Glee belongs to Fox Television.

Thanks to all of you who favorite and follow my story. I have started pretty much a year ago writing it and never imagined, I'd keep it up for so long. I'm grateful that you have all come along and motivated me to continue!

Chapter 55

There seemed to be a noise at the door of Quinn's hospital room that called for her attention, but she was still so tired. She just could not rouse herself from sleep completely. Actually, she wasn't sure if anything could manage to convince her to ever wake up again. Sleeping felt soooooo good after that nasty nurse had shaken her awake at least a million times during the rest of the night and the main part of the day before the doctor had finally allowed her to take a nap.

Her vitals where strong and her reflexes and memory were also perfect considering the circumstances. Dr. Bord had visited her on her last round before her shift had ended. She told the nurse that Quinn was allowed to sleep a short while if she stayed stable until three o'clock in the afternoon.

When the word finally came that she was permitted to close her eyes, Quinn thought this was better than heaven as she drifted off.

The blonde held on to the wisps of sleep and tuned out the noise that came from the door again. Then a warm hand covered hers in her dreamy state.

That felt nice. That was something she managed to focus on.

"Mhhm." She stirred a little.

"Shhhh, sleep if you need the rest Quinn, I can come back later" she heard a soft voice say.

Come back later? That… wait!

With a start Quinn opened her eyes. It took her another moment to come into a state of full wakefulness, but when her eyes focused on the person next to her, she was fully conscious in and instant.

"Rachel," she stated.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you, I hoped you would sleep a little longer."

"No no, it's ok, it's fine," the blonde mumbled, catching Rachel's questioning glance.

"Oh," Quinn realized that she probably had not understood her muttered reply. Slowly and reluctantly she slid her hand out from under Rachel's and picked up her phone that still lay on her bed and typed her remark.

Seeing how difficult it was for Quinn to do that, the former singer fished a paper and pen out of her bag. Quinn smiled and nodded. It was easier to write than to type with one hand if you couldn't hold the phone up very well to see what you were typing. The messages from their conversation before had cost her quite an effort to produce.

"Quinn, if I had known how difficult it is for you to type those messages, I would have told you to stop!" Rachel stated with a worried glance at Quinn, as if reading her thoughts.

Quinn was able to write on her own this time, without Rachel having to hold the pad, because propped her bed up higher.

It would have been easier if they had allowed me to crank the bed up a bit before. I'm glad we did write those messages. Don't worry about me. I guess, I'll live. Painfully so, but I'll live.

Rachel smiled at the comment.

Then she looked up and the blonde had the feeling of losing herself in the depth of Rachel's eyes. She saw so many emotions twirling around there and she was sure Rachel saw the same in her own eyes.

"So, how are you feeling?" Rachel asked, breaking the silence.

Quinn blinked and needed a second until her brain registered the question. She had been so caught in Rachel's gaze. Then she tried to figure out how to answer that question best. She decided not to dance around the topic and posed a question herself.

Do you mean physically or emotionally?

Rachel frowned when she read the words. Exhaling slowly, she simply said: "Both."

Quinn studied her for a moment. She had noticed how Rachel signed along her words and wondered when and why she had started doing this. It was fascinating to watch. Rachel had not signed much before when she talked and there were only hearing people around her.

Instead of answering Rachel's original question, Quinn posed another one.

Why do you keep signing? Don't get me wrong, it doesn't bother me, I'm just curious, because you hardly ever did it before when it was just us or only hearing people around.

Rachel looked at her hands and then back at Quinn. She gave her a similar answer as to what she had already told Kurt and Santana.

"I found out that … this kind of helps me to hear myself talk. And I noticed that I needed the practice. I hardly ever signed around you guys, partly because I did not want to stand out more than I already did, partly because I didn't see the point. You can all hear and I can talk."

So now you have accepted it more as a way of expressing yourself, not matter if there are no deaf people around you?

Rachel tilted her head slightly. "Yes. In way it is like that." After a pause, she added: "I guess I tried to hide. It sounds illogical, because you still had to sign to me in order I that could understand, but…I still tried to appear as "normal" as possible.

Quinn laughed, which caused the other woman to frown. Quickly she picked up her pen and started explaining.

Rachel, you were never normal!

It took the brunette a second, but then she also had to laugh. "True."

Quinn's heart jumped a little when she saw the short but beautiful little laughter light up Rachel's face for a few seconds. Oh, she wanted so much for this light to stay there, but she was not sure what to do.

There was still this strange restrained atmosphere between them and Quinn had no idea how to dissolve it. She wanted to get back to the same level of comfort they had felt around each other before the whole Lima thing.

The blonde pulled the pad a little closer.

I like that you are doing it. Don't ever stop on my behalf, Rachel, she scribbled down and smiled at her.

"Quinn, …" - again Quinn had to smile when she saw Rachel use her name sign, - … I honestly don't know … I mean, I'm not sure if you… what I'm trying to say is…" Rachel staggered to find the right words and then shook her head and rubbed her eyes. "Gosh, let me start over again."

She took a deep breath. "I feel torn between wanting to be here, wanting to be there for you and take care of you and feeling so ashamed of my actions that I'd like to run from this room in order not to have to look you in the eyes and see all this hurt and confusion."

Quinn lifted her hand and waited until Rachel placed hers into it. Then Quinn squeezed it slightly.

Thank you for being honest with me, Rachel. I was nervous about your visit, I have to admit. I wasn't sure if you'd really come, even though you promised. I have the feeling I completely lost touch with you, that we lost our connection and that scares the hell out of me.

Quinn let her eyes rest on Rachel's and felt a tear sneak its way down her cheek.

"I'm sorry," Rachel whispered. "I'm so sorry."

Rachel, I didn't say that to make you feel guilty. I just wish… I wish I could turn back time to make all things right that went wrong.

"Oh, Quinn, I know that would make it very easy, but we have to live now and not in the past. And you didn't do anything wrong!"

Yes I did. I was not open and honest with my feelings about several things. I should have talked to you about them.

"And so did I! As I've said, we can't live with the "should haves" and "would haves"; this will never help us move forward."

Yes, that's true. But what does that mean now for us?

Quinn tried to sit up a little more and grimaced as the pain shot through her body. "Uh, damn," she breathed while Rachel jumped up from her chair.

"Let me help you, what do you need?"

Quinn pointed at the second pillow that lay at the foot of her bed. Rachel followed the outstretched finger with her eyes.

"Can you get me that?" Quinn asked when Rachel looked back at her and then rested her eyes on her lips.

"Sure." The brunette pulled the pillow close. "Where do you want it?"

Quinn pointed with her thumb slightly behind her. She still couldn't move her good arm much, but Rachel understood. Very slowly she slipped an arm around Quinn's back to help her sit up a little while she positioned the pillow behind her.

She kept her eyes trained on Quinn's face to check if any of her movements caused her more pain. Carefully she helped her to lower herself back into the pile of pillows.

Rachel saw the blonde mouth a "thank you" and smiled back in answer.

Both women looked at each other for a long moment, and then Quinn whispered "I'm sorry!"

Rachel shook her head in confusion. "Why… why are you sorry?" Her hands followed her words.

Taking the pen in her hand the blonde wrote down her answer.

Because this forced you to see me. I know otherwise we would not have met… so soon. If ever.

"Oh, Quinn," Rachel managed before her eyes swam with tears after reading those words. "Nothing forced me to come, except… except my love for you." Quinn was hardly able to hear the last words Rachel uttered almost voiceless. She was glad that she signed along. And for the next sentence Rachel did not find the courage to speak at all. She just let her hands form the words.

You know that I still love you, don't you?

Quinn watched the expression on Rachel's face and it told her more than a thousand words.

She nodded. "Yes." But why is it then so difficult for us to be together? She scribbled on the paper.

"Because I made it difficult, Quinn. Because I let my head rule over my heart. Because I did not listen to my feelings and instead of talking about things I swallowed them and then ran away."

Quinn shook her head. No. It was not all your fault, Rachel. As I've said before, I should have told you how I felt in certain situations as well, but I never did. I thought it wasn't important and so I kept silent. We both have to pledge guilty.

Then she repeated her question from a moment ago. So, where does that leave us now?

Rachel took a deep breath.

"I guess it leaves us exactly where we are right now. Unsure of how to feel in regards to each other, unsure of how to deal with the whole issue and unsure of how to solve everything that stands between us." She broke eye contact with Quinn for a moment and looked at the gray sky outside. "And it leaves me at a place where I'm very unsure if I can ever ask you for forgiveness for what I did and how I behaved," she finally managed with a low voice, her eyes wandering back, searching Quinn's.

Quinn absorbed the words she was hearing. She felt exactly the same.

Unsure.

Unsure about everything except the fact that she still loved Rachel. But despite her deranged state and the still pounding headache she was not distracted from the fact that they had to find a way to make things work, before they could grow together again.

However, Quinn was glad and relieved that Rachel had taken the first step – or rather the second, counting the night before – to come and see her. As much as Quinn wanted to just open her arms and wrap them around the petite women, something held her back – and it wasn't just the pain in her limbs. She wasn't sure if it was her own fear of what would happen if she let herself go or if it was the hesitation she felt coming from Rachel.

She damned the stairs that were responsible for her bruises. Then Quinn realized that it wasn't the stairs but herself who had caused the fall. Had she taken better care of herself, this wouldn't have happened. Had she paid more attention to Rachel, all of this wouldn't have happened.

She focused back on the woman sitting next to her bed. The brown eyes still rested on Quinn's face. Again the blonde saw the mixture of fear and hope in them.

… … …

Rachel soaked up the hazel color and almost got lost in the little golden flecks she always adored and that gave Quinn's eyes such a warm hue. Behind the tiredness that was so obvious she tried to read what was going on in the other woman's mind.

She felt that Quinn was open to talk and that she appreciated the little touches.

Whenever Rachel's fingers came in contact with Quinn's skin, she felt the old electric spark ride up her arm, waking a longing that was hard to bear. Still, this longing was mixed with the fear of rejection. Nothing so far in Quinn's behavior hinted at the latter, but there was something…

Rachel jumped when a nurse appeared right next to her. The woman spoke to Quinn and the blonde nodded a few times. When she left, Quinn wrote down their conversation.

They are going to move me into another room in a moment. And they will give me something solid to eat tonight. I might be able to go home tomorrow if the night is fine and I'll keep in the food.

"That's great, Quinn!" Rachel exclaimed. Then after a pause: "How will you get home?"

Quinn shrugged and winced in the process. Don't know, take a cab, probably. Santana has to work, she already told me.

"Quinn, you can hardly move, how will you get home by yourself!?" Rachel asked exasperated.

Very slowly, I guess, Quinn wrote with a wry smile as an answer.

"Haha, very funny," Rachel huffed. "No, seriously."

Seriously what?

Rachel closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, Quinn was still looking at her. It was diffictult to gauge what went on behind those green eyes. It was the second time in a short interval where Quinn had shut her out. She deserved it, she knew, but it still hurt.

Slowly, she let out a deep breath.

"Quinn, let me help you." She then simply stated, still signing along her words.

Again Quinn locked eyes with her and this time Rachel was able to see the emotions that chased through them.

Rachel, I don't want you to have to do this out of an obligation. You don't have to be here if it makes you uncomfortable. I still have your words in my ears and I feel like I'm imposing too much with this whole fucked up situation knowing that being with me causes you so much pain, Quinn bravely wrote, teas slipping down her cheek with the last sentence.

"Quinn…," Rachel whispered, also feeling tears form in her eyes. "I know I hurt you beyond means and I don't know if I can ever gain your trust again."

Do you want to, Rachel? Because I'm at a loss here. I mean, I'm happy to see you, to see you care, but I'm still so confused. I haven't changed, our circumstances haven't changed. So I don't know what to expect…

Rachel's eyes rushed over the sentence. "Fair enough."

She took a deep breath. "Quinn, I know that our circumstances have not changed and probably never will. More than you I have to face the fact that I am deaf and … probably will be for the rest of my life. And you are and always will be a singer." She pressed her lips together and rested her hands in her lap for a moment, before she continued.

"All of my reactions had nothing to do with you. You were just the person who was closest to me and who has seen me in my most vulnerable moments. I wanted someone else to feel as vulnerable, to feel all the pain I was feeling and you were the person I could hurt the most. I was so overwhelmed with my feelings that I just couldn't think rationally anymore."

The last words Rachel barely managed to whisper. The shame she felt was almost as painful as the thought of losing Quinn. "I felt sorry for myself and projected everything on you, lashing out when the only person I should have screamed at should have been myself. Through all my silence, you were there and I did nothing to recognize what a gift that truly was to have you in my life and for you to accept me as I am."

She stood up. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry and ashamed." Rachel managed in a low voice.

She had not signed in parallel this time, because she did not want to see her hands form those hurtful words. She was glad that she had managed to voice them at all. Now Quinn would probably want her to leave. Rachel did not dare to look at the other woman. She held her eyes cast down on the floor and picked up her bag. Slowly, she stood up. When she turned she felt a warm hand on hers.

For a moment she stood there, motionless, unsure of what to do. Then Quinn tugged at her hand slightly to get her attention.

Slowly, she turned and let her gaze crawl up from Quinn's hand still holding her own, up the blonde's slender arm until she met her eyes again. They were bright with tears, but to her surprise a tiny smile played around Quinn's lips.

The blonde let go of the other hand and picked up the pen. Thank you for your honesty, Rachel.

Then she took Rachel's hand again and stroke a soft thumb over the back of her hand.

"Being here is not an obligation, Quinn."

Quinn tilted her head and nodded slightly. Rachel did not say anything further and it was clear that she was waiting for Quinn to decide if she still wanted her here or not.

"So, what now?" The brunette then asked with a low voice when Quinn did not say anything for a few moments.

Finally, another small smile appeared on the blonde's beautiful features. She had noticed the travel bag Rachel had placed on the floor besides the chair.

Maybe you can help me getting dressed in my own PJ?

Rachel's expression softened. "I think I can do that."

She took the bag Santana had dropped earlier at her place and put it on the bed.

"Santana also packed your tooth-brush and some other stuff," Rachel stated, while rummaging around the bag, pulling out Quinn's favorite flannel pajama. It was wide and soft and had a white and blue stripe pattern on the top, while the pants where solid sky blue.

The brunette placed the bag on the floor again and held the fabric in her hand. "How shall we do this?" She threw a glance at Quinn with a small frown and a concerned look in her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you."

Then Rachel realized what she had just said.

"I mean… I… I… god, that sounded so wrong in the light of recent events, I'm sorry," she then apologized.

"It's ok," Quinn whispered and slowly took her left arm out of the sling. This was going to take a very long time. Every inch of her body seemed to hurt and when she hissed in pain her ribs reminded her smartly that this was also something she should not do.

Oh, it was so frustrating! It reminded her of the car accident she had been in during high school.

When she had woken up she had not been able to do anything for herself either. Yes, she had been in pain, but the most frustrating thing had been not being able to tell her legs or her lower body from the waist down to move. She painfully had to relearn to rebuild her muscles and how to just hoist herself into a sitting position and keep the balance.

Compared to that, she definitely preferred this situation now. At least the pain told her that she could feel everything. And it was only temporary. So she grit her teeth and let Rachel carefully slip the hospital night gown off her shoulders and down her arms.

She noticed how Rachel's eyes hung a second longer than necessary at her exposed breasts before she quickly grabbed the pajama top. Luckily, it was one with buttons in the front that made it much easier to put on.

While helping Quinn to slip her left arm into the respective ending of the garment, Rachel brushed against Quinn's breast with her wrist and let out an involuntary breath. The touch sent Quinn's nerves on high alert and if she had been able to move better, she would have held Rachel's hand right there on the sensitive spot.

"Sorry," the petite woman apologized with a raspy voice, trying to stay focused on the task at hand and not to think about what that small skin contact did to her.

Finally, she closed the last button and worked with Quinn on the next challenge to get the pants on. That was much more painful, because the blonde had to lift her bottom off the mattress, which was not possible without her groaning in pain several times while she half sitting half lying shimmied into the pants.

Rachel drew her brows together and bit her lip every time she felt Quinn wince in pain.

After they were finished, both women almost felt like they had finished a marathon. Quinn closed her eyes for a moment, hoping for the tender spots to stop firing off warning signals to her brain.

After a couple of long moments, she managed a tired: "Thank you."

Rachel smiled. "You're welcome, Quinn."

A moment later two nurses came and they moved the blonde's bed into the other room. The bed next to her was empty, which was a blessing.

Rachel stored the bag in the closet and then helped Quinn to brush her teeth. Noting how tired the blonde looked, she decided to let her rest again.

Before she left, Rachel brought up the courage and asked: "What about tomorrow? If they let you go home, I mean."

Quinn searched for the pen and paper that they had packed somewhere before she had moved. Rachel found it in the overnight bag and handed it to Quinn.

The blonde hesitated a moment before the tip of the pen touched the paper to draw out the words.

Well, seeing how difficult it was to put my PJs on, I agree that it might be even more difficult to get into a car alone. And before I lean on a taxi driver, I'd much rather lean on you. If your offer still stands, I would very much like you to help me.

Quinn slowly looked up to see Rachel's reaction.

A small smile graced the brunette's lips as she nodded. "Then I'll be here. Let me know at what time as soon as you have the details, ok?"

Quinn nodded. She felt so tired and was not sure she could stay awake until they might serve her some solid food to eat.

"Ok, I'll let you rest now. Sleep a bit and get well."

Rachel reached out and stopped midway, only to resume her movement after a few seconds, cupping Quinn's left cheek with her right hand. Very gently she stroke her thumb across the soft and still much too pale skin.

Quinn leaned against the hand and closed her eyes for a moment, reveling in the touch, before she felt the warmth slip away as Rachel pulled back.

At the door Rachel turned around and gave a short wave with her hand. "See you tomorrow."

Quinn lifted her hand slightly as well and smiled, forming the letters C and U with her fingers.

After Rachel had slipped out the door, Quinn closed her eyes again and recalled the warmth of the other woman's fingers on her cheek, before she fell into an exhausted sleep.