Just a short note upfront.

I haven't included any of the "new" kids in the reunion. I'm just not into them and writing them into the story would probably not do them justice. I think that wouldn't get their characters right.

Rachel hasn't had much contact with them anyway, neither did Quinn. So from that POV it also does not make much sense for me to include them.

Thank you for you reviews and your thoughts on the Finn part.

I don't own Glee.

Thanks again to Nicole for beta-reading!

Chapter 46

Almost everybody of the original New Directions was already present when Quinn and Rachel entered the choir room. Even though there were more members and newcomers now in the club, they held this meeting traditionally in the old formation.

Quinn felt herself taken back to six years ago; it was like having entered a time machine. Whooosh, and there she was, back in her senior year, shortly before graduation.

She felt Rachel's grip tightening over her hand and the petite woman seemed to be shrinking slightly behind Quinn, as if afraid to face the room.

It was understandable. You did not get to tell your old friends from school every day that you have lost your hearing, especially not when you used to be one of the best singers among them.

They had all naturally gathered in their old seating order, except for Finn. He had not returned to the room yet, which relieved Rachel somehow. She didn't know if he would have said something to the others regarding her accident before she had a chance to tell them herself.

Brittany was also missing, but Santana had told them that the blonde former Cheerio would not join them, or at least she would come by only later. She had a family event that she could not get out of. The relief was plainly written all over Santana's face, and Rachel could not blame her.

However, Rachel would have liked to meet Brittany again, well, under other circumstances at least. She had always liked the tall blonde with her crazy ideas. She just had this refreshing different way of understanding the world.

The "kids" were all sitting on the chairs on the dais animatedly chatting with each other; Mr. Schuester was standing by the baby grand rummaging through some papers. It really resembled a picture from another time and Quinn had to smile at the sight. Oh, how she had missed this!

Puck was the first to spot them and jumped up from his seat where he had been chatting with Mike. He squeezed Quinn in a tight hug. Rachel did not let go of the blonde's hand, instead gripping it harder that it almost hurt. Quinn had to embrace Noah with just one arm, before he focused on Rachel.

"Hi Jewish princess! Long time no see! So glad to finally see you again!" And he enveloped her in a hearty embrace as well.

When they parted, Rachel managed to answer in a low voice, hardly looking him in the eye:

"Hi Noah, good to see you again," and she threw him a weak smile before glancing back on the floor and then at Quinn, who smiled encouragingly at her. Puck threw a confused look at Rachel because of the lack of her enthusiasm. Gazing at Quinn, she shook her head ever so slightly, telling him to drop it. Frowning, he shrugged and took a step back to let the others greet the newcomers.

Next came Mr. Schuester who hugged them followed by the rest of the Glee Clubbers. Kurt held his friend for a long moment, trying to transmit his encouragement through this gesture. The former singer smiled gratefully up at him. He tactfully did not sign to her, guessing she wanted to break the news to the group herself and he had noticed that Quinn did not help interpreting for Rachel either.

Rachel still held on to Quinn's hand as if it was a lifeline that was saving her from drowning. She did not know or care if anyone found it weird. The brunette managed to address everyone with a nice greeting, hoping she was not totally off mark with her comments or that she missed a question directed at her.

Rachel would not let Quinn interpret for her. Something was holding her back, which was stupid, she knew. She would have to tell them eventually sooner than later because after all the greetings Mr. Schuester was standing there and looking at her.

She was so engrossed in her own thoughts she had not noticed that everyone had gotten back to their seats. Apparently, the teacher had asked something which had escaped her attention.

She swallowed hard. "I'm sorry, did you say something? I was just lost in thoughts, Mr. Schuester." Quinn tugged on her hand as her former teacher waved at the chairs. Obviously, he had asked them to take a seat.

On her way over to the group, she caught Santana's eyes. The Latina threw her an honest and encouraging smile. Rachel chose one on the far side of the group, with Quinn as a buffer next to her, so she could stall for more time so no one was able to pose an immediate question or comment at her.

This was so hard for Rachel. She had mustered other situations in the past months, but it was still so damn difficult for her to admit her disability in front of people still, especially those who knew her. To tell them one by one would have been ok, but facing all of them together, especially when they would probably all start talking in parallel upon her revelation. She would not be able to catch one single word of what was being said, which did not make the prospect of facing up to the challenge any easier.

Again, she felt Quinn trying to give her comfort and security through her touch. Santana moved two chairs over and sat behind her. The Latina placed a hand on Rachel's shoulder for and gave it a light squeeze.

Drawing strength from Quinn and her friends, Rachel raised her hand before Mr. Schuester could say anything. She did not want miss out to miss out on his plans just because she was too shy to have Quinn interpret for her. Besides, she wouldn't be able to participate anyway.

Mr. Schuester gestured at Rachel and she could see him form her name with his lips, giving her the word. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mercedes lean forward, looking at her with a smile. Rachel turned her head and thought to have read something like just like old times. She smiled back at Mercedes and stood up.

"Thank you, Mr. Schuester." Rachel bravely took a few steps forward and placed a hand on the black piano for support. She surveyed the faces of her former high school friends and took a very deep breath.

And another.

Quinn stood up and walked towards her, taking a place next to her.

"What, you're gonna tell us that you and Quinn are a couple?" Puck asked. "That was kinda obvious." He seemed a little angry; not knowing what was going on and was still wondering why Rachel was so distant. They had become good friends over the years and her silence over the past months was just nothing he could understand, neither was her aloof behavior towards him, when finally meeting again after months with no contact at all.

"No Puck, that is not what she is going to say. Shut up, ok?" Quinn retorted.

Rachel threw Quinn a questioning look and Quinn just voiced one word to her: Later. Then she placed her hand at the small of Rachel's back for comfort.

Rachel nodded. "Ok." Then she turned back to the others again.

"Mr. Schuester, before we are going to discuss what we're going to do today," another deep breath, "please count me out. And no, Mercedes," she stalled her former solo rival who had already opened her mouth to say something, "it has nothing to do with me wanting or fighting for a solo," she tried to joke before smiling sadly.

Rachel lowered her gaze for a moment and then looked up again. "Nine months ago, I was in a car accident and I lost my hearing."

She pretty much used the same words she had directed at Santana all those weeks ago, without preface, without preamble. The she shrugged with one shoulder and held up her hands, in a surrendering gesture.

"I won't be able to sing with you."

There, it was out.

Rachel exhaled slowly.

She watched the different reactions on the faces of her old friends. Some were gaping at her in disbelief. There were a couple of incredulous "What?" thrown at her, if she guessed it right. Other than that, they all just seemed to stare at her as if not quite understanding what she had just told them.

The uncomfortable moment seemed to drag on until Mercedes was the first to get over her initial shock.

"That can't be true!? You've got to be kidding me, Rachel."

Rachel turned to Quinn for a translation but Kurt had already lifted his hands. As he was sitting in the back t with only Blaine next to him, the others did not notice that he was interpreting for Rachel.

"No Mercedes, I'm afraid not. I wish I were, though," Rachel smiled sadly.

Mercedes threw her a confused look. "And how did you know what I was saying?"

At that, Mr. Schuester got up from his chair next to the piano and pointed at Kurt.

"Because Mr. Hummel has kindly interpreted your words in the form of sign language, Mercedes."

Mercedes and some others turned to look at Kurt who lifted his hands and shrugged with a small smile after having finished interpreting the rest of the exchange. Quinn interpreted the small exchange in the meantime, drawing some looks at herself. She saw how uncomfortable and unhappy Rachel felt and how difficult the situation was for her. Quinn wished there was something she could do to ease the moment.

The teacher walked over to Rachel, one hand stemmed on his hip, with the other he wiped pensively over his mouth.

"Ah, Rachel, I don't know…" and he looked at Kurt for help, "…what to say."

Quinn took up a spot next to the teacher and interpreted for him instead of Kurt. Mr. Schuester just looked at Rachel with a mixture of fatherly concern and disbelief.

"Well, there is nothing much to say, Mr. Schuester." Rachel lifted her shoulders. "I... I just wanted to tell you all personally."

"Jesus, that explains it," Artie breathed and Mr. Schuester turned to look at him. From the teacher's reaction Rachel noticed that Artie had said something.

Rachel turned questioningly to Quinn who formed his words with her hands.

The former Glee captain looked at the floor, remembering the messages and requests for her feedback from Artie regarding his short film.

"Sorry. I really wanted to... I would have...It's just… I'm sorry," she ended lamely.

Artie said something to Quinn while Rachel was distracted by Tina moving her mouth. She was not sure if she was addressing the group, her or just her boyfriend. The brunette's gaze flickered back to Quinn, already feeling completely lost.

In a room full of people it was not easy to follow just with your eyes who was talking when to whom. It had already been difficult during the dinner at Quinn's home some weeks ago with just five other people sitting around the table.

Here it was impossible for Rachel to follow and thread of conversation. Quinn and Kurt were the only ones who would be able to clarify for her who said what.

Quinn finger-spelled Artie's name to make sure Rachel knew who had asked the question she was going to sign. Rather than summarizing what was being asked or said, Rachel had asked to receive the interpretation of the sentences as they had been spoken originally. Quinn only edited her interpretations when Rachel asked her to summarize something. So rather than signing Artie wants to know how to communicate with you, she relayed the original question.

A-R-T-I-E How can we talk to her? Is it ok if you translate for us or what does she prefer? Quinn signed. Then added as an explanation: He asked me this question. But I think you should answer that, Quinn smiled.

Rachel nodded and turned back to her friends.

"You might have noticed that Quinn and Kurt know American Sign Language. Santana as well. A little." She threw the Latina a grateful look.

"They can interpret whatever you or anyone else is saying. Texting or writing on a piece of paper also work. I am just asking all of you that if you choose to speak with me, please look at me, otherwise I am not sure if you are talking to me or Quinn or Kurt. Besides, that also makes it easier for me to read your lips."

After that, she let out a long breath.

Quinn closed the gap between them and gave her girlfriend a tight hug, quickly signing: You did great. I'm really proud of you!

This prompted a small smile from the brunette.

All eyes rested on Rachel. She felt a bit like an animal in the zoo.

No one seemed to know what to say or do. Apparently, they still needed some time to digest the news.

After what seemed like an endless moment, when Rachel felt the increasing urge to run out of the room to escape the looks, Puck was the first to get up and walk over.

She gazed at Noah. He sat in his chair with a motionless expression on his face, hiding something behind this controlled outer exterior. Rachel knew her friend, she saw in his eyes and his posture that the news had shocked him more than he let on. Finally he was the first to get up and walk over to her.

Puck stopped a couple of steps in front of her and looked at her. Then he shook his head and tried to say something, but he couldn't find the right words. Finally he managed something that looked like "Man, what the…" but he did not finish his sentence. He threw her a painful look.

"Puck…"

He furrowed his brows. "I… can't. This… you…Jesus, you're supposed to be… Fuck!"

With a shake of his head, he stormed out, hitting the door jamb with his fist in frustration before he disappeared around the corner.

Rachel followed his exit with her eyes, too stunned to move or say anything.

She had expected a lot of things, but not Puck having such a hard time learning what had happened to her. Then again, they had become good friends over the years and he had madly tried to get into contact with her over the past months just like everyone else.

Rachel had finally brought herself to write him a short message to tell him that she would be coming to the Glee Club meeting. She had also apologized to him for not answering his messages. So it was kind of understandable that he took it quite hard learning about his friend's disability and the end of her career.

Puck had seen all her shows and had become a great supporter. He was really good at giving advice if she was stuck or unsure of how to play out a certain scene during her preparation. When she would play it out a little overly dramatic, he would help her tone it down to the right measure.

Rachel in turn had visited his little one-man shows whenever he performed on stage. It wasn't anything big, just something he did in his free time, but what he did was great. Rachel had encouraged him more than once to search for bigger opportunities to perform. She was never shy to point out different locations, concerts or competitions where he could possibly perform. But he just seemed content with what he was doing.

He had managed to set up his own company that specialized in providing security personnel for singers and actors whenever they were performing or visiting an event in and around New York City. He invested most of his energy into his firm, his performances would only be a hobby to vent some stress, and that was how he liked it.

Rachel felt a tap on her arm and slowly turned back from the door. She saw Artie in front of her and wondered if all the boys were going to take it as hard or if anyone of them would make it a little easier for her. Maybe all her famous storm-outs had rubbed off on them.

Artie's warm smile was very welcome. She managed to lift up the corners of her mouth as well for his sake. She guessed if someone in this room understood anything about disabilities, it was him.

He waved for her to come closer. Rachel bent down towards him and he hugged her hesitantly. When Artie felt her lean into him, he held her for a moment. Then she stood back up, the position being a little uncomfortable.

Artie looked at Quinn questioningly.

"Can you tell her that…"

Quinn interrupted him.

"Tell her directly, not me. I'm just interpreting."

Artie looked back to Rachel whose eyes skipped between him and Quinn. Quinn positioned herself next to his chair. This way, it was easier for Rachel to see her hands and Artie could concentrate on her.

"Rachel, I'm really sorry that this happened. I can imagine that it must be quite hard for you. If… if there is anything I can do for you, let me know. If I had known…. I wouldn't have bombarded you with my messages. I'm sorry about that."

"It's ok, Artie. I'm the one who has to apologize…"

Rachel saw Artie focused on something behind her. When she turned, she spotted Finn standing hesitatingly in the door. He looked around the room, unsure of what to do next.

"Hey, good to see you, man!" Artie greeted him, smiling. Then he sobered. "Guess you just missed the big news."

Rachel watched Finn shake his head. "No. I already know." He answered and slowly stepped forward, his gaze settling on her.

Quinn also interpreted their small exchange. She did not want Rachel to miss anything.

"I met Rachel earlier in the hallway. She… told me what happened to her. She tried, at least, but I was too absorbed in my own anger to really get what she was trying to tell me." Finn turned from Artie to Rachel.

"I'm sorry that I reacted so stupid out there." He made a vague movement with his thumb over his shoulder. Them he stepped forward and hugged a slightly surprised Rachel.

"You already apologized, Finn. There's no need to do it again," Rachel smiled slightly at him.

Finn shook his head. "I still feel bad for ignoring you out there and for rambling on and on... He waited, checking if Quinn had finished interpreting his words, then added: "Maybe it was a good thing that you didn't hear all of my ramblings." He halted. "I mean, I... wanted to say... I got so mad that you never answered my calls or let me know how you were. Now that I know I just feel so egoistic and mean for having shouted at you. Really, I'm sorry."

Rachel narrowed her eyes and looked at Finn for a moment, before she answered.

"I also have to apologize that I haven't been in touch with you." She looked around the room, addressing everyone. "I'm really sorry that I haven't been in contact with anyone of you lately. I know that you must have been wondering what happened or maybe you just thought that… you know, I was behaving like a diva," she tried to smile before continuing.

"I just had a lot to deal with over the past months and even though it is still hard, I try taking each day as it comes, I try to move on. Please be patient with me if I still need time to adjust." She quickly looked at Quinn who squeezed her hand slightly.

Then she turned back to Artie and Finn.

"Thank you, Artie. And thank you Finn for what you said."

Now that the ice had been broken by the two former football players, and everyone else had seen how Quinn's interpretation worked, more of the glee clubbers came to Rachel and gave her some encouraging words. Rachel was relieved that even though some conversations were a little awkward, at least no one else stormed out of the room.

Mr. Schuester was the last to speak to her. "I can't begin to understand what this means for you, Rachel. I was really happy to see your career taking off. I … I just hope that you will find you way and that you will never give up, no matter what other people tell you. I know that you have it in you to overcome any obstacle, Rachel!"

These encouraging words brought a traitorous shimmer into Rachel's eyes and the tears spilled when he stepped forward and pulled her in a tight and affectionate embrace.

"Thank you, Mr. Schue," was all she could manage after they let go of each other. She wiped the tears away and put on a brave smile again.

She was glad that all of them were so concerned about her and wanted to help her. But she also knew that in the near future, she would still prefer to keep some of her distance. She was really glad to have Kurt and Santana as close friends, but she did not feel ready to let the people from her former life in all at once. She just hoped they would be patient with her just as she had asked them to.

After these first exchanges and encouragements, they settled back into their seats.

Puck came back into the room. He slumped into a chair next to Rachel and placed a hand on her thigh.

She watched his lips, but when he finished, she turned towards Quinn who helped her understand what he said.

I'm sorry that I took it so hard. It must be ten thousand times worse for you. It's just that I was so worried over the past months and now this… I just needed to digest that.

"I know," Rachel breathed. She looked at her friend and after a short moment, they hugged each other and Puck pressed her against himself. "Let's talk later, ok?"

He nodded. "Promise?" She read it from his lips.

"Promise!"

Rachel leaned back in her chair and cast a glance around the room.

Everyone was looking expectantly at their former teacher, not quite knowing what to do now. Mr. Schuster had a pensive expression on his face. It seemed inappropriate to continue with their usual program of singing and making music.

Rachel felt the tension in the air.

She did not want her former classmates to miss out on the fun because of her. So she stood up and looked at her friends.

"You know, you don't have to cancel our usual … routine. It's… it's ok. It wouldn't be fair if all of you had to miss out on the fun just because of me." She quickly shot a glance at Quinn, who reached up and squeezed her hand.

"It's just that I … um, I don't think I can stay and watch..." She threw an apologetic look into the round and saw some sad smiles. She turned to grab her jacket from the back from her chair.

"Stay, Quinn, if you want. I don't expect you to leave with me," she then said quietly to her girlfriend.

The blonde shook her head and signed. "No, I'll come with you." And as Rachel opened her mouth to contradict her, Quinn just raised her hands again and added softly: "It's my decision."

At that point, Mercedes jumped up and went to Mr. Schuester to quietly discuss something with him.

Quinn and Rachel were just putting their jackets on while walking out when Quinn heard Mercedes call them back.

"Guys, wait!"

The blonde turned and tugged on Rachel's sleeve to get her attention. Rachel looked up and followed Quinn's finger which was pointing at the other singer.

With a quirked eyebrow, Rachel waited for Mercedes to continue, and then gazed back at Quinn's hands.

"Rachel, we don't want you to leave. Even though, I guess, everyone can understand that … you don't want to hang around watching us … sing. But there is one thing I just remembered and maybe that… that might work for you. I don't know. I hope that… that it's ok with you?"

She ended her explanation in a question, which Quinn also brought across signing, but Rachel had no clue on what the idea Mercedes was talking about was. She just shrugged with one shoulder, making a gesture with her hand that encouraged the other woman to continue.

Mercedes looked at Mr. Schuester, who nodded reassuringly and went to the piano.

Mercedes laughed a bit embarrassed and looked again at her former solo-rival. "Maybe you have to help us out a bit; we could be a bit rusty."

Rachel looked from Quinn's hands to her eyes, clearly still not having a clue on what was coming. Mercedes did not expect her to sing, did she? She felt the panic rise. She couldn't... She wouldn't... Wide eyed, she asked what was happening with a look. Quinn shrugged and shook her head, she also had no idea.

As soon as the first notes from the piano filled the room, the blonde closed her eyes and smiled.

Of course.

Why she had not remembered that, she had no idea, but it was really kind of obvious.

Rachel still had a confused look on her face, unable to hear the melody that filled the room to give her a hint. As her eyes fell on Mercedes, she understood.

Tina, Mike, Santana and Sam left their seats and joined Mercedes on the floor, as well as Kurt and Blaine.

Quinn pulled Rachel towards the piano. She saw her girlfriend's eyes wide with wonder. She had clearly not expected this.

Rachel fixed her eyes on Mercedes lips and even without the signs accompanying the words; she recognized the song.

They were singing Imagine, accompanied by the signs they still remembered from their joint performance with the choir group from the Haverbrook School for the Deaf.

Most of them struggled a lot to remember the signs; it had been a long time ago after all. Rachel stood there, torn between laughing and crying. She remembered Mercedes' voice and would have given anything to hear it live again at that moment. It was one of her favorite songs.

They all gathered around the piano and Quinn placed a hand on the small of her girlfriend's back to give her a little push. Slowly Rachel stepped forward and leaned against the black, shiny instrument. She felt the vibrations through the black lacquered wood and looked at the expectant faces around her.

Slowly and a bit shyly, Rachel raised her hands and showed them the lyrics in sign language together with Quinn and Kurt. She asked to start from the beginning, her eyes close on Mercedes lips to know which lyrics they were signing and which words she had to interpret.

Her former Glee clubbers copied her movements and Quinn leaned softy into Rachel for a second and smiled proudly at her.

Rachel knew the song by heart and would have liked to sing with them so much, but she did not dare to do it. Leaning on her experience with Kurt, she felt like she probably could do it, but just was not ready to try it in this huge round. So she kept signing along with the rest, and watched their lips form the familiar words.

They ran through the song until everyone had the signs memorized again. After that they wanted to sing-sign another one, one that Rachel was familiar with.

As surprised and touched Rachel was at Mercedes initial idea, as increasingly uncomfortable she felt now. She appreciated her friend's thoughtfulness a lot, but it just was not the same.

Learning to sign was exhausting and needed a lot of concentration, especially when you combined it with singing. After a while, more and more hands sank down and the singing took over. She couldn't even blame them, it was a natural consequence.

Still, it hurt.

It fucking hurt so much, seeing them having fun at something that she would never be able to participate in again. Rachel threw a look at Quinn, who at that moment exuded happiness at being included in this circle again that it was hard for Rachel to bear.

She felt bad for not being able to grant Quinn this joy; not without feeling her own loss even more. It was not fair.

Then again what was?

Rachel watched for a moment longer, catching a look from Kurt. She put on a brave smile for his sake, hoping to hide her frustration. He smiled back at her and kept signing and singing. She loved him for this little gesture at that moment.

Still, she had to get out.

It was NOT the same. It never would be. This thought started hammering in her head when she saw the others laughing and singing while Mr. Schuester kept playing the tunes on the piano.

It was all silent.

She thought she had gone past this. She thought she had been prepared for what was going to happen today. She thought she had managed to look beyond her own pain. Yes, there would always be reminders of what she had lost, but Rachel was surprised at the force of the emotions that came flooding through her.

She disengaged herself little by little, slowly stepping backwards. Careful to not draw any attention, she inched away from the group. Everyone was caught up in the song they were currently singing, laughing and cheering at each other.

Rachel used the moment to pick up her jacket and bag that she had dropped a little to the side of the piano and rushed out of the door.

She started running down the hall, pushed the doors open and collapsed on the stairs outside. She couldn't stand upright anymore. Her whole stomach seemed to squeeze itself into a tight ball as realization sank in.

She would never belong anymore.

As much as people tried, she would never ever be the same. It would never be the same. She would always be an outsider, no matter how much her friends tried to include her, all their good intentions could not completely make up for the loss of her hearing.

And the worst of it was that she felt that she would always be a burden to Quinn. Quinn would always be torn between the responsibility to provide interpretations and explanations for her and her own desire to participate in things Rachel just couldn't do anymore.

Rachel wanted Quinn to be carefree and have fun without having to worry about her. She had realized that when she saw the absolute happiness on Quinn's face while she sang with the others.

And Rachel herself…well, she finally had to admit it.

She wanted to get away from music and anything related to it as far possible.

She had tried. She had truly tried to make it work. But with every passing day, it was harder and harder to face, seeing how music was still a large part of her lover's and friends' lives.

As this realization sank it, it felt like she was drowning, the ground she had stood on was suddenly pulled away from under her feet.

She needed to get away. She needed to leave everything that had ever made up her life go. It just hurt too much. She would never be able to heal if she kept stabbing at her open wounds.

Rachel let out a long, painful groan, placing her hands over her face. Her whole body was filled with agony. She felt like her heart had just been ripped out of her chest when she realized the true consequences of her whole situation.

She had not noticed that someone had come up behind her and jumped when Kurt sat down next to her.

"It hu… hurts so much," she choked, trying to level her breathing.

Kurt did not say anything.

There was nothing to be said.

He could not ease that pain as much as he wanted to. He could not help Rachel in a way she would have needed. No one could. So all he could do was to show her that he understood. But before he was able to say anything, Rachel raised her voice again.

"Kurt, I don't think I ca… can do this any longer. I ha… have really tried these past months." She tried to ease her breathing. When she finally managed to take some even breaths, she continued.

"You have all helped me, but the longer this goes on, the more I realize the real impact it has on all our lives. Especially on Quinn's." Tears welled up again and slid over her cheeks. Kurt felt all the pain and cursed his helplessness at that moment.

He cursed the driver of that fucking car, he cursed the photographers for keeping Rachel so late at the shoot and he cursed the whole universe for doing this to his friend.

Rachel continued in a whisper and he could hardly understand what she was saying. Later, he wished he had never heard the next words at all.

"I can't ask that of her. As much as I love her, she needs to live her life. Her life is music, sounds, singing. Mine is just … nothing. Silence. As much as I try and wish, I'll never be able to participate in it anymore and will never be able to appreciate her true talent. She … needs someone in her life who can … understand her completely."

Rachel turned her head and saw the painful truth in Kurt's eyes. He seemed to understand what she was hinting at.

"And I just don't want to be seen as the poor deaf former Broadway star that all she does is follow in the shadow of her famous girlfriend. That's just too humiliating."

But who says that people will think that, Rachel?

"Jesus Kurt, get out of your bubble and look around you! Haven't you seen the looks on our friend's faces? I know they tried and I love Mercedes for what she was trying to do. Still, all of them were thinking 'poor Rachel, she had such a promising career and now, what does she have now? Boy, I'm just glad this didn't happen to me'."

She searched Kurt's eyes. "You know it's true. I saw it in their eyes. And I can't even blame them! I would probably think the same!"

She looked at her hands. "I can't do it. I thought that I might somehow… I thought that … but it just … it hurts so much! I need to take some time … I need to stay away from anything that is music related." She finally managed.

Anything or anyone? Kurt asked bluntly.

At first, Rachel did not answer and Kurt was not sure if she had seen his signs. Finally, she answered, signing as well.

Kurt's heart ached at seeing the devastated look on his friend's face as she delivered her answer.

You know the answer to that.

Through her own tears she saw the sad look in Kurt's eyes when he lifted his hands again. Rachel, don't! Don't just throw everything away! You've worked so hard to come this far. Please!

"I can't."

Trying to stifle another sob with her hand covering her mouth, Rachel jumped up, grabbed her bag and quickly fled down the stairs. Reaching the level ground she ran off.

Kurt also jumped up and was short of calling after her, realizing at the last moment how useless that was. He did not have his jacket with him and was shaking from the cold, still he was about to run after his friend when he heard the door behind him open.