the bathroom. Santana did not seem to be home yet as the place was dark when they entered and it was not that late for Santana to be in bed already.

Rachel quickly walked around the apartment and turned on every light she could find. It seemed irrational, but she could not stop herself. She needed light. She needed to at least be able to see. Then she dropped her bag on the table. The petite woman did not know what to do with the emotions that were raging inside her. When they were walking, she had managed to keep them in check. But now that they were home, she had no grip on them anymore.

One part of Rachel was totally exhausted from that day's experience; one other part was still high strung with tension, not wanting to let her rest. The whole apartment blazed bright with lights, every single lamp was turned on while she started to pace back and forth between the couch and the dining table to walk off some of the anxiety that still lingered in her body and mind.

Even though she was back on safe ground, she could not stop the events of the last few hours to reappear in her mind. First the encounter with Sharon, then the horrible hour trapped in the soundless dark in the subway.

As far as she had come all these weeks, accepting more and more about herself and her condition, meeting friends, facing new situations, even watching a musical live, these two happenings seemed to throw her back into the hole she had thought to have escaped. She forced the tears back; she did not want them to blur her vision, and compromise her again, even if it was just such small laps in vision. She pressed her hands to her temples, her eyes on the floor. She needed to stop this.

Now.

It would not help to let herself be dragged into all those negative memories again. Besides, Quinn had to digest these things as well and it would not be fair to her if Rachel did not lend her some more support. Especially knowing the reason behind Quinn's preference for cabs now.

She raised her head and noticed Quinn standing at the edge of the table, one hand resting lightly on the back of a chair, watching her with a concerned look.

Quinn motioned towards the lights flooding her apartment.

Shall we leave them on for the night? She simply asked.

Rachel nodded, swallowing hard. "Yes please. But I can't go to sleep yet," she whispered hoarsely. "I don't want to close my eyes, but I also feel so tired." Quinn was still watching her. Rachel was torn between falling into her arms for comfort and taking up her pacing again. So she stayed where she was.

"I can't imagine what I would have done had I been alone in that subway. I was so scared. I never ever want to feel so trapped and so helpless again," Rachel continued in a small voice, still not having the strength to speak out loud.

Quinn had the feeling that her girlfriend was withdrawing from her into her own world of fear and doubts again. She stepped closer and placed her left hand on Rachel's hip to re-create some physical connection. She saw the smaller woman take a deep breath, before she continued.

"What do I do in case of an emergency? I can't communicate with anyone. Or well, no one can communicate with me. I did not even think to use my cell phone when I panicked. You had to come up with the idea. And I failed you, Quinn. I hardly thought of asking you how you felt down there! Now that I know about your dislike towards subways and the reason behind it, I feel even more ashamed. I cannot ask you to always be the strong one, to be there for me. You also need someone to lean on." She took another deep breath for moment, then continued with barely a whisper: "And I am not sure that I can be that someone." She pulled back, away from Quinn's touch.

Quinn had never expected that Rachel would come so far, facing so many new situations in such a short time. It just seemed unfair that these two unfortunate events threw her back into a state of self-doubt and insecurity again, but if she put herself in Rachel's shoes, she had to admit that she would probably feel the same.

Quinn let her arms sink and just stood staring at Rachel. Her withdrawal physically hurt her. She felt her stomach clench. She had never expected it to be easy to convince Rachel of her love and acceptance, but it just did not seem fair of Rachel to ignore the fact that she was the most important pillar in Quinn's life, that she was the one that Quinn needed to lean on. Again acknowledging how losing her hearing would have a negative impact on her self-esteem and self-appreciation and seeing how hard Rachel really tried to face each difficulty to move forward, she remembered her vow to help her each step of the way. No matter how often Rachel needed to be reminded of it, Quinn would never tire of telling her how much she meant to her.

Rachel, you are everything I need, just the way you are. When I see you, I am home, no matter where we are. Yes, currently you need to lean on me a little more in some situations. But believe me, I also draw strength from you too. And I am sure that there will be a time when I will be down and will need more of your strength.

"As if," Rachel muttered under her breath, not realizing she had echoed the same words used by Santana earlier that evening, though in a different content. She dropped her gaze to the floor. Quinn smacked her hand down on the table in frustration. This movement caught Rachel attention again. Without hesitation, Quinn continued.

I am already leaning on you now! I would have been a whole lot more scared if it had not been for you. Not because you needed me down there, but because I thought that you face your own fears and obstacles and disappointments bigger than mine and still you keep on going every day. Your strength helped me to stay calmer then I normally would have. I thought if you can somehow manage to live with your loss every single day, I can stay strong in my own fear as well. But I truly wish I had that kind of strength Rachel. You might not be aware of it, but you carry both of us through this.

Quinn took a small step closer before she continued.

Through showing me what you are capable of every day, I dare to push myself harder. Through your love and forgiveness and acceptance I allow myself to feel more, to look into myself, to accept myself.
Don't you dare tell me that you might not be the one I need or that you are not the person I can lean on. Because I need you, Rachel Berry, like the air to breathe. Because you show me who I truly am. I never dared to look before, afraid of what I might find.

Rachel did not say anything, but at least Quinn still had her attention. She kept her eyes on her girlfriend's face as she continued signing.

Our musical director told me that tonight was my best performance so far. He joked that he would call me on short notice more often now. But that was not the reason why I seemed to be better than all the other nights. Quinn did not wait for an answer, afraid that Rachel would find her own counterarguments.
Do you want to know why? Because I thought of you. I saw you in front of me the whole time. Not just in my mind, but in real life! You were there and every time I got a glimpse of you at the rim of the stage, my heart beat faster and I sang about our love and felt our connection. Don't you see? Through our love we can grow above ourselves.

Quinn contemplated if it had been too selfish to mention the praise she had received that evening. She had not mentioned it to taunt Rachel, but to make her point of what heights loving her had made her reach.

Rachel bit her lip while contemplating Quinn's words. Why did her heart always have its own opinion when her mind came up with such good arguments of its own to diminish everything? And why was her heart's voice always so much louder, drowning out everything else that her rational mind came up with?

Come on Rachel, you feel how much you mean to her. Why do you keep feeling so insecure about her and her love for you?

Because she is perfect and I am far from it! Her mind answered back. But her heart did not let itself be deterred by this comment. It came up with its own reasoning when her mind had nothing left to say.

She is perfect because you see her like that. Maybe you can grant her the same admission towards you?

Oh god, her heart just repeated the same words Quinn had also told her some weeks ago.

Quinn watched Rachel press the heel of her hand against her heart. Her eyes were unfocused and she wondered where she had drifted off to in her thoughts. Had she understood anything she had tried to tell her? Thinking back on everything that had happened that evening, it was almost understandable that Rachel did not want to discuss things further. But the state she now seemed to be in was a bit worrying. Just when Quinn wanted to step towards her and shake her out of her haze, brown eyes focused back on her for a short moment before looking at her own hand.

Rachel slowly lifted her hand away from her chest and grazed her finger over her palm, as if she could feel the words her heart had tried to tell her. Finally she found the strength to speak up again.

"I don't know how many times I will have these ups and downs. I do wish they would become less over time. I am trying and I hope you won't lose your patience with me. I can only guess how exhausting it must be for you to have me going through all these emotions and doubts over and over." Only then did she let her gaze rest on the green orbs opposite of her.

"I keep wishing that every time I go through this, it is going to be the last time. Only to go through the exact same motion of anxiety and uncertainties in the next difficult situation."

Rachel, don't you see that even though you feel like taking a step backwards every time something happens that you actually take two steps forward? Look at where you have been tonight, what you have managed! Yes, you met Sharon and it threw you off balance a little. Nevertheless, you told Santana and me to back down, you kept your head on, you stayed cool and rational about it when we wanted to rush after her. Yes, you panicked in the subway, nevertheless you managed to trust me, and you managed to work through your panic to understand my signals. You did not let your fear consume you completely. And you held me down there, comforted me despite your fear. That is what I mean by strength. You cannot always shake off your fear. But you can accept it and work around it. This is what you did today. And doing so needs strength.

Quinn stepped closer, looking Rachel deep in the eyes, trying to not speak or move her hands. This was beyond mere words. She needed Rachel to know that she was safe; that whatever happened, they would get through it and everything would be ok.

Then she cupped Rachel's face with one hand, never letting her eyes waver. Under her touch, she felt the trembles in her girlfriend's body. She wanted to hug her desperately, but felt that it would probably be too much for Rachel in her current state so she stood where she was, transmitting all her love, calmness and security through her gaze and simple touch.

Rachel did not pull away. She leaned into this touch after a moment, tilting her head sideways slightly to press it harder against Quinn's hand, squeezing her other hand to enforce the connection. She was grateful that Quinn left her some room and still managed to offer her a hold and strength that she could lean on. After a while of just looking at each other and reveling in that touch, Rachel felt some of the anguish ease. She was able to take deeper and even breaths, noticing the tension in her shoulders dissipate, being able to finally relax her taut muscles a bit.

After a moment Quinn bent forward slowly and when she did not feel any resistance, she pulled the petite woman closer and captured the full lips with hers. Rachel's response was hesitant, but when she felt the longing coming from Quinn, she leaned into the kiss, let her tongue meet Quinn's and melt together with her. Both women moaned in synchrony, but only one of them noticed it. And it turned the blond woman on a little to hear Rachel's and her own desire being voiced involuntarily at the same time.

Finally Quinn pulled away, needing to catch her breath. Her eyes rested on Rachel's flushed face, her lips red from kissing. Gently the blonde tucked a loose and unruly strand of chocolate brown hair back behind Rachel's ear. Letting her hand rest there, she slowly followed the delicate lines of her ear-shell with the pad of her thumb.

Without letting go, she managed to sign with one hand: You are so beautiful! And she pulled her girlfriend close in a very long embrace, resting her chin slightly on the other woman's head.

Rachel had felt Quinn's finger stroke her ear and noticed the loving look on her face while doing so. The touch had sent tingles down her spine. When the blond pulled her close, she readily gave in and closed her arms around her. Resting her head on Quinn's chest, she felt her heartbeat. It reminded her of their first embrace they had shared in the hallway of the community center. This pulsing sensation was all she needed to feel safe, to feel home. She pressed her head harder against the other woman's body and felt Quinn tighten her embrace.

Quinn's earlier words still swirled around Rachel's mind. She had understood them, but had not been ready to digest their meaning then. As she felt the arms around her now, she also found the courage to think about them. Slowly, she examined what Quinn had told her.

Was what she displayed in the situations that Quinn had described really strength? Or was it just cowardice to face Sharon that she kept reasoning with her friends to let it go? And in the subway, what else could she have done? She appreciated what Quinn tried to do, but in her own eyes, she still felt weak and helpless. Nothing changed the fact that she was dependent on other people and probably would be for the rest of her life. Then again, every human was dependent on someone else in certain situations; this need did not come alone from not being able to hear.

Quinn chose that moment to gently touch her chin and lifted her head. Her hazel eyes searched Rachel's face and having become quite adapt at reading her girlfriend's expressions; she seemed to notice that something was still off. Carefully she stepped back, still holding on to the brown eyes with her own.

Rachel, I don't want you to dismiss my words. Just accept them as I said them, ok? Maybe you feel differently about tonight, but I see it that way.

Quinn watched her chew her lip before answering with a sigh.

"Fine." Then she reached for Quinn's hand and rubbed her thumb over the soft skin on the back. Looking up, she then asked:

"Can we go to bed? I think despite the unwillingness in my mind to go to sleep, my body needs some rest. I feel quite exhausted," and she shyly smiled up at her.

Sure, come on, sweet.

Quinn led her girlfriend to their bedroom where they slowly undressed each other, showering each of their bare skin with tender kisses, though both knew and felt that for tonight this would not lead to anything further. Both women felt too drained by the events of that day.

After having finished their night ablutions, they finally lay in each other's arms. Although feeling that sleep was just around the corner, something else was still working in the back of Rachel's mind. She had to voice those thoughts before they both fell asleep.

"Quinn?" Rachel whispered, looking at her girlfriend.

Quinn placed a hand on the small woman's cheek in an answer. Having her eyes already closed, she needed to adjust her aim a little. Originally her hand had landed on Rachel's nose, half covering her mouth. But the brunette only used this to place a quick kiss on the palm of her girlfriend's hand. Noticing her misplacement, Quinn readjusted her hand without opening her eyes, waiting for Rachel to say what was on her mind.

"We never talked about your show tonight." Rachel admitted, still ashamed to have her own drama pushed to the front. "In the dressing room I wanted to give you some time to calm down after the performance, and in the subway, well…" her voice drifted off.

Quinn opened her eyes and propped herself up on one elbow, facing her girlfriend. Then she sat up to make better use of her hands.

Rachel, my show is not important. Don't feel bad about it. The only important thing about it was you being there! It meant so much to me and it turned this evening into one of the best I will ever have! She smiled gently. And I can understand that it might not be easy to talk about this experience with everything else that had happened today.

"But I want to talk about it. It was the best thing today," Rachel admitted in a small voice with a shy grin.

It was?

"Mhm! It would be a lie to say that it did not cost me some effort to face it, but once getting past the lack of music and dialogues, I was so captivated by your performance! I … I bought the CD once it came out, shortly before my accident. So I roughly knew the musical score and what it was about. That helped. I just wish I could have heard your voice tonight."

Quinn placed a kiss on her forehead before she let her continue.

"But just judging from your acting, leaving the singing aside, you have a unique talent, Quinn Fabray. I was completely caught up in your character and your story; I never thought it would be possible to enjoy a musical without the music. But you managed to draw me in, to transmit so much just through looks, gestures and mimic, it was absolutely fascinating. So I bow to you, Miss Fabray." Rachel inclined her head slightly at her last words.

That left Quinn speechless for a moment. It was the highest praise she could ever receive. No one else and nothing else could top this. These words coming from Rachel certainly beat a Tony or any other award. She felt a little lump in her throat.

Rachel, I will never be as good as you were, we both know that, she then said with an honest smile.

Rachel shook her head. "No, Quinn. When it comes to acting, you are better, much better. You have already reached a level that I could only dream of. I was able to level it out with my voice, but getting down to the absolute subtleties, you mastered a great achievement. And you know what, I am glad that you are the better actress, because this way even I can still enjoy some of your talent. Watching you bring another character to live on stage was really fascinating and believe me, without the music and the singing, I am a good judge when it comes to facial expressions and body language," she teased with a smile. "So let it be said that you were incredible and I am very grateful to have had the chance to watch you perform tonight." She sealed her last words with a kiss on her girlfriend's lips.

You want an autograph? Quinn teased back, laughing a bit, feeling a joy inside her, caused by Rachel's words that could not be described by words.

"Yes, please sign my breasts with kisses later," Rachel smirked.

Quinn had worried about what being in a theater did to the former diva, watching her do what Rachel had always wanted in life but was now cheated from by a sick twist of fate. And she knew that the compliment about her acting was meant in earnest. Rachel was right. If without any acoustic distraction, someone could be drawn into the story, and that someone having been a professional musical performer herself, that praise meant a lot.

"But Quinn, running off stage to toss your girlfriend a flower was absolutely crazy! I would have died had you done this to me while being your counterpart on stage!" Then she added with a sheepish grin: "I loved it nevertheless, and I loved the other little signs you weaved into your performance. Thank you. That made me very welcome."

Quinn laughed. You were very welcome Rachel. As I said before, it was the most precious gift for me.

They both shared a passionate kiss, while their hands tenderly crept along each other's body, raveling in the softness of the skin, the tingles their touches sent up their hands and the love that filled their hearts. Rachel finally felt a little like herself again after this arduous evening. Having talked about the positive aspect of the day, made it easier for her to fall asleep with a positive feeling rather than the dread and anxiety she had felt earlier on.

It was amazing how Quinn always managed to bring her home to sanity, security and love. They snuggled close to each other, face to face, with Rachel placing a hand on her girlfriend's chest.

Quinn had her eyes closed again, Rachel noticed in the soft light the little crystal salt lamp on the night stand gave off. They left the light on for the night for Rachel's benefit.

"Quinn?"

Through her hand, Rachel felt her answer coming off in a short vibration, guessing it was a "Hm?" as she did not move her lips with the sound.

"Um," looking for the right words to ask this, Rachel hesitated for an instant.

Quinn opened her eyes again, raising both eyebrows in question, waiting for Rachel to continue. When she finally did voice her question, it took Quinn completely by surprise.

"Can you sing for me?" With the final word, Rachel lifted her eyes and looked at Quinn. It seemed to be a genuine and earnest question. Noticing Quinn's astonishment, Rachel added as an explanation: "I just remembered one of the songs from the show from when I listened to the CD. You know the one where your character becomes aware of the truthfulness of Antoine's love. I really like it."

Quinn opened her mouth, then closed it again, and simply nodded with a smile. With a slight jerk of her head and a simple "Come here," she told Rachel to move closer, knowing full well what she desired.

Rachel gave her quick, grateful smile. At that moment, it did not matter so much that she could not actually hear Quinn. What mattered was that Quinn did not even ask her why she wanted her to sing or told her how absurd this was. Just knowing that this wonderful person, the Broadway star, the most beautiful woman, her lover was doing this for her unquestioningly, was reward enough. She snuggled closer to Quinn, resting her head on her chest, a hand slightly on the side of the taller woman's neck. Rachel let herself be soothed by the vibrations she felt in the other body, slowly drifting to sleep.