Usual Glee disclaimer...

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I really appreciated you telling me that even though Rachel had received bad news, some of you still liked the chapter.

Chapter 29

When Rachel woke up the next morning, she felt drained and still very tired. Her eyes burned a little from all the crying the night before. She felt as if she was thrown back some months when waking up like that seemed like a sad normality, wondering every single morning why she had to drift back into the land of consciousness.

But something was different this time.

She did not wake up alone.

She became even more conscious of the warm body behind her with that realization. She closed her eyes again and snuggled a little closer. As there came no reaction, Rachel turned around and found her girlfriend still sleeping. Carefully she lifted Quinn's arm she had used as a pillow the whole night. Hopefully it was not completely numb by now, Rachel thought a bit ruefully. She had needed the touch and the feeling of Quinn near her during the night to get through her emotional turmoil.

Slowly she moved her arm into a little more comfortable position for her girlfriend without waking her up.

Pulling a real pillow under her head she slowly lay down again, this time facing Quinn who slept on her right side. Rachel watched her breath evenly, marveling at how someone in his sleep, with tousled hair could still look to beautiful that Rachel almost through it to be unreal.

She loved tracing Quinn's even features with her finger, as if it helped to memorize that face even better for times they were apart. Then it was easier to evoke the image of her girlfriend in front of her inner eye, remembering the feeling of her fingers wandering over the radiant skin. Touching her had become more than just a gesture of love and desire. It gave Rachel another dimension to compensate for not being able to hear her voice.

Try as she might, she could not keep her fingers from touching Quinn. She would memorize the details she saw and everything she felt while letting her fingers explore. Carefully, she stroke some of the unruly blond locks out of her face and let her fingers dance lightly over her cheeks. Just watching and touching this wonderful woman in front of her helped to pull her out of the dark mood that had gripped her before. The view in front of her and the knowledge that this was a very important part of her life now, a part that made her absolutely happy, that made her feel so alive again helped her manifest herself in the present even more.

There was a narrow sunbeam sneaking through the curtains and Rachel watched it slowly and lazily make its way across the blanket. Placing her hand into the light she felt the warmth it radiated. It crawled further across the fabric, making the little dust particles visible as they danced through the air. When the light reached Quinn's peaceful face, it illuminated her skin.

Rachel felt warmth spread through every part of her body. In moments like this, sometimes she could not thank fate or cupid or whatever it was that had brought them together enough. And while she lay there next to her sleeping beauty, lovingly gazing at her, exploring her face with her still dancing fingers, she felt the certainty that everything would be ok. Just like the way she had said it to Quinn the day before. She had not felt it then, but now she did. She would be ok.

Rachel pondered over this recognition. She wondered where it came from all of a sudden. Then she realized that it was not something that came all of a sudden. It was something that had slowly been growing in her. With the help of her friends Kurt and Santana, her lover and to a certain extent her teacher Carmen, this conviction that had started as a small seed now seemed to unfolded itself inside her. Even though she had no concrete idea of what to do with her life, she was convinced she would find something that would make her happy again. With the right people and faith she would manage. Just as Santana had told her. As long as she herself was convinced that she could do something, as long as she would never give up – and yes, she could be very determined if she chose to be – she would reach her goal.

Quinn's eyelids fluttered and then she slowly snuck a hand up to her face to catch the small caressing digits that wandered lightly over her skin. Placing them in front of her lips, she kissed every one of Rachel's fingertips. This caused a small chuckle to bubble up in the petite woman's throat. It danced over her lips and caused Quinn to smile when it reached her ears. Slowly she opened her eyes to find Rachel laying very close, her brown eyes gazing intently at her.

"Good morning," Quinn whispered, not wanting to let go of the other hand.

Rachel could not withstand the alluring full lips so close to hers as she read the words being formed by them. "Good morning," she whispered back. Just slightly adjusting the position of her head, she naturally touched Quinn's mouth with hers and both women shared a tender morning kiss.

When they broke off, Rachel moved even closer and wrapped herself around Quinn, hugging her in a very tight and very long embrace.

"God, I love you so much Quinn, I can't find the words to describe it," she half whispered into Quinn's ear. She hoped she had adjusted the volume of her voice correctly, not wanting to make Quinn jump by speaking so close to her ear. "Thank you for holding me through the night, for not letting go." Rachel felt like she could not get near enough, could not touch enough of the other woman's body with her own. She tried to get as much physical contact as possible.

The blonde tightened her embrace. She understood Rachel's need for nearness very well and responded with her own arms tightening around the petit body in front of her. It relieved her immensely that Rachel had managed to pull herself out of that dark place, that she did not turn away from her after all that had happened the day before, but that she smiled and sought her nearness.

After a long moment of holding each other, Quinn slowly untangled her hands and moved back a little.

Rachel hated losing the close contact at that moment just so Quinn could sign. She held her close and shook her head, pointedly looking at her lips.

Quinn understood, laced her arms around the smaller body again and spoke the words she had wanted to sign.

"I love you, too, Rachel." She made a little pause so the sentences would not run into each other and become difficult to read. "With all my heart and soul," she then added. When she saw Rachel smile to show her comprehension, she captured the full lips between hers and shared another passionate kiss with her girlfriend.

For a long while they just lay in each other's arms, kissing, exchanging small, tender caresses, losing themselves in the moment without any further thoughts about the upcoming day.

A small rumble in Rachel's stomach caused Quinn to laugh.

"Why does my stomach always have to spoil the moment?" Rachel sighed. This time, she let Quinn pull back to sign.

Besides being obviously hungry, which I see as a good sign, how do you feel? Quinn asked and carefully watched Rachel's features.

Rachel thought for a moment how to express her experience of this morning in words.

"When I woke up, it felt just like in the beginning, you know, like after the accident. I thought I had fallen right back into that emotional hole. At that time it felt like a million waves were crashing over me, pushing me under water into a black abyss, fully emerging into a depression. Then I realized that this time I was able to stand, to feel the ground under my feet and that I was able to walk away. I managed to fight against the current that wanted to pull me under. I was really strong enough to fight it. And I felt you behind me and I let this sensation pull me back into reality, away from the past."

Quinn smiled with a mix of relief, pride and love and gently stroked Rachel's cheek before the brunette continued with her explanation.

Rachel licked her lips and brushed a strand of dark brown hair behind her ear. "You know, you and Santana and Kurt have really helped me a lot to find my way back into this world, to find myself in all this mess. Your support has helped most of all."

She collected her thoughts again before continuing.

"I somehow feel that I really have a chance at being happy again, at finding a purpose in my life, besides loving you crazily and dearly," she added with a smile.

Quinn reached out again and raked her fingers slowly through Rachel's mane, mussing the strands her girlfriend had carefully tamed just a minute ago by placing them behind her ear.

Quinn felt the truth behind Rachel's words reverberate in her own heart. She was not just saying them, she truy seemed to feel them as well. There was so much conviction behind her words, and her eyes had the little glint that she had missed so much the other day back in them.

Rachel truly seemed to process all that was happening to her, and this brought her forward a step each day. Sometimes it was just a very small step, but she was moving forward nevertheless.

It was a huge task to actively face her loss and to learn to live with it, and it had taken Rachel quite a long time to actually allow herself to start that process. After such a life changing event it was only natural that a certain phase of denial, self-pity and self-doubts existed. And it took great strength to overcome them, but it was important in order to start healing – on an emotional level. This did not happen overnight. There would always be set-backs, but they would become less over time. The important thing was to move on, to learn and to gain experience.

And Rachel still had one great advantage that many others did not necessarily have. Carefully Quinn searched for the right words to bring her thoughts across with her hands.

You know Rachel, for what it's worth; you have already fulfilled your greatest dream. You have followed in your biggest idol's footsteps by playing Fanny Brice on stage in Funny Girl. And the reception of the musical and your performance was incredibly positive. That was the role of your life, Rachel, and you actually got to play it!

Quinn paused for a moment to let those words sink in, before she continued.

Maybe life decided that after having given you this incredible possibility and gift, it was now time for something new.

Her gaze softened as she continued.

I can only partly grasp what this might mean for you, but at least you can look back and know you have done everything right, you did not miss out on anything. How many people can say that for themselves? How many are struggling in the wrong directions, doing jobs that are unfulfilling, that make them unhappy and sick in their souls? How many harbor so many dreams and never live them? Either it's because they don't have the courage or they don't have the means, whatever the reason might be.
One thing you can be proud of for the rest of your life, something that even deafness cannot take away from you anymore is the knowledge that you have done everything to make your dream come true.

Quinn paused for a moment, before she offered the most important point.

Your dream is not lost. It can never be lost. Because you have already turned it into reality, Rachel! You have already lived your dream!

The truth of Quinn's last statement swept through the petite woman's body and slowly settled in her heart. She felt its meaning spread through her chest. As some tears spilled over her cheeks, she whispered:

"I have never seen it like that."

Quinn was right. She had reached everything she had dreamed of. Well, almost everything. She definitely would not win a Tony award now.

But her biggest wish had always been to play Fanny Brice and this she had fulfilled at a very young age. Sometimes she had asked herself how she could ever have been so lucky to land that role at the first try. Now she seemed to understand the reason why life had given her that chance so early in her career.

This realization somehow helped her to ease the anxiety of never being able to fulfill her dream that had existed all these past months inside her. Seeing what she actually already had accomplished dissolved a little of the tension in her soul. Yes, she would still miss performing, but she had already reached a high rung on her career ladder.

And Quinn had another point. It would not do for her to find an occupation that would just be seen as fitting for her by others, thus only fulfilling a job that did not fuel her; that did not make her feel alive. She would figure out what she wanted to do and felt comfortable doing. Singing would still stay as her greatest longing which she could not answer anymore, but she would be damned if there was not something else. Santana's words came back to her just as Quinn lifted her hands to sign again.

You know, I am sure we will find out what you would like to do. And then we will set everything to make it happen. Don't hold back. Go crazy with your ideas. Don't censor them; don't let them be judged by anything else but your gut feeling and your heart.

Quinn looked intently at Rachel.

If something feels right, if something makes you tingle all over, makes your heart beat faster, makes you cry, then you know that's the one! And don't let anyone, Quinn finger spelled the next word for emphasis a-n-y-o-n-e, deter you from it. Maybe you can take up acting. Maybe you can coach people on how to stand up for themselves and fulfill their life dreams. Whatever it is, you have to convince yourself first. Then everything else will come along.

She smiled as an example of a very stubborn and very convinced Rachel came to her mind.

Remember how you thought everything was over when you choked at your audition for NYADA? At first you wanted to give up on your dream, but then you started fighting. You kept going after Carmen Tibideaux until she followed your invitation to watch you perform at nationals. And that had been your ticket to the academy. Dig out that stubborn will again, once you know where you want to go. And never ever let anyone discourage you from reaching your goal. Even if they tell you ten times no. The eleventh time it might be a yes!

Rachel swallowed and the smiled a little. She was absolutely grateful to have such wonderful people in her life now. They truly cared about her and her happiness. They wanted her to find her new calling again and did not want to push her onto a pre-defined path. This was what true love and friendship meant.

People accepted her and did not try to shape her according to their wishes and what they thought would be best for her. To accept the dreams and wishes of another person, trying to support this person without trying to dissuade her showed true greatness. Sometimes it was just so much more logical to try to control everything and everyone around oneself, even though it might be wrong. But people were often afraid of letting loose, they were afraid of what might happen. They were afraid that they might realize what they were doing was wrong, but doing what was right meant they had to change. And change was almost never easy for many people. So they would rather stay in their well-known "comfort" zone feeling miserable instead of getting up and fight for their true happiness.

Being told twice now by Santana and Quinn to try to stay true to herself and find out what fueled her, paired with the offered support was a very generous and rare gesture.

"When did you and Santana learnt to be so smart?" Rachel asked sheepishly after having worked though all these thoughts and emotions.

Quinn chuckled. Oh, did you have a heart to heart with Santana?

Rachel nodded.

Quinn cocked her head. Want to tell me about it?

Rachel let out a long breath, before she remembered the evening in question.

"When you left for you performance the other night, Santana took the chance for a little girl talk, before she dragged me across town to your show," Rachel recounted and then chuckled. "You know how she is. She comes right down to the grain, lays it all out there and then has you deal with it. Whether you like it or not."

Oh yeah, I know. Believe me, I know! Quinn smiled knowingly. So, what did she say?

Rachel bit her lip, remembering what Quinn had just told her about the feeling of the truth behind an idea. Before she voiced what Santana had suggested, the showers started racing up and down her spine. Some part of her already knew what she wanted. Her mind just had not been quite as ready to accept it.

Quinn watched her girlfriend closely as an inner discussion apparently took place. But even though Rachel seemed to be struggling to find the right words, there was something in her eyes, a shimmer, a depth, something that made Quinn lose herself in the brown gaze, because it showed her a part of her lover's soul. Whatever was going on in Rachel's head at that moment, it was something that touched her core. It was hard for Quinn to patiently wait for her to come up with the words, so she could understand what it was that made Rachel connect so deeply again with her own inner self.

Then Rachel focused back on the blonde woman in front of her. With one deep breath she let it out.

"Santana asked me why I did not take up acting. Not just acting as a deaf character in some of the rare movies that dealt with the topic, but she suggested to either act as a "normal" person, not dwelling on my disability or to challenge directors to write a character into a movie who can't hear or see or walk. Just take it as a fact and move on with the original story. She made the point that there were quite many being physically or mentally challenged who live their lives as normally as possible, adapting their lives, but not trying to make it their everyday focus point."

She let out a long breath now that this was out. It had seemed like an absurd idea at first when Santana had laid it out on the table, but it had been working inside Rachel these past days.

"At first, I thought Santana was crazy for various reasons, but I have been throwing these thoughts back and forth in my head and I really feel…I…" Rachel tapped her chest with her hand over her heart, "…I feel like I still don't want to give up acting completely."

There, she said out loud what she had felt all along, but had never dared to let consciously drift into her mind. She had pushed it away, tried to extinguish these thoughts all this time, until Santana had unlocked something in her that let that knowledge float to the surface. And then seeing Quinn on stage, being at the theater, breathing the whole atmosphere again, just did the rest. Santana really could be a devil if it came to shoving people into a certain direction, even though she had done it for Rachel's own good, she had to admit.

"But even though I feel like I'm a little closer to figuring out what to do with my life, I'm still not sure that I will be given the chance."

Quinn bent over and gently placed a kiss on Rachel's forehead, then looked her deeply in the eyes.

Rachel, I am not saying it will be easy. There might be a lot of stumbling stones waiting ahead. But we are all here to support you, if that is what you choose to do. We all have connections and know the business to a certain degree. You just need to be convinced and show the same confidence you have always had about your ability. The rest will come! And we will all help you along the way!

"Thank you, darling, for accepting my ideas without questioning them, without telling me that I am crazy and that I am chasing a dream that never might come true. This…," she shyly looked at her own hands for a moment, then back up into Quinn's eyes, "… means a lot to me and I am a very, very lucky woman to have you in my life," she repeated aloud what she had thought earlier just to herself and sealed this statement with a passionate kiss.

Then her stomach grumbled again and both women laughed.

Breakfast! Quinn decided and Rachel nodded.

"Yes, definitely! Though it's not fair that I never get to know if your stomach makes the same impolite noises at the most inopportune moments," Rachel pouted a bit.

Believe me, it does, Quinn admitted.

"What? And you never tell me? You just let me believe that it's only me who disturbs these holy moments? You sneak!" And Rachel slapped her girlfriend playfully on the arm.

"Ouch!" Quinn whined and rubbed the spot gingerly.

"Serves you right for shamelessly taking advantage of your girlfriend's deafness."

Alright, alright, I swear, from now on I will never conceal my stomach's rumbling from you again. Ever. Ok?

"Fine."

Kiss the pain away? Quinn then innocently asked with a bat of her long lashes and Rachel could not resist.

Tenderly she placed a kiss on the sore spot, muttering under her breath to herself:

"I hardly touched her, it could never have hurt that much."

I heard that. I am still sitting in front of you. Quinn signed, playfully indignant.

"Oh, really. Not anymore!" Rachel jumped up, slapped Quinn lightly on her upper arm again and jumped off the bed. She turned and saw Quinn disentangle herself from the bedcover to come after her. Quickly she thrust the door open, let out a squeal as she felt Quinn's hand pull at her t-shirt – sent out a prayer that Santana was already out of the house, otherwise she would kill her because of the noise – and raced down the hall towards the kitchen.

Quinn tackled her in front of the counter and they landed in a heap of giggles and entangled limbs on the floor, soon giving in to a laughing fit, letting go all the tension that had built up inside over the past days. When they were able to breathe again, they both laid next to each other, panting, wiping their eyes dry.

Finally Quinn sat up and offered a hand to her girlfriend. Rachel grabbed it and let herself be pulled into a sitting position.

Sorry I came at you from behind, Quinn apologized when her hands were free again.

"It's ok, this time I knew you were right behind me." Rachel smiled and placed a kiss on the beautifully shaped lips in front of her. Then she felt Quinn grab her hand and place it on her flat stomach. She felt something rumble inside and laughed.

"Breakfast?"

"Breakfast!" Quinn answered, still holding Rachel's hand to pull her up on her feet.

I'll be on two business trips next week and the week after, so not sure how quickly I can update, just to let you know. But chapter 30 and 31 are already coming to life...