Chapter twelve
Sara and Jamie are in extremely high spirits on the way back to Seattle and they chatter constantly in the back of the car. This means Ana and Christian don't get much opportunity to talk, which is just as well. It's difficult to talk about nothing right now. Instead Christian and Ana steal glances at one another and when their eyes meet they both smile shyly.
Christian is immersed in the moment. He's sitting in this car, next to Anastasia – his Anastasia – and a short while ago they were kissing. Right now he chooses not to think about what will happen in the future, where they go from here, because this moment is perfect. He wants for nothing, and he wishes the car ride back to Seattle would last forever.
But they reach Ana's home way too quickly and it's time to drop her and Sara off. However, the kids seem to have made sleep-over plans while Ana wasn't listening, and after a brief call to check with Elliot it's decided that Christian will take Jamie and Sara to theirs. Ana disappears inside the house to quickly pack an overnight bag for Sara.
When she comes back Christian is outside the car waiting. Ana hands him the bag, but after taking it he grabs her hand and keeps it. She blushes, eyes darting towards the car to check if the kids are watching. They're not. Ana gives his hand a squeeze which immediately goes to his groin. Oh god, he doesn't even know when he gets to see her again and there is so much he's longing to do to her, for her. Ten years of built-up desire is about to boil over inside of him.
"You're unbelievably gorgeous today, Ana." And she is beautiful. The sun has coloured her cheeks, accentuating her big blue eyes. Tiny freckles are decorating the ridge of her nose and her forehead. She's the sexiest thing he's ever seen. "I need to see you again soon." The tone of his voice is no doubt stressing how soon.
"I know." She looks at him shyly, but he also thinks he can spot a challenge in her gaze. "We'll have to check our schedules I guess." She looks at him for what feels like a long time, saying nothing, until Jamie starts knocking on the car window. Ana starts and pulls back her hand and the moment is lost.
"Thank you so much for today. It was … perfect. You do very good dates." This time her smile is big and earnest. "It seems Sara thinks so too." Christian can't help but grin broadly, proudly.
"Good night then, Christian." She tiptoes and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek and it takes all his self-control not to grab her and press her against him, kids or no kids.
"Good night Anastasia", he says, putting as much of what goes on inside him in those words as possible. It affects her, he can see that, but she just waves slightly, turns and walks to the house.
Elliot and Kate invite him to stay for dinner when he drops off the kids, but he's too preoccupied by what's happened during the day and he knows he won't be making very good company. He blames work. It wouldn't be a bad idea to catch up a bit when he comes home, so he's not exactly lying.
Back at Escala, he takes a shower and changes clothes, then sits down at the breakfast bar to eat whatever Gail has prepared for him. Ana doesn't leave his thoughts for a second. He goes over every exchange of words from them having the best coffee he's ever had, to when he dropped her off at home.
Christian pictures Ana in front of him: I know, we'll have to check our schedules. And suddenly he laughs out loud, his laughter echoing in the big room. For a smart guy, he can be incredibly thick sometimes. Well, better late than never. He jumps off the stool and goes to grab a bottle of Chablis, one of Ana's favourites. Still, after so many years, he often categorizes things after how Ana likes, or liked, them. A habit he hasn't minded keeping.
He changes clothes again and puts on a light gray cashmere sweater and a pair of soft jeans. Not those jeans - when she left he never wanted to look at those again. But he knows that she'll like what he's wearing.
He grabs his car keys and the bottle and takes a deep breath. It's not impossible that he's misinterpreting her obscure signals, it's been a while after a all. But he's tired of taking it slow and being careful and he wants her so badly. She might not even be at home or she might have a friend over (does she have male friends? Why doesn't he know this?), but he's taking his chances.
The ride to her house takes only fifteen minutes since the streets are almost empty, despite it being only eight o'clock at night. He's grateful, that means less time to change his mind.
He parks right outside and takes some time to look at the house, hands on the steering wheel. The lights are on and her car is parked on the street, so at least she's home. He goes over the exchange again; did she really mean he should come over? If she did, why didn't she just say it? Then he smiles slightly and shakes his head. She didn't say it because she's Ana. Absolutely fucking irresistible Ana, who is still so insecure and has little idea of the effect she has on men. Fuck it, he's going in.
Ana's having a lovely night. She has this evening all to herself and she's in the garage doing her favourite pastime. The IPod is connected to the speakers she's installed on the garage wall and she is painstakingly sanding an old wooden chair, acquired for a steal in a yard sale. She also has work in progress on a small chest of drawers and a side table, but tonight the chair won her attention. She's become completely addicted to seeking out and rescuing deceivingly ugly, unloved items and making them beautiful again. She's getting better and better at it and is immensely proud of some of the up-cycled furniture in her house.
The sound of the door bell is barely audible over the loud music, and when Ana does hear it she's tempted to ignore it. She doesn't want to chat to any of the neighbours now; having a perfectly good time with her chair, fantasizing about Christian kissing her under a pear tree. But she's a good girl, who feels bad even ignoring the door bell, so she gets up, wipes her hands on her paint-stained dungarees and goes to open the door.
It's not one of the neighbours or kids selling superfluous stuff to make money for school-trips. It's Christian. He has a look of mild shock and amusement, when he's looking her up and down.
"Doing some redecorating?" he asks with smirk. Just what she once asked. Does he remember?
She's already flushing, obviously. She wanted so badly for him to be here tonight, since Sara miraculously had better things to do. But she couldn't ask him straight out, and to be honest he didn't use to need invitations to potential sexy times to be that literal. She'd assumed he didn't get it, or just ignored it.
And now here he is, looking incredibly hot in slightly overused jeans and a wide-necked, loose sweater, showing off his beautiful, sexy collarbones. His hair has the just-out-of-bed look that she loves. Used to love. And rather than wearing something potentially sexy, she's in dungarees and a sloppy ponytail, covered in dust. Much like the last time he was at her house, come to think of it. She realizes she has no other option than to try and make the best of it. She really does want him here.
Leaving the front door open, she turns and walks into the house.
"What took you so long?" she says nonchalantly over her shoulder. "I'm going to clean up and change. Meanwhile, why don't you try and find a wine-opener and a couple of glasses in the kitchen. I'll be right back." God, she's cool.
Behind her she hears Christian close the door and take off his shoes. Although she wants to run up the stairs to get changed as quickly as humanly possible, she makes herself walk up at a leisurely pace.
Washing her face, armpits and other important places, she wonders if she's ready for this. It isn't long since she looked in the mirror promising that Christian Grey would never see her naked. But he wants her, he wouldn't be here if he didn't, right? And her whole lower region tells her she is ready. Thank God she shaved yesterday.
Brushing her hair and teeth and improving on her very light make-up from the day, she hears Christian pottering around in the kitchen. He's in her kitchen. The love of her life is opening wine in her kitchen and suddenly she's so overwhelmed she has sit down on the toilet, getting all teary-eyed again. This is so much more than she would ever have dared hope for and just like last time, all those years ago, her feelings are so intense, it freaks her out. Don't overthink.
"Hey, what's taking you so long?" Christian yells from downstairs, so she scrambles out of the bathroom, takes a deep breath and is deceivingly calm and collected when she walks down the stairs, now wearing a simple black jersey dress which she knows flatters her figure.
While Ana was changing Christian has made himself comfortable on her living room couch. He's lit some candles, put soft music on and two glasses of white wine are waiting on the table. Which he must have cleared from clutter, she realizes; it never looks like that. He's set the perfect scene for seduction and Ana can't help but start giggling.
Hearing her he turns and looks at her with wide eyes. He looks amused.
"Too obvious?" he says with a smirk. Ana covers her mouth with her hand and plunges down next to him on the couch, very unsexily. She shakes her head, smiling at him. She feels much more relaxed now.
"I'm really glad you came over. Are you hungry?"
"I'm glad I finally got your hint. No, I'm not hungry. Wine?" Ana nods, and he hands her a glass. "To us, and the lovely day we had together." Christian'e entire face is glowing and he looks happy.
He takes a sip from his wine, not letting his eyes leave hers. The candlelight makes his eyes look darker, a stormy gray. Reaching out to her he carefully tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. At the same time his eyes are travelling all over her face; exploring it seems and making her flush.
He then traces his thumb over her eyebrow and she shivers. Noticing, his eyes go even darker and he inches closer to her. Just him touching her eyebrow made her burn and when his thumb touches her lower lip next, pulling it free from her bite, her breathing gets shallow and she can't wait any longer. No sex for a year and half and no Grey for a decade; she lunges herself at him still holding her wine glass in one hand and plants her mouth on his, kissing him hard. Those warm, soft lips of his, they're better than she remembers and she's ready to get out of her dress now. With her free hand she's starts tugging at his sweater, but to her surprise Christian draws back. Oh, she can't touch him? Frowning and suddenly insecure she looks up, but he's smiling; amused and aroused, she knows that look in his eyes.
Christian reaches for her wine and puts both their glasses back on the table, then grabs her upper arms and gently pulls her into his lap. Cupping her chin, he kisses her softly but deeply, just her mouth at first but then slowly parting her lips and letting the tip of his tongue touch hers. He lightly bites her lower lip, just like she does and it's almost too much. Her body is reacting like it's been waiting for Christian Grey, hibernating for ten years and just waking up, exposing a need she didn't know she had. This is what it was like to be with him. She might have suppressed those memories, but her body hasn't forgotten.
Not being able to help herself she gets eager again, pressing her body and lips to his, grinding her hips slightly. Sitting in his lap she can feel his erection through the jeans and she can think of nothing except that she needs him inside her, now.
Again, out of breath, he draws back slightly. His voice is hoarse: "Can I take you up to your bedroom, Miss Steele?" "Yes", she whispers.
When he places her arms around his neck and lifts her legs wrap around his waist and they slowly make it up the stairs to the bedroom all the while kissing deeply. Christian sets her down on the bed and reaches for the bedside light. "No, please leave it off", Ana says, not looking at him. The room is not in complete darkness; the yellow glow from the street lights through the bedroom window leaves just enough light for them to see what they're doing.
Christian pulls her up from the bed, gets behind her and starts to slowly unzip her dress. Pulling the dress down over one shoulder, he kisses it, kisses her neck. Painfully slow his lips follow the dress down on its' way to the floor. When his mouth reaches the small of her back and his hands are cupping her butt cheeks, thumbs trailing her panty line up and down, Ana's shaking.
"Christian, please …" she whispers, pleadingly.
"Oh, baby." He stands up and faces her, holding her face gently with both hands. "Anastasia, please can I make love to you slowly? This is the last time that I will make love to you for the first time and I want to savour and enjoy every second. Do you understand?" His voice is trembling with desire and emotion. "I will not let you go again. Ever."
Ana knows he means it; Christian doesn't say things he doesn't mean. This is so very new, it's going way too fast, but she doesn't care because it's them; it's Christian and Anastasia and they're not like others, never were. She puts her arms around his neck and her lips close to his chest, in the area where long ago she wasn't allowed to touch him.
"Don't let me go", she says, her hot breath on his soft sweater. He gasps and pulls her close, holding her so tight she can barely breathe.
When his hold on her loosens a little, she pulls his sweater up his back and he willingly raises his arms so she can pull it off. "I love slow," she whispers.
She looks straight into his eyes, taking her time undoing his belt and unbuttoning his jeans. He doesn't take his eyes off her either and he doesn't flinch when she tentatively starts caressing his chest and his nipples. He moans slightly, but it's a good moan.
"You're such a beautiful woman, Ana, you take my breath away," Christian half-moans. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, but now you're a woman and somehow you manage to be more. Shit, when you opened the door is those dungarees and a tank top … you shouldn't be allowed to dress like that." Ana laughs and kisses him. He lifts her and carefully places her on the bed, himself next to her. "I mean it. This does nothing for me compared to dungarees." He trails his finger around the edge of her bra and her nipples tighten, wanting more touch, but his fingers continue down to her navel, circling it. He leans over her belly, hot breath on her skin.
"I remember this place, we know each other", he says to her skin, making her squirm under his lips. Her fingers start playing with his hair, her hand very lightly pushing his lips closer to her. And then, finally, his mouth travels and stops just over her sex. He's just breathing on her panties, his hot breath making her desire almost painful, and she raises her hips involuntarily trying to reach his touch.
He doesn't let her, instead he slowly pulls of her panties and asks her to sit up so he can remove her bra. When bra and panties are gone he pulls her onto his lap and kisses her earnestly, then cups both hands around her breasts. He looks at hem, then licks and kisses each nipple in turn, making Ana move her hips trying to get some comfort from his erection.
"I know you too." Christian is now talking to her breasts. "You two have grown a little, but you are lovelier than ever." In the dark Ana blushes, but she forgets why as Christian starts sucking and gently biting at her right nipple while massaging the other one with his thumb. "Oh, god, I've missed you, Anastasia." She can hardly hear him, she's lost in sensation. Her whole body is craving his touch everywhere at the same time. She's squirming and panting loudly, pressing her chest up to meet his mouth.
"I could make you come like this. I want to make you come," Christian mumbles, letting go of her left breast and instead he puts his hand over her sex, pressing gently. Then he slowly slips two fingers inside her and moans loudly. "Fuck, Ana, you're so wet. I forgot how wonderfully wet you get, baby."
With now lubricated fingers he finds her clitoris, and starts stroking lightly, teasingly. His mouth leaves her breast and finds hers, his fingers increasing the pressure, massaging steadily.
Ana opens her legs even more, wanting more, pressing her sex against his hand. While exploring her mouth with his tongue Christian is moving his hand slightly faster, now and again slipping a finger or two inside her, but then continues to massaging her.
Suddenly he slips two of his long fingers deep inside her at the same time as he's pressing his thumb firmly on her clit. Ana explodes. She doesn't scream or moan; as her body's convulsing she sobs and whimpers, tears rolling down her face. One hand still caressing her sex, prolonging her orgasm, Christian holds her tightly, presses her to his chest. With her hands buried in his hair she sobs to his neck, still coming.
When her body relaxes, Christian puts both arms around her and rocks her gently, while she cries silently.
"Are you sad?" he whispers. Ana shakes her head, she's not sad. There's no way she can explain everything she's feeling, it's too much.
"I've missed you", she says with a small voice, and he holds her even tighter. When he stirs Ana feels his erection pushing against her sex, and her body responds immediately, already firing up a renewed need.
Ana raises her head and starts kissing him lightly and lovingly at first, and then deepening the kiss. Her fingers tug at the waistband of his boxers and sliding from his lap, she manages to take the boxers with her, making him wriggle to get out of them quickly.
"And I know you," Ana says, her voice still trembling, while closing her hand around his now freed erection, slowly sliding up and down, the same way he once taught her.
"Oh my baby, come here", Christian says hoarsely and pulls her towards him. "I want to see you while I make love to you. I need to be as close to you as I possibly can, though it still won't be enough. I never stopped loving you, Anastasia."
Sitting on his heels, he opens her legs and pulls her even closer. She understands what he's after and raises her hips slightly and then very slowly lowers herself down on his cock. As he fills her his hand grasps her hair in the nape of her neck and pulls her head back. He moans loudly, lips to her throat.
While Ana starts moving up and down, forcing herself to go slow, Christian lets go of her hair and demands her to look him in the eyes. With one arm around her, his free fingers are caressing her lips, sometimes slipping into her mouth so she can taste herself. Taking his time he picks up the pace, his arm supporting and helping her to move.
She feels every inch of him as he slides in and out of her and she's building slowly but surely. He fills her completely in this position, and when he's all inside her she can't help but close her eyes, whimpering. "Look at me!" Christian growls, and she does; his intense gaze making her moan and wanting to go faster. But he doesn't let her; he decides the pace and he's relentless.
"I mean it, Anastasia, I'm not letting you go this time, " Christians breaths. "You're mine, you always were." His hold on her tightens and she can feel him getting closer, growing even more inside her. She never wants to be anything but his and now she wants to come so badly. "Look at me when you come, baby, let me see you", Christian mumbles knowingly and without releasing his gaze for a second, she climaxes. This time it's not an explosion, it's slow and deep and long and it keeps on going while Christian thrusts deep inside of her and comes undone, eyes shining and pinned to hers.
Completely drained they fall to the side, still embracing. Ana listens to Christian's breathing slowly returning to normal. He even sounds beautiful. They're so entangled right now, it feels like his skin is on hers everywhere.
"How are you feeling?" she asks softly.
"Blissful." She can hear the smile in his voice, even though his face is buried in her hair.
"Neither did I", Ana says quietly.
"Sorry, baby?"
"I never stopped loving you, either."