A/N: Surprise, surprise! This chapter is in James' POV!

Chapter 5: Ugh, Girls

1st November, 1976

Wait, was that Lily screaming? What the hell is going on with her? Ugh. Figuring her out is a Herculean Task. Here I am, trying to help her, while all she can do is get mad at me. It's not my fault she loves food that much. Even Sirius wouldn't have traded his life for anchovies. Not that Lily is going to die. That would be terrible. What would I do in Potions? Merlin knows I only took that class because she was in it! And the fact that Slughorn fancies her and might take a chance on her - that's not going to happen with me around, is it? At least I hope it doesn't. As much as I hate NEWT classes, I wouldn't want to be expelled for castrating the Potions Master.

But really, what if something does happen to her? Hey, no, no, no, no, brain, no thinking such negative thoughts. Even though she still hates you, she hasn't really been as mean to you as she usually is, has she? That's progress. One day, everything will be fine. We'll get married with Sirius as best man and Marlene as Lily's Maid of Honour, have twelve redhead, bespectacled children because we would spend every living second making hot love all over the house, she will be a Healer and I'll play for Puddlemere United and we will live happily ever after.

"Hi James! What are you doing down here?" It's Marlene coming into the Common Room. Ahhh, Marls if only you knew.

"Nothing really, just contemplating my sad little life," I say hoping against hope that she would just leave it at that. I'm not really in the mood for a heart-to-heart with her about how her newest boyfriend is a complete bastard. If only she'd stayed together with Padfoot, everything would have been fine.

"No way. You know I'm not settling for that miserable excuse for an answer. What's going on in ickle- Jamie's liwwle brainy?"

"Oh, Marly, you know me too well. We really should spend less time together. It's that best friend of yours."

"Who, Lily? I should have known. Are you the reason she had that shouting match with herself up in the dorm? I was hiding in my bed at the time, reading some Witch Weekly, because why not, right? And then she came in, slammed the door, started screaming, and then immediately started studying Charms, not even noticing that I had been in the room and that I left it."

Yeah, that sounds like Evans alright. She had this crazy infatuation with Charms. And she's really good at it too. It's actually one of the many things she's good at. Don't get me wrong, she isn't the Little Miss Perfect that everyone seeks her out to be. But she's great at the things she loves – like Charms, and picking out Christmas presents, and playing the Piano in the Room of Requirement sometimes. How do I know that? I may have followed her under the Invisibility Cloak sometime during my sad teenage years, but that's beside the point.

"Anyway, I think I'm going to go down to the Kitchens for some chicken pot pie. Care to join?" I ask Marlene, but I just want to be alone and I hope that she doesn't have a fetish for the pastry.

"No, thanks, I think I'm going to hang around here for a while," she says but I know what she means. She is waiting for Sirius to come down so she can secretly sniff his oh-so-perfect hair. I know all your tricks, McKinnon, all of them.

I smirk and say "Well, happy hanging!" and turn to leave the Common Room when Marlene says, "Oh, and James? Don't lose hope, the ice cream is melting."

What ice cream? And why would I be happy about it melting? No one likes melted ice cream, what's the point of eating it then? It's called ICE cream for a reason. Ugh, girls. I'll never understand them.

It's time for that chicken pot goodness now. "Right, bye," I say to Marlene as I leave the Portrait Hole just in time to see Mary Macdonald rushing up to me.

"Hey, Potter, have you seen Lily?" she asks, out of breath, probably due to the fact that she must have run up 7 floors from the Great Hall after breakfast.

"Evans? Oh, yeah, she's having a fit in your dorm. I'd stay away if I were you, she's in one of her moods. She reading Charms and-"

"Got no time for all that! Bye, James!" and she told a quick "Hoodwinker" to the Fat Lady and all but sprinted into the Portrait Hole. Ugh, girls.

La, da, da, la, da, daaaaaaaaaaa…. I sing to myself as I slowly march down to the basement to the Kitchens. I haven't been there in ages. Oh, wait, I was there yesterday, but it has been 24 hours since that. So, yeah. Since the Kitchens are directly below the Great Hall, I have to take the staircase to the basement from the Entrance Hall, which would, unfortunately, be crowded right now because of breakfast.

Hey, is that the American champion going into the broom closet? With, oh Merlin, is that Sophie Berger from the Prophet? Long, black hair, high heeled sandals, and an icky fuchsia dress robe? Yes, that could only be her. I remember the time she came to Mum's Christmas Party with her crazy updo. But that still doesn't answer my question. Why in Agrippa's name is in a broom closet with a 15-year-old girl? Ugh, girls.

Anyway, I know it's only November 1st, but I'm really excited for Christmas. It's the best time of the year! Plus, it's Marauder's tradition to play a crack-tastic prank at the feast before break. It usually ends with Lily giving me a death stare, and a huge shouting match in the Common Room, but that's all part of the festivities! But, we are yet to come up with the plan since its Full Moon week and Remus has been rather peaky, and that Sirius has been finding new foreign companions to the 6th floor broom closet, Peter is completely out of it right now because of his recent niffler attacks, and I – well, I have been quite busy doing more important things.

Things like going to Dumbledore to convince him that I should take part in place of dear old Evans. But all the Headmaster could say was that "Mr. Potter, I know all about your bet with Ms. Evans. And I find it intriguing that she actually thought it was a fair trade. But, unfortunately, I have no control over the curious ways of the Goblet of Fire. So, she will have to take part in the Tournament," but I could see the twinkle in his eye and I still think that man has a weird, bizarre conspiracy hidden in here somewhere.

"Trixie, could I please have some chicken pot pie from last night? I'm starving," I say to the Head House Elf in the Kitchen.

"Of course, Mr. Potter!" she says, as she turns away she asks someone, "Would you like something else, Ms. Evans?" Evans? What? I turn over to see Lily sitting at the table equivalent to the Slytherin table, drowning herself in a chocolate pie. Woah, radiant.

"Evans, why are you sitting at the git-table?" I ask her. But what I actually wanted to know was how she knew where the Kitchens were.

"Because I want to, Potter, just go back to whatever the fuck you were doing and leave me alone."

But this is me, and that is her. Meaning that 'leaving her alone' is practically impossible to carry out.

"Is it just me or have you started swearing a lot?" I ask her because, really, she has been cussing an awful lot since she came back from summer this year.

"It's just you," she says as she takes another bite of her pie.

'Why are you eating Muggle food at Hogwarts?"

"Because I want to. Now get out of my face, you two-humped camel, it's my Potter-free month."

"A what now? Come on, you know I don't understand your Muggle animals!" Instead of answering me she says a quick goodbye to Trixie and the other House Elves and leaves. Ugh, girls.

A/N: This chapter is essentially a filler which is why it's short. The next one is in Lily's POV again, but James will be back. Oh, and also, you're favourite Game Keeper may or may not show up. So, be excited! Please review, the white empty box is right down there, seriously, do it now!