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Thanks for all your reviews! They helped me to get through a bit of a crisis I was having with this story.
Anyway, here is next chapter.
Chapter 30
After Quinn and Rachel had finished their breakfast, they stayed seated at the table. Their plates still stood on the table and they had lazily agreed to clean up later. Santana had indeed already left very early again for work, so Rachel was glad her squealing from earlier had not woken her up. She knew Santana could become very grumpy if disturbed in her sleep, especially if she did not have to get up early for work.
Quinn had gotten her laptop to check her e-mails and Rachel decided she would plan on what they would be cooking for dinner on the upcoming weekend. Another list she decided to start was one on Christmas presents. Even though she was Jewish, she respected the Christmas custom and celebration of her friends and now that her social net had broadened again over the past weeks, she would like to get each of them a personal gift.
While jotting down some basic ideas onto her list, Rachel thought that she would like to spend some time with Kurt again and that it would be nice to have some dinner just the two of them, without anyone else around. It was always fun being with Kurt. Besides, she had something else that hovered at the rim of her brain and she was thinking of asking him his opinion on that. So it would be great to have some quality time with her friend.
Last time they had talked or rather chatted via Skype, she had told him about what had happened with Sharon. He had been shocked, to say the least. On one hand he understood Quinn's and Santana's anger and their desire to go after Sharon, however he agreed with Rachel that it would make sense to wait and see if she really made true on her threats. And of course he had offered her all the support and help he could give her in that situation. It was so good to have friends that stood by her unconditionally, Rachel thought before she focused back on her list.
After having checked her e-mails and taken care of some online bank transfers Quinn browsed through a couple of Broadway and celebrity pages to stay on track what happened on the rumor side of the business. Though she generally tried to avoid any articles about herself. Except this morning there was one certain headline that caught her attention and her eyes were then glued to a particular article on the screen. She felt the color rise to her cheeks and it did not take three seconds for her blood pressure to reach a critical level as she digested the news.
"Oh fuck! I can't believe it. This bitch! This sneaking, lying, fucking bitch!" She shouted and smacked her hand down on the table which made Rachel jump as she felt the sudden force run through the wood up her arm. She had not paid any attention to Quinn while she was lost in her own thoughts. Looking up, Rachel instantly noticed the furious look on her face.
Cautiously she asked: "Care to tell me what's upsetting you so much?"
Quinn wordlessly turned her laptop around and showed Rachel the source of her anger. There was a little article displayed on the screen which apparently seemed to be the cause of Quinn's rage. Quickly Rachel scanned the lines.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Back from the dead?
Quinn Fabray spotted with long lost Rachel Berry
"Ever wonder what happened to the rising star and exceptional talent Rachel Berry?
She had disappeared from the surface of the earth for a while acouple of months ago.
Now it seems that she is ready to come back! She was seen in public for the first time
since March with Bohemians' star Quinn Fabray after the show Saturday evening.
Rumors have it Ms. Berry had been convalescing from the consequences
of a car accident, which could explain her absence from the Broadway stages.
Injuries were supposed to have affected her hearing, but judging from
the pictures below, this does not seem to be the case. However, according to
our source, an official 'public appearance' is to be expected soon.
This leaving much room for interpretation, we hope it means we can see Ms. Berry
life on stage again soon.
Well Ms. Berry, we are very much looking forward to seeing – and hearing you!"
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Aditionally there were two pictures of Quinn and Rachel leaving the theater after the show. Rachel was obviously talking to Quinn in one picture and the next showed them holding hands as they walked towards the subway station.
"Oh no," Rachel whispered. "Now they connected you with me. I am sorry Quinn; I never wanted that to happen! Not until the whole situation with Sharon was resolved. I did not want to drag you into it."
What? Quinn was confused. That is all you care about? Whatever the tabloids will make of it, I am proud to be your girlfriend. I worry about what is written below the first picture more. Have you read that at all?
Rachel shook her head and dropped her eyes to the text.
Under the first picture stood:
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray seem to be animatedly chatting about the evening's
performance of the blond actress. Apparently Ms. Berry has many words of praise.
Did listening to her colleague sing revive her own stage spirits again?
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
While the second one was subtitled with:
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Or was I a pure social call to a friend? Though we are asking ourselves if there seems
to be some love in the air that caused the two Broadway singers to link their hands
in this boldly fashion?
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Before Rachel could react to it, Quinn had taken up her string of curse words.
"I'm gonna kill that worm! This fucking bitch exposed you without even standing on the frontline herself!" The blonde was so angry that she could not stay silent. Her hands slapped against each other in angry movements as she spoke.
Rachel just shrugged. "I know that we did not talk about your show until much later in the evening. I can't even remember what we talked about when we left the theater… oh, right, I told you about Tom. Anyway," she waved a dismissive hand towards the screen, "I don't have to react to that. That's something that I have learned very early in my career. It's best to not get hung up on what the papers write. It will only make you unhappy, no matter what they write. Either you get hungry and addicted for more, or you get absolutely devastated and depressed, neither of which is good. So for my part, I have chose not to read anything that's written about me. Besides, I wouldn't have had time to do anything else if I wanted to correct or comment on every tidbit that was published."
Quinn wondered how her girlfriend could stay so calm at this outragous article.
"But Rachel, this is different! This is a deliberate attempt to ruin your reputation by trying to prove that you are not deaf. Why do you think they have particularly posted this first picture with that capture? This is not just some random rambling. I think that this is Sharon's doing." Quinn spoke out loud while signing.
"How do you know that? How do you know for sure that Sharon is behind it? Do you have any proof? Besides, I was talking to you when we left the building, just don't know why she would want to prove that I'm not deaf. There is nothing to prove."
"Come on, Rachel, this is clearly her style! Who do you think is the trustful source they mention? And where did they get the fact about the accident and your injuries? You said only Sharon and your personal assistant and lawyers knew about it. Besides, the longer Sharon keeps pounding this rumor of your faking into people's heads, the harder it will become to prove the opposite, as absurd as it may seem." Quinn raked her hands through her hair after she had relayed all her words with her hands.
"So what am I supposed to do? Throw myself in front of a truck and tell people afterwards that I did not hear it coming? Should I start slurring my speech or stop talking all together? What? This is just sick. Looking at it, I can only lose, and I will not – and I keep on repeating it – I will not lower myself to that level. I have nothing to prove. Just talking about this whole topic is offensive enough already!"
Now Rachel smacked down her hand in anger and noticed how Quinn slightly reclined in her chair. It was an unconscious movement but it showed Rachel that she apparently had been throwing her words out a bit loudly and vehemently, though they were not directly targeted at Quinn, she rather wanted to vent her anger about the whole situation in general.
The brunette took a deep breath to calm down, reminding herself that Quinn did not deserve to be the target of her anger. The blonde watched Rachel with her brows furrowed and a slightly hurt expression.
"I'm sorry Quinn. I am sorry I shouted at you. I am not angry with you, believe me. This whole fucking situation makes me so furious that I cannot describe it! I am looking at the ruins of my life and Sharon – if she really is behind this - has nothing better to do than to turn this into a big game."
Quinn's expression softened a bit.
I think she wants to pressure you into either confessing yourso called "prank" – Quinn drew the quotation marks into the air – "or to admit openly and publicly how compromised you really are from the consequences of the accident.
"Yeah, however, I think the latter does not seem to have crossed her mind yet. But I'll have to talk to my lawyers, because you are right, there are not many people who knew about the extent of my injuries."
Rachel let her eyes roam across the room before settling on Quinn's face. Slowly it seemed to sink in what the whole situation did to her. She tried to soften her voice a bit.
"This is all so very personal. I am just starting to get my bearings again, finally being able to at least try to focus on what I want to to with my life and it makes me so angry to have all control taken out of my hand. Getting control over my life, learning to live with my limitations is just difficult enough. To have someone step so close into my personal space, pushing me, forcing me to react just makes me so mad!" Rachel pressed her hands against her temples. "I have had to give up enough of my freedom already and now it feels like I have also been robbed of the freedom to decide how to deal with my disability and when and whom to tell."
Quinn watched her girlfriend closely. She had not counted on Rachel getting so worked up on the article. She had expected for her to rather dismiss it, judging from her former rational and cool reactions, but apparently Rachel seemed to have realized now how this whole story undermined her personal space. Rachel's words gave Quinn also more insight on what impact losing her sense of hearing had on aspects other than communication.
She noticed that there was still something working in Rachel's mind and decided to give her some more room before saying anything.
Rachel was silently listening to the echo of her own words. She had to admit, the pictures could be a coincidence, but the whole thing definitely pointed at one direction, just as Quinn had stated earlier. And only now it had become clear to her how compromising this whole thing Sharon had started was for her.
She let out a long breath.
Fine.
If Sharon wanted to start a game, Rachel would not abide to its rules, whatever they were. She swiped her hands over her face and brushed her hair back.
"Alright." She thrust her shoulders back. "Let's assume this comes from Sharon…"
Quinn was relieved to hear this statement from her girlfriend.
Good! I have an idea… she was interrupted by Rachel stilling her hands with her own.
"Quinn, we won't kill her, maim her, hurt her – at least not physically - or actively ruin her," she instructed with a slight smile.
Quinn looked at Rachel for a moment. Why not? She then asked sullenly.
Rachel got up and squeezed herself onto Quinn's lap. The blonde managed to scoot back a little so they would not be squashed between the chair and the table.
The brunette placed a hand on Quinn's cheek. Looking at her and touching her always helped to calm Rachel, to pull her back to reality and to bring her back to her senses. Now that her anger had somewhat dissipated, she could form some clear thoughts again and decide about how she wanted to deal with this.
"I appreciate your fierce protectiveness, darling," and she placed a kiss on her girlfriend's lips. "But I never ever want to stoop so low to be on the same level as her, wrongly accusing people of something they didn't do. You, me, we are much better than that. I can understand your desire to lash out and hurt her and I believe it would be immensely satisfying for a short while."
She paused for a moment, imagining that in her own head.
"Yes, it most definitely would be immensely satisfying," she sighed and looked over Quinns shoulder, then focused back on her. "But only for an instant, before having to face the consequences. And I think that would just make everything worse. As hard as it might be for you – and Santana, because I assume she is with you on the same page – I refuse to be bullied and forced into action." She pressed her lips together, then exhaled slowly.
"I know that I am not pretending, so do you and other people who are important to me. If she thinks otherwise, it is her problem. Not mine, not yours. At least, as long as she does not try to destroy your career in the process. Because then it will become my problem as well."
Quinn leaned back a little so she could sign.
But don't you see, Rachel that is exactly how I feel. She is trying to hurt you and I love you and want to protect you. Why can't you let me do that? How would you feel if I forbade you to do anything against her if she tried to ruin me?
Rachel had to reflect about that. Quinn had a point. "True, I'd feel the same." And she placed a gentle kiss on her girlfriend's soft lips before continuing.
"Though in this case I still think that our tactic should not be to openly confront her, but to passively show how wrong she is. This way, she will outmaneuver herself. This is the more intelligent and less harmful way for us. Even though it might take longer and needs more patience and endurance."
Quinn sighed. So what do you propose?
"Since I'm in the focus of the public eye already, I might as well go for it. There are a couple of restaurants and bars where a lot of people from the business hang out. Well, I don't need to tell you, you know them. Maybe … we should go out and have some dinner there." She shortly looked at her hands, then back up at the hazel eyes. "It will soon be pretty obvious to what extent I was injured and how it influenced my life, I guess," she continued a little glumly. "Then it's up to the people to decide what they want to think."
Quinn looked at her for a moment. Is that what you really want? Are you ready for that?
Rachel shrugged. "I don't know if I'll ever be ready. I guess I have to face it sometime, especially if I should chose to stick to my crazy notion of still wanting to act. So I guess … now is as good as ever. Let's take it from there." She swallowed, somehow not sure if she could really live up to her brave words.
Ok, if you want to do it, I'll support you, whatever your decision will be. But what I don't get is why she is so intent on hurting you, Rachel. What is it that drives that woman? And why doesn't she just try to find out about your condition as much as possible before publicly maiming you? Isn't she one bit afraid that this might be real?
The brunette got up from her girlfriend's lap and started pacing, thinking about her former manager, trying to pull everything she knew about her character into account before forming an answer.
"You know, Quinn, I think she is personally hurt, because she still thinks I'm lying. She wonders why I wouldn't honestly talk to her, but start acting up like that. Sharon is a woman who does not tolerate her clients doing things behind her back and is personally offended that I might think I could pull it off without her acting on it. Even though we have officially and legally canceled my contracts with her, she is afraid to lose me to the competition." Rachel stopped at the table and leaned her hip against it, facing her girlfriend.
"If I ever came back on stage as a singer, I would have to revoke my contracts with her. The cancelation was only based on my medical condition. So if I would get my hearing back, I would have to go back to her for the rest of the run time of my original contracts, which is still one and a half years. That is all she wants. So now, if she would tolerate my - in her eyes faking - what would other clients and potential competitors think? She would lose her reputation and maybe even clients who appreciate her tough demeanor so far. On a professional level, she has to act on it or react to it as soon as I make a public appearance."
But even though, she cannot expect you to hide out forever, even if your injuries are true. Still, if she is such a clever business woman, why not ask you for the medical records?
"She has seen them, at least the early ones. It was necessary so she would sign the release. But I am not going to show her anything else beyond that. As I said before, if she does not want to believe me, it is her problem."
And what if someone would want to hire you now, say, as an actress? Wouldn't you have to go back to her then either?
Rachel slowly shook her head. "No. The release was signed on the basis of my injuries. They still exist. I still can't hear. From a medical and legal point of view I would not have to go back."
Maybe that is also a reason, why she is trying to ruin you either way. So nobody will want to hire you, no matter if you are healed or not, Quinn signed.
Then she smiled broadly and added:
Because she knows that you are still a great talent, no matter what!
Quinn stretched out her hand and pulled Rachel back onto her lap and planted a passionate kiss on the full lips of her girlfriend that also curved up in a little smile.
"Charmer!"
Still, I would just like to plant my fist into her face, Quinn then stated flatly. Somehow that would feel so satisfying right now, she then sighed.
Rachel chuckled at Quinn's expression. "I know. But don't you see? If we manage that people understand that I am right and she is wrong, without me ever actively blaming her, it will be the best revenge we can get! Wait." With a start she paused a second. "Did I just say that? God, I already start thinking like her! I am not actually thinking about revenge. I'm usually a very forgiving person."
Guess even your sense of forgivenenss eventually dries up, Quinn quipped.
Rachel shook her head. "Anyway, think about it. If we don't actively counteract whatever she does, but show that none of what she accuses me of is true, she'll hopefully lose some credibility."
Quinn looked a little disappointed and confused. She would much rather have taken Sharon head on with a little physical bashing and thrashing instead of acting cleverly and patiently, even though she saw Rachel's point. If just acting on impulse, she would be seen as the one that played foully and not Sharon in the end. Sharon could lose her trustworthiness and her own reputation if they got it right.
The more she thought about it, the more she started to like the idea of cleverly "playing" against Rachel's former manager.
Fine, I get it. You are right, Quinn finally conceded. Sharon will look like a fool, the more she insists on her ridiculous story. The hard part will be to not react to anything that she might throw into your path directly, though.
"Yes, but I think that is the only chance I have. Any other direct confrontation will only fuel her fire and with her connections, I am afraid she would win in the end." Rachel let this possibilities swirl through her head.
No. That would not do. She would not let her last bit of dignity be taken away be this woman.
Then something else came to her mind.
"Do you think we can convince Santana that she also keeps her tongue tied? That she will not go off by herself and try her own little scheme against Sharon?"
Quinn tilted her head from left to right, mulling over Rachel's words. I don't know. We will have to explain to her why we think it best to do it our way – your way. Even though she pulled a great number to get Kurt re-instated into school, by bribing Karofsky all those years ago… But, no I think if we make her aware of all the consequences any harsh action might have, she'll comply.
... ... ...
"The hell I will!" Santana almost leaped off the sofa when Quinn and Rachel told her about the article that had been published in the internet and that they wanted her to stay quiet for now. She had come back around noon for a longer lunch break until she had to meet her next client in the afternoon.
The Latina looked from one woman to the other furiously. "Tell me you don't mean that! Tell me you have a plan to bring that woman down! You're not gonna just sit there and let her do this with you! And neither will I." She looked at her former Cheerios captain. "Quinn, tell me you are not leaning back on that one."
Santana had been talking so fast that it was difficult for Quinn to keep up with the signing. Rachel's look darted between her girlfriend's hands and Santana's lips back and forth, not getting every word the Latina was saying, despite Quinn's signing. She tried to piece together most of it and the anger Santana was transmitting through every pore of her body was almost palatable.
"Santana, please, let me explain. It's not like I am not going to do nothing. I will do something. But it will not be a direct confrontation, neither will I talk to the press nor will I ever openly accuse Sharon or try to make her look bad. The only way I can win this game is by proving that I am not faking anything. Even though that means I have to let people know about it sooner or later in one way or another. At one point, hopefully people will realize that I did not make this up." Then she added very quietly: "Even if I wish I did."
Santana let out a long breath. "So you think that will do it? Just show your face and nothing else?" It would take a lot more than that to convince the Latina. "Besides, why do you keep on saying 'I', Berry? It's not just you. We are in this together, remember?"
Despite the tense situation, Rachel had to smile. "Fine. We."
"Still I don't get why you want to be so passive about this whole thing," the Latina insisted.
This time Quinn tried to explain, her hands following her words. This was going to be a little difficult, she still had to concentrate quite a bit while signing and speaking at the same time, especially if she was saying more than a few sentences. Sometimes it still happened that she would confuse the signs and Rachel would have to ask her to repeat a word or a sentence, if she did not catch it in parallel by reading her lips. So Quinn had learned to pause in between some sentences, when she was doing both in parallel. That helped her to relax for a short moment and concentrate anew. Despite the few stumbles, she had become quite adapt at signing.
"Santana, I know you'd like to get your hands on this woman's dirty little throat. But honestly, even though it took Rachel some convincing to do, I realized that this would only make things worse for Rachel. Sharon has already accused her of simulating her deafness. If we try to hurt her openly now, she will only turn this against us. She'll play the card that Rachel Berry is already pretending her deafness and now tries to plan some other nasty scheme to fool the public. just to get some more attention. This way, Sharon will be the poor victim."
Quinn paused for a moment to collect herself before continuing with her explanation.
"She is actually using Rachel as the perfect bait to play her own little game. So Rachel may never – never ever take that bait. She needs to stay clear of that even though it might cost a lot of nerves and patience." She looked intently at her friend. "I know this is hard and I had the same intial reaction. I just wanted to get up and bash her face in. But the more we talked about it and the more I thought about it, I understood that only this way we have a chance of everyone else recognizing that not Sharon, but actually Rachel is the victim here in this whole sick game."
Rachel rolled her eyes. She did not want to be a victim. Even though she understood what Quinn was saying and how she meant it.
There was a moment of silence in which Rachel and Quinn exchanged a short look in the hopes that Santana's thirst for revenge had been quenched a bit and that she would understand their actions.
"Fine," she finally sighed, using the exact same words like Quinn before. "I get it." The Latina directed her black eyes at Rachel. "Let's see what happens. If nothing will change and this fucking lying snake of a woman keeps on harassing you, I will get my hands on her, like it or not. Imma gonna unlock that old Lima Heights badass girl that is still slumbering inside me and Imma gonna kick some ass!"
Despite the earnestness of the situation Quinn had to laugh at the last concession and even Rachel had to smile when her girlfriend accurately finger-spelled the Latina's Lima Heights speak. She knew it was not easy to bring such nuances across in ASL, so she was even more grateful that Quinn paid such close attention to it and wanted her to get the full context. In an impulse she grabbed Quinn's right hand and placed a soft kiss on the fingertips.
"So what's the plan?" Santana looked from Quinn to Rachel.
"We'll go out to dinner." Quinn stated, then looked at Rachel with a questioning expression, to get her approval.
Rachel nodded slowly. She could do this. She could go out and enjoy a dinner with her friends. After all, she had managed to watch an entire musical without hearing as much as one single note, so she surely could master a simple dinner at a restaurant.
Quinn seemed to catch onto her insecurity and encouragingly squeezed her hand, trying to tell her through that gesture and a smile that she would be alright, that everything would go well. Rachel nodded again and smiled bravely.
They decided to check if Kurt was also available to join them. Quinn would later call their favorite restaurant in order to reserve a table for the next evening, which was a Wednesday. Santana was free and Quinn also did not have to perform. So at least the three of them were already settled. Now they only had to get Kurt to join them.
Rachel thought that if he agreed, her wish to see him would have come true quicker than she had thought. Even though the circumstances per se were not as perfect, she would still enjoy his support and company.
The planning for the rest of the Tuesday afternoon was simple. Quinn had to get ready for an evening show a little later. They agreed that Rachel would then drive home to her apartment, meeting her girlfriend there after she finished her performance.
... ... ...
When Rachel was home, she threw her purse and other stuff on the couch and logged on to her computer, checking her e-mails.
She had received two messages that surprised her. Well, actually one that really surprised her, the other one was a regular reminder that there was still one person in her life who should know what really happened – instead of the superficial 'I'm fine, just busy' stuff she always sent as an answer back to the inquiries.
Focusing on the first e-mail, she curiously opened the message and scanned the text.
Hi Rachel,
You might be a bit surprised to see this message coming from me. I finally found the courage to write to you, so please forgive me, if I have been treating you not very nicely and have not been understanding in the past.
Kurt told me what happened with your former manager and I just wanted to let you know that I am really sorry that she acted like that.
I had some contact with her when I heard about the engagement here in New York and even though she seemed to have a high success rate in getting her clients placed into the big shows, I personally did not like her bossy demeanor. But I guess everyone has different ways of dealing with different characters, so I am glad she did a great job for you, at least, until you had your accident.
Rachel, I really want to aplogize that I acted so strangely around you. I just did not know how to deal with it. Becoming deaf is something that has always scared me a lot and now having seen it happen to someone I know, someone who loved performing and music just as much as I do, just shocked me too much. I did not want to deal with it. I flat out tried to ignore the whole thing, even though Kurt sat me down several times to talk some sense into me.
It's just an irrational fear that I have had since my childhood and it's gotten worse since I am now really staying on the stage almost every night, performing and singing. I have no idea how to get rid of this fear, but I know that seeing you having to live without your hearing, having to give up singing and the whole life you built around it, just freaked me out.
After the dinner at Quinn's place I selfishly imagined me in your place and then I really lost it. I think Kurt was close to calling the paramedics to get me sedated. You might probably wonder how I could throw such a fit over something that has not even happened to me in real life, while you have to go through with it every day.
Honestly I can't say how I will react next time we'll see each other. I don't like myself this way. Don't know if it is too much to ask to be a patient with me.
I am not sure if you can ever understand me and my irrational reaction, but the least I could to was try to explain, so you would you know why I was such a jerk.
Blaine
Rachel sat a little stunned in front of the screen. After his surprisingly honest explanation she could understand a bit where Blaine was coming from, but this fear about losing her voice or becoming deaf had luckily never grown inside her while she was still performing. Yes, she had provided for it, insuring her voice and her hearing should anything ever happen. In retrospect it had been a good choice, since the payments now provided her with enough money to not having to worry about her living arrangements for the next years. But she had never dwelled on the likelihood of something happening to her like Blaine did. Living with such a constant fear could be really consuming.
She placed her hands on the keyboard and started typing her reply.
Hi Blaine,
Your e-mail surprised me. Of course I noticed that you had some kind of problem with me, but I just could not figure out why or what it was. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.
Thank you for being honest with me now. At least now I understand what made you act like this around me last time we saw each other. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.
I do hope that we will see each other again sometime and I promise to be patient, if you promise me to stay honest and open with me. Should you feel more comfortable writing, then that is also fine with me and don't hesitate to ask me any questions you might have. It really helped that Quinn and Santana discussed a lot of things with me regarding my deafness and I am glad they were never shy to ask. So whenever you feel ready to talk, I'll try to answer your questions as best as I can.
It is easier for me if people confront me directly instead of beating around the bush or pretending that everything is all right. So I really appreciated your explanation.
I hope that you'll manage to conquer your fear one day - or that you at least manage to accept it and not let it make you miss out on the happiness. Sometimes, fear can overshadow everything and make you blind for the good things you have.
I really hope that every time you stand on stage you enjoy it instead of fearing that you could lose it all.
I send you a hug (and one for Kurt)
Rachel
P.S.: What are the odds of one of our group of friends having to suffer the exact same fate like me? I'd say zero to none. So if you believe in statistics, I guess you are safe. :-).
Just kidding. I do take your words seriously, so whenever you feel like talking, e-mailing, texting, please do.
Thinking of deleting the sentences under the PS Rachel then decided against it. Hopefully Blaine would see it as it was meant. A little encouragement and sign that she was not offended.
Clicking on send, she then read the second e-mail.
This one was from Shelby.
Rachel and her birth mother had stayed in loose contact over the years, writing each other e-mails, letters, and meeting at Christmas in Lima for a short personal catch-up. Very few times they also had met in New York when Shelby was in the city.
Over the past months however, Rachel had only sent very short answers back to her mother whenever she had written, not finding the courage to tell her what had happened. When Shelby heard that Rachel had relinquished her role in Funny Girl, she had of course tried to find out why, especially since she had not received the news from Rachel herself, but from another source. But neither Rachel nor her dads had explained something concrete, which was immensely frustrating for Shelby.
Rachel had just told her that she needed some time off due to immense pressure. So basically the same stuff her assistant had told the press and Shelby was non the wiser, except that she felt that there was more going on and wanted to know the details. She knew about pressure such a job brought, and had hoped to support Rachel in any way.
Several times she was short of just showing up in front of Rachel's apartment to find out what was really going on, but then figured, if Rachel wanted to talk about it, she would do it and since she still answered her e-mails, it was at least something, however superficial and short her replies were.
Now, in the most recent e-mail, Shelby had invited her for their traditional Christmas dinner again, just like the years before. Only this time she asked if it was all right to have the dinner together with Quinn, not yet knowing that Rachel and her were a couple. She had planned a ski vacation with Beth and wanted to know, if it was ok to meet both girls on the same evening, figuring that they had stayed in contact over the years.
Rachel had not told Shelby about the break up of her and Quinn's friendship. She had not even talked much about it with her dads, it had just hurt too much. However it made the holiday planning a bit easier now, it seemed. At least for Shelby.
Rachel knew that Quinn also stayed in contact with Shelby because of Beth. So whenever Quinn traveled back to Lima, she would also spend some time with her daughter. Apparently she had not mentioned anything about the status of their friendship either.
Rachel sighed. There was a quite some explaining to do to bring Shelby up to date with everything. But first of all she wanted to ask Quinn if she had received the same invitation from Shelby and how to deal with this. So she decided to put answering her off antoher day, or at least until she had discussed this with Quinn. Basically there stood nothing against having dinner the four of them together.
It was just the question of how to break the news to Shelby of what was really going on in their lives.
Rachel blew a strand of hair out of her face. Then she pushed the laptop away and got up. She would worry about this a little later.
Now she preferred to think about her girlfriend and what to prepare for a light late dinner so they could enjoy the meal together. Thinking back how worried she was the first time she and Quinn were supposed to have dinner, because she thought of herself to be such a lousy cook, she now started to enjoy preparing food for her girlfriend and herself. It really made a difference if you just cooked for yourself or if you had someone to enjoy the food with and so far Quinn had liked and complimented her on the dishes she had created.
Smiling Rachel opened the fridge to take stock of her inventory. Finding she had everything she needed, she decided to jumpt into the shower. Slowly slipping out of her clothes, she then stepped under the hot water that rained down on her. Feeling the warm drops hit her skin, she tilted her head upwards, imagining the sound the rushing of the water made when it came out of the showerhead and how it splashed onto her skin and the tiles around her.
Thinking of how she would serve the finger food she had planned to prepare and how she would feed Quinn with it, Rachel started to hum a little melody without noticing it.
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I will be on another business trip next week, so again I apologize upfront for the longer wait... We'll have a little more action then, though I had the feeling I needed to clarify a couple of things here in regards to Sharon and why Rachel wanted to deal with it the way she does...