Ethan was distracted. Paired with Dylan in resus he was meant to be focused solely on the training exercise at hand, but he kept anxiously glancing up to where he could see Lily leaning against the wall outside resus. He watched her drop two dissolving pills into a plastic cup of water and grimace at the foul taste as she drained the cup. Crumpling the cup into the bin, Lily bit her lip. It wasn't just stomach cramps anymore: she was nauseous and slightly dizzy too.

Ethan stood up straight, suddenly snapping to attention as Dylan cleared his throat and clicked his fingers in front of Ethan's face.

"I'm sorry, I though we were in the middle of a training exercise, which, by definition, requires as much attention as an actual patient. Am I missing something here?" The tops of Ethan's ears turned pink with the criticism.

"No, not at all, Dr Keogh," he mumbled.

"If you keep looking up like that, you're going to get whiplash," he said. Ethan's cheeks flushed crimson. "If this was a real patient, they'd likely be in respiratory arrest by now, so let's go on from there shall we?" Stuttering over his words, Ethan recited the steps as he carried them out. As usual, he made no mistakes: any other consultant would have offered some kind of praise. Dylan, on the other hand, asked gruffly if Ethan wouldn't mind concentrating from the start next time. Ethan nodded, not making eye contact, but he realised later that Dylan's comment was probably the closest to a complement as he was ever going to get.

Slowly but surely, Lily was moving patients through triage. Connie passed by a cubicle where Lily was working and almost made a snide comment about how long it was taking her to do routine checks. She had to bite her tongue though, Lily was evidently doing her best, considering she looked pale and drawn out.

"Dr Chao, a word in my office please, when you have a spare moment," she said, much more gently than she would have done usually. Lily sighed, wishing she was brave enough and indeed well enough to pretend nothing was wrong. She headed to Connie's office slowly, her heart beating hard in her chest and her hands almost shaking with nerves. She knew she wouldn't be able to lie to Connie's face if she asked directly. Tentatively, she knocked at the door, and entered the Clinical Lead's office, a room in which everything was so meticulously organised it managed to instil calm and fear into all who entered.

"Lily, I want you to tell me truth, are you fit to be in work?" Connie asked earnestly. Lily nodded without meeting Connie's piercing gaze. "Lily, I -" But at that moment, Cal burst into the office. "Don't you ever knock?" she said angrily.

"Sorry Mrs Beauchamp, there's a serious burns victim in resus and we need you out there."

Connie pressed her lips together, inhaled through her nose and stared at the ceiling for a second to compose herself. "I'm coming," she said at last. "Will you be okay?" she asked Lily, who seized her chance, knowing that Connie didn't have time to question her further. Bravely meeting Connie's brown eyes, she lied through her teeth.

"I promise I'm fit to work Mrs Beauchamp. I'm fine." She stood up and followed Connie from the office.

Lily was filling a plastic cup with water from the cooler when she became aware of feeling very sick. She concentrated on the water trickling into the cup, willing it to hurry up. She sipped a little of the water. Feeling her stomach cramp and lurch painfully, she set off, almost at a run, for the female staff toilets. She had hoped to have gone unnoticed, but she hadn't counted on crashing into Charlie as she hurried round a corner.

"Hey, what's the matter?" he said, looking at her ashen face. She ignored him and nearly fell into the toilets' door. Charlie stood outside and heard the unmistakeable sound of retching. Trying to preserve as much of Lily's dignity as he could, he waited for the sound to stop before ignoring the outline of a woman on the door and entering the room.

Lily was sitting against the cool tiled wall, breathing deeply. When she realised it was Charlie who had followed her in, she tried to stand up immediately. He rushed over to stop her.

"Not so fast, just stay there for a minute, okay?" he said, calmly and authoritatively.

"Charlie, this is the ladies' bathroom. Get out, get out!" Lily protested, her blushed covering how pale her cheeks had been.

"It doesn't matter what it says on the door if someone in here needs medical attention." Lily slowly got up and began rinsing her face with cold water to prove a point.

"Well I don't, so thank you for your concern, really, but I'm fine. I just – I just needed to be sick," she said, wishing it was harder for her to push people away. She knew Charlie meant well, he cared, and if she was being totally heartless she could say he was just doing his job. Part of her wanted to tell him exactly how ill she felt, and had felt for ages. But the stronger part of her kept pushing out lies, or worse keeping her lips tightly closed when she had a chance to call out for help. Her shyness stopped her saying anything at all, while her stubbornness told her this was a good thing; that she was needed in the department no matter what.

"I hope you're not planning on driving home, after the painkillers you've taken today," Dylan said sarcastically when he saw Lily out in the ED later on.

"No, you'll be glad to hear I have a lift home," Lily said. Unusually, she didn't react to his tone. Normally she found it immensely irritating and has no qualms about telling him so. Dylan noticed her lack of response and watched her back as she walked away, one eyebrow raised quizzically.

Quite by chance, Lily and Ethan were alone in the staffroom when Connie rushed in, looking somehow flustered and completely in control at the same time. She had slipped her cold hand into his warm one, making him jump in shock.

"Are you feeling better then?" he asked, knowing Lily hadn't felt in the lest bit romantic whilst she'd been feeling ill. In truth, she was trying harder to disguise herself, in the hope that Ethan wouldn't worry too much.

"Yes," she said breezily. Or at least that's how she hoped that's how it had come out.

"Lily, please, don't lie to me," he said desperately. "We can all see there's something wrong." Lily knew her time in hiding was short, nonetheless she stared at the floor, pushing back tears and feeling her cheeks glow with embarrassment. She didn't have the energy to fight her blushes.

"Lily, look at me," Ethan said. Reluctantly she looked into his eyes and could see exactly how much he was hurting. "Please, just let me in, I could help you if I knew what was hurting you." He was holding both of her hands now and his expression made Lily's heart break. She was about to crumble when Connie came in. Lily dropped his hands at once and automatically they reverted to standing at least a foot apart.

"I need two doctors for the trauma team. Everyone else is currently tied up, so you're up. It's a collapsed building, still unstable, with casualties inside and out, plus walking wounded," she said briskly. "Ready?" Ethan looked like he was about to protest when Lily quickly accepted the task and left the room to change, followed by Connie who needed to prepare resus for the incoming patients. Alone in the room, Ethan sighed in exasperation, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Why won't she let me in?" he said to them empty room.