"Dr Hanna, can I have a word please, if you're not busy?" Lily asked, fidgeting with the hem of her scrubs.
"Yes, of course. Dr Keogh?" Zoe called across the ED. "Dylan, I'm leaving you in charge here, okay?" Lily felt awkward and embarrassed when she heard his frustrated sigh and sarcastic response.
"No problem, I love nothing more than dealing with grumpy patients," he said.
"You'll get on like a house on fire, I'm sure," Zoe replied, mirroring his tone. "Besides, you're not getting any choice in the matter. Stop moaning!" she said matter of factly before leading Lily to her office.
"So what happened to Ethan?" she said, correctly guessing what Lily had pulled her aside for.
"He was in pieces, like I said, because of his mother. Hilda James presented identical pre-existing conditions to his mother." Zoe sank down into her desk chair, rubbing her forehead with the tips of her fingers.
"I told Connie we should have offered him more support. There's no way any of us should have let him go unchecked for so long."
"Don't blame yourself, or Connie for this, Dr Hanna," Lily said bitterly. "I think I know exactly who is at fault here. And it's just his luck that he's on holiday this week or I'd be giving him a piece of my mind!" Lily took a deep breath and stared at the ceiling for a moment.
"What's Cal done now?" Zoe asked, raising one eyebrow.
Only gone and made Ethan feel completely inadequate for showing any kind of emotion. Which made him bottle it all up until he snapped, twice this week!"
"Twice? You mean this has happened before?"
Lily sighed. She hadn't wanted anyone knowing she'd stayed at Ethan's, but at least Zoe wasn't a gossip. She carefully explained everything that had happened between her and Ethan over the last few days, deliberately omitting some of the finer points. Zoe rubbed the bridge of her nose.
"There's nothing we can do about Cal, on a professional level at least." she said, an obvious edge of stress in her voice. She softened a little as she changed the subject. "With Ethan though... any thoughts?" Lily tilted her head to one side, thinking. Ethan would hardly be one to consider seeing a grief counsellor. But Zoe wasn't stupid, she'd be able to see as well as Lily could that he wouldn't take kindly to being treated like a patient here. She shook her head sadly, her shoulders drooping a little.
"In the meantime, I'm considering pulling him from any case involving the elderly. We can't afford another crisis of confidence, he's too fragile at the moment." Zoe scribbled a note and slipped it into her diary.
"But you can't make a big deal out of it, it has to be kept low key. I can't hide this from him though, I'll have to tell him," Lily stressed.
"No, you're right. Only a fool could fail to see you care about him a lot." Zoe said at last. Lily nodded, but only very slightly: she didn't want to end up the subject of staffroom chatter.
"It's okay Lily, your secret is safe with me," Zoe smiled. "If you're going to make a go of it I think you'd make a lovely couple." Lily's cheeks glowed. "Just promise me, please, that you won't try to take it all on your shoulders. Keep me in the loop, okay?"
Lily nodded. "Thank you, Zoe." When she returned to the ED, she realised it was the first time she'd called the senior consultant by her first name.
Ethan seemed to be pushing his emotions aside in favour of throwing himself into his work. Lily was pleased that he looked as though he was coping better over the next few days, but her worries never wholly disappeared. She watched him intently when they ended up working with the same patient, determined that she could intervene and catch him before he fell into grieving at work again. At the end of an almost peaceful shift (by ED standards at least) Lily brought him a cup of tea in the staffroom.
"I think it's about time I returned the favour, don't you?" she said, smiling and placing a hand on his shoulder. He gratefully accepted the cup on the table. After pausing to drink a little of the tea, he decided now was as good a time as he was ever going to get. The staffroom was busy, they wouldn't be overheard, which he was pleased about. He'd practised this enough in front of his bathroom mirror to know that if he messed it up he'd sound like a complete idiot.
"Lily, let me take you out to dinner." He took one of her hands in his, hoping he hadn't just made a total fool of himself.
"What's the occasion?" she asked.
"If it isn't too horrendously clichéd, you are." Lily sat straight upright, not quite sure how to respond.
"It is, it's such a cliché, but please keep going. I'd love to know why you think I, of all people, deserve celebrating." She was a little uneasy, it was a very long time since anyone had asked her out, and even longer since she'd put up an icy front and pretended not to be bothered by any of it. Ethan smiled kindly, putting her more at ease than she'd ever felt around a man.
"I know it's you who keeps taking over when I can't even start a case, or follows one up when I've done it wrong. I know it's you who's pulling me back from the edge, because when I'm with you I feel normal again. You're calm and steady and you don't let things get on top of you. And I am so grateful for having you in my life." He paused, looking at Lily, whose eyes were averted from his face. She couldn't bring herself to look at him; she knew she wouldn't be able to stem her tears if she did. He panicked. "Have I said something wrong? I'm sorry -" he babbled, fiddling with the catch of his watch awkwardly.
"Of course you haven't. No-one has ever gone to this much effort to make me feel special," she whispered, not wanting any chance of being heard by the others.
"Well I am, because I think you're worth it. Of course I appreciate your professional excellence – you;re one of the best junior doctors I've ever come across. But I love Lily more than I love Dr Chao, even though I know the lines between you get thinner every day. You're beautiful and elegant and I could keep going... But I can't remember the other things I wanted to say. I'm sorry if I've embarrassed you but I just wanted to say enough to convince you I want you to be my girlfriend."
Lily wiped tears from her cheeks, and looked up into Ethan's hopeful brown eyes.
"Yes. And I'll see you at half past seven," she added firmly, making sure she was too much of a gushing fool. But then she realised she actually didn't care any more. Ethan had just reeled off a beautiful script that made her feel like the whole room was empty except for them, so what did it matter if other people knew how incredible she felt, right now? Not worrying if other people saw, she kissed the space between his eyebrows lightly as she got up to leave. Smiling broadly, Ethan drank some more tea and hid behind his book. He caught a glimpse of Zoe through two sets of windows, smiling over a cup of coffee in her office.