Lily was rushed straight to resus on arrival at the ED. Although she desperately needed surgery to remove her appendix, if they couldn't stop her legs bleeding she wasn't going to get anywhere near the operating table. Ethan tried to follow her but Dylan held him back.

"It won't do you any good to be in there," he said quietly. "You need to get that arm seen to anyway."

"I'm fine," Ethan protested.

"Don't Ethan. You need that graze cleaning and covering. You know as well as I do that Connie will be far more amicable to letting you in if you've accepted treatment."

"I'll do it," Rita said, walking up to them. "Dylan, go and get some coffee or something. You're no use to them in there either, not yet."

She led Ethan into a cubicle and sat him on the bed. As she prepared a clean dressing and a bowl of antiseptic solution, she looked at him anxiously.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently. Ethan shook his head, staring into space. He was silent for a long time, gritting his teeth and not making a sound when she cleaned his arm and had to use tweezers to pull some small stones from his skin. She wrapped the wound in clean bandages and looked at his face. His eyes were rimmed with red while his cheeks were white. She sat on the bed next to him.

"Please don't beat yourself up Ethan," she said, putting an arm around his shoulder.

"Why not? I've spent so much time with her lately, Why couldn't I see anything? I could have spotted it, I should have stopped her going out on the trauma team. What kind of a doctor am I? What kind of a boyfriend must I be, if she didn't come to me and say something was wrong?" Rita pulled him into a hug, letting the sobs rack his body and allowing him to cry himself out.

"Ethan, look at me," she said firmly. "There is no-one to blame for this. We could all see something was wrong and none of us followed it up. She wouldn't go to anyone, it isn't just you. You know how shy she can be, she'd never outwardly ask for help. And you of all people must know how stubborn she can be when she sets her mind to something. I don't think even Mrs Beauchamp herself could have stopped her going out there today. Don't blame yourself, okay?" She hugged him again. "Is that dressing okay?" she asked to change the subject. Ethan just nodded, barely paying attention to his arm.

Dylan let himself into resus. It wasn't a particularly pretty sight. Zoe and Connie worked as on, not bickering or arguing at all for once. It seemed that for a common goal, working to save a member of their team, to put their differences aside was easy. He stood at the door, stunned.

"I need six units of blood, cross-matched ready for theatre," Zoe said to Tess, who rushed from the room looking shell-shocked. Charlie, standing by the bed awaiting further instructions, excused himself to speak to Dylan.

"I won't say 'Try not to worry' because I know it never works," he said understandingly. Dylan nodded slowly.

"How bad is it?" he said. "I – I want to tell Ethan... Before she goes to theatre."

"She's lucky you were there, and thought to check, let's put it that way," Charlie said gently. "But we know now that she's been suffering for a long time."

"How did she even manage it?"

"I have no idea. We're looking at a possibility of septicaemia now though, we've already started her on IV antibiotics just in case." Charlie paused. "I think you should get Ethan in here shortly. There's no guarantee that the surgeons will be able to save both of her legs now, not when her appendix is their absolute priority."

Ethan wanted nothing more than to be in resus at that moment. He knew Connie would never let him anywhere near Lily to treat her, but he wanted to hold her hand, even if she didn't know he was there. On the other hand, Rita wouldn't let him leave cubicles. She was worried he wouldn't keep his multiple promises not to interfere with Lily's treatment. They were both relieved when Dylan arrived with the news that Lily was stable enough to be transferred to theatre, so Ethan could have five minutes with her.

He couldn't be stopped from running to resus. He nearly flew into the room, just stopping short of knocking Zoe over as he rushed to the bed.

"Sorry," he said breathlessly.

'"Don't worry about it," she said. "She woke up a bit before, we explained everything that happened. She's ready for surgery now though, so be quick. I'll give you a moment."

Ethan pulled up a chair at Lily's side and looked at her. He wished he could say that she looked as peaceful as the other times he'd seen her asleep. There was a slight frown on her face. He used his thumbs to smooth the creases on her forehead, then stroked her hair affectionately. He kissed her temple, then stayed close to her ear, taking her hand in his.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, fighting the tears welling in the corners of his eyes. "Everyone says I'm not to blame but I can't help knowing I am. I knew you weren't well and I still let you go into that building. I can't even begin to tell you how bad I feel about letting you go, I should have done something to stop you. This shouldn't have happened to you, Lily, you didn't deserve this. I'm sorry." He lifted her warm hand to his cheek to feel her touch on his skin again. He put her hand back down on the bed, linking his fingers and hers. He suddenly felt Lily's fingers tighten around his. Her eyelids fluttered open sleepily. "Lily," he breathed. "Are you still in pain?"

"A little," she said groggily. "Thank God for morphine. What are they going to do to me?"

Zoe, who had been waiting anxiously outside resus, noticed Lily regaining some consciousness again. She came in at once, as Ethan explained what was happening and what the surgeons would do. The emotion in his voice made hers catch in her throat.

"Lily, we need to get you up to theatre now. I know this is all so sudden for you but you understand it's all for the best, don't you?" Lily nodded gently, then turned to Ethan, one hand on her sore stomach, her other hand still holding his.

"Wait. Ethan, I haven't finished the book yet." When he realised what she was getting at, he took a sharp breath in and choked on a sob.

"Don't you dare think like that Lily. You are going to get through this operation and come out of the other side, exactly the same beautiful doctor I fell in love with."

"And what if I don't? Ethan, I understand the complications, I've already lost a lot of blood and it's not as if I don't know what septicaemia means. Please just tell me what happens in the end. Just in case." There were tears falling from both of their eyes now, and Zoe rubbed under her left eye, knowing it wasn't her place to cry here. Ethan pressed a kiss to Lily's lips, hoping with every fibre of his body that he would get another chance. Reluctantly, he rolled his eyes, sniffing and pressing his lips together, before leaning down to whisper in her ear. She smiled weakly.

"We can go now Zoe," she said.

As Max wheeled Lily from resus, Connie gave her hand a quick squeeze. Dylan just nodded to her, looking embarrassed.