I know you guys might wonder how can I update everything so fast. Some maybe wonder that I am a student or do I have a job. Yeah, I do have a full time job and I use all my free time to write this fanfiction (sometime during my working hour ;)) and that's pretty much all my time.

I'm sorry that I might drag this story down to hell because I have no more time left to develop a better plot so I'm sorry if some of you found that it's getting messy every chapter. And sorry for any loophole in the plot because this one and tiptoeing are my first very epic fanfic.

I'm truly apologize.

42 : WHERE YOU BELONG**

Steve could feel that his bed was not the same and it made him wake up. He snapped his eyes open and Natasha was nowhere to be found. Steve jumped off his bed and ran to the bathroom and there was no Natasha. The captain was obviously panic.

"JARVIS! Where is Natasha?" Steve asked as he ran to her floor.

"She left the building last night, sir" The AI replied "She didn't tell me where she went"

"Can you track her?"

"I tried, sir but she avoided the surveillance cameras and she didn't use any electronic device or credit cards"

Steve fell on knees, looking lost. How could she did this to him? How could she leave him like this?

Natasha wasn't on her floor but he could see that some of her belonging were gone. There was no note, no goodbye, no anything that might help console him.

No promise that she would come back.

"Should I alert other Avengers?"

"Please"

Steve saw his sketchbook on her desk. The sketchbook that supposed to be on his floor. He opened it but found nothing. Everything was the same until he found one page was ripped off.

The sketch that he remembered it was from their summer time in Central Park last year. She took it with her.

Steve wanted to cry but there was no tears falling from his eyes. His pain was too much. How could she do this to him? He felt like his heart broke all over again. It was shattered into a million pieces all over again.

He thought he could take it but he's can't. He never really count how many times did she leave him until today. The first time was when she abandoned him on a mission. The second time when she chose Taylor over him. The third time she was so rush to assume that he was cheating on her without second thought about it and broke up with him.

This was the fourth time she walked out on him. He thought he might be used to it but he's not. Every time left him with too much pain, she cut his heart open all over again.

#####

This news was spread in SHIELD like a fire. Fury summoned the Avengers to ask about this. Of course Fury will ask because his number one agent was gone without a trace or makes any contact.

"Avengers, your teammate went off the grid for the past 24 hours" Fury informed them

But the Avengers already knew about this. They kept it a secret and tried to find Natasha before Fury knew about this. Because Fury will make a big deal out of this and send every living agent in SHIELD just to find his most valuable asset.

"She deserted her active duty. Cut off any communication and disappeared. You know how many strings that I had to pull to keep the World Council from branding her a traitor."

"Agent Romanoff once saved their lives that should be counted as her loyalty"

"They all know that, Captain. But if you can't find her soon enough. An army of SHIELD agents will hunt her down and lock her away forever"

"Then you should lock me away with her too. I can ensure you that her loyalty to this country is the last thing that you should be worried. Right now it could be a dozen of our enemy trying to hunt her down as well."

"I can hold them off at this end for a week, Cap"

"That is more than enough"

The Avengers stepped out of the conference room. Clint quickly expressed his concerned about this matter.

"Cap, are you sure we can find her in time?" The archer asked "She could be millions of places. You know her if she doesn't want anyone to find her, you will not find her"

"That's the only time we got, Hawkeye. We don't want SHIELD to hunt her down, do we?"

#####

Walking out on Steve wasn't as easy as she thought it will be. She walked out on someone so many times that she doesn't care to count, she ran away from many thing but this time, it felt like she brought only her body and left something of her back in New York.

Her heart to be more precise.

She could do it but it killed her inside too, knowing that she was leaving him again. Steve had every right to hate her for the rest of his life and if he doesn't want her back in his life again, she would be surprised if he wanted her back after all the times she left him. Maybe this is the best thing to do.

Natasha was now heading back to her mother land. Her origin. Where she was made to be who she is today. No one knew she was here. No one remembered her. Of course no one would want to remember her, the angel of death, the traitor, the killing machine, the red menace.

Why would anybody miss her anyway? She had nothing good for anyone to remember. She was made to live and die alone out in the cold.

She needed to readjust her mind. It's gonna take a while. She needed to find who she really is and where she belongs and if she deserves to be among those good men.

It's been six days but no one found any trace of Natasha. Every surveillance camera on this earth had been scanned by SHIELD and JARVIS. Steve acted like he was fine but he wasn't. He didn't talk to anyone. He was so determined to find her but every time he failed and beat himself up very hard.

Fury and Hill tried their best to provide the Avengers with everything they needed to find their teammate and stalled the World Security Council and US Intelligence agency not to hunt Natasha down.

They always saw her as a threat if they let her loose. A very imminent threat considered her past and her skill sets. They afraid that if their enemy might get their hands on her.

Tony used everything he had to find Natasha but he failed just like everyone else. Thor cannot help them much as Odin forbid him not to seek help from Heimdall.

Steve disappeared into the gym again. Tony and Bruce were in the lab while Clint and Thor was at SHIELD.

"Sir, there is a phone call for you but the number was blocked. The caller has been trying to contact you three times already"

"Can you trace it?"

"The call originated from Russia, sir"

"Put it on the speaker, J"

"Do you think that it might be…?"

"I'm not sure"

"Hello" It was a man. Bruce frowned "Is that Tony Stark?"

"Who are you?" Tony asked

"You might have heard my name from your friends, Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanoff" The man said "My codename is the Winter Soldier but I prefer you to call me…"

"James Barnes or Bucky"

"Yes. I have an information regarding Natasha whereabouts"

"Why should I trust you? Last time we saw you, you were fighting with Steve and Natasha, not to mention that you are with HYDRA"

"Do you have any choice, Stark?"

Tony and Bruce exchanged a glance before Tony continued "Fine, where is she?"

"She is currently hiding in Monchegorsk. You have two more days before she starts moving around again"

"How do we know that you're telling us the truth?"

"You don't know but Steve Rogers is my friend. I don't want him to beat himself up like that"

"You know what, Barnes. You should come to the Tower sometime. Steve and Natasha will be glad to have you here"

"After what I did to them, I better stay out of their lives"

"Thanks for the tips and my offer will stand open forever"

Bucky hung up before Tony could say anything more. JARVIS already arranged a jet for the transport.

"Should we tell Steve about this?" Bruce asked "He might not…you know…we should see his reaction first"

"I will go talk to him"

Tony could understand what Bruce is trying to say. They both agreed that Steve wasn't in the stage to do anything. They didn't know that if he come with them will make thing worse or not.

The worst was his reaction to Natasha leaving him.

"What are you doing here, Steve?" Tony asked as he walk into the gym and found Steve destroying all the punching bag.

"Clearing my head" The Captain answered.

"You've been here for seven hours already. JARVIS told me. He concerned about you"

"I'm fine, Tony"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Stark." Steve replied "Except for Natasha was nowhere to be found. None of us heard anything from her. JARVIS, SHIELD and us cannot track her down. Other than that I'm pretty sure I'm fine"

"We are gonna find her eventually, you know that right?"

"I know. If you do find her, please tell her not to come back again."

"You didn't really mean that."

"She walked out on me four times already, Tony. I don't think I can handle another one if she comes back and decides to leave me again"

"I will just pretend that this conversation never happen" Tony cut out before Steve said something he might regret any further. He understands that the Captain was not in the right mind. Steve was on the path of self-destruction just like he used to be. "We are gonna find her and she will come back to us, back to you."

"I hope you are right, Tony because I cannot do this again."

Tony flew to Russia. He needed to talk to Natasha before she returns home. He needed to know that she will never ever leave Steve ever again. They should stop hurting one another like this.

The location that Barnes gave him was very useful and Tony found that small motel room Natasha currently stayed in. The security of this motel was a joke and Tony Stark could break in that easily.

Natasha wasn't in the room so the billionaire patiently waited until the door was opened and Natasha appeared. She looked different from the last time he saw her. She looked terrible. She was paler than usual, looked thin and it didn't suit her at all.

The spy didn't seem to notice he was there.

"It's a little selfish, don't you think, Red?" Tony spoke up and it startled Natasha "Leaving the man who truly loves you because you think you're not good enough for him"

Natasha sighed when she found who that was "Don't lecture me about selfish, Stark"

"I can try" Tony shrugged

"How did you find me?"

"Let's just say I had JARVIS do it all"

"Tell me the truth, Stark"

"Alright, Barnes tracked you down"

"Bucky? Well, I shouldn't be surprised because he trained me so he must know what I'm thinking"

Natasha sat down in front of Tony. The billionaire observed her closely and he could see that her eyes were red and swollen. Nose was red.

"Why are you doing this to yourself and Steve, Tasha?" He gently asked "He beat himself hard when he wasn't able to help you and he beat himself very hard after you left"

"I have to protect him from myself" She replied bitterly, not looking into his eyes "I shouldn't be in love! For crying out loud, I'm a heartless assassin. I shouldn't feel a thing. I've done many bad thing and I didn't want to drag him down with me in this rotten hell I live in"

"That program really fucked you up, didn't it?"

Natasha didn't answer that question but Tony knew the answer. Red Room made Natasha into their perfect spy/assassin and brainwashed her, bended her to their will. They put her in the life of solitude, killing, lying and not trusting anyone.

"He's this only thing good in my life, Tony" She sobbed, "He came into my life from nowhere. I didn't see this one coming. He came in with his sweet smile, his gentleness. He was a calm after the storm. He came in, caught me off guard, made me feel like I'm living in a dream, and made me forget who I really was" Tears threatened to fall from her eyes "I'm confused. I'm not who I am anymore, Tony"

"What do you mean you're not who you are? You are your own woman, Romanoff even when you think you are changing because of Rogers but you are not. You are still the independent, badass lady who literally kicked my ass."

Natasha allowed herself a small chuckle "Did he say anything about me…leaving him? And please tell me the truth"

"Well, he said something like he didn't want you to come back if you were gonna leave him again but I think he didn't really mean it because he really loves you. He is mad and not in the right mind so he said those things"

Green eyes filled with guilt "It is better for Steve if I leave him alone now" She said sadly

"It is better off that way" Tony agreed but then added "It will be better of that way if you didn't take his heart with you"

Natasha's eyes went wide "Do you think he will take me back? After what I did to him again and again"

"He loves you that much, Natasha. That he is willing to forgive you. He understands you more than you know and he see you as who you really are, inside this mask you put on, he see the real you, not your past or anything"

Natasha smiled and hugged Tony which surprised him too because she mostly wanted to attack him. He returned a hug.

"As much as it pains me to say this , I never thought you will be the one who talked some sense into me, Tony"

"I'm a smooth talker, remember?" He reminded her. "I'm a successful businessman. I am nothing without being persuasive"

Natasha lightly chuckled

"Shall we go home?"

"Yeah, it's time" She replied and grabbed her things "Tony, thanks again"

"Anytime, red"

Tony took Natasha to by some new clothes to change because the one she wore was a 'hobo' clothes and it's bothering him. He also gave her the best in-flight meal ever. The billionaire watched the spy ate everything.

"Do you think he will want to see me again?"

"Of course, he will, red" Tony reassured "Trust me on this. When he sees you, he will forget everything"

Natasha slept all the way back to New York and Happy was there to pick them up at the airport. Tony could see that she was really nervous to see everyone again.

When they arrived at the tower, Natasha was reluctant to step inside, like she wasn't sure that everyone would want her back.

"Come on, everyone's waiting for you" Tony said and nudged the spy back.

"What if?"

"No, what if, Tasha. They all want you back so badly"

He smiled and took the elevator up to the living area. Tony stepped out first.

"Guys! Looks who's back!" He announced and guided Natasha in.

"Lady Natasha!" "Tasha!" "Welcome back, Natasha"

Everyone surrounded the spy and gave her a big group hug. The girls joined in and welcomed her back home. But Natasha noticed there was one person who wasn't there.

"Where's Steve?"

"At the gym, ma'am" JARVIS said

"I will go see him"

Everyone tool the elevator down to the gym. They could heard a hard impact on the punching bag. Natasha silently sneaked in while everyone was watching their reunion from afar.

"Steve…" She spoke up like she wasn't sure.

He froze to the spot and turned around. He stood still, stared at her before blinked like he wasn't believing in what he saw. He just stood there and didn't say anything. Natasha walked toward him until they were close enough. His eyes roaming all over her and he raised his hand to touch her.

"Tell me I'm not dreaming that you come back to me" He said Natasha noticed that he had dark circles around his eyes.

"I'm here, Steve. I'm really here"

He pulled her into a hug and gave her a deep and loving kiss "I missed you so much, Nat. Don't do this to me again"

She snuggled close into his chest. This felt right, being in his arms like this. How foolish of her to think that she wasn't belong here with him? This was the rightest feeling, being with him.

"I missed you too, Steve and I'm sorry for walk out on us like that. I'm just afraid of how my past will effect our relationship"

"It's okay. You come back. That's all that matter" He murmured "I love you so much"

"I love you too" She replied "Vylyubov' vsey moyey zhizni"

That night, they celebrated the reunion of the couple. Steve never took his eyes of Natasha and held her hand all the time.

He carried her back to their room which Steve admitted to her that he didn't sleep that much for a week right now. The same happened to her when she was in Russia. The separation could kill them easily if it went on for any longer.

They took showers and finally cuddled under blanket, contemplating the feeling of having each other back. Steve held her tight while Natasha rested her head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart.

"Steve, I give you at least a thousand reasons to run away. Why are you even with someone like me?" She spoke out of nowhere.

He looked at her "Because my reason is that I love you more than anything else in this world." He replied "It's the greatest reason of them all"

"What did I do to deserve a man like you?"

"Being you. I say I can accept every part of you, Natasha. I love you from the roots of how you were made and what you really are."

"You easily forgive me like that?"

"I know I should be angry at you but that's not me. The feeling of having you back in my life again overpowers all the anger and frustration"

"Hmmm" She hummed happily and closed her eyes.

"Sleep now, sweetheart. You need to rest" He whispered and kissed the top of her head.

"You….too" She yawned and hugged him tightly before drifted off to sleep.

Natasha slowly opened her eyes. This was the first time she got a full sleep after the Ecuador mission. And what make her feels good was the warm and safe embrace protecting her from every nightmare.

She let out a sigh and hugged her Captain tightly. She looked up and found him staring at her.

"Hey, babe" She greeted and smiled sleepily

"Hey" he tiredly replied and gave her a morning kiss.

"You look tired." She noted after they broke off.

"I didn't sleep much"

"What's bothering you?" She asked but Steve couldn't look directly in her eyes and Natasha knew the answer to it "You are afraid that I will run away again"

"It's not that" He didn't make eye contact so she forced him to look at her "I'm afraid that I might lose you in the night again. I don't want it to happen again"

"Steve, I won't do it again. You have my word"

But she could notice that he won't believe the words she said so she cupped his face to force him to look into her eyes.

"Steve, I will not go anywhere. I will not run away from us again."

"I know. I'm just…doesn't like the idea of not having you with me"

"I'm here, babe and nothing will happen to us ever again"

But he felt like something bad will happen anytime soon.

AN:

- Please kindly leave a review!

- Thank you to my proofreader, RushmanNatalie!