Chapter nine

Wednesday June 11 2014 12:15 pm

To: Anastasia Randall

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Doing something.

Dear Ana,

I hope you don't think that meeting at a birthday party counts as the "doing something" we agreed to do when we met for coffee. My schedule hasn't allowed much doing outside of work lately, but this weekend is clearing up, and therefore I am asking you and Sara to join me for a picnic on Sunday. No extravagance, I promise.

Please let me know if this is something the two of you would like to do. If so, I might ask Elliot's and Kate's Jamie to join us.

It was very nice seeing you on Saturday, Ana.

Yours, Christian.

Christian plays with the cursor a bit before finally clicking the send button. He is taking a chance by inviting Sara along, he knows that. If he tries to move things forward too quickly, it might scare Ana off. But he's made up his mind now; he wants Ana again, and he is not a patient man. When he wants something he makes sure he gets it. For Christian Grey, this is taking things painstakingly slow.

To be fair, he has had a lot more time than Ana to get to the state of mind where the two of them might have a future together again. A year, more or less. It had just been a few weeks after he'd first heard that Ana's husband had passed away that, almost unconsciously, he started thinking about whether or not he would like to have her back, given the chance. She'd left him, for reasons that didn't make sense to him at the time. How he even survived the first year after she left, was a mystery. He doesn't remember much. He couldn't even fuck to forget – just the thought of being with another woman made him sick. How could Ana love him – and she must have; she'd stayed despite all the crazy ghosts from his past – but then leave him to free-fall without her?

It took Elliot becoming a father for Christian to wake up. Seeing his older brother's unconditional love for the bundle that first was quite uninteresting, but then slowly turned into the personality that was Ella, stirred something inside of him. Ella liked Christian too – and through that little girl's eyes, and later Ella's younger brother Jamie's, Christian began to see himself in a different light. His niece and nephew managed to do the same thing Anastasia had done; make him feel worthy of love. And very slowly, he had been able to admit that he understood why his love alone hadn't been enough for Ana.

Looking back, it was difficult to understand why he had been so stubborn. It wasn't as if she demanded that they have children right away. On the contrary, she was in no hurry to be a mother. But she was completely certain she was going to be a mother. And if for some reason she couldn't be a biological mother, she wanted to adopt. Both scenarios terrified him. Both were unthinkable. And he didn't want to share Ana with anyone.

Even though she knew that deep down it was fear that drove him to be so stubborn, eventually she couldn't handle his cold and stand-offish attitude towards her reasoning. She'd said she couldn't just keep on hoping that he would someday change his mind and then wake up fifteen years later to find that it was too late. She would start hating him for it. And so she'd left him.

Somehow he managed to live his life without her, knowing she was out there married to somebody else and having somebody else's child. For a man as possessive and jealous as Christian it took an unthinkable amount of self control to not do something about it. What, he didn't dare think about. In the end, the reason he stayed away was knowing that he had driven her away, it was his fault. So he had to suffer for it.

And then suddenly, he might have been given another chance. However, it took him a long time to figure out if he could take the risk to get hurt again, wasn't it just better that he get on with his life? He felt the odds were against him; she would probably not want to see him, she must have gotten over him a long time ago. Also, she probably wasn't the same Ana anymore; he might not even want her. But she wouldn't leave him in peace, not even in his dreams, and finally he'd known that he had nothing to loose. So what if he got hurt again? If he had even the slightest chance of finding love with Anastasia again, it would be worth it.

He had been very patient before contacting her; he wanted to give her the opportunity to mourn her husband properly before showing up in her life again. But now that he has seen her, talked to her and she's turned out to still be his Anastasia in every way, he's impatient. He knows he has to give her time, it's difficult but necessary.

He's sent the email; all he can do now in this matter is to wait for Ana's reply. He has another pressing matter to attend to, which is Nicole. He's asked her over tonight so he can end it, whatever it is that they have. For him, it's been a convenient arrangement – somebody to bring along for company when he needed to and sometimes wanted to. She's even accompanied him to Elliot's for dinner a couple of times.

Nicole obviously benefitted from it too; he pampered her with luxurious gifts and clothes, he took her only to the best places and she was frequently photographed with Christian Grey, which wasn't exactly bad for her declining modelling career. She wasn't a bad fuck either, and all in all it had worked out well for both of them. Sure, she'd mentioned a future together a few times, but he had always made it perfectly clear that it was never going to be more than an arrangement. Nicole probably wouldn't be overjoyed about things ending between them, but she shouldn't be too surprised either. The readier Christian had gotten to contact Ana, the less he had wanted see of Nicole. He's glad that he will be able to move on after tonight.

Christian is sitting by his piano nursing a tumbler of whisky in one hand, plunking down on random keys with his index finger. He can't concentrate enough to play right now. He's exhausted but he won't be able to sleep.

Taylor silently enters the living room and coughs discreetly. "Miss Kaufman is now at home, sir."

"Thank you, Taylor. I'll see you tomorrow." Christian doesn't even look at him. Tonight turned out to be an ordeal, and Christian is seriously pissed off at Nicole for behaving like a maniac and at himself for thinking they had an understanding. Nicole didn't understand at all, as it turned out. She had cried, yelled, threatened and begged. She had refused to leave his apartment until, at two o'clock in the morning, Christian had to ask Taylor and Simmons to escort her home. At least now it was over.

He takes a last large gulp of the whiskey, leaves the empty glass on the piano and saunters over to his bedroom. He should at least try to get some sleep. But before he goes to bed he will check his emails, which he hasn't had a chance in hell to do all night. Grasping his IPhone he flips past the business emails looking for a reply from Ana. And there it is.

Wednesday June 11 2014 8:42 pm

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Randall

Subject: Picnic

Christian,

Thank you for your kind invitation. My daughter and I would be happy to join you on Sunday. Please let us know where, when and what we should bring to the picnic.

It was very nice seeing you too on Saturday.

Yours

Ana

Suddenly Christian is completely relaxed, the stress of the evening gone. He thinks he might even be able to sleep.