Chapter two
Ana is in front of a full-length mirror in her bedroom. She's trying to do something with her hair, something that is not a pony tail. But what ever she tries it ends up looking ridiculous. Finally, she decides on a casual bun, with a few strands of hair framing her face. It actually doesn't look that bad.
Wearing jeans and a light green silk blouse, a slim silver bracelet and matching silver loops in her ears, she looks okay. Ana wishes she didn't worry about her appearance so much, and that she wasn't feeling at the same time apprehensive and agog. Feeling this way is not welcome.
She is meeting Christian for coffee in an hour, because once he was about to leave her house after them seeing each other for the first time in ten years, he asked her out to dinner. And by then it was already too late. She couldn't say no. Christian Grey had worked his charms during 45 minutes of small-talk, picking at her defences until they both knew that she would say yes.
Well, she didn't exactly say yes. She agreed to coffee, at her favourite coffee house not far from her home. Ana had thought at the time that it would be a good idea to choose an environment she was comfortable in. And now she's beginning to think that it's the worst idea possible. She loves that coffee house; she goes there to work sometimes, when working at home gets too quiet and dull. Why show him a place that is like her second home?
It's only one o'clock and she doesn't have to pick up Sara from her friend Eric's house until six. Squeezing in a couple of hours of reading manuscripts after she's seen Christian shouldn't be a problem. Work has proven impossible this morning. Sara knows that Ana is meeting up with Christian today. Sara took to him, obviously, and wanted to know when he was coming again, so Ana told her about the coffee-date. But as far as Sara knows, he is just an old friend.
Why is she so freaking nervous? It pisses her off. But deep down she knows why. It's not the kind of apprehension one feels for a date; am I beautiful enough, smart enough, funny enough? No, Ana is terrified that the years she spent carefully putting Mr. Grey in a locked compartment in her heart and mind, will count for nothing if she spends some time with him. The plan was always to avoid him at all cost.
She built a life without Christian that was good and suited her well. She found a man that she loved and he gave her a child whom she adores; Sara is her reason for living. Ana never expected to love another man as long as she still loved Christian. She didn't leave him because they fell out of love. He was still, and would forever be, the love of her life. But she found that since the love of her life wasn't an option, she could actually fit this other man in her heart. It was admittedly different; it was a quiet kind of love, not a passionate one, but it was harmonious and comforting, and just what she needed. Until he died a year ago.
Once they found out the reason why Thomas was always tired and loosing weight, the cancer in his lower cardia was already in an advanced stage, and despite radiation and chemotherapy he only lived for another two months. Ana was devastated and numb and Sara was in shock. They were more or less alright now, though. Both had the odd momentary relapse to grief, but for most of the time they talked about Thomas with fondness and humour, remembering stupid little things he'd said or done.
The thing was that Ana had grown to like the predictability of her relationship with Thomas. With him she had found equilibrium and harmony and peace of mind. Well, with him and Sara. Pre-Sara and post-Christian, she was actually pretty lost.
Ana shakes her head, trying to stop the thoughts from wandering to the time after she left Christian. Anyway, if she doesn't get going, she'll be late. And she's sure that Christian is still on CEO-time – busy and important - ten years will not have changed that.