Just came back from my business trips ready for an update! Here it comes!

I don't own Glee (yeah, nothing has changed here…)

redroseangle, gllover22, w1cked: Thanks for your feedback on Rachel's plan that she shouldn't sink to Sharon's level!

summer1234: Again so many 'thank yous' for the great exchange we have. Your insight is helping lot!

JPElles, gllover22: Just had some thoughts on the Shelby part and I am so looking forward to writing it!

Sole: Thank you for your patient feedback and sharing of thoughts about ADITW and Glee!

Nicole Craft, I owe you big big thanks for sticking with me as my beta-reader for so many chapters now!

Thank you all for all the other reviews and for following and 'favoriting' my story!

Ok, on with it:

Chapter 31

The afternoon on Wednesday, Rachel stood in front of her wardrobe desperately trying to find something to wear. Every outfit she had picked out so far was discarded again for whatever reason. Quinn, Santana and she would go out for dinner tonight, meeting Kurt at the restaurant too.

Wednesdays, and for some plays Monday, was usually a day that brought a lull in the ticket sales, as many people were either still satiated from the weekend's cultural program or were looking forward to their plans in the upcoming end of the week. Therefore, many plays decided to keep the theaters closed on one of those two days. Unfortunately, Quinn's play would be on, but it was her co-star's turn for this particular night.

Quinn had called Kurt and had shortly explained the situation. Rachel had been ok with Quinn making the call as it was quicker than sending text messages back and forth.

Not that Kurt had been surprised about the whole situation; he had read the article about Rachel as well and was familiar with what had happened between her and Sharon. Rachel had told him via e-mail some days ago when she needed another person's opinion on how to react under the circumstances. Kurt had also thought it best not to do anything rash but to wait and see how things developed.

Seeing the article though, he was also convinced that it must have been Sharon's doing and when Quinn asked him if he was free to join their dinner and lend Rachel some moral support, he did not hesitate.

As Rachel sifted through her closet, she doubted more and more on the sense of their "plan". There was nothing wrong per se going out to dinner with friends, but the real reason behind it just seemed so surreal. As if she was a character in a badly written movie plot; only this time she was not portraying another person but was representing herself, which made her even more nervous.

Her social anxiety had not diminished much, it was still an act of sheer willpower to go out and be confronted with the hearing world. A world she once had belonged to but had to view from the sidelines now. Also, it was another challenge to meet people from her former trade, some of them still sent her messages and asked what happened and how she was. They might not necessarily run into some of those old colleagues tonight, but they might. It was not something Rachel was looking forward to. One by one in a controlled surrounding would have been ok, but not knowing exactly what was awaiting her gave her the jitters.

But in order to take the wind out of Sharon's sail, she only had two choices. Stay away from all social life, from everything that had meant so much for her, which then as a consequence meant not being a support for Quinn in her career. Or she could swallow her fear, find her courage to step out and let people know what happened. What really happened and not what Sharon Basont wanted them to think.

While turning this over and over in her head, she finally asked herself if she really had to do it. If the only thing Sharon was afraid of was that Rachel would look for another manager and would only try to keep the cancelation of her contract with this tale of an injury upright, would her fears not be stilled by the pure fact that Rachel did not show up in public anymore? Not now and not in the near future?

Then again, she wanted to be there for her girlfriend, she wanted to show her that despite her current condition, she would always encourage her in her career and lend her moral support.

It all sounded so easy, but it would actually mean for her to visit concerts, shows and maybe even award shows with her – if Quinn wanted to be accompanied by her. If so, this would inevitably bring her back in touch with her former world. So the earlier she started getting used to it, the easier it would be when she needed to support Quinn, Sharon Basont and her fucking reasons be damned.

Rachel sat on her bed. Another thing was that if she really wanted to consider the crazy idea of taking up acting again, she would have to start showing her face and refresh the contacts she still had.

A part of her really wanted to be out there again. It felt like a small piece of the old Rachel was slowly finding its way back into her life. She wanted to know what was going on in the business, she actually wanted to meet some of her former colleagues that still tried to get in touch with her and she did not want to hide for the rest of her life.

And that part of her wanted to also start enjoying the small things in life that had been so natural to her once again. But there was this huge obstacle that put the whole world on mute and made it so difficult just walking up to somebody, saying hello, asking how he or she has been. Or walking into a bar or a restaurant or a coffee shop, ordering her most favorite drink with all the little extras knowing that there would come a million questions with it from the service guy without wondering how to understand him.

She sighed.

God why was life now so complicated that she had to think and pre-plan just a simple dinner with friends? It all sounded so logical and easy when speaking about it, but actually going through it now, she felt her knees go weak.

Maybe she should just forget about everything else and only focus on having a nice evening with her friends at a nice restaurant.

Take the pressure off.

Well, she had to be patient, she guessed. One step at a time seemed to have become her constant motto. She would find ways to deal with all these situations. It would cost time and experience and it would need courage to actually go out and actively seek out these situations, but only then would she be able to work out ways to deal with them. She was sure that it would be easier with time. Rachel just wished she already had the wealth of experiences only months and years to come would bring.

For now, she had to concentrate on the present and try to get her nerves under control.

Rachel looked at the clothes in her hands that she had pulled out of the closet without paying attention to them. On a second look, they seem ok for the purpose.

Breathing deeply a few times, she then stood up and looked at the dark grey slacks and the black blouse. Then she chose a pair of black high heels to complete the outfit. As an accessory she selected a long, silver necklace with a small silver pendant shaped like an angel's wing. It had been a gift from her dads just before her first big Broadway audition some years ago. It came with the words:

May you always have a breadth of air beneath your wings!

She could definitely need some uplift now. It was always comforting to feel the small weight of the pendant just below her breast bone.

Quickly, Rachel brushed her hair and decided to leave it cascading down her back, not bothering to straighten the natural soft waves. With a look at the clock on the nightstand, she decided she might as well get dressed now. She would meet Quinn and Santana at their apartment and take a cab to the restaurant from there.

As for the evening's "protocol", they had decided that she should just do as she felt most comfortable with in regards to using sign language; Kurt and Quinn would support her without question. Remembering how well it had worked during the first dinner they had at Quinn's place, Rachel was confident that she did not need to worry in that regard. This time, it was just the four of them, so it would be easier to follow who was saying what.

As the remnants of their last subway experience still lingered in her bones, Rachel decided to take a cab to Quinn's place. She was lucky as a yellow car drove up the road and picked her up just as she stepped out of her apartment building. She quickly gave Quinn's address to the driver and let herself be ferried across town. Fifteen minutes later, they stopped in front of her destination. She quickly paid and stepped out. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the cab pull away from the curb and quickly stop again.

That was weird.

Turning, she saw the driver reach behind his seat and then get out again. That moment it dawned on her.

Shit. How could she be so nervous to forget half her stuff in the cab?

The guy quickly walked over, handed her the small Dakine travel bag with a smile and the comment "You forgot this". Rachel sighed with relief and smiled back at him.

"Thanks, don't know where I have my head," she answered and lifted her hand in a quick gesture of thanks and goodbye.

They had decided to stay at Quinn's place after the dinner earlier, so she had packed some stuff for the night and fresh clothes for the next day.

Opening the apartment with her key, she found neither girl present in the kitchen or living room, so she quickly made her presence known by ringing the bell before she entered. Santana poked her head out of her room with a phone to her ear, acknowledged Rachel's presence with a nod and pointed at the bathroom to tell her where Quinn was.

Rachel dropped her bag in the bedroom and debated whether to help her lady to get ready. Or, well, distract her from it. With a smug smile, she sauntered over to the bathroom door when Santana came out of her room on her way to the kitchen. Rachel called after her.

"Santana, do you hear what she is doing? I don't want to scare her if she doesn't hear me knock," she asked the Latina. Santana listened for a moment then pointed at her ear and shook her head, wanting to say that she did not hear anything.

Apparently, Quinn was neither under the shower nor drying her hair so Rachel took the chance to knock and a second later a blonde head looked around the half opened door in answer. Quinn's face was quickly illuminated with a huge smile at seeing who was standing in front of her and she unceremoniously pulled Rachel inside, right against her own lips.

The brunette laughed against her girlfriend's mouth. "What a nice welcome! Did you miss me?"

Quinn nodded and mouth "very", before claiming Rachel's full lips again, savoring their softness and taste.

With a satisfied sigh, she then let go and held the other woman at arm's length to let her eyes wander over her body appreciatively.

You look very sexy, darling. I never thought I'd like you in pants as much as in skirts, but the way they cling to your hips and accentuate your nice little butt, damn, I like it! Quinn complimented her girlfriend with her hands.

Rachel blushed from the praise.

"Thanks. I like your towel-wrap outfit as well. I'd recommend some shoes though before going out," she then teased Quinn's half naked state, only hidden by a huge bath towel the blonde had draped around herself after coming out of the shower.

Quinn wanted to give a smart retort but was disturbed by a loud knock on the door. At least that was what Rachel figured it was, since the blonde looked up and then moved her mouth in what seemed like an answer to Santana outside. She raised a questioning eyebrow and waited for Quinn to explain.

The blond rolled her eyes. S is afraid we'll make out in the bathroom and she'll have no time to get ready. I told her to get lost and that we could have hot sex wherever we wanted, she then grinned.

"Is she still out there?" Rachel asked in a low voice.

Quinn nodded. Yeah, she's gonna camp in front of the door until we come out, that's what she said. Don't know if that is supposed to scare us or what.

Rachel let a mischievous grin appear on her face, pressed herself against Quinn's body, turned her in the process and walked her two steps backwards until the blonde leaned her back against the door. Then Rachel pressed herself harder against her taller girlfriend.

"Oh Quinn! Ah, yes, please!" Rachel moaned and banged her hand against the door for emphasis.

Quinn had to bite her lip. Part of her felt like laughing at Rachel's antics, while another part of her was getting very much aroused. And it didn't help that she only had a towel concealing very little of her body and that she had a full view down Rachel's neckline, ogling the swell of her breasts just above the lace of her bra.

When they felt a hard rap at the door coming from outside, both women could not hold in their laughter any longer. Giggling, they opened the door and rushed past a slightly fuming Latina towards the bedroom.

Still giggling they fell on the bed.

"Did she say anything?" Rachel wanted to know.

Yes. She said fuck you, too.

"Who me, or you?" Rachel retorted smartly.

Quinn shoved her. Then joined the banter. I guess she meant you, she already had me some years ago, she grinned.

Rachel snickered. "True. Think she'll ever forgive us?"

I guess we'll have to live that one down for a while, Quinn grinned.

"I am sure she'll find a way to retaliate. Oh, did she tell you how did her date with Jenna was?" Rachel then remembered to ask.

It wasn't a date. At least that was what Santana insisted on, Quinn answered with her hands, laying on her back on the bed, her towel barely concealing her best parts.

"Yeah, right. With that spark shooting off between them? Come on!" Rachel did not buy it.

I know. I kept insisting that it was a date. Anyway, they had planned a nice dinner, then they wanted go to another bar and, um, I think it was around two in the morning when I hear her come back. So I'd say they probably had a nice evening.

"Hm, sounds like it. Gotta ask her about it. You haven't talked to her?" Quinn shook her head. "I'll ask her. I want to know everything about that date."

Yeah, me too! Ok, I've got to get dressed, as much as you like my current outfit, but I wouldn't want to be kicked out by the next best waiter.

When Quinn stood up from the bed, Rachel tugged at the hem of the towel until it came loose and revealed a gloriously naked athletic body.

"Not sure they would be able to kick you out if they saw this," she murmured while she stretched a bit and pressed her lips on the soft skin of her girlfriend's stomach.

Quinn hummed at the touch, leaning into her girlfriend who was still seated in front of her, having her face then just at the perfect height to meet the juncture of her legs. Never letting an opportunity to go to waste, Rachel was quick to place soft kisses at the alluring sight in front of her.

"Guys, get dressed already. We have to get going in twenty!" Quinn then heard Santana holler across the hallway.

"Shoot!"

Rachel looked up. "What?"

Santana just called, I completely forget the time when I am with you. We have to leave in twenty minutes!

"Oh, then hurry!" And she gave her girlfriend a light slap on her bottom half.

…. ... ...

Thirty minutes later, they piled into a cab and rode the fifteen blocks to the restaurant where they met Kurt.

He was already waiting in front, rubbing his hands together and stepping from one foot to the other.

"What took you guys so long? I am freezing my nice little butt off," he exclaimed in greeting while signing with his black-gloved hands.

He wore a dark gray coat with a black collar and a white scarf wrapped around his neck and the ends tugged neatly inside the coat.

"Sorry Kurt, not my fault. The ladies here," and Santana nodded with her head back in the direction of the other two women who had the good grace to look a little guilty at least, as they climbed out of the cab "had a little inappropriate timing."

"Ugh, we didn't even make out," Quinn muttered under her breath, not being able to sign as she pulled Rachel out of the cab after her with one hand.

"Whatever, I don't care. Let's go in; it's not getting warmer out here," Kurt replied, and held the door for the three ladies.

They had to wait for a moment for a waiter to be seated. Kurt used the short wait to courteously embrace each of his friends to make up for the somewhat harsh greeting he had displayed outside.

Hi Rachel, good to see you again.

"Hey, Kurt, thanks for coming tonight! Is Blaine busy?" She politely inquired, secretly relieved that he was not here.

Yes, he has to perform tonight. He paused for a moment, noticing the slightly uneasy look on her face. You sure you are ready for this?

Rachel just managed a nod and felt her friend's eyes still resting on her face when she noticed the head waiter approaching. He checked his reservation list and led them to a table right in the middle of the restaurant. Rachel's face fell a little realizing they would be sitting there in plain sight for the whole restaurant to see them. Quinn noticed her look and apologized.

They didn't have any other table. I don't know what it is today, but two other restaurants I called were also fully booked. Maybe they can re-seat us once some other guests are leaving. Shall we give it a try?

Again, Rachel only managed to nod.

The restaurant was built into an old church which made for a wonderful interior and an impressive architecture, but for the acoustics the owners were still struggling to find a way to dampen the echo that reverberated from the stone walls. When the place was fully booked, it was sometimes hard to understand the people at your own table, though this did not keep the guest from coming and enjoying the absolutely superb food and surroundings. Sometimes, they would also have little concerts for which the acoustics were great.

The four of them chose their seats at the table and Quinn, Kurt and Santana simultaneously looked around to assess who the other guests were. Rachel had immediately buried her head in the menu which lay on each plate, feeling very shy suddenly. She had already spotted two people she knew coming in and hoped they would just ignore her.

She was not so sure anymore that this was a good idea. The size of the place, the way they were seated and the fact that it seemed fully booked did nothing to ease her anxiety. Part of her wanted to look around, wanted to assess the situation to know what was going on in her surroundings, but a bigger part just felt like shrinking until she was invisible to the rest of the world. Maybe it was too early, maybe she should have waited a little longer until she felt surer of herself before confronting this part of the world.

She tried to take deep breaths while she concentrated on the words in front of her until she felt a warm hand on hers. Looking up, she noticed Quinn's hazel eyes full of concern.

The blonde was watching Rachel closely upon entering, seeing how she nervously bit her lip and tried to make herself as small as possible in order to not call any attention to her. She tried to put herself in Rachel's shoes and figured that the choice of the restaurant was a little unfortunate for their first "outing".

Quinn had been there twice and had to admit that although she really liked the architecture and the whole atmosphere, she had forgotten how bothersome the noise could be. The constant rush of the many waiters was also a bit annoying, especially when you sat in the middle of it all.

Centering her attention on her girlfriend, she signed:

How do you feel? Should we leave? I mean it. If you want to go, we can leave.

Rachel genuinely considered taking her up on her offer, then bravely bit her lip and slowly moved her head from side to side.

Maybe they should have waited, maybe they just should have gone out for a short drink to begin with, Quinn thought. Anyone could see how uncomfortable Rachel was. Santana and Kurt seemed to notice it too as they exchanged a short and knowing look.

Quinn guessed that Rachel would not have let herself be rushed into such a decision under normal circumstance. One more reason to hate Sharon Basont. Even though Rachel had been an actress, and a very good one, everyone with a bit of common sense could not think she was just putting on a show.

Rachel became paler by the minute; her breathing got more labored while little beads of sweat appeared just under her hairline on her forehead. She felt the waiters rushing past her and did not dare to look around, and every time jolted a bit when someone brushed by her chair. This let the tension inside her build up even more.

Rachel was not sure if she could swallow one bite of her food, not matter what she ordered. Her throat felt so tight that it was hard to breath. With fear, she realized that she was close to a panic attack.

Great.

It was surely a wise idea to start hyperventilating in the middle of a fully packed restaurant if you wanted to not draw any attention to yourself.

The worst part was that she did not even understand why she reacted like that. It was not a situation that was as scary as it had been on the subway. Nothing had happened yet, she was just sitting in the middle of a restaurant having dinner with her friends. No big deal. No reason to be scared, no reason to get her nerves all fired up.

But still, not knowing where to aim her attention at with all the buzzing around her absolutely confused her since the acoustic cues were missing to help her evaluate the situation. Again, she was fully confronted with the fact of how much she unconsciously had relied on her hearing in situations like this without ever acknowledging it before, or ever be thankful for it.

Quinn tugged on her hand, motioned a waiter to get their coats and pulled Rachel out of her chair.

"Guys, excuse us for a minute." She threw over her shoulder at her two friends and signed for Rachel:

Let's go get some fresh air.

Rachel numbly followed and let herself be guided out of the building. Quinn led them away from the entrance and then held Rachel's shoulders, trying to get her attention. When she would not look at her, she gently lifted her chin until the brown eyes met hers.

Quinn noticed the panic, confusion and hurt in them.

Breathe!

Quinn mouthed, while still holding onto Rachel's slender shoulders. When Rachel did not react, she shook her slightly to get her out of the catatonic state she had slipped into.

Finally the brown eyes seemed to focus on her and Quinn repeated the word 'breathe' with her lips.

Rachel took a shuddering breath, her eyes not leaving Quinn's.

"Good. Keep breathing in….. and out," the blonde voiced very slowly noticing how Rachel was trying to adapt her breathing pattern to hers.

After a couple of deep breaths, she seemed to calm down a little and the shallow breaths had returned to a more normal rhythm.

After another moment Rachel managed to raise her hands to sign.

Sorry. I don't know why I panicked. There was nothing that should've made me react like that.

Quinn looked at Rachel's hands. Just the fact that she signed these words was a sign of how much the situation had distressed her. She had noticed before when Rachel did not feel very comfortable, she sometimes reverted back to just signing, as if feeling insecure about her voice, about managing to control her pitch and volume.

Quinn gently cupped her face with one hand and stroke her thumb over her cheek before she answered.

It's ok, honey. Don't apologize. Things like that happen and it doesn't always need a specific reason. Look at it like this; you have not been out in public for such a long time - subway rides aside.

Quinn searched Rachel's face for a reaction. She noticed the ever so slight nod.

Coming to my show was a first step and it was in the relative security of the backstage area even. Here, you are fully exposed and even though most of the people would not know what happened from the first glance, you probably know and feel it every step of the way. It is ok to be scared. It is ok to feel uncomfortable, but I think the more you try to suppress it, the harder it will become.

Quinn rested her hands as she held Rachel's gaze, trying to transmit all the love and support she could give through her eyes.

No one expects you to be perfect Rachel, least of all your friends. Don't try to get through this alone. That is why we are all here. I can imagine this is not easy, but tell us what you need to feel more comfortable in this situation. Ok?

Quinn debated whether to offer to leave and go home again. But she did not want to give up yet, knowing that it would be even harder for Rachel, seeing this as a failure. And facing such a situation the next time would only be more difficult.

She gave Rachel a few moments to digest her words, her eyes never leaving her face.

Finally she saw more than she heard a very small and soft "Ok" coming from her girlfriend's lips.

Quinn stepped a little closer and waited for Rachel to close the remaining gap with a hug. Then she held her girlfriend for a moment, stroking her hand lightly over her back.

Rachel had to draw up quite some willpower to finally let go and disentangle herself from Quinn. She still felt like bolting and going back home, her home, to hide under the covers and forget the whole world. But she knew that this would get her nowhere and that it would make it only harder facing a similar situation next time. She owed it to her friends and also to herself after all that she had accomplished to take this next step, too.

She lifted her hands. I think I am ready to go in, she signed while she silently mouthed the words in parallel.

Quinn nodded. Ok. Take your time, no rush.

Rachel took a couple more deep breaths and then turned, quickly squeezing Quinn's hand as a sign of gratitude.

They re-entered the restaurant and this time Rachel forced herself to not look at the floor, but to walk at a normal pace towards their table, consciously taking in her surroundings.

The waiter took their coats again and Rachel noticed the relieved looks on her friend's faces when she and Quinn joined them back at the table. While cautiously sitting down, she threw them an apologetic smile.

"Sorry, I guess this threw me off balance more than I thought it would." Thinking back to Quinn's words outside, she then asked her friends:

"Can you describe to me what it's like? What do you hear? I remember that it can be very noisy, but I… I don't know it feels strange … without the background noise. Sorry, I sound stupid."

Kurt reached across the table before signing his answer. No! Don't say that. It is ok to ask, Rachel!

And Kurt did his best to describe what he heard.

The clatter of the dishes, the hushed voices whose volumes felt like they were ten times intensified as they echoed back from the high stone walls, the steps of the waiters on the tile floor when they were rushing back and forth, the harsh and high laughter of a couple of women that sat two tables over, the clinking of the silverware against the plates. These high-pitched noises were also much more intensified in volume through the architecture.

Santana also gave a good summarizing description which Quinn translated for her.

"From our table, it feels like we're sitting in the middle of a merry go round. Only that you don't have the little horses flying around you, it is the noise. It swirls around and it's sometimes hard to locate where it's coming from when it bounces off the walls."

"Thank you," Rachel managed shyly. She was really grateful for the descriptions. It helped trigger some of the memories she had of this place.

The noise did not seem to become any less over the course of the evening. The more people ate and drank, the louder they seemed to get to make themselves heard over the backdrop noise of the restaurant. It seemed that all the noise that bounced off the walls was directed at their table.

More than once, Rachel had to raise her voice to repeat what she had said. It was exhausting. She found it difficult to adjust the volume just right, because she had no way of judging how loud the surroundings really were. She more and more reverted to signing, even though she preferred to talk, it was so much easier for her as well as for her friends. Now they had to not only translate for her, but also for Santana when Rachel was signing.

She felt even more grateful for Quinn and Kurt to be there and help her along.

Out of the corner of her eyes she noticed the curious looks from some of the neighboring tables. Rachel tried to ignore them. She felt Quinn's hand on her thigh and the blonde squeezed it encouragingly.

How are you holding up?

Ok, I guess. Is it exhausting for you? I am sorry that I don't feel comfortable talking.

Kurt and I are fine, really. After a short moment Quinn asked: Have you seen anyone you know?

Three tables a little to the left is a woman in a black dress. I know her from Funny Girl. She sings in the background choir and is the stand-in for the actress who plays one of Mr. Arnstein's show girls. Other than that I have not looked much. She kind of sat in my line of vision, that's how I spotted her.

They finished their main course talking about one of Santana's clients who apparently made her life hell. That meant something if even Santana had troubles standing her ground. But she had worked out a nice plan á la coach Sylvester to push the guy where she wanted him. Unfortunately, he was one of her boss's recommendations, so she just could not tell him straight to his face what an asshole he was. She needed that job. So she had swallowed her pride twice already and that meant a lot for Santana. This fact did not help the guy in getting a better foot on the ground with his trainer. The Latina had decided to plainly hate him.

"Imma gonna give this asshole a taste of his own food for bossing me around. His relation to my superior be damned!"

Rachel had to laugh at Santana's face when she delivered the last sentence. She looked so grim and determined that the brunette almost feared for the man's life. Once again she was glad she was on the receiving end of the Latina's friendship and not her anger. Smiling slightly, she focused back on her food, astonished that despite the circumstance she had managed to eat most of it.

"Dessert, anyone?" The waiter asked when he cleared their table a little later. They all nodded and a few moments later he returned with the menu. Rachel threw a quick look inside and spotted her favorite sweet dish.

"Can you order that one for me?" She asked Quinn aloud, tapping on the menu, hoping to be heard, "I have to use the bathroom."

Quinn nodded and looked after her girlfriend as she wove her way through the tables towards the bar only to then disappear into a small hallway to the right of it.

Kurt followed Quinn's gaze. "Is she ok? I would not have thought that this was so difficult for her."

Santana cut in. "I guess Rachel did not expect it to be so difficult either. Though it is hard to imagine what it must be like."

"Well, I had a small taste of it once." Quinn cut in. "And I have to say, I totally freaked out. And we were just the two of us having dinner at my apartment."

Remembering the story Rachel had told him on her first visit, Kurt asked: "Was that when you wore those earplugs?"

Quinn nodded and answered "Yes," thinking back to that evening, when she had invited Rachel for the first time. The way the realization had dawned on her during the course of the evening must be something that must have happened to Rachel in a similar way, every time she faced a new situation. Just because the accident had already happened some months ago did not mean that she had adjusted to all of its consequences. After all, it was a short time span measured on the impact it had on her life.

Quinn was not sure she would have gone through with this dinner if she were in Rachel's place. She would not have gone through a lot of things that Rachel had faced so far.

She most definitely would have hit Santana senseless had she dragged her to the theater, and it would not have mattered if her girlfriend had worked there or not.

The Latina caught the blonde's gaze and raised an eyebrow. "What's eating you, Q?"

Quinn shook her head. "Just thinking that I probably would have killed you had you dragged me to the theater instead of Rachel. I'm just trying to understand where Rachel got the courage and strength from to go through all this. I would not be able to do it, honestly."

Santana's gaze softened a bit, skipping over Quinn's first comment. "Quinn, Rachel doesn't have a choice. So what else can she do? If she decided to somehow live with this, she needs to go through all the experiences, one by one. Some will be good, some will be bad, but she'll learn from every one of them and she'll grow because of them."

Quinn sighed. "I know. I know all that. But I feel so helpless sometimes, so… I don't know. I just wish I could do something, anything to help her. I keep repeating myself here, I know, but these thoughts don't stop. And I feel like I'm not doing enough." She sounded a bit desperate. "I know I have said that before, but I can't stop this feeling!"

Kurt leaned forward. "Quinn, how can you think that you are not doing enough? You're the reason why Rachel managed to pull herself out of her depressive state. You brought hope to her; hope to participate in life again after what she had lost. Why do you keep doubting yourself? And just as she has to come to terms with being deaf, you also have to come to terms with it. This is a process you have to go through as well. We all still have to learn and adapt to it."

"We know you are trying to be strong and to protect her and that you are trying to hold up a strong facade," Santana added. "But you also need to ask for help once in a while, Quinn. Ask Rachel for help. Show her that you can also be weak. That she can be someone you can lean on."

Quinn swallowed. Funny that Santana said that. "I know. I told you about the situation in the subway after you guys visited my show, right? I was so glad that she was with me. I would've screamed bloody murder had I been alone down there. But apparently she doesn't quite believe that I need her, that I need her strength as well as she needs mine."

Santana quickly touched Quinn's hand in a comforting gesture. "Tell her. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel, Q. Tell her about your insecurities, your doubts. After all, that is what you told me as well, right?" She then asked with a raised eyebrow "To not hold back and hide behind my tough outer veneer, I believe you called it."

Touché.

Quinn quickly lifted one corner of her mouth.

"Yeah, I know. It's just tough living up to one's own wise word," she then smiled. "Well, I have to use the restroom. Don't touch my desert should it be served before I'll get back!"

With a warning glance at her friends Quinn got up and made her way towards the restrooms. She noticed a friend from Yale, sitting in the far corner having dinner with his wife and she waved quickly as a way of greeting, before disappearing around the corner of the bar.