THE WATERS OF LETHE

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA. I just like to play around in it's world and torture Ed for awhile.

Author's note: post series. Some movie events will happen, but differently

Warning: language, violence, death and perhaps sex.

Beta: Jedimasterwithapen

55. Perception (Vorstellung)

He woke up on the middle of the night, soaked with sweat and gasping for air in the wake of another nightmare. The details had largely slipped from his mind, but he had a vague memory of black hands reaching for him while a strange force held him down. What distressed Edward most after was his inability to move now he was awake and he began to thrash against his bonds.

The effort exhausted him after a fierce struggle, and he stopped and panted a few minutes later. Then he heard the floorboards creaking as footsteps approached his bed.

"Shhh, Herr Elric. It's alright, you just had another bad dream."

"Why can't I move?" Edward had expected to hear and see Klaus, but Dr. Stein came into his field of view instead. He raised his head and saw leather straps encircling his chest and legs. Plus more leather straps around his wrists and ankles. He wriggled experimentally, but the restraints held fast and he began to sweat some more.

"You tried to run away, Herr Elric. Then you fought Klaus and Bruno when they caught up with you. The straps are standard procedure after the tranquilizing of an unruly patient, just in case of a violent awakening from the drug."

Dr. Stein's voice was as calm as ever, but it contained a note of weariness, and Edward thought disappointment. "But in your defense, I understand you were very upset over Greta's death. Now you are awake, I shall release you."

Edward took a deep breath, and held it for a moment before exhaling after the straps were unfastened. He felt vaguely embarrassed by his behavior out on the road. But he really HAD wanted to get away, he'd felt suffocated by the sad and hopeless atmosphere of Greta's funeral.

He sat up in bed and shivered because the sweat on his skin made his pajamas feel cold and clammy. The window panes rattled as a hard wind crushed itself against them. It was as if the night itself was trying to smash them in.

"A late winter blizzard has blown in, Herr Elric. You are very lucky someone saw you walking on the highway, otherwise you wouldn't have been missed for a few hours. The snow is falling very thickly and you could have frozen to death out there. You had no chance to reach Berlin, you wouldn't even have made it to the nearest village."

"Dr. Stein," Edward asked in a soft voice because he felt a little ashamed,"Has Klaus gotten into trouble over this?"

The older man just chuckled, "Oh no, not at all, Herr Elric, but he is very worried about you. He sat up and watched you sleep until just a few hours ago. I found him nodding in the chair when I came to check on you and I ordered him to his own bed. I have a touch of insomnia every now and again, so staying awake is no trouble. Now you are awake, I'm going to draw a warm bath for you."

Almost an hour later, Edward was bathed, in a fresh set of pajamas and back in bed. He slowly drifted off to a more natural slumber. Dr. Stein had banked the fire and left the room after wishing him "pleasanter dreams". The blizzard still raging outside made a most effective barrier and he had no worries about Edward attempting another escape.

But just in case he was wrong, he decided Edward should begin sessions with the staff psychiatrist the next day.

/

Edward slept disgracefully late and he missed breakfast so lunch was his first meal of the day. Closely watched by Klaus, he walked to the dining hall and sat down in his usual chair. He resolutely kept his eyes forward and down towards the table, and tried not to look at the chair Greta used to occupy. Someone else, a complete stranger sat there now and Edward hoped it wasn't another hospice patient.

Lunch was placed before him, beef stew with carrots, potatoes, and onions in a thick broth. Edward picked up a spoon next to the bowl and stirred it without enthusiasm. It was hot and smelled delicious but he didn't have much of an appetite. So he continued stirring it, not noticing his hand was moving the spoon faster and harder. The stew was about to spill over the sides of the bowl when Klaus put an enormous hand over his.

Edward looked quizzically up at his nurse and Klaus answered him with a fake smile and a gentle rebuke, "Don't play with your food, Herr Elric."

Edward could tell something had changed between them because there was a sort of strain behind the bigger man's eyes. The trust between them was broken. It was his fault for attempting to escape and resisting recapture. Edward sighed heavily and dropped his eyes before he turned back to the stew.

The blizzard stopped soon after sunrise, but a cold front had blown in. A few flakes blew angrily about in a bone-chilling wind that still rattled the window panes as if trying to get in.. It was too frigid even for those patients who would lie well blanketed in the chairs on the south terrace to go outside.

There was no chance of Edward going out for a walk and once he finished eating, Klaus put one hand under his elbow and steered him to the stairway. They walked down two flights to the first floor without a word passing between the two.

Edward was confused, but didn't ask where they were going. He hesitated only once, when passing by the parlor where Greta's body had been laid out, But Klaus took him past that room and into another wing of the Angelika.

The nurse stopped in front of a wooden door with a pane of frosted glass in its middle and tapped with his knuckles. After he heard a crisp and no-nonsense voice call, "Come in", he turned the knob, opened the door and entered, pushing Edward in ahead of him.

A middle-aged woman with a lined face, and grey streaked brunette hair scraped back into a severe bun sat behind a large desk of dark wood. She was thin and angular and dressed in a blue woolen skirt suit which reinforced the impression of a stern school teacher.

"Hallo, Herr Elric," she extended one hand and gestured at a comfortable chair on the opposite side of the desk. "I am Dr. Simbach, the staff psychiatrist. Please have a seat and be at ease."

She nodded at Klaus and addressed him very formally. "Please come back in an hour, Herr Goldmann."

Klaus nodded and quietly murmured something deferential back before he bowed at the wasit and spun on his heel. He shut the door very gently, but the frosted glass pane still rattled slightly.

Edward sat gingerly on the edge of the chair. The seat was overstuffed and felt very comfortable indeed, but he didn't feel at ease. Like doctors, he'd had his fill of psychiatrists and psychologists who analyzed him while he still lived in London.

Between the time he'd awakened in a hospital in this world, and the day he and his father left for Munich, Edward was a very angry boy. He snapped, snarled and generally lashed out at everyone who crossed his path. It was no wonder the doctors despaired over his mental state and recommended Hohenheim commit him to an institution.

After the thump of Klaus's footsteps died away, Dr. Simbach got up and walked from behind the desk. She pulled a plain wooden chair nearer to Edward, then urged him to sit back and relax. He had a strong feeling of deja vu as she sat down in her chair and leaned closer to him.

This session was starting out just like every therapy session he'd had before. Her next words confirmed his suspicions and made his golden eyes narrow with annoyance.

"Now, Herr Elric. Please tell me about your mother."