Lily could barely remember the next few hours. The stream of patients was punctuated by Lily splashing her face with cold water to remain alert. At five o'clock, with another two hours before she could retreat to Ethan's for a well-earned rest, Connie drew the line.
"Dr Chao. Lily!" It took a moment to get the junior doctor's attention: she was nursing a cup of coffee and looking like she was ready to drop off at any second.
"Sorry Mrs Beauchamp. I'm just – heading back to – to resus," Lily stammered.
"No you're not, not like this. You don't even like coffee, what are you doing Lily?" Connie might have been a strict clinical lead, but she'd been in medicine long enough to understand when it was time to call it a day. She spoke gently and prised the cup from Lily's hands despite her protests.
"Dr Chao – Lily," she said, placing a motherly hand on her shoulder. "You're completely dead on your feet. You're no good to me as a doctor in this state and quite honestly you're doing the patients a disservice if you're not at your best. You need to go home and rest, so you're on top form for your next shift. Okay?"
"But Mrs Beauchamp, I'm fine, I've only got another two hours, I'll just -" Lily floundered, not knowing how to justify herself.
"No. Lily, when you're running at full capacity you can be an amazing doctor. But not like this. Go home, please." Lily knew she couldn't win this argument.
"I can't, I'm busy, and needed everywhere." Lily sighed. "And Ethan – Dr Hardy – said he would drive me home later because he didn't think I was safe to drive myself."
"That is highly commendable on his part. In that case I suggest you get some rest in the on-call room until seven o'clock. You need sleep, Lily, you've worked hard tonight," Connie said as she squeezed Lily's shoulder comfortingly, making a mental note to remind Ethan that Lily wouldn't be floating around the ED at seven am.
The on-call room, tucked away almost outside of Accident and Emergency, was a favourite space of almost every doctor. It was, of course, open to all of Holby's ED staff members, but it was a rare occasion when anyone other than a doctor needed it. Lily in particular liked it a lot. It was very comforting to retreat to a bed with clean sheets after a punishing shift. This morning was no exception. Usually Lily would have made a little more effort to remove her minimal make-up, but today she was hard pressed to do anything but fall back on the bed into a comfortable sleep, without even getting between the duvet and mattress.
At seven o'clock, Ethan collected his coat, wallet and phone from his locker. A blue post-it note had been pushed through the vent of the locker, written in a hand he recognised to belong to Connie. Lily is in the on-call room, she wanted me to let you know. Sincerely, Mrs Beauchamp. Ethan smiled into his locker; it seemed Lily might be starting to accept advice. Making his way back through the ED, he was pleased that Cal was on holiday. He'd been teased by his brother for long enough about never "making a move" - Cal's words, not his own. This way at least he could be private and polite, neither of them Cal's strong point. Ethan knocked tentatively at the door of the on-call room. There was no response, so he called her name. Knowing she would no doubt be fast asleep, Ethan didn't worry when there was still no response. Instead he pulled a fifty pence from the pocket of his jeans and inserted it into the safety catch of the lock. Twisting it clockwise twice, he was thankful for once of Cal's knowledge of sneaking around. Ethan pushed the door open and was greeted by the sight of Lily, sound asleep on top of the covers and still fully clothed in scrubs (which, come to think of it, he was exceptionally grateful for.) Her glasses were on the cabinet and their absence gave him the chance to see her eyelashes, which, he noted, were much longer than they looked when her eyes were shielded by her glasses.
"Lily? It's seven o'clock, we're going home." Lily groaned in response and rolled on to her side, rubbing her eyes and smudging her eyeliner onto her cheeks. She felt only slightly refreshed, it was impossible to relax fully – there was always the possibility of being roused to assist the trauma team after an accident. She was pleased that Ethan hadn't turned on the harsh ceiling lights, instead opting to open the curtains and let the morning sun light the room.
"Good morning Lily," Ethan said calmly. "Ready to go?"
"Yes, thank you," she said whilst stretching. "I need to get my bag and coat, then we can leave.
In Ethan's car, heading away from work, a thought suddenly struck Lily.
"Wait, how did you get in? I thought I locked the door, I'm sure I'd never forget anything that basic!" She watched Ethan tap the steering wheel and shift awkwardly in his seat. "Ethan?" She raised on eyebrow, in the exact way she used when searching for information from a patient. Ethan glanced at her in his mirror and was obliged to answer.
"Yes, well, um, Cal once taught me, if you put a coin in the safety catch on the outside of the door and twist it a certain way..." He paused. "Sorry, Lily, I did knock first, but I knew you were asleep and I thought you'd want waking up. I know how impossible it is to sleep properly in that room and-"
"It's okay," Lily cut in, very aware of the way Ethan babbled when he was nervous. "I just wanted to know, and make sure I hadn't made the biggest rookie mistake in the book." She placed her hand over his on the gearstick and smiled. "Although you'd better hope I don't have any change next time you're sleeping in there!" Lily laughed and watched Ethan relax his shoulders back to normal.
"I won't worry myself too much. I don't sleep like a log, unlike you – ow!" Lily had flicked his ear playfully. "I'd easily hear someone trying to break in, no problem."
"Don't bet I wouldn't test that theory. How's your eyebrow?" Lily changed the subject to avoid thinking of seeing Ethan asleep when he already had such an innocent face when he was awake. She felt like her own features were so much more angular compared to the smooth lines between his eyes when he crinkled them to laugh. His whole persona was soft and kind, hers more pointed and not nearly as friendly. Precisely the reason she though Ethan would never see anything in her, and that by itself was enough to encourage her to improve her bedside manner.
"It's much better now. Quite a few people complemented how neat you'd been with it, actually."
"I'd expect nothing less, I didn't want you to end up scarred at the hands of an inebriated partygoer and an inept junior doctor!"
"I didn't see an inept junior doctor, mine was perfectly brilliant. And I think her bedside manner might be improving a little too." Lily didn't have the energy to conceal her blush, it was spreading inwards from her ears and flooding her cheeks. She pressed her cool hand to them as they drove on. Not looking back at her, Ethan said something that did nothing but increase the intensity of her blush, despite her hands trying to hide it.
"You don't have to hide it when you blush, you know. I can always tell anyway, your eyes sparkle. I think it's beautiful."
Lily made a mental note never to stop herself blushing around Ethan ever again.
"You do?" She coughed, trying to cover how excited she sounded. "I mean, I didn't realise you paid me that much attention. I don't think anyone has ever paid me that much attention before." She looked out of the window for the short remainder of the journey, so she didn't notice that the tips of Ethan's ears were pink and he was smiling broadly out of the windscreen.
"This is it, I'm afraid," he said as he stopped the car outside a small terraced house far bigger than Lily's first floor apartment. Her eyes widened, but knowing how shy and sensitive Ethan could be, she made no comment about his home. She stayed quiet as he led her up the path, into the hall and then gestured to the living room. Luckily for her, Ethan attributed the silence to her tiredness and remained equally quiet until she sat down.
"I would offer you the spare room, but it's something of a mess, I'm still sorting through a lot of Mum's stuff up there." He paused suddenly, pressing his lips together. "I'll go and get you a pillow and some blankets." He slipped out of the room without another word and had to lean against the wall at the top of the stairs before entering the spare bedroom. Truth be told, he wasn't sorting his mother's belongings, it was all still boxed up from the hospice and he couldn't bring himself to look at it all. Most of all, he didn't want Lily knowing he wasn't dealing with his grief even four months later.
Taking a deep breath, he rushed in and out of the room, spending barely ten seconds grabbing a pillow, sheet and duvet. Ethan took a moment to compose himself before returning to the living room.