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Chapter 42
Quinn was a little excited to go home, to see her sister and meet their old friends from school. Seeing her mom, well, she would manage. As long as her sister was there, Quinn could face spending time with her mother.
After her mom had separated from Quinn's dad and apologized to her daughter for not standing up for her little girl, their relationship got better. Still, they had never been able to re-establish the normal heartfelt mother-daughter connection. They would talk once a month over the phone, Judy would visit her daughter once in a while and the young woman would come home for the holidays. That was about it. Quinn had steeled herself for another kick out of her parents or rather mother's life when she shortly told her about her relationship with Rachel. Much to her surprise her mother had basically just told her as long as she was happy, she was fine with it. Had her mother changed so much to become so accepting? After all, being in a relationship with another woman was nothing that fit into the Fabray family picture. Then again, neither did divorce.
She got along much better with her sister and Quinn was really happy to see Fran again. She had told her about her relationship with Rachel and her sister was first surprised, then speechless and then truly happy for her. The thought about meeting her sister triggered a little song outburst.
"Driving home for Christmas….." Quinn sang while signing. She came out of the bathroom and walked up to Rachel who was sitting at the kitchen table.
Rachel watched her girlfriend. It took her a moment to figure out that she was not directly talking to her, but was actually singing a song.
"Who's that from?" She asked.
Chris Rea. Quinn signed when she had finished the chorus.
Rachel was surprised. "You listen to Chris Rea?"
Well, I like some of his songs. But this one just popped into my mind, Quinn answered in a good mood.
Rachel laughed. "Uh huh. I have to admit I always liked the music he wrote for this movie La Passione. The songs with Shirley Bassey were great."
Yes, I love those too! The movie is also very good. Then she added hesitatingly: I watched it with my dad a couple of times when I was little.
Rachel cocked her head and studied her girlfriend. "Sorry, I didn't want to call up sad memories." She apologized.
Quinn shook her head. That is not a sad memory. It's actually a good one, no matter what happened afterwards. Anyway, I gotta get my stuff ready. She poked a thumb over her shoulder and disappeared into the bedroom to start packing.
Rachel watched her go and then went to one of her bags that stood next to the sofa. Upon making sure that she was alone, she zipped one open. Quinn's two presents lay neatly wrapped on top of a stack of clothes. Fingering the smaller one, a tiny, shy smile graced her lips. She would probably doubt if this was as good a present as she imagined until the last minute, but she had sworn to herself that she would give it to Quinn nevertheless. Carefully, she zipped the bag close and stood up to join her girlfriend in the bedroom.
Sitting cross legged on the bed she watched Quinn fill the suitcase, never shy to interrupt the blonde with little kisses on her hands or lips, whatever was easier to reach from her position.
... ... ...
Before Quinn had to leave for her last show before her Christmas break, they stowed the main luggage away in the trunk of a rental car. They had decided to drive all the way to Lima, despite the short stay.
Just as she was with the subways, Quinn was not too fond of airplanes. Being cooped up in a form transportation where she could not get out easily and had not much control over was not her favorite. And Rachel felt uncomfortable flying either, despite the green light her doctor had given her.
Both of them taking turns driving the nine hours' drive would be okay.
The car was parked in the garage below the apartment building. Quinn had picked it up in the morning of the 23rd and had collected Rachel with her bags at her apartment in the early afternoon.
They planned to leave very early the next day, on the 24th so they would arrive in the early afternoon in Lima, if the traffic would flow and the weather permit it. So far is seemed ok, it had not snowed in the past three days and the roads were clear.
Rachel spent the evening reading on the couch while Quinn was performing and Santana spent an evening at her aunts. The brunette was happy that Santana would join them in Lima for their Glee meeting, at least.
When Quinn came home from her last show, the two went straight to bed for a couple of hours of sleep and planned to hit the road at around four in the morning.
… … …
After some coffee, they packed the rest of their necessities into the Mini Countryman, including enough provisions for the trip to feed a small army. Quinn slid behind the wheel, waiting for Rachel to get in on the passenger side. As soon as they had buckled up, a thought struck her. She turned and grazed her hand lightly over Rachel's arm to draw her attention away from rummaging around in her hand bag. The brunette pulled out her mobile phone and then looked at Quinn.
Rachel, how do we communicate? Quinn asked with a slightly alarmed look on her face. It will be difficult to sign while I'm driving and when you are driving it will be hard for you to see my hands.
Rachel did not seem too perturbed by this observation. She simple wiggled the phone in her hand and placed it into the cradle that was fixed onto the console of the car already.
"I thought we could try this. Not sure if it will work, but at least we can give it a go. It has a voice recognition software, this translates spoken text into writing. This way I can listen to voice messages, for example. I have it on my computer too. It works a bit faster there, but it might work on the phone as well."
I was wondering about that. Quinn pointed at the phone.
"About what?"
You wrote in one of your early e-mails to me that you had "listened" to my message. Quinn air-quoted the word 'listened', before she continued You know, the one I left on your voicemail before I knew…. And I wanted to ask you what you meant by that, but I guess it slipped my mind. Now I know. This is cool, how does it work?
"You just press the red dot before talking. It will blink while you speak and then you can tap it again to stop recording."
Great, let's try it. So we're all set. She smiled encouragingly at Rachel. Let's go. She pressed the start button and the engine came to life.
"Ok, Lima, here we come." Rachel tried, but could not muster as much enthusiasm as she wanted to.
She had mixed feelings about it. She wanted to see her dads and their old friends who would be home for Christmas and Hanukkah again. Her joy of seeing all them again was somewhat diminished by the fact that she would have to face up to tell them what had happened, though.
Well, maybe it was just about time that everybody knew. It was unlikely that her situation would change very soon, if ever. This way she could stop finding excuses for not wanting to meet or talk with them.
One other visit also lay a bit heavily in her stomach.
Shelby had invited her for dinner.
Their contact had been amicable over the past years, but they were not very close. They had written each other e-mails once every couple of weeks and Shelby had visited to watch some of Rachel's shows, but other than that they had kept their distance. So it had really surprised Rachel when she received an invitation for a Christmas dinner from her birth mother. Even more so when Shelby asked if she would mind Quinn being there as well to visit Beth. It had turned out to become a tradition for the two mothers to meet over Christmas.
Rachel had never bothered to tell Shelby about what had happened between her and Quinn in college and much less about the fact that they were lovers now. She had also carefully omitted the fact that she was now deaf. She had also asked her father to not tell anyone else in Lima about her condition. If ever, she wanted to do that herself, including telling Shelby.
Thinking about her fathers brought her inevitably back to the fact that they were currently not on the best of speaking terms. She let out a long breath. Quinn placed a consoling hand on her thigh and squeezed lightly as if she had read her thoughts and wanted to give her some comfort with this gesture.
Well, this would be an interesting home visit. Maybe she should dub this voyage 'Off to new beginnings', Rachel thought. It certainly felt that way.
She watched Quinn expertly weave her way out of the city onto the highway, wondering how she felt about this visit home. The last few days had been so crazy with Quinn's concert and the shows that they did not have time to talk about it. They also did not have time to discuss Rachel's new acquaintances, Lauren and Cara and how good it finally felt having some contact with other deaf people.
Rachel placed her hand on Quinn's that still rested on her thigh and the blond smiled as the brunette quickly lifted it and pressed a kiss to her girlfriend's fingers.
When they were on the highway and out of New York's maze of streets, the brunette asked:
"How often do you see Beth?"
Quinn looked at Rachel shortly before turning her attention back on the road again. Wondering if the software would pick up her voice clearly enough, she spoke slowly and in short sentences, pausing in between. Whenever possible she tried to add the corresponding sign with one hand.
Rachel's gaze jumped between Quinn's lips, her hands and the mobile device back and forth.
Surprisingly, the recording and transcription worked quite well, so she understood most of what Quinn told her.
"I've seen her a couple of times over the years. Shelby also visited the city with her a few times. Beth knows I'm part of her life and always will be, though she does not know the details yet. We started corresponding by e-mails some time ago. So I'm pretty much on top of what happens in her life." She stated with a smile.
"How old is Beth now?"
Eight"
"Wow! Already?"
Yes, quite a big girl.
"How does she address you?"
You mean how she calls me?" Rachel nodded. "She just says Quinn. I'm not gonna be replacing her mom or anything. Though, Shelby might want to tell her one day that I'm her birth mom. We are not sure about that yet; we'll see.
They were silent for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. Then Quinn picked up the conversation again.
So, how do you feel about that dinner with Shelby?
Rachel gazed out of the window at the dark landscape. Quinn lightly touched her on the arm and pointed to the phone.
Quickly, the brunette scanned the text that was displayed on the small screen.
"Don't know. I'm nervous, I guess. Shelby and I had some loose contact, but I have only seen Beth only a few times. Will there be other people as well at the dinner?"
Quinn shook her head. No, usually it's just us. And now you, if you want to come.
"Hm." Rachel was still not sure. She thought about the organization of the next few days.
"So, tonight, we will both be with our parents. You will celebrate with your family tomorrow, right, but come over to my house in the evening, right? And then on the twenty-sixth we have the Glee Club meeting and on the twenty-seventh the dinner with Shelby."
Quinn nodded. We will have quite a busy vacation. But the twenty-eighth will be our day!
"Yes, because we'll have to drive back again," Rachel answered dryly.
Oh, right. Quinn pouted to show her disappointment. Can't we just … I don't know, not go to Lima and hide out somewhere in between? she sighed, knowing full well that they couldn't.
"We'll find some time for us, sweetie." Rachel consoled her chuckling lightly.
… … …
After a couple of hours they switched seats and Rachel sat behind the wheel. Quinn fell asleep after a while, with Rachel's hand cradled in her own. The brunette had to smile at her girlfriend. She looked so cute and peaceful, with her head tilted slightly in Rachel's direction, a relaxed expression on her face.
She drove on for a while. It was quite boring, going on a long ride without any distraction. She had loved driving around, listening to music, belting out the songs that played on the radio. Now she only had the slowly increasing traffic around her and her own thoughts. This was one of the moments when she felt the loss of music deeply again. It had something almost meditative, driving and singing and letting loose of everything that was on her mind.
Desperately trying to keep her mind distracted, she concentrated on the vibrations of the car she was feeling through the seat under her thighs and through the steering wheel in her hands. Rachel tried to imagine the sound of it. The Mini was a nice and comfortable car and the BMW engine probably gave off a nice purring resonance.
Slowly, the sun began to rise. It promised to be a beautiful winter morning. The snow still lay like a white blanket over the fields and started to reflect the warm orange glow of the sunrise.
Quinn started to stir next to her and stretched her body and arms over her head with a hearty yawn.
"Morning, darling," Rachel greeted her.
Morning, Quinn signed. She looked around and pointed at the sun outside. Then she made the quick sign for 'beautiful'. At least one sing at a time Rachel could read out of the corner of her eye. Reading the text on the phone only worked if she was not driving. Or they had to be very short sentences.
Rachel had deactivated the transcription software. Quinn could now type the short messages for Rachel and hold it up for her to read. Though it was really awkward and as the former singer had to concentrate on the road, conversation was more than sparse.
"You can turn on the radio if you want. I don't mind," Rachel offered.
Quinn looked at her, then shook her head. I'm okay, she signed slowly.
After three hours, they stopped to eat some food for breakfast before Quinn took over again. This time, Rachel felt sleepy and let herself lull into sleep by the car's soft reverberations.
When she woke, she noticed that Quinn had turned on the radio and was apparently singing along to a song.
She watched her for a moment from under her lashes. Then she reached out and placed a hand on the side of Quinn's neck to see if she was singing aloud. It had looked like she was just mouthing the words, though Rachel could not explain why she thought that. She felt the vibrations in her girlfriend's neck, who courteously continued what she was doing for Rachel's exploration.
You're awake, the blonde signed clumsily with one hand on the steering wheel.
"Yes. Where are we?" Rachel looked around, still a little tired.
Just past the border of Ohio.
"Oh, great. Not so far to go. We'll be there early. Maybe we can then enjoy some coffee at the Lima Bean. Somehow that's the first place I'd like to go."
Quinn turned the radio off and Rachel activated her mobile phone again.
We can do that, if you want. I'd like to go there too. Should we drop our luggage first? Or go before we meet the family?
"Well, I think we should say hello first."
Quinn nodded. "Ok."
… … …
The rest of the ride went smoothly. The traffic was okay and the weather held, so the roads stayed clear.
They switched seats again for the last leg of the journey. They decided that they would meet at the café later in the afternoon.
Rachel's heart started pounding loudly in her chest as they crossed the Lima city limit.
She finally parked the Mini in her dad's driveway and then just sat there. She could not move; she wanted to stay in the car and turn around as quickly as possible.
Meeting all the people she knew and having to tell them about her accident was not something she was really looking forward to. But she also knew that once she had gotten over it, it would make things easier. She wouldn't have to find excuses anymore on why she never called Tina, why she didn't want to Skype with Mercedes or Puck and why the hell she never told Artie what she thought about his new film. He'd sent her the raw version.
It did not have subtitles.
A hand on her arm startled her out of her thoughts. She jumped slightly and saw Quinn's concerned face in front of her.
"Sorry. Just lost in space," she apologized with a small smile.
Come on, let's go. We'll see each other again shortly. I know you are a little nervous about this whole trip.
"A "little nervous" is an understatement. I feel like I'm standing in front of a huge obstacle course and can't see the end of it." Rachel let out a deep breath. "Well, I won't get a head start staying here in the car, you're right. Besides, you have to face meeting your mom and I know you are not comfortable with that either."
She reached out, cupped Quinn's face and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
Let's go face our demons, Quinn laughed to lighten the mood a bit.
Rachel had to laugh as well. "Right."
She got out and as if on command the front door of the house flew open and Leroy came out.
Throwing a quick glance at Quinn, Rachel stepped forward and met her father in an embrace.
"Hey pumpkin! How are you? Good to see you!" Then he turned and lightly hugged a surprised Quinn. "Hello Quinn. Nice to see you, too!"
Rachel noted gratefully that he tried to sign while speaking. That was at least something. Maybe they had taken her comment on her birthday to their hearts.
"Nice to see you, too, Mr. Berry," Quinn answered politely in both ways.
"Leroy, call me Leroy." Rachel's dad offered and Rachel thought that she needed to give them all name signs, because her father struggled with signing the name a bit. Yes, that's what she would do first thing tonight, think about appropriate name signs. And one for Quinn. But that she had already figured out. She just wanted to tell her girlfriend at the right moment.
Leroy motioned for both women to come into the house, but Quinn excused herself.
"I'm sorry, but I have to go to see my mom and my sister. I will come by tomorrow evening, if that is all right with you." She looked between the father and daughter.
"Sure, Quinn, you are welcome here." Leroy answered. When he noticed that both were waiting for him to give them a short moment of privacy, he quickly turned and mouthed "I'll be inside".
Quinn smiled and pulled Rachel closer and placed a gentle lingering kiss on her full lips. Rachel moaned very quietly when the blonde pulled back again. She did not want her to leave. And Quinn apparently was in no rush to part either.
After few more kisses and lingering glances, Rachel finally managed extract herself from Quinn's embrace. The clattering of their teeth and the trembling from the cold helped.
"Honey, get in the car. It's really cold outside here. We'll see each other later. Text me when you feel like leaving, ok? No matter when. Can't wait to see you!"
Me too! Ok. See you later, sweet, the blonde signed and with one last kiss, turned and walked towards the car.
"Quinn, wait! My luggage!" Rachel remembered and sprinted after her.
"Oh. Right." I forgot!
Together, they heaved Rachel's bags out of the trunk. Both knew it would just get harder the longer they waited, but they did not want to separate. Not even for just a few hours. But after a short hug, Rachel sent her girlfriend on her way.
She watched the car disappear down the street.
It felt weird being back. Everything seemed so familiar and yet so strange in its soundless, silent-movie state.
Turning, she carried her bags inside, mustering a smile for her father.
It's good to have you home, he signed.
She looked at him for a moment, debating with herself to give the easy answer 'good to be home' or the honest one.
To be honest, it feels strange. I'm not really comfortable meeting all the familiar people and having to tell them what happened, she signed, falling back into her old routine with her dads.
Leroy stepped closer and softly stroked his hand over his daughter's head. Then he pulled her close into an embrace.
Rachel let herself be held for a moment. The gesture said more than words.
Slowly, she pulled back and smiled up at her father's face and forced herself to speak. "I'll go and put my stuff away. When is dad coming home?"
In half an hour, I think.
"Ok. I'll take a quick shower and come back down when I'm finished."
Leroy nodded and thoughtfully followed his daughter with his gaze.
… … …
Twenty minutes later, Rachel came down the stairs again, her hair still slightly damp from the shower. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, the front door opened and Hiram stepped inside.
Seeing his daughter standing there, he laughed and lifted her off the floor in a small twirl.
When Rachel had her feet safely on the ground again, she chuckled, deliberately trying to keep the mood light. "Did you miss me or what?"
Yes I did. We did. Glad to have you here for a couple of days.
Rachel nodded slowly. She noticed however, that her father's signing had slightly improved.
"Cake and tea, as always?" Hiram asked almost shyly, speaking and signing. It had been a ritual ever since Rachel was little and no matter how long she had been away and what time she came back, they would always have cake and tea to catch up.
Hiram dropped his coat and bag and all three of them moved into the kitchen. Rachel busied herself with the brewing of the beverage, while her dads set the table and cut the rich vegan chocolate cake.
Settling around the table in the kitchen, Rachel felt slightly uncomfortable. It was the first time she was home since the accident. Usually the cake and tea ritual would be accompanied with a lot of laughter and chatting between her and her dads.
Now, she did not know what to say.
The petite woman looked at her plate and played with a piece of food. She could feel the tension build in her stomach. She was just here for an hour. How was she supposed to survive this for another five days if her nerves were so high strung already?
Rachel forced herself to exhale slowly. She was not alone here. She had two good friends and Quinn who would support her. That was a great relief. Santana had decided to come back for Christmas, not wanting to stay in the city with her family if her friends were all going back to Lima. Jenna would also be going home to Providence over the holidays. So Santana had booked a flight for the twenty-sixth very early in the morning to at least come to the Glee Club meeting.
Rachel felt a tap on her hand. Looking up, she found Hiram had lifted his hands.
Where have you been?
She shrugged. Lost in thoughts. She answered with her hands.
Can we talk about the white elephant in the room? Hiram surprised his daughter with this question and his signing again.
"What?" She was not sure if she had understood correctly.
Rachel, you are right. We have to discuss a couple of things.
The brunette opened her mouth and closed it again. Frowning, she looked from Leroy to Hiram. So she had understood her dad perfectly. She was still surprised that they started the discussion, while she was still wondering how to get the whole thing going.
"Yes, we do." She answered.
Something had changed. She was not quite sure what, but something was different with her parents.
Again, Hiram lifted his hands. Rachel watched him carefully forming the signs, while he spoke the words aloud as well so his husband could hear. Even though he was still not fluent, his signing had improved. Rachel wondered how that was possible in the short time since their last talk.
We miss you Rachel. We miss talking to you; we miss you telling us what is going on in your life. With talking, I don't necessarily mean speaking. But we want to know how you feel, what you're doing, how you're doing.
Instead of answering at their comments, she asked: What happened with your signing? You seem to have gotten better.
Hiram looked at his husband. Leroy decided to answer that question. While he signed, his eyes skipped to the pad that lay next to him, but he obviously forced himself to keep his hands up.
Rachel almost had to smile at the effort. She still had to concentrate to piece together the meaning of his signs, as Leroy was not quite as proficient as his husband. Still, Rachel appreciated him trying.
After your birthday, we were a little hurt from your comment. But when we discussed it, we also tried to understand it from your point of view. So…..
Hiram lifted his hands and took over again. So we decided we needed to practice more. You were right. Not seeing you every day did not count as an excuse for not practicing to sign. After our phone call, we decided to start signing in parallel every time we talked to each other.
Rachel raised her eyebrows. "In every conversation?" Her gaze skipped from one dad to the other. Deciding that she would keep up the exercise for her dads, she accompanied her words with signs as well when she spoke.
Hiram nodded. Yes, from waking up in the morning until going to bed, at least when we're here at home. We even did it a couple of times when we were out shopping or out for dinner.
"Um, I…. I don't know what to say." Rachel was really impressed. And surprised.
She had not counted on her dads to really make such an effort. She felt tears stinging in her eyes. She swallowed twice before she managed to answer.
Thank you, she signed, not trusting her voice as she was still trying to fight back the tears. After taking a couple of deep breaths and Leroy squeezing her hand slightly in silent comfort, she managed to get some control over her emotions.
After a moment, she took another deep breath.
"I guess I also owe you an apology and an explanation for why I behaved the way I did and how I felt these past months."
Yes. Please don't shut us out of your life anymore, Leroy stated.
"Ok. I will try not to."
Rachel collected her thoughts and then started explaining, while her hands never ceased to form the words in parallel.
"It was really hard for me to comprehend why you couldn't understand what I needed. It seemed to me that you didn't even try to put yourselves in my shoes for once. I felt like my friends were more considerate than my own parents." Rachel tried to keep her voice even and not sound too accusing despite the quite honest words.
Carefully she tried to express the next questions with a softer voice.
"How do you think it made me feel to see that you seem to pretend like nothing happened? That you didn't even try to consider what being deaf means? I felt like an outcast in my own family. I felt like I always had to try to accommodate you, while I needed - still need - your support."
She paused for a second, resting her hands in her lap and searched her dads' faces who looked quite guilty, hearing their daughter's words. Rachel wanted to focus on getting her dads to understand her and to find a solution on how to improve the whole situation between them. She did not want them to feel guilty. Not anymore.
"I can see that you're really trying to understand my situation better. I truly appreciate that."
Her dad's eyes skipped between her eyes and her hands. It was interesting to watch that they tried to absorb the signs, even though she was speaking to them.
Rachel watched Leroy lift his hands from the table to answer, while her other dad squeezed her hand in a silent thank you for her last comment.
Honey, for us it is just so hard to know that you had to give up all your dreams, to know that everything you've ever wanted and worked for is lost. All we want is to be able to turn back time and erase your accident from history. It's just so hard to see you so broken.
Rachel looked at Leroy and asked herself if she had understood his signs correctly. She repeated the last one as a question.
Broken?
He nodded.
"You still see me as broken?"
Leroy hesitantly nodded again.
Rachel sighed and looked at the floor, collecting her thoughts.
Good Lord.
When she had moved on, her dads still saw her being caught up in the denial and depression phase. Not having witnessed their daughter evolve had somehow trapped them in the same state.
The petite woman casted her brown eyes on her fathers and took up the conversation where they had left it. The anger she had felt all those months ago had disappeared. Now, realizing where they stood, she knew what she had to do in order to make them understand. She needed to explain to them how far she had come.
"I admit, the following months after the accident I was really devastated. I was so desperate, so lost and so afraid that I honestly thought about ending my life."
Rachel watched her fathers' reaction at her revelation. Apparently, this was something they had considered.
Hiram nodded. We were afraid for a while that you would try, he admitted, his eyes full of pain and worry.
"Yes. Luckily I had some sense left to give myself a chance. I've managed to move on and to take steps forward. Granted, they were small steps, but I am moving forward. I know that I have minimized our contact over the past months. It must not have been easy for you. And I guess I can't blame you for thinking I am still stuck at the same point I was in when you moved back to Lima." She paused for a moment. "Since then a lot has happened." Rachel smiled, thinking about all the people she had reconnected with and the new friends she had made.
Quinn? Hiram asked with a smile.
Rachel inclined her head slightly. "I let my friends back into my life. They helped and still help me immensely to face the everyday challenges. They don't wrap me in cotton and they don't sugarcoat much." A crooked smile played around her lips while she thought about Santana and her open, honest and sometimes painfully true words.
"Sometimes they just throw me out into the cold water." She added and told them about the visit at Quinn's show and her birthday party at the club.
Her dad's reacted with raised eyebrows at that, never having guessed that his now deaf daughter would ever – ever go anywhere near a place that had anything to do with music. It took them by surprise to learn otherwise and that she had even enjoyed herself somehow.
They took you to a club on your birthday? Hiram reassured himself with an incredulous look on his face. He would never have imagined such a possibility.
Rachel laughed. "Yes they did. I was a little shocked, too, when I learned where they were taking me. But they did it under very considerate circumstances, so it was ok in the end. And I trusted them. That's why I went along in the first place."
And Santana took you to Quinn's show on Broadway? Leroy found that was even more incredulous.
"Um, yes, she did. Though I only knew where she was taking me when we were already standing in front of the building." Rachel shrugged. "I figured I could at least try and find out how it would feel to step into a theater again. Even if it was just through the back door." She laughed. "And it was actually really great, considering the circumstances. Sure I did miss the music, but Quinn made sure I had a personal performance from her all the way through."
Seeing her dads' questioning looks, she proceeded to tell them about the little gestures Quinn threw at her all through the show, not forgetting to tell them about the flower.
Hiram and Leroy exchanged a look. We are actually looking forward to get to know Quinn a bit better. We are intrigued after what you told us about her. And we are glad that you have found friends who care so much about you.
"I'm very grateful for that and the fact that they have learned sign language for me." She went on telling them about Kurt and Santana and how she had met them again and how they had become such important people in her life.
This is really great, Rachel. They are good friends. Kurt asked us how you were once or twice, while you were still in the hospital. Hiram explained.
Rachel nodded. "Yes, I know. After talking to you and hearing about my condition, he started learning ASL even though I did not want to meet anyone in the beginning. So when I finally did agree to see him again – I went to visit him at our old apartment – you can imagine my surprise at seeing him signing!" She chuckled at the memory.
After a moment, she sobered again.
"You see, he was "just" a friend and even though I didn't want to have anything to do with him in the beginning, he tried to learn sign language as much as possible to communicate with me, should we ever come back to being friends again. It made it so much harder to understand, why it is – or was – so hard for you to put the same effort into learning my new way of communication. If you could look beyond the fact that I can't hear, maybe we could bring our relationship to where it was before. I'm deaf, but I am still your daughter."
Rachel looked from one dad to the other, trying to read their feelings and emotions, trying to figure out by their body language what they were thinking.
She had tried to speak in an even tone, without sounding reproachful. The words were still a bit hard and she was not finished. They had asked what was going on in her head and she needed to tell them how their behavior had made her feel.
"I'm sorry if I'm rambling, but I need to get this off my chest. Otherwise this white elephant, as you so nicely put it, dad, will never disappear."
It's ok honey. We just felt or still feel so insecure about this whole situation. Not knowing how to deal with this and not knowing how to deal with you is just the worst for parents. To see their child suffer and not being able to help is nothing I would even wish my greatest enemy to go through. And I'd rather have you rambling – verbally or in ASL, Hiram signed smiling, than having to endure this literal silence between us any longer.
"Yes, I don't want that either. I know it isn't easy for you to accept what happened either." She looked pensively at her hands for a moment.
"I'm still learning to accept me as I am. It is not always easy; sometimes I still have to fight against my own depreciating thoughts and doubts, but I have people around me who believe in me. I still have dreams and I will figure out what to do with my life. I want to share these dreams and thoughts with you, but it is really hard for me to be around you when I see that every time you want to talk to me it costs you so much effort and you have to struggle to say the most basic things. And often it was not easy for me to piece together what you are trying to say, though your signing has really gotten better."
Yes, I guess your little wake-up call has helped a little.
"Dads, this is really important to me. The only way I have to communicate with you is through your sign language. I might learn to read your lips better one day, but sign language is my only connection I have with you for now if you want to talk to me! So I'm really glad you are trying." She took another breath to add something, but closed her mouth again.
She had told them enough already.
But her dads caught on. Out with it. Come on, you wanted to say something more. You always get that little frown when you have to say something.
"I do?" She asked curiously.
Yes you do. So, what else is on your mind? Leroy prompted her again with a small encouraging smile.
"Ok." Again she took a deep breath.
"Please, please try to be more considerate with your behavior around me. You kept sneaking up on me, scaring the bejesus out of me. I can't hear you, I don't know if someone has entered a room if I don't see them. Make yourself known. Something very easy is switching the lights on and off. Interpret your words when I'm in the room, even though you're not speaking to me directly. It is just so impolite to talk in front of me and not even giving me the slightest chance of understanding by at least facing me so I can try to read your lips."
She hoped so much that they would take these seemingly little things into account.
"I know it is much more comfortable for you to say something without having to think about the signs, especially if it does not concern me. But this is just a small discomfort for you compared to mine."
Her dads nodded and Hiram told is daughter: We promise to think more about our behavior around you. And please tell us right away if something bothers you, ok? Don't swallow it up anymore.
Rachel nodded. "Fair enough."
Then Leroy asked: How did your friends cope? How were they trying to understand your situation?
She raised her hands and explained: "Quinn, for example, had some special sound proof earplugs that she wore one evening. They helped her understand – at least to a certain extent – what it actually means to be deaf. Not being able to hear conversations, ambient noise to orient oneself to other sounds. Those earplugs filtered most of the noises so she got a very good impression of what I'm going through."
Leroy nodded. You think we can ask her about that tomorrow when we see her?
Rachel nodded. "I'm sure she'll be ok to talk about her experience."
They were silent for a moment, each of them letting the conversation sink in.
Rachel drank the rest of her tea, gazing at her dads above the rim of her cup. Slowly she set it back down on the table.
"I missed you so much. I need you. I need my dads!"
She got up and stood between the two men and threw small arms around each of them. They hugged her back and held her very close.
We missed you too. And I'm glad that we had a very honest talk. Thanks for letting us know more about your life during the past months. Leroy managed to sign.
Care to tell us how you and Quinn got together now? Hiram added.
"Well, maybe that can wait until tomorrow evening? I'm going to meet Quinn at the Lima Bean a little later."
What, you want to leave us again? You just got here! Leroy playfully pulled a face.
"Ah, you'll have me back in the evening. I promise."
Can't you tell us then? Why do we have to wait until tomorrow? Leroy still looked disappointed and pushed his lower lip out which made Rachel laugh.
"Because I'd like Quinn to stay over here for the night. Then you can get her side of the story as well.
Her dad sighed. Ok. Fine. Guess we have to be patient a little longer, Hiram grumbled, but had a slight smile playing round his lips.
They hugged again before Rachel went upstairs to gather her purse. Grabbing her phone, she quickly sent a message to Quinn.
Hey honey! I'm ready for some coffee now? How about you?
Miss you!
R.
A couple of minutes later the answer came back.
Ready to rumble! Let's meet in front of the coffee shop
in twenty, ok?
OK! Then Rachel added another sentence. Got news for you.
What news? What? Quinn's curiosity seemed to jump right out of the phone.
Patience! You'll hear soon enough. Just so much:
Had "the talk" with my dads.
Oh. And?
How did it go?
Sorry that I didn't wait until you were here, but it just seemed
to be the right moment, especially
since they started it. It was okay.
Feels good. Details later!
Gotta go! Have a date :-)
Well, me too. ;-).
Xoxoxoxo Quinn
Rachel dropped the phone in her bag and walked back downstairs. It felt so good to have had that conversation with her dads. It seemed like a huge barrier between them had been lifted She grabbed her jacket from the wardrobe from under the stairs and walked back into the kitchen, where she found her dads exchanging a quick kiss.
She looked at the floor, clearing her throat. Gazing back up, she apologized.
"I'm sorry to interrupt your little vows of love. I'm off. See you later."
Ok. See you later honey. Tell Quinn we said hello. Have fun.
Rachel nodded and headed towards the door. Outside she leaned against the wood for a moment, taking a deep breath. She had played it cool with her dads, but now she felt the nervousness come back. What if she met someone on the way? What if other Glee Clubbers where already in town also getting a coffee?
Well, it made no sense playing out the dramas in her head. She would just have to wait and see.
Slowly she walked down the driveway, not knowing that she would not run into old friends, but someone else entirely.
My beta reader is currently quite busy, so I don't know when I'll have the next chapter ready to upload. Don't know if you prefer to pre-read them "un-corrected" and have me upload the beta version later or if you'd prefer to wait and have me only upload the revised chapter. Let me know...
… … …
Also just a note on the development of the relationship between Rachel and her dads. Originally when I wrote that scene, it was much harsher and did not end that well. Rachel really told them off and refused to speak to them afterwards. I had written that scene some time ago when the chapters leading up to this encounter had not been written yet.
So when I finally got there and reviewed the scene it just did not feel right anymore for me. I thought the talk should still happen, but not in the way I originally had imagined. After all, they still love their daughter and Rachel still wants them to be a functioning family again, despite the circumstances.
So the feel of that encounter with her dads had changed for me slightly over the course of time and they came out more understanding and willing to cooperate.
They were a functional family before so I think that even though the accident caused a rift between them, they would manage to grow together again.
Had we been talking about Russell Fabray, well, that would have been a different story, but not with the two Berry men. I guess they just needed a little nudge into the right direction, which they have received from Rachel. And they took their chance to make the best out of it, just like Rachel did by telling them so much about her past months.