I don't own Glee.

gllover22: How many times did you listen to the song? :-)

JPElles: Yeah, I'm still not totally over it...not sure how "real" life would deal with it.

CarolineSC: Sent you the name, hope you got it.

Cate53: Got your point and I'm working on it. Thanks for mentioning it. Hope you know what I mean.

Thanks a lot also to Sole's stories for beta-readingand commenting this chapter!

Thanks to all of you and the ones not mentioned here for your thoughts and feedback! Some things really get me thinking. So please keep sharing your thoughts!

Chapter 34

Rachel pondered over Kurt's words. Yes, it had been so much fun and it had reminded her so much of the old times, it had catapulted her back right to the start, back to McKinley, back to Glee Club when everything was still okay.

But she was not back in Lima or in the choir room. She was not seventeen anymore. She stood here in the kitchen of her friend's apartment in New York City.

Still, tuning back into reality was not as hurtful as she had thought.

There was something stirring inside her chest, something that she could not suppress. The joy of performing, of slipping into another role, becoming another person was what fueled her. She let a grin spread across her features, reveling in that feeling for a moment before it struck her again that she had actually sung with Kurt.

"Oh my god, it must have been awful." She stated with a little uncomfortable laugh.

Kurt shook his head vehemently. He threw one hand in front of his mouth, thinking of how to explain it best. When he saw the doubts and insecurities race over Rachel's features, he thrust out his hands.

Rachel, that was beautiful! I never thought I would hear you sing again! You…

Words failed him at that moment and Kurt just looked in awe at his friend. Again, he could only begin to imagine what it must have meant for Rachel to do this. And what control and talent she must possess if she could still carry her voice in such a way without hearing herself; with the almost perfect pitch. The two or three little glitches where she had not quite hit the right note Kurt only noticed because he had the perfectly trained ear of a professional singer.

He could not begin to voice how amazed, touched and moved he was.

"Kurt? You ok?" Insecurity laced Rachel's voice, plainly audible in that small question.

For Rachel's sake Kurt pulled himself together and stopped wallowing in his emotions when all his friend needed was for him to describe what he had heard. Not just what he had heard, but how he had heard her sing.

Rachel, I don't know how you do it, but you sounded really great! And I'm not just saying that. You know me, I was your biggest rival at high school, always striving for the same perfection – and sometimes soli, he added with a reference to their Defying Gravity diva-off, which caused the faintest smile to appear on Rachel's face remembering it. So you have to believe me when I say that this was the…. most wonderful experience for me to hear you sing again. And it was… so good!

Rachel looked at him, not fully believing what he said. "Yeah, right. Come on, be honest. How did I really sound?" She narrowed her eyes, studying his face, searching for any little sign that would betray his words. "I want a straightforward answer, not some sappy softened version for the deaf girl."

Kurt let an eyebrow crawl up on his forehead. Ok, that was a call for honesty. So how could he really make her understand that there was nothing softened or glossed over when he told her that she actually sounded good? Great even, considering the circumstances. She probably had not sung a single note in what – more than half a year? He shook his head slightly.

Rachel, I am not gilding the lily here. You had two or three notes that were slightly, maybe half a tone below the original one. But even that is something that a normal person probably would not have heard. Other than that, you sang in tune.

Rachel was wondering where Kurt had gotten the expression 'gilding the lily' from in ASL. It had taken her quite a few seconds to understand the signs. She continued searching her friend's face, still wondering if he indeed was saying the truth.

In former times it would have been an absolute catastrophe had someone told her one little tune was off even by as little as half a note. In her register that would have meant the end of the world. But today, it seemed like reaching the top of Mount Everest and still it appeared to be unbelievable.

"No! No way! That does not make sense. That does not make any sense at all."

Kurt asked her a different question instead of insisting on his earlier words. It was a question she had discussed already with other people before, how she managed to have the right inflections and modulations in her voice when talking.

She thought a moment. Her therapist, Quinn and Santana had asked her the same and she had always given the same answer. She remembered the discussion she had with the Latina some days ago. Slowly Rachel released her breath and gave Kurt the same explanation.

"I don't really know. When I start talking I have in my mind how I would sound like if I actually could hear myself speak."

Kurt's eyes started sparkling. See! And if you have the music in your head, maybe you still can articulate it the same way. I mean, even before, when you could still hear, you did not adjust the notes after hearing them coming out of your mouth, right?

Rachel shrugged and nodded once.

You opened your mouth and just sang. So you had already adjusted them in your mind and transferred that onto your vocal cords, somehow. I am not sure if I am making sense here right now, he then added with an apologetic shrug.

"Yeah, maybe." She paused for a moment, and added then in a small voice: "It feels weird not to hear myself. I feel all the vibrations in my throat and chest and still, I don't know. It's strange. And I know that I will never sound like I used to, not as strong and secure."

Kurt gently shook his head. No, probably you will not. But this, he gestured with his hand around the kitchen to indicate their little show performance, was you. Different, yes, but still you. And please trust me, Rachel. You did nothing to be embarrassed of. Believe me.

Rachel opened her mouth and closed it again, clearly at a loss for words. There was no sense in discussing this further.

Either she could trust her friend with his judgment or not. These were the only choices she had. And it was damn hard to rely on someone else's opinion, not ever being able to truly know it for herself.

Kurt noticed that it was still working inside Rachel's head and he gave her time to sort her thoughts and feelings out.

Rachel pondered long and hard about that. So if what Kurt said was true, then maybe her idea could work out. Was it really so absurd or was she just making it so hard for herself to believe her friend? She truly felt that of all people Kurt was the one who would honestly tell her if she had sounded horrible.

Rachel felt like her lips were moving on their own even though part of her still found it too absurd to form her thoughts out loud.

"You know, I had this … I don't know …it's just a crazy idea to…" she chewed her lip before continuing. "… I have been thinking of maybe ..." God this was so hard to bring across her lips. After watching her struggle for a moment, Kurt jumped in.

Just spit it out, Rachel. He crocked his head, studying his friend, wondering if he should probe a little more as it was clearly not just an idea. It seemed to be something quite important; otherwise it would not be so hard for Rachel to bring it out into the open.

Kurt's encouraging smile finally made Rachel dig up the last bit of courage she could find bring up the words.

"I have been thinking about a present for Quinn. And … I wanted it to be something very special, something that no one else could give her…."

Kurt could guess what she had in mind. To make it easier for her, he asked:

You wanted to sing for her?

"Yes..." It came out more as a breath than a sound, but she was glad that Kurt had prompted her. In a very low voice she continued. "I don't know, it's probably a stupid idea."

When she looked up again to finally meet her friend's eyes, Kurt saw a hopeful glimmer in the brown orbs. He placed a hand on her forearm and squeezed it slightly before pulling back again, his smile never wavering.

I think she would love it!

"You think?" She still doubted the sanity of her idea. It had been so much fun doing the duet with Kurt, but to sing a whole song and not being able to know how it would turn out seemed to be too far away to ever become reality for her.

Why don't we try? Maybe we can even record it - and he motioned with his head towards his music equipment - and you can give her a CD, Kurt offered.

Rachel looked at him for a moment. While he was observing her contemplating his answer, something seemed to shift inside her. She broke their eye contact and shook her head.

"No, you know what, forget it. It's not going to work. No. I'll have to think of something else. I don't even know how I got this insane idea, I haven't sung in months, much less have I any idea how I would manage a complete song. So whatever possessed me to ask, just forget it, ok?" And she made a dismissive hand gesture towards him.

Kurt opened his mouth to protest and lifted his hands, but she stalled him.

"I said no, Kurt. No. Let's just leave it there, ok? I really enjoyed the little jump back into performing, but it's not going to last, it was just a one-time thing."

It hurt saying it, but it was reality. There was nothing she could do about it. And there was nothing she wanted to discuss further. She noticed the disappointed look on Kurt's face, before he shifted his gaze and focused on something behind her shoulder. Rachel turned to see what caught his attention and she noticed Blaine standing in the doorway, with a slightly guilty expression on his face.

Her breath caught in her throat. She had planned on leaving before he got back. But chekcing the time he was too early for shis show to have finished. Noticing an uncomfortable feeling creeping up from her stomache, Rachel forced herself to relax.

Blaine stepped forward and pulled the large door close before facing Rachel and Kurt again.

Kurt walked over and kissed his fiancée on the lips. When they broke off, Rachel gave Blaine a little wave with her hand.

"Hi Blaine," she managed evenly.

Blaine looked from her to Kurt and back to her, before he answered. Kurt stood next to him and raised his hands.

"Hi Rachel. I … I'm sorry I just interrupted you two."

She looked from Kurt's hands to Blaine. Out of a gut feeling she asked:

"How long have you been standing there?"

There was something about the way his eyes darted between her and Kurt and the way he held himself that did not fit with the fact that he had just arrived.

Blaine placed his bag on one of the chairs and surveyed the left overs of their dinner. Then he turned back to Rachel.

"Um, I was here a little earlier, but… " He exhaled slowly. "… I saw you two performing in the kitchen and I didn't want to disturb you, you seemed to have so much fun, so… I turned and left and waited for a while down the hall before I came back again…" he let his voice trial off. "I am sorry, I should have made my presence known before." He then managed to apologize.

Rachel was torn between anger and embarrassment for Blaine to have witnessed such a very private and special moment. She looked at Kurt and noticed pure surprise on his face. So he had not seen or heard Blaine standing in the door either. That was at least a consolation. She would not have forgiven him had he noticed Blaine's presence without alerting her.

"You are home early," Kurt stated and signed in parallel.

Blaine nodded and coughed. He looked quite tired and had some dark circles under his eyes.

"I don't feel well."

"Oh my god, you sound like you are getting a cold! Go to bed right away!" Kurt exclaimed and rushed his boyfriend towards their bedroom.

Rachel watched Kurt switch into a slight state of alert, even though his words eluded her. After having seen Blaine cough it was not hard to guess what he might have said, though.

Halfway across the room Kurt turned signing:

Rachel, I will just get Blaine into bed, I'll be right with you again!

Rachel nodded.

For an actor or a singer just the beginning of a cold was already an absolute nightmare. She could not say if Blaine's voice had already suffered, but judging from the state he looked like, he was probably in for a nasty cold. Why he had not stayed at home in the first place that evening was beyond her. It was of utmost importance to take care of oneself, especially when having such a tight and trying schedule and so many people depending on you. Also spreading the germs among your fellow actors was usually never a gesture that was well received.

When the two disappeared behind the newly installed glass sliding door that separated the bedroom from the rest of the apartment – there was now also a glass wall installed behind the shelf on the foot side of the room to ward of the noise - she took stock of the whole situation and her feelings.

It seemed that two people had heard her sing now. Two people - while she herself could not hear her own voice. And of all people one of them had to be Blaine. She wondered what this would do to his fear; probably it had not helped to ease it, listening to a former Broadway star croaking along to her own once perfect singing.

She tried to distract herself in order not to start brooding and slipping into a bad mood. The evening had been too nice for that.

Collecting the plates with the left-over food, she cleared them and placed them into the sink. How come that whenever she was with one of her friends, they almost never got to eat what they were cooking? She wondered.

Rachel noticed that she felt oddly calm while she concentrated on the task at hand, letting the water run over the porcelain and squeezing some dish washing liquid into the sink. Maybe it was still the effect of the alcohol in her system that let her stand there so calmly. After all, she could not take anything back or change the past hour. And if she was honest with herself, she would not want to. It had been so much fun.

She and Kurt had always had that certain chemistry when singing and it must have been what had caught her in that moment, even though she could not hear any of the music. At least not for real, but in her mind everything had been so clear!

Rachel focused back on straightening up the kitchen. At home she had a dishwasher and she wondered why Kurt had never gotten around to buy one. Though for now she found it very relaxing and almost meditative to concentrate on washing the dishes.

After she had deposited the food from the pots into two glass bowls and placed them into the fridge, she scrubbed the rest of the cooking utensils too.

While standing there, her hands busy with scrubbing, she had to laugh all of a sudden. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed someone approaching and Kurt asked her with his hands:

What's so funny?

Rachel shrugged, her hands still submerged in the foamy water.

"I don't know. This whole situation, everything. I mean, I am standing here cleaning the dishes after dancing and singing in your kitchen …you have to admit it does seem rather funny, considering the circumstances." She placed both hands on the rim of the sink and leaned on her arms. "You know, Kurt, I really enjoyed this. It reminded me what is worth living for." She gave him a crooked smile and Kurt grabed a dish towel off the hook to help her.

Rachel watched his face break into a smile. Before he answered, he threw the towel on the table to free his hands again.

Yes. I guess it proves that the best things happen if you do not plan them. Sometimes you just have to let things go and they'll sort themselves out on their own. He noticed the slightly confused look on Rachel's face and continued.

Look, do you think this evening would have happened the way it did, had you planned to sing with me? I don't think so and yet it was one of the best things that we ever lived through together. At least for me it was.

"Hm. Kind of happened the same way with meeting Quinn again. I could never have planned it the way it really happened and how the whole thing turned out. I see what you mean."

So, are you ok? Kurt then asked with a compassionate look on his face.

Rachel thought for a moment. "Yes, I guess I'm ok. It still feels weird to think that I actually sang with you without ever being able to hear it and knowing how it really sounded. I just had to trust my feeling and my memory of the song." She paused for a moment, collecting her thoughts before continuing.

"But it is still hard to believe that you are telling the truth. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to imply that you are lying, but… oh god, how do I explain myself…"

It's ok, I think I can understand. Kurt paused for a moment before he continued.

Blaine wanted to talk to you, if that is ok with you. Why don't you go talk to him while I finish up here? He gestured towards the already cleaned dishes. And thanks for helping, Rachel.

"You're welcome. Besides, you did all the cooking! Which was great, by the way!" She gave him a grateful smile. "How is Blaine? And did they cancel the show with him leaving early?" She then inquired curiously.

Kurt shook his head, placed the plate he was just drying on the table and answered:

His understudy took over. They only had one and a half acts to go. He already didn't feel so well yesterday, but insisted on going to work today.

"He should have stayed in bed. Did he sound hoarse?" She then wanted to know.

Yes, a little, I guess he overexerted himself today.

Rachel nodded and dried her hands on the towel Kurt held for her. She could not think of any further questions to ask to keep her from seeing Blaine. Truth be told, she felt uncomfortable having to face him alone. But, if she ever wanted to resolve this issue she should go and see him. Before she made her way over to the bedroom she stopped at her handbag to retrieve a notepad. Though, when she slipped through the door she found Blaine already holding one of his own in his hand, sitting Indian style on the blanket. He smiled shyly as she entered and padded the bed in front of him.

Cautiously she sat down and laid the paper and pen down in front of her, looking at Blaine. He seemed a bit nervous and fidgeted with the pen in his hand. To put him a bit at ease, she started the conversation.

"Kurt told me you wanted to see me."

Blaine nodded and visibly swallowed. This was going to be awkward, Rachel thought and took over the conversation again, even though he had asked to talk to her.

"I'm sorry you had to cancel the rest of your show. I guess that just adds fuel to the fire of the discussion we had through our e-mails." She said gently.

Blaine pressed his lips together and nodded.

"Yes, thanks. I wanted to apologize…" he started saying tilting his head down, not looking at Rachel until she waved her hand in front of his face and then pointed to his pad.

"I can't understand what you're saying. So you either have to look at me and speak in short and clear sentences or write down what you want to say," she explained.

Embarrassed, Blaine stoapped fiddling with the ball point pen nd wrote something down.

I'm truly sorry for having intruded before. Seems like I stick my foot into my mouth every time I'm around you.

This drew a soft chuckle from Rachel. "Guess you do." Then she sobered.

"Do you know how that whole situation makes me feel? This was somehow the most vulnerable I have ever been. Standing there, in the kitchen, actually singing again. Still, with Kurt I somehow had felt safe. But now knowing that you witnessed the whole thing … Blaine that was really unfair. And to be honest it makes me furious that you have intruded in such a personal moment uncalled."

Blaine looked at her for a moment. "Yes. I guess I can understand that," he mumbled and again Rachel had to point to the paper on his lap. This time she did it with a little more emphasis. Was it really that difficult?

She moved a little closer so she could read over his shoulder in order to not having to wait until he had finished writing everything.

You asked me to be honest with you in your last e-mail. So I try to be.
When I came home I heard Kurt singing. That was really strange, because he told me that you were coming over and I didn't quite understand why he would do such an inconsiderate thing… with you being there. So I peeked inside and was surprised to see you watching him and joining him even! I didn't dare to interrupt, you seemed so… So happy and so involved. I just didn't bring it over my heart to step inside, because I'm sure you would've stopped. It was so fascinating to watch you. Then I realized that this was really inappropriate and I turned around again to give you some more privacy.

Rachel had watched Blaine while he wrote down the words. He looked like he had a bad conscience and even seemed truly ashamed of his action.

"In your state you shouldn't have wandered around the hallway, Blaine. It just would've been fair to say something right then and there." She made her point.

He opened his mouth again to answer, but caught himself just in time and let the pen fly over the paper instead. He coughed again a few times while writing.

True. And I am sorry I didn't. But to be honest, do you think you would have dared to sing had you seen me standing there or if I had said anything?

So he definitely had heard her, too.

She shook her head. "No."

So… Wasn't it then a good thing that I just walked away?

"Walked away? You shouldn't have been there in the first place," Rachel gave the sharp retort.

For a moment she felt cornered and wanted to lash out at Blaine. How dared he ask her such a question? He, who had been the one who had the most problems with her deafness and how to deal with it. So how dare he to discuss this absolute sensible situation with her now? He was the one who still had everything and nevertheless tortured himself with an unreasonable fear, while she had lost everything. And then he dared to watch her sing – something that she thought she would never do again in her life.

Sing.

And now he was sitting there smug on his bed, asking her these well-meant questions about this one moment when she had felt normal for a fraction of a second, when she had managed to not focus on the fact that she was deaf?

Rachel felt the anger rise in her chest and apparently it also settled in her eyes, because as she looked at Blaine, he flinched and involuntarily leaned back a bit.

Good. He should know that he had not been welcomed to witness this scene. He of all people.

But in her heart, she knew where his last question pointed at and another voice inside her tried to reason with her, tried to get her to calm down and think about it in earnest.

She knew he wanted to hear that she enjoyed herself, that she had liked it. She thought back to the moment when she took the whole thing forward from just moving her lips to actually raising her voice.

This last step had been a conscious decision. She had known what she was doing.

It had helped seeing Kurt in front of her, performing with her. That had given the whole thing a frame of reference for her, which was so important as she had no way of judging when her next verse was up.

Well, that was not quite true. As she had the whole song in her head, she had known when each line came up and how to sing it, theoretically. But translating that knowledge onto her voice, singing, had been a totally different story.

The whole trouble began and ended in her head with all her doubts and insecurities. She knew she had to ignore those voices should she ever want to move forward. The world would throw enough obstacles into her path, so she had to stop limiting herself first.

Once she had managed to let herself be completely pulled into the scene that played out in front of her, she could not hear those little voices of doubts anymore as they seemed to be drowned out by the joy and fun she felt. That had helped her to actually take the last step to tune in with Kurt.

She had watched his face, his eyes had widened in surprise.

Rachel had felt through the vibrations in her throat when she was changing the volume while singing. The vibrations got stronger the higher the volume, spreading from her throat through her head and chest. She knew she did not sing as loud and as forceful as she used to, but after staying silent for so long, it felt like a small victory over her limitations. She knew that this singing was most likely a one-time thing that had happened in the spur of a moment, but still, it boosted her confidence a bit.

So maybe she would at least be able to keep her 'talking' voice and manage to keep giving it the right inflections and modulations over time.

Seeing Blaine in front of her, watching her and waiting for an answer, she felt her anger disappear. And she realized that she didn't need to say anything. He knew the answer already. He must have seen it written all over her face, the way he looked at her.

Rachel let out a long breath and with it she felt the anger and tension leave her body completely.

"I think I should let you rest. You really don't look well, if I may say so. Let Kurt cook you some chicken soup and tug you in."

Oh believe me, even if I tried, I would not manage to keep him away from my bedside. He would have been a good nurse in another life, Blaine joked, desperately trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, I think he would," Rachel agreed, watching Blaine writing something else down.

For what it's worth... he fiddled with the pen for a moment, before he dared to write the next words… Kurt told me you don't really believe him when he says that you sounded good. Which I can understand in a way. I just wanted to let you know, for the short moment I was there, it sounded great to hear you sing with Kurt and having your two voices play in the background. That was incredible, it really sounded great, like a double Wicked performance!

"Thank you Blaine." Rachel answered, not knowing what else to say and not wanting to talk about it any further. She collected her pad and pen and got up. "Well, get better soon," she offered and gave a little wave with her hand.

Turning to leave she felt him grab her hand to hold her back. He held up a finger to ask her to wait for another moment and let his pen flow across the paper.

Thanks for letting me witness that little moment (even though you were not aware of it and I still feel bad about this!). But it's good to know that you can find back to your old self.

The petite woman stared at the words for a while before she answered, taking the pen out of Blaine's hand, writing her words down.

You know, sometimes it might be better to move on and not stay the same. If you hold on to too much things that you're afraid to lose, you don't have time to see what else is there around you. And you'll never grow. She blinked and then added another sentence. That is something I've just realized.

She placed the pen on the pad and handed both back to Blaine with a smile. He read it and nodded, reaching out to squeeze Rachel's hand, sneezing twice at that moment and then quickly withdrew his hand again.

"Oh sorry, hope I didn't spread my viruses!" He exclaimed, then noticing his mistake reached for the pen and paper again. But Rachel's hand on his arm stilled his motion. She had understood the "sorry" and "virus" and guessed the rest.

"Don't worry, I won't get sick. Now get into bed, before I call the nurse," she ordered.

Blaine nodded and scooted under the covers, watching Rachel slide the door close.

Rachel found Kurt still in the kitchen, setting up some coffee and preparing a tea for his boyfriend.

Everything ok? He asked with his hands.

"Yes. All good. I think I should leave you now to tend to your boyfriend," Rachel then said and moved towards the chair where her jacket hung. Kurt stomped his foot twice on the wooden floor to get her attention.

No, you'll do no such thing. Sit down, Ms. Berry, at once! And he sternly pointed at the chair she stood in front of. We still have to test at least one wine! I didn't carry that whole stuff up here to just look at it!

"Oh, ok, Mr. Hummel, I did not want to upset you." Rachel held up her hands in a defensive gesture. "I will surely enjoy some nice conversation over a decent glass of wine. Though mind you, I am already slightly intoxicated by the marvelous champagne you have served earlier." She answered in typical Rachel manner.

That's why we will have some coffee and dessert first. I'll just bring the tea to Blaine and will be right with you.

Rachel chuckled and sat down. Looking at the clock above the fridge she found that it wasn't as late as she'd thought. Not even nine thirty. Kurt came back right away as promised. She wondered what the two men had talked about, because her friend was shaking his head a little, lifting one corner of his mouth in a crocked smile.

Kurt then served some excellent carrot cake from their favorite bakery and the coffee helped to perk her up a bit.

Some fresh water a little later helped to clear their taste buds in order to enjoy the white wine Kurt offered. He explained that it was not really the right order to have the wine after dessert, as it might taste differently after the sweet dish, but Rachel agreed that having had something to eat first was a good idea.

"Have you taped anything else from Glee Club?"

Kurt shook his head. No, not much. Some of the special competitions, like boys against girls or the mash ups. Some I just have taped with my phone.

Rachel looked at Kurt. "Hm. I never really have thought of you to be the secret stalker type, Kurt," she joked. "Does Mr. Schuester know?"

Again Kurt answered no.

"Hm, maybe that would be a nice present for him, once he retires or something like that. A memory of his first Glee club that won the Nationals."

Kurt laughed. Good idea. Maybe I won't wait until he is ancient and gray. Should he ever marry Ms. Pilsbury, then I'll give him that as a present. Speaking of Glee, will you go home for Hanukkah or Christmas?

Rachel hesitated a moment. "Yeah, I have planned to go home." She thought about the conversation she was going to have with her parents and felt a little unease rise.

You don't look happy about it, Kurt commented.

"No, it's just… I'm not at best terms with my dads so far. Ever since the accident we have somehow drifted apart. And I know that it is partly because I have been keeping them at arm's length, but partly it is also because they are behaving just so inconsiderate around me. It's not like they are not allowed to learn and make mistakes, but they keep making the same ones over and over again. As if they didn't want to learn. I told them that we needed to talk. Quinn offered me to support me. Still I'm not looking forward to that discussion."

I can understand that. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. We will also be going home, probably around the 23rd, after our last performance. When will you be leaving?

Rachel shrugged. "Don't know yet. We have not talked about it so far. Probably a day earlier, depending on Quinn's schedule. I'll let you know, ok?" She took another sip of her wine.

Kurt studied his friend for a moment as she played with her wine glass, twirling it between her fingers, watching the pale liquid leaving little traces on the inside of the glass. He wondered what else was eating her.

What's up? He asked as she looked back at him after a while.

"Nothing. Have just been thinking about our annual Glee meeting. Don't know if I feel up to it this year. Nobody knows yet what happened."

Well, I don't think they will like you any less if you tell them, don't you think? Kurt asked gently.

"No, that's not it. Well not all of it. It's just that whatever Mr. Schue has planned, most likely I won't be able to participate and I'm not sure if I can stand to just watch you all sing and have fun. She paused for a moment, collecting herself. "Anyway, that's still some days away and I don't want to worry about it tonight." She changed the topic. "I like the wine."

Yes, it's one of my favorites. Blaine was complaining that he didn't get any.

"Why didn't he?"

He's sick and should stick to tea! Kurt answered with emphasis.

"Oh god," Rachel chuckled. "We already joked about how good a nurse you would have become in another life."

Kurt perked up. Oh yes, with those nice little white dresses and those good looking doctors, yumm! I'd have loved that job! And he waggled his eyebrows for emphasis.

Rachel had to laugh again, imagining her friend in the nurse's outfit. "Right. But you know, the main part of the job doesn't consist of ogling handsome doctors and making out in the janitor's closet."

His face fell a little. Right. Damn.

The light banter continued and after having finished her wine, Rachel decided to leave.

She put on her coat and bonnet and hugged her friend at the door.

"Thank you for this great evening. And thank you for …" she waved with her hand at the kitchen table "...the food and the wine. And … you know… all the rest," she smiled shyly.

I know. Kurt smiled. And you are very welcome Rachel. For the food, the wine and "all the rest". Especially the "rest". He managed to weave the air quotation marks into his signing.

So whenever you feel like a little performance in whichever way, the door is always open for you and I'll be ready as your duet partner, he added, gazing at Rachel intensively.

She held his gaze for a moment, seeing the earnestness behind the words and simply nodded. There was nothing to add. She knew whenever she felt like it and whatever she wanted to try out, Kurt would be there for her, not judging, not questioning her.

It filled her with a gratefulness that was hard to contain, as she made her way towards the subway, unable to erase the happy smile that played around her lips.

… … …

On the subway ride back to her apartment, Rachel thought that it was not fair to Quinn that two people had heard her sing, when her girlfriend didn't even know yet about her first contact with Kurt's piano. She had even talked with Santana about that episode.

Rachel wondered what held her back from telling Quinn. Was she afraid Quinn would want to hear her sing? Or that she would press her to try out even more? No. Not really. She had not even asked her to speak before, so why would she ask her to sing? She had let Rachel pick her own pace with everything. The brunette could not find a rational reason for wanting to hold back the news.

When she opened her apartment door, she noticed that she had left the light on in the living room. She dropped her bag on the kitchen counter, threw her shoes in the corner next to the door, hung up her coat, scarf and bonnet. Then she made her way towards the bathroom, where she discarded the rest of her clothes and got ready for bed.

Midway through washing her face she noticed that she was humming. That Wicked song still held her captive. Shaking her head she washed off the excessive foam, brushed her teeth and grabbed her clothes. With only her bra and panties on she slipped into the dark bedroom, threw the pile of clothes on the chair in the corner and turned towards her bed, stopping mid-track.

There was a bulge under the cover and she saw some blond tousled hair peeking out from under it.

"Awwww, that's so sweet," she half-whispered and stepped next to the bed, gently stroking through the blond locks, placing a happy kiss on the head of her girlfriend.

That was a very nice surprise, they had planned to sleep separately for the night, but apparently Quinn's longing for her had been too great to tame.

Quickly Rachel threw on her pajamas and crawled into the bed, snuggling up to her sleeping beauty, wrapping her arms around her from behind, burring her nose in her hair inhaling deeply.

Heaven. Home. Bliss.

"Mhmmmmmmmm," she sighed as she tried to scoot even closer.

Quinn moved under her embrace and sleepily turned around.

"Hey sweet!" she mumbled and searched Rachel's lips with hers. The brunette eagerly met her half way and they shared a tender kiss.

"What are you doing here, honey?" Rachel asked, still feeling happy to be treated to such a nice surprise.

"Missed you," was the short reply she plucked from Quinn's lips as the blond seemed too tired to sign.

"Go back to sleep honey," Rachel cooed softly and placed another kiss on her girlfriend's forehead. "You must be tired."

The blond head bobbed up and down slowly.

"Did you have fun?" Quinn managed before her eyes fell close again.

Rachel did not answer right away, thinking back to the evening, and then answered honestly:

"Yeah. I did. In fact, I had more than fun." Then she collected her courage before she could change her mind. "I sang a little duet with Kurt," she then whispered, observing Quinn for any reaction.

A small smile spread across Quinn's features as her eyes stayed close. She hardly managed to say the next words. "Reall... Tell me …" the rest was apparently swallowed by fatigue and Rachel watched Quinn's breath even out and take on a rhythm that told her that her girlfriend was in dreamland again.

She pulled one corner of her mouth up and let out a short breath, turned around, switched the lights off and wrapped her arms around her lover. At least it was out and she would see how Quinn would react to her news in the morning.