A/N: Hola, readers! Chapter 2 is up now! It's rather exciting – the anchovies make another appearance. And everyone's prepared to kill one another. Please read and review! Seriously, this team could do well with some advice. Anyhoo, enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't be dying of having to do 10th grade Chemistry.

Chapter 2: Death by Fork

31st October, 1976

He is staring at me. He is staring at me again, and I have had enough of it. Doesn't he have anything else to do?! UGH. Why does he care if I'm talking to my friends? Can't a girl have a conversation with her best friends in peace? Well, the best friends that forgot to wake her and whom she's mad at right now, but that does not matter! They are my best friends and I will talk to them! I don't care what that douche thinks.

"Lily? Are you listening?" said my best friend in our group of 4, Marlene.

"Yeah, yeah I am - yeah, the anchovies really are good this evening, right?"

"Yes, they are, but that's not what I was talking about. I was talking about how I wanted to put my name in the Goblet of Fire."

"You what? Are you insane? MARLENE GRACE MCKINNON YOU WILL NOT PUT YOUR NAME IN THAT POTTY HOLE AS LONG AS I AM ALIVE, YOU GET THAT?!" yes, I blew up. That happens often, though, and everyone is used to it. Everyone but the new exchange students. Yeah, you can imagine what happened. The whispering, the pointing and all the yee-haw. But who cares? I'm used to it. It happens to me all the time.

"Lily, calm down. What I do is my decision to make. I think it's a brill idea. Have you thought of what would happen if I actually got selected?"

"Um, yeah I have. You get selected, and you die. YOU DIE, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS."

"Hey Evans, could you pass me the anchovies, they're really good to-," oh God there he is. There is Sirius Black. Doesn't he notice that I'm literally steaming? Doesn't he get that my own best friend is going on a suicide mission? Honestly, no one is that thick, even when they are demolishing hamburgers.

"Shut the hell up, armpit hair. I'm trying to have a conversation here," Marlene snapped at him

You wouldn't believe it now, but they used go out. It was rather inevitable, seeing as they were neighbours, the same age and had unreasonably good looks. Marlene is the classic Barbie doll - tall, blonde and slim. One could even go ahead and say that she is the best looking girl in the school. Sirius has that incredible hair. I really have to ask him what conditioner he uses….

Though, I'm super annoyed at him right now, Sirius is still a great friend. We became quick friends in 1st year, have been ever since. Some would even go ahead and say we were best friends. We didn't have a falling out like James and I did. Anyway, Marlene and Sirius broke up in 5th year, right after the D-Day. But, usually, they are civil, today is an anomaly. Still, 'armpit hair' is a good insult. Need to add it to my vocabulary.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey, now let's not get feisty here, Marls. He was just asking for some anchovies, is all," James interrupted the quick-approaching row.

"Get lost, Potter," I snapped.

"Can't do that Evans, your aura attracts me like light attracts wasps," he said. Does he realize he just called himself a wasp?

"Do you realize you just called yourself a wasp?" Remus spoke my thoughts out loud; oh, I always had liked that guy.

"Yes, yes, but who cares? Wasps, bees, stags… same thing." Potter replied with a smirk. Sirius let out a bark of laughter. But he hadn't realized that he had been chewing on some anchovies and they came flying out. It was like slow motion, everyone became silent. Eyes widened, shrieks sounded and boom.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU." The anchovy was on Marlene's nose. Uh oh, he's in trouble. When Marlene McKinnon says she's going to kill someone, they most definitely die.

"BUT NOT BEFORE THE WIZARDING TOURNAMENT KILLS YOU, MARLENE." I screamed, hoping to distract the virago. I hope Sirius has the sense to run, he is my friend after-all, I can't just let him die.

"Oh, are you still on about that? Come on, Lily-Pad, it'll be so cool. Think of the eternal glory you would get," she said with her signature puppy dog face, full with the fluttering eyelids. It used to work until 4th year. But now, it's just weird.

"Yes, Lily. I think we should all put our names in," apparently Sirius hadn't had the sense to run; he was just hiding behind Potter and speaking from behind his shoulder.

"You know what? I don't care. I don't care at all. Go die. All of you." Fine if they don't care about themselves, why should I? So what if my parents died in a car crash and I didn't want my friends to die? I would still have my stuck up sister and that stupid empty mansion to go home to.

I sat back down on the bench. I hadn't even realized that I had gotten up. I picked up my fork and started stabbing it into my plate, hoping it would capture some of those anchovies. But no, for that to happen I have to look down. Ugh, the work one has to do. I look down and see that my plate is empty. What the hell? Can this day get any worse? What does the universe have against me? Why does it always have to be me?

"Where are my anchovies?" I said in a deathly calm voice. Everyone on the table was now looking down on their own plates, scared. Come on now, I'm not that scary! I just like my anchovies!

"I said, where are my anchovies?"

"Oh, are these yours?" Potter held up 2 of them and gave me a toothy grin. That was disgusting because there were remnants of my long-gone anchovies on his incisors. "Oops, the rest of them are down in my digestive tract right now, but you can have these 2," he said generously.

Marlene looked up with wide eyes. "You shouldn't have done that. You should not have done that. No one messes with Lily's anchovies. No one." Oh Marls, you know me so well. I'm so proud of you.

The following 2 minutes involved me running all around the Great Hall with a fork in my hand, threatening to kill Potter with it. In the end, we reached the courtyard and out of breath, Potter stopped with his hands on his knees.

"Okay, Evans. Enough with the fork threatening," the fork had found its way to his neck, it was deep enough that I could see his skin redden.

I held my hand out for my anchovies, but he didn't give them to me. Instead, the little bugger took advantage of being 6 feet tall and held to above his head. I knew if I jumped to get it, I would only be embarrassing myself in my 5' 7'' glory.

"Alright, what do you want for the anchovies?" I sighed.

"Hmm… would you really do anything for them?" I nod my head enthusiastically, smiling like a loony. "Okay then. If you want these anchovies, you will put your name in the Goblet of Fire."

My smile instantly fell. Is he crazy? He can't expect me to risk my life for 2 anchovies, can he? What a dumbass.

Apparently, he was thinking along the same lines because he then said, "With the 2 marvelous anchovies, you will also get a James Potter-free month." Okay now we were talking. That was one heck of an offer. A Potter-free month? Isn't that what I have wanted since 5th year? Yes it is. Ugh. What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?

"Alright."

Wait. Did I just say that? Did I say that because I don't think I asked my mouth to say that. That isn't supposed to happen. The mouth follows the brain and my brain did not process such a thought at all. Oh god. Oh buggering shit. Oh shiiiiit. I'm doomed. I'm dying.

Why is Potter pulling me? Why are his hands around my shoulder? Is he going to attack me now? Yeah. I think he is. Oh don't think you're smart, Potter. I know all about your weird tactics. Oh wait. He's hugging me. Why is he hugging me? WHY IS JAMES POTTER HUGGING ME? I AM GOING TO DIE. I'M DYING. THIS WILL BE THE END OF LILY ELIZABETH EVANS. BYE EVERYONE. BYE, MARLS AND ALICE AND MARY. BYE SIRIUS, REMUS AND EVEN PETER. JAMES POTTER IS GOING TO BE THE DEATH OF ME!

Hmm. It's oddly comfy here. Cozy too. Warm.

Ew. Why am I thinking that? I really am going mad. Barking mad I tell you. Oh, he's letting go. Great. Finally. That took forever. Or was it just 2 seconds? Now he's taking my hand. He has one biiiiig hand. Huge fingers. I have always wanted fingers like that, makes playing the piano easier. Oh, okay,we're moving now. Left foot, right foot, left foot.

Looks like the feast has ended. The entire Great Hall is now empty except for the two of us. Our friends have probably gone to find Potter's dead body and me hogging my precious anchovies.

We're changing directions now. Entrance Hall – I hope we're headed towards the staircases. I want to crawl into bed and cry my eyes out. Why did I agree to this again? Oh yeah. The Potter-free month. And anchovies. It is a good deal actually. I was going to die - either because of Potter or because of this sodding tournament. Dying of Potter disease would be rather embarrassing. With the tournament, I have an excuse. Let's try and convince ourselves of that, Lily. Nice going.

Great. We're stopping. Yay! And we are going towards the Goblet of Fire. Yay! And Potter is searching his robe pockets. Yay! And he is writing my name. YAYYYYY! And now he's giving it to me. And I think I'm supposed to go and put it in. YAYYYYYYY!

"There you two are. We were wondering where Lily must have gone to bury you, James." YES! THEY'VE FOUND US NOW I CAN HIDE THIS STUPID PARCHMENT!

"Evans, don't even try to get rid of the parchment. I will check your pockets before we leave," Potter said, not even turning to look at me. Man, he spends too much time looking at me - he knows me too well.

"Did not even think about it," I say with faux innocence. Potter turns and gives me a knowing look and I bite my lip to stop myself from screaming at him. He does still have those juicy little fish-lings. "Going to go put my name in now…"

"Oh, so we had a change of heart now, did we?" I turn around to see Marlene giving me a stern look.

"Potter, do you mind explaining? I'm kind of busy here." I said. I really am busy. They better get engaged in that story so that I can drop this parchment around here somewhere. The wind shall do the rest. I hope.

"Alright, I'm done, let's go. No point giving me those skeptical looks people. I've done it. Check me if you want." These people really do know me too well. Living together for 6 years does that.

"Yes, I think I will," of course it's you, Potter. Who else would it be? Okay, that's enough. Stop lingering, you fool. Thank god. I would've blasted him.

"Now for my anchovies, please." Yes, hand them to me. My hand's right here, you know. Good, he's keeping them between his index finger and thumb.

"Here goes nothing." That's all he can say? Now come on. Give me them. My palm is waiitttinnngggggg… but they don't receive the anchovies, because hungry Mr. Black snatched them and is now chewing on them like a dog would chew on bones. Gross.

"You know what? My Potter-free month is good enough. And it starts right about now. Hasta la vista, bitches." Yeah. That's the way to do it. Way to go, Evans. That was awesome. Alice, Marlene and Mary are now following me up the stairs. This is going to be the best month ever!