Glee disclaimer, as always.

Many thanks to my beta-reader Nicole! Check out her story For Always!

I know I am taking a leeway here with my actors' performance schedules. Forgive me for not keeping them in a straight eight-shows-a-week "corset". That would make it really difficult for them to actually have the interaction they have in this story.

I was so happy about your reviews, thanks so much! Glad you liked Santana finally wanting to learn to sign... for whatever reason :-)

Sooooo... on we go.

This is my favorite chapter by far, I have to admit. I absolutely loved writing it! Hope you'll like it too...

Chapter 33

Interestingly enough, over the next days there was no news about Quinn or Rachel in the tabloids. The brunette knew Quinn was wondering what Sharon Basont might be cooking up behind their backs as she found it weird to see no reaction from her on their dinner. Rachel just stuck to the saying "no news is good news" as she had more pressing things to worry about.

As Christmas drew nearer, she mused over what present to buy for Quinn. She wanted it to be something very personal, something special and meaningful. Most of the ideas she came up with, she discarded immediately as too mainstream, too boring and non-descriptive. It needed to be unique, showing how much she loved Quinn.

There was one idea rummaging around her brain. It had not taken shape yet, but it kept buzzing around like a fly. But after receiving the news that there was no healing progress from her specialist some weeks ago, she better tackled this idea sooner than later as the longer she waited the probability it would turn out good would lessen. Maybe she could discuss it with Kurt.

She and Kurt had planned to meet again the upcoming Sunday evening. Quinn had an extra evening show, Blaine would probably be at the theater and Kurt's play had a matinee show scheduled. So he was free later that day.

On Saturday, Rachel and Kurt quickly exchanged text messages to agree on the time and location.

When Sunday came around, Rachel was bundled up in a thick dark purple wool coat over her jeans and black turtleneck, heavy, warm biker-style boots and a knitted bonnet. Wrapping a woolen scarf around her neck, she was ready to brace the cold New Yorker December evening. The clouds were heavy and dark gray. A nasty wind chased them across the sky and Rachel hoped that it would not start snowing yet.

Then again she loved snow; it gave everything such a beautiful atmosphere when it was fresh and untouched in its white fluffy state. She had always loved to be the first one out after it had snowed through the night. The soft scrunching sound of her shoes on the white cover had always been her favorite part of winter. She hoped to get Quinn for an early morning walk through the park once the first flakes had drifted to the ground.

Checking her bag to make sure she had everything, she pulled the apartment door close behind her, locked it and quickly walked down the stairs.

Her stomach churned when she was about to enter the nearest subway station. It was the first time she had decided to use the train again. All other times she had preferred a cab whenever she was traveling between her and Quinn's place. However, that had to stop if she did not want to spend all her money on the yellow cars. Besides, how likely was it that the situation she had been through with Quinn would happen again while she was on the train?

So she kept placing one foot in front of the other until she stood on the platform and bravely stepped through the doors as the subway arrived.

After having found a seat, she quickly texted Kurt hoping her messages would get though. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it did not when sitting in the subway. Just like they had had no reception when they had been stuck in that tunnel.

Dear Mr. Hummel Jr., I will grace you with my wonderful presence
in about half an hour. I hope the red carpet is rolled out and the
champagne is waiting.
Yours, Rachel Berry

Rachel willed the message to got through and had no time to drop her phone into her bag because luckily an answer came back quickly.

Dear Ms Berry, it will be an honor to receive you in my
humble quarters. My butler will await you with your requested
champagne. I sincerely hope you are dressed the part.
Otherwise I must refuse entrance.
K.H. Jr.

Rachel looked down on herself and contemplated her choice of clothing. Well, on a real red carpet event she would not even be allowed to enter the limo. She chuckled and sent a retort back.

Kind sir, it is good to know you explicitly wrote "casual"
as dress code on the invitation. So, yes, I will meet your
requirements!

The phone lit up almost immediately with Kurt's retort.

Damn! Gotta go and re-dress.
Just a short tip: Always read your own invitations again
before the start of an event…
Shoot, what to wear, what to wear…?

Rachel had to laugh. She could imagine Kurt standing in front of his wardrobe with a slightly panicky look on his face, trying to pick out the best outfit for the occasion.

Oh, wow Kurt, you call our 'date' an event?
That sounds exciting. What have you planned?

Curious she waited for an answer.

We had a little wine tasting at Vogue the other day.
Thought we might also try some… see you in a couple of minutes.
Really, I have to get dressed. Again….

Rachel chuckled.

My god Kurt, don't tell me you are sitting there texting me
all naked. Don't know if I should be offended or delighted.

Ms Berry, get a grip on yourself. I am neither naked nor do
I plan to be. At least not when you're around.

A wide grin spread across Rachel's face as she typed her response.

Oh, so we will not play strip poker, I take it. Too bad. 'Cause
I remember last time we played, I literally stripped you to the
bone, haha!

Kurts answer to that was not very courteous.

Shut up. And get here.

Rachel could not stop laughing, not caring about curious looks the other passengers were throwing her.

Before her accident, she had met with Kurt one evening and he had taught her how to play poker. She did not know if it was beginners luck or if she had a talent for the game, however, before the end of the evening, Kurt was sitting at the kitchen table with his boxers and just one sock, while Rachel still wore most of her clothes.

The result had not gone down well with Kurt and he absolutely hated to be reminded of it.

Finally knocking on the door, she wondered briefly what her friend was going to wear. The heavy sliding door was pushed open and it revealed a smiling Kurt, holding a small silver tray with two tall and slender glasses filled with a golden colored liquid.

"Mmm, I missed the red carpet, but at least the champagne is here," Rachel smiled and took in Kurt's outfit. He wore a pair of black jeans and a dark gray sweater on which he had pinned six playing cards down the front, three in one row on the left and three in another row on the right side.

"Oh my god. Just to let you know, if we should play strip poker, these playing cards on your sweater don't count as extra clothes! And no cheating with them either!"

Kurt raised his hands to answer after having deposited the tray on a small table next to the door.

My house, my rules. But no, I am not planning on playing poker with you. Ever. Again. Hello Rachel, nice to see you!

And he gave the petite woman a hearty hug which she answered by slinging her arms around his back, pressing him against her.

"Hi Kurt, so happy to see you!"

They both stepped inside and Rachel pulled the door close behind her. Just like last time, the apartment was brightly lit. Kurt picked up the tray and hurried over to the stove where something was cooking. Placing the tray on the kitchen table, he turned towards the food.

Sorry, got to check the pasta. Make yourself comfortable, we'll toast in a second, he told Rachel.

The brunette ambled over to the kitchen table, draped her coat over the back of one of the chairs and then sneaked a peek at the pots.

"Hmmmm, smells good." She stated after having inspected the sauce that simmered in the back. "What's in there?"

Tomatoes, basil, rosemary, olives and some garlic. Just a tiny bit, though. Kurt turned around and plucked the two glasses from the table and handed one to Rachel.

"To us!" He toasted without signing, as he held a glass in one hand, but Rachel understood the two words just fine by having read his lips.

"To our friendship," she added and clinked her glass against his. They both took a sip and Kurt turned back to their dinner, placing the glass next to the stove. Rachel watched him and noticed how he tapped his foot in a certain rhythm.

She looked around and saw that the stereo on the shelf was turned on. She walked over and took the CD case that lay on top of it. Lindsay Sterling was the name she read on the cover and it showed a girl with a violin. Classic music? Turning it around, she read the titles, but none of them sounded like the classic pieces she knew.

Then she remembered that Kurt had showed her some of her music before. It was kind of a classic cross over, the tracks were a mixture of classical, pop, hip-hop, dance, trance and rock with electronic influences. She had liked it. It was something new and different.

"Are you listening to this?" Rachel asked, waving the case in Kurt's direction.

He looked over. Seeing what she held in her hands, he nodded. Rachel placed the case back on the stereo. Half turning to go back to the kitchen area, her eyes caught onto the CD pile that lay next to the stereo. She stopped in her tracks. It was a natural impulse to just reach over and sift through the music, thinking about what would be nice to listen to during dinner. It surprised her that she still had this kind of automatic notions even after so many months. She released a breath she had not noticed she was holding.

Looking up, she saw Kurt wander over. Standing next to her, he then bent over and switched off the stereo.

"What did you do that for?" Rachel eyed him curiously. "It's not like I can complain about the music. And I don't mind you listening to it."

He shrugged and smiled. Same rules for everyone. And can I please ask you to step away and keep your distance from my good old music machine and shiny discs?

"What? You are still not letting anyone touch your stereo and CD collection? Come on Kurt, this thing is ancient and CDs are actually almost unbreakable. Besides, I have lived practically right next to that old thing for years!"

Rachel rolled her eyes at him. He had had this stereo for years, it was really old, but apparently it held a great sentimental value for him to be so picky about it. Not many people were allowed to touch it. He also had his extensive music collection sorted in a strange Kurt-ish order that no one could follow and he had always been adament that nobody disturbed that. But the pile Rachel had looked at was a random mix of CDs that he apparently had listened to recently and they were not even sorted like the rest of his collection.

A mischievous grin played on her lips. From where she stood, she could reach some of the slim plastic boxes that were sorted and correctly lined up on the shelf on the other side of the stereo. Teasingly, she stretched out her hand and let her fingers wander over the slender backs of the cases, not taking her eyes off Kurt to watch his reaction, which came promptly.

You haven't learned in all these years, have you Rachel?

"Not sure what you are talking about," she stated, faking innocence with a slight smile.

Yes you do and if you want to survive this evening, you better take your little hands off my life's music collection and move to safer ground. Say, the kitchen. Set the table. Do something useful.

Rachel could not bring herself to move. She had no idea what possessed her to tease her friend with this. Especially with his music. Music; a concept that had eluded her for the past seven months. Well, not completely. She remembered the exchanges she had with Quinn. And her visit to her performance. And Quinn singing to her afterwards. So even though she could not hear it anymore, what was it that still captured her?

Kurt stepped a little closer, ready to lift his friend off her feet and carry her away from the danger zone, she could read it on his face. Without looking and with lightning speed, she snatched the CD her fingers had just wandered over, ducked under Kurt's arm that tried to hold her and sprinted towards the kitchen table, squealing. She managed to bring the object as a barrier between herself and her friend, tauntingly waving the CD.

You are so dead, my dear. Kurt signed and made a movement with his flat hand across his neck for emphasis.

"Well, first you have to get me," Rachel shot back with a laugh and ran two steps around the table when Kurt tried to reach her. They chased each other back and forth for a while until Kurt jumped onto the table surface all of a sudden and into Rachel's path just as she wanted to take off again.

He grabbed her in a tight hug and wrestled the CD out of her hand while she tried to fight him. Though she gave up after a while, because she had to laugh and when Kurt had placed the CD safely on the table, he started tickling her as punishment. Rachel laughed even harder, while trying to make some purchase and get her hands on her friend to treat him with some of his own. However, in between warding off the offending hands, laughing so hard and trying to wiggle away, she had no chance. Finally she let herself fall on the floor in the hopes of escaping Kurt's wiggling fingers. He dropped down opposite her, pulling his hands back into his lap, also laughing.

Rachel tried to catch her breath and wiped some strands of her hair out of her face. Panting, she stated:

"Oh my god, oh my god, I don't know when was the last time I laughed so much." Bending over, she held her stomach and had another laughing fit, in which Kurt joined her after listening to her contagious laughter for a short moment. In between gasps she tried to tell him:

"You… should have… seen your… face, when … I grabbed that CD. It was priceless," and her composure was gone again.

She barely managed to read the signs that Kurt threw her way, who was also still laughing.

Yours was not better when I jumped from the table.

They kept going until the water of the pasta boiling over set an abrupt end to their glee as Kurt jumped up at the noise and pulled the pot away from the stove. Rachel also managed to lift herself off the floor and check the damage. The sauce was still ok and the pasta was done, so Kurt poured them into a sieve.

She twirled around and collected plates, forks and spoon and some napkins to place them on the table, while Kurt gave the finishing touches to the sauce. It smelled enticing, and Rachel was a little hungry.

Waiting for Kurt to place the food on the table, her gaze fell on the CD that still lay where Kurt had placed it. Only then did she notice that it was not an original one, but a collection of different songs that Kurt had apparently burned onto the CD. The cover seemed to be made out of small pictures that held the title and the cover of the original CD the song came from.

Looking at the list, she let out an involuntary: "Oh my god!"

Kurt placed the pasta dish on the table and looked over Rachel's shoulder, smiling wistfully.

Turning, the small brunette looked at him. "These are all the songs we sang at our competitions!"

He nodded. Yes.

He seemed to want to say something else but then he just shook his head.

Rachel narrowed her eyes and studied him. "What? You wanted to say something. Come on, let it out."

These are not the original band songs. This is… us. The Glee Club, he then explained.

Rachel looked at the CD in her hand. "No way! Really? This is us? All of the songs?" She had an incredulous look on her face as she searched his eyes.

It's true. I recorded almost everything. I never told anyone, don't know why. I just wanted it as a reminder of the time we spent and all the great things we achieved together. And when I installed my little amateur studio – with that he motioned his head towards Rachel's old bedroom, - I enhanced the quality a bit.

He paused for a moment. Then added: We were really good.

Rachel dropped her eyes from his face onto the CD she still held in her hands. "Yes, we were," she then whispered.

She held her past in her hands, a past where she still had had dreams and had been convinced to fulfill them.

Not wanting the mood to change, she smiled bravely, handing the CD back to its rightful owner.

"Well, if you like you can put it on." She lifted her brown eyes and looked at Kurt.

He raised an eyebrow and then asked: There are a lot of Journey songs on. Are you up for that? he asked with a disarming grin.

"Uh, I remember. Well, yeah, put them on." She chuckled and added still laughing a bit: "I'll just pretend I don't hear them. Then you have to suffer alone."

Kurt snorted. Gee, thanks. Good to have such nice friends to let me go through this by myself.

Rachel patted him on the shoulder encouragingly. "You'll manage."

While they were enjoying their dinner and sipping the rest of the champagne – they had not gotten to taste one of the other wines Kurt had mentioned before yet - Rachel wanted to know how it was for Kurt to hear them all sing.

He put his fork down and though for a moment, while Rachel watched him curiously.

It was interesting to see how his face displayed so many different emotions and feelings when trying to answer this question.

I switch between listening to it as just a normal CD and then again I dive right back into the whole Glee feeling, noticing the different voices, seeing our friends' faces in front of me. It sometimes pulls me right back to that time in high school. I am always amazed how good we were, he repeated his earlier words.

"Which song is playing now?"

Kurt looked up from his plate hesitating a moment before answering.

One of our not officially sung duets, Kurt answered pointing to himself and Rachel.

The brunette was surprised. "Really? You taped those, too?"

Yes. I guess I was a song stalker, he joked, which made Rachel smile.

Kurt knew that this was not a very honest thing he had done, taping people without asking for their permission. But now he was so damn glad he had done it.

He watched Rachel chewed her lower lip before she found the courage to posed the next question.

"Which one? Happy Days or one of our Wicked duets?"

Wicked. The one we sang in New York. 'For good.'

"Oh." She looked at her plate, then back at Kurt. "How does it sound?"

Kurt was a little suprised by the question, but answered honestly.

It has a little echo because of the large stage and when you were moving up the stairs, away from me, your voice gets a bit faint, but other than that, it sounds … perfect.
He smiled. We would have made a great Glinda and Elphaba.

Rachel chuckled at the thought of Kurt dressed up as Glinda and agreed. "Yes, we would have."

Then she watched Kurt close his eyes and move his mouth, apparently singing a part of the song that played on the CD. She watched his lips closely and was delighted when she was able to identify the passage that he was reciting. From there, it was not difficult to follow. She knew the lyrics by heart.

…

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you
Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good

He opened his eyes again at the last line and looked at Rachel with a challenging look, while he kept on singing. Somehow he managed to sign, while he still followed the music:

Your part is up, again throwing her a challenging look with a raised eyebrow.

But Rachel only shook her head and lowered her gaze. She held on to the seat of her chair with both hands, gripping it so hard that her knuckles went white. She was biting her tongue in order not to burst out with the words of a song that she knew by heart. The lyrics danced in her chest like wild horses wanting to be freed, to race up and out over her lips. It was hard to keep a rein on them.

Looking up from under her lashes, she focused on Kurt's lips that still formed the words of the song, having moved on to Elphaba's - her - part.

…

Like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you

She wanted to look away, but she just could not. Rachel was so caught in the moment; her eyes followed every movement of Kurt's lips, unconsciously and soundlessly forming the words with him. Kurt held her gaze every time Rachel looked up from his mouth and he kept singing, facing his friend so she could fully see his face.

Kurt watched Rachel's lips twitch until she finally started to form the full words, though he could not hear her utter a sound. He kept singing, wishing the song would last forever, until he could coax out at least one line from her. One little line was all he wanted. He was convinced she could do it. He was sure that if she just followed her heart and left her mind aside, she could do this. So he kept singing.

Spying the remote for the stereo on the table out of the corner of his eye, he reached over slowly, without looking away from Rachel, found the repeat button and pressed it to fix the song in an endless loop.

Rachel was not sure what kept her mesmerized in this situation. But she still could not take her eyes off Kurt and the words were running wild in her mind. She felt her own lips moving all of a sudden and abruptly stopped.

Oh my god.

Hopefully she had not tried to sing.

She tried to remember. No, she had not felt any vibrations in her throat, so with a sigh of relief she noted that she had apparently only moved her lips; which by itself seemed weird considering the whole situation. She waited for the familiar pang to hit her chest, but to her own surprise, it did not come. Instead she was so caught up in the moment again that she did not want to think any further. She just wanted let herself be carried away – wherever to.

Focusing back on her friend, she saw him close his eyes again and sing what seemed to be the last lines of the song, fully immersed into the music, his head slightly tilted up.

When the final word left his lips, he slowly lowered his head and opened his eyes again.

But instead of breaking the moment, smiling he just looked at her and started to sing anew.

Rachel though it was a different track at first, until she noticed that he was singing the same song again, starting with Elphaba's part, which actually would have been fitting for her to sing, considering the lyrics.

(Elphaba)

I'm limited
Just look at me
I'm limited, and just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda
So now it's up to you for both of us
Now it's up to you

When it came to Glinda's part, Rachel still hung on Kurt's lips, hearing his voice in her mind.

(Glinda)

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn,
And we are led to those who help us most grow
If we let them and we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you

Again Rachel started to mouth the lyrics with her friend, unconsciously at first.

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
Because I knew you, I have been changed for good

But when she noticed this time what she was doing, she did not stop and when her part came up, she consciously lip synched herself and pretended to sing the duet with Kurt, which drew a genuine smile from him. He stood and reached out a hand to pull Rachel up from her chair. Even though they started to move around the kitchen a little with their performance, he paid special attention that Rachel would never lose sight of his lips. Though somehow it did not seem really necessary. She seemed to be following an inner rhythm that was in tune with the song. Rachel must still have the whole song stored in her memory with all the details, Kurt thought.

When the song started for the third time, he squeezed her hand, mouthed the first line of her first stanza and then pointed at her to take over. And Rachel continued to move her lips in tune with the music that played in the background.

They let themselves be carried away, diving into their characters, purely enjoying their little show. Rachel felt a joy rise in her chest that brought a huge smile to her face. Even though she was not really singing, it was still close, knowing that her voice was playing in the background. It was almost perfect.

Later she had no idea how it had happened. Maybe it was the alcohol that had boosted her courage a bit, maybe it was because she let herself sink so deep into the whole emotion and experience, but when the third stanza was up, she stopped moving while replaying the sentence -

I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend

- in her mind. Then she closed her eyes, saw herself with Kurt in New York on the original stage and felt the vibrations in her throat accompany the words she formed with her lips.

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea
Like a seed dropped by a sky bird in a distant wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you

At the last sentence she opened her eyes and found Kurt staring at her while he sang his line.

(Glinda)

Because I knew you

And before she knew it, she also joined him in the next line that they were supposed to sing together.

(Glinda & Elphaba)

I have been changed for good

She fell quiet again after that, resigning to just moving her lips again, when Kurt looked at her sternly and made a simple sign with his most encouraging smile and a little wave with his other free hand.

Sing!

So when another line that they were supposed to sing together came up, she dared to raise her voice again. Surely she was not singing like she used to, belting out the songs with confidence, but she did sing. The lower volumen compared to her usual singing voice did not take away any of the momentum for the two friends as they finished the song together.

(Glinda & Elphaba)

And none of it seems to matter anymore

(Glinda & Elphaba)

Like a comet pulled from orbit (Like a ship blown from its mooring)
As it passes a sun (By a wind off the sea)
Like a stream that meets a boulder (Like a seed dropped by a bird)
Halfway through the wood (In the wood)

(Glinda & Elphaba)

Who can say if I've been changed for the better
I do believe I have been changed for the better

(Glinda)

And because I knew you

(Elphaba)

Because I knew you

(Glinda & Elphaba)

Because I knew you
I have been changed for good

When the song ended, they just stood and stared at each other.

Then Kurt stepped closer and pulled his friend into a fierce hug, pressing the small body against him, trying not to cry, because he was so moved.

When Rachel pulled back, Kurt searched her face. She looked flushed, excited and a little embarrassed. But there was something else in her eyes, something that reminded him very much of the old Rachel he knew whenever she stood on stage. He smiled encouragingly, giving her the time to collect herself.

Finally Rachel let out a long breath.

"Wow." Was all she said and self-consciously swept a strand of hair behind her ear, not daring to look Kurt in the eye.

The she whispered, more to herself than speaking to her duet partner: "That was fun."

Kurt gently lifted Rachel's chin so she would meet his gaze and he smiled broader and nodded before letting go to sign.

That was incredible.

Rachel nodded timidly. "Yeah."

Kurt looked at her for a moment before asking the next question.

Have you ever tried to sing before?

Rachel looked at him. Kurt might as well have asked her if she had tried bungee jump off the Empire State Building without a rope. She shook her head and then remembered.

"No, not since …" and she waved at the piano. "… last time I was here. And I guess you couldn't have called that singing." She let out another long breath and swiped her hands over her face. "Jesus, I don't know what is it about this place that makes me do such stupid things," she muttered, the embarrassment rising again, trying to smolder all the fun and joy she had felt moments ago.

Rachel, that was not stupid! That was great! It was so much fun! I felt like we were back in New York on that Wicked stage! Come on, don't turn this into a bad thing.

Kurt almost expected a harsh retort from Rachel, understanding what it must have cost her to let herself go and do what she had done, despite the circumstance. And there she had been, jumping into the performance and even singing a few lines along with the music.

He had hoped, but never really imagined that Rachel would actually dare to sing out loud ever again. And now that he had witnessed it, it was the most wonderful and amazing experience for him, something he would never ever forget. And he would make sure that Rachel would also keep this as a precious and wonderful memory and not as something she felt she needed to be ashamed of.

Kurt regretted only one thing.

That he had not been able to record this, too.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

The song is "For good" from the musical Wicked, which I also don't own, neither the characters, the story nor the music.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

When I came up with the idea of the whole story and also the idea about this chapter, I asked myself how realistic it would really be for Rachel to sing and to actually sound good. I rated it close to zero. However, if anyone could ever pull this off, it would be Rachel Berry. I really think she would still have the perfect pitch, even without being able to hear herself sing. Maybe not as strong, but still… I think she could hit the notes.

Nevertheless, I didn't want this to become too cheesy and miracle-like. I really wanted to know if a someone who lost his or her hearing and had been professional singer before, could still sing in real life. So I did a little research after I had written that chapter.

I found out that in real life there is a young woman who lost her hearing while studying to become a jazz singer. Even though she is deaf, she started singing again, took lessons with her old vocal teacher from university and is now performing live. She has all the notes in her head and can hit them on key. She still has the perfect pitch and her voice is beautiful! That young lady is really incredible.

I just want to say that I did not write this chapter for her or because of her. I came up with the idea before knowing anything about her. But to know that someone like her exists helped me personally with the legitimacy of my idea :-).

So...

If you ever think, something is not possible, think again.

It is.