Chapter thirteen
Neither of them letting go, they don't talk for a long time but it feels like he's in her mind and she's in his. Christian feels so close to her in every way; right now it's hard to see how he did without this for ten years. Nobody understands every corner of his soul like Ana does – not even Flynn, in his days.
Ana had cried when he made her come. Right then it had felt like his heart was going to explode. Now he's exhausted, spent; it's like his body hasn't properly relaxed since she left him, until tonight. It's a wonder to him now how he once could refuse her a future child? To have her, have this; surely he could have given her twenty children if she'd wanted to? An unbelievably stupid, stubborn idiot, that's what he was back then.
Then again there's no point in having regrets, especially now, lying in Anastasia's bed with his arms and legs entwined with hers, her breath hot on his neck. Besides, Sara is the direct product of their break-up, meaning that Ana will never regret the past ten years, she can't. And Christian has to take care to never, ever mention anything that could be interpreted as him wishing that Sara wasn't around.
Fact is, even though the girl is living proof that Ana has had sex with another man, he likes her. Sara is so much like her mother; Christian cannot help but think she's lovely. Also, his jealousy is probably curbed by this other man being dead, yet another thing he will never, ever mention obviously.
The important thing is that they're here now, very much against the odds, and he now has to take extreme care he does nothing to let her slip away again. Christian probably wouldn't survive that. What would be the point?
Ana stirs slightly and mumbles that nature calls. Christian moans; he doesn't want to let her go. When she starts untangling her limbs from his, he suddenly has a déjà vu. And not a good one.
"Ana …," he says reluctantly. "I'm afraid I'm going to ruin our perfect evening." This makes her look up at him, sudden worry in her eyes, and he swears within for expressing himself so clumsily.
"No, I mean, I didn't use a condom. I got so caught up in the moment and … I forgot," he says, as surprised as he sounds, control-freak that he is. Oh shit, the ever-so-romantic and not awkward at all trip to the hospital for the ever-so-pleasant morning after pill.
But Ana smiles sweetly. "I didn't forget. I use a spiral. We're safe." Then a brief shadow crosses her face. "Unless … I mean, you're tested, right … and … healthy?
Fuck. "Yes, yes of course Ana!"
Like magic, her worry is gone. "Good, it's all good then." She leans over and kisses him on the forehead, but as she pulls away she changes her mind and goes back for his lips. Pressing her mouth to his she moans, and he loves that sound. "I'll be right back."
She grabs a t-shirt from a chair and pulls it over her head, turns on the light in the bathroom and closes the door behind her. Christian reaches for the bedside lamp and turns on the light.
Looking around in the bedroom he smiles. This is a typical Ana bedroom; still an iron-bed, albeit bigger than the one he slept in twelve years ago, and with an eclectic choice of furniture and paintings. It's all a bit mismatched, but somehow goes together perfectly. The style is quite the opposite from the modern, minimalist interior of his apartment at Escala, but he likes it.
Ana finishes in the bathroom and practically jumps back into bed.
"So, what are we doing?" she says brightly, girl-like. "It's only nine-thirty." At once she looks disappointed and says almost accusingly: "Maybe you have to go home?"
Christian laughs, she's completely endearing. "Since we have this night to ourselves, I plan to make the most of it. I'm spending every second with you, if you let me. This means I might have to accompany you to the bathroom next time you need it."
Ana makes a mock-shock face, but looks very pleased that he's staying.
"If you wanted, you could give me a tour of your home?" he suggests. Staying in bed holding her is an appealing option, but in truth he's curious about her home. He wants to be able to picture her in this environment, doing her everyday things.
"Of course, I would love to. Quite rude of me to just drag you off to the bedroom first thing." She lies down next to Christian on the bed, throws a leg over his and starts circling a finger on his chest. Her touch feels amazing. These days he's more or less overcome his haphephobia but Ana's touch is the only one he's ever enjoyed.
"Rude indeed. On the other hand, the bedroom is as good a place to begin a tour as any. And I already know my way around your kitchen." He pulls her closer, wanting to feel as much of her skin as possible.
"Mmm." Ana mumbles. "And my living room. There isn't much more to see, actually. Consider the tour cancelled," she states, pulling her body up on top of Christians and burying her face in his neck. He wraps his arms around her. "You fit me," she whispers.
"Oh baby, I do," he breathes, overwhelmed.
They lie in silence for a while, and then Ana raises her head to look at him. "You're even more beautiful up close than I remember. I adore when you look at me the way you're doing now. I've missed it", she sighs.
Christian is almost speechless. "How am I looking at you?" he asks, faint tremble in his voice.
Ana flushes. "I don't know … it's hard to explain. It makes me feel desired, I guess."
First she's so open, and now she's suddenly too shy to look at him. "And you are, Anastasia," he says earnestly. "You have been since the first time I saw you."
He tilts his body so that Ana slides off and lies next to him. Lying on his side he supports his head with his hand and looks down at her.
"You overwhelm me, Ana. This morning I didn't know whether you still felt anything for me, if I would ever get to touch you again." Christian's voice is unsteady. "Now I'm lying next to you, and you say and do these unbelievable things …" His voice trails off.
He sees Ana's eyes glistening and she reaches up and puts her hand on his cheek. "Why do you think that I took such care to avoid you after I left?" she asks, holding his gaze. He opens his mouth to reply, but she puts a finger to his lips.
"If we would have seen each other after I left I would have gone back to you. I knew that. After I had Sara I thought maybe it would be fine to see you at Kate's occasionally, but then I just happened to get a glimpse of you doing an interview for MSNBC. That's all it took for me to know in my gut that, should you want me to, I would leave Thomas in an instant. I would never be able to resist you." She pauses.
"That would mean being a part-time mother, Sara being a child with divorced parents. And I wasn't even unhappy with Thomas."
Again, Christian starts to speak and again Ana places her finger over his lips. "I need to say this, Christian." She lets go of his face and instead hides her eyes in her arm. She seems embarrassed.
"What if I saw you at Kate's now and again and it turned out you'd moved on? Maybe you would even be in love." She shakes her head. "That would have broken me."
Christian doesn't say anything, he's barely breathing. So what she's saying is he could have had her back at any point? His head is spinning at the thought, and he can feel the anger building; then why the fuck haven't they been together before now? All those wasted years.
But just as quickly his anger subsides when he realizes that Ana wouldn't have been happy being a part-time mother and the cause of pain to her child and husband. No matter how you looked at it, this is the perfect point in time for them to be together again.
Ana isn't finished and luckily doesn't seem to have noticed his inner turmoil.
"Telling you all this now; it seems both presumptuous and selfish. You know, me being married and not allowing you to find somebody. But it was just self-preservation. At the same time it broke my heart knowing that you would obviously draw the conclusion that I didn't care about you anymore."
She removes her arm and looks at him again, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry." Her voice is small.
"Oh Ana, for what? Right now, what you're telling me just makes me feel like the happiest, soppiest person alive. It means I wasn't alone all those years we were apart, it means it was all worth it. I drove you away because I was stupid and stubborn, but by the time I got that through my thick skull you were already married to somebody else."
He takes her chin in a firm grip and looks straight into her eyes. "How about we just leave all the guilt and regret behind us and just start over from this moment? Lying here next to you is almost too good to be true and it feels like nothing that's happened before matters anymore."
Ana smiles shyly at him, blinking away tears. "It's surreal isn't it? At the same time it makes perfect sense."
Christian bends down and nuzzles her bottom lip, pulling it free from her bite. "That's because we make sense, baby," he mumbles, his hand easing it's way under her t-shirt up to her breast. Her response is immediate, first by biting back on his lower lip and then opening her mouth to receive his. He plays around with her lips and her tongue, nibbling, licking and eventually kissing her deeper, his thumb all the while stroking her left nipple.
Christian is in awe at how responsive Ana is. Just like he remembers. Just hearing her breathing faster and feeling her mouth getting hungrier, makes him unbelievably turned on. How does she do it? No other woman does, not like this. "I need to taste you, Anastasia. I've missed your taste," he says hoarsely. Her breath catches and he gets a feeling she might have missed it too. Maybe her husband wasn't very good at it. Instead getting a jealous pang from the thought, he finds it gives him pleasure. Big step for Christian Grey.
He eases his other hand in under her t-shirt and plants it on her other breast, now stroking both nipples leisurely. Ana's hips start moving and he pictures in his mind how wet she already is.
Not letting go of her breasts he kisses his way slowly down her body, towards her sex. When he reaches his destination, he gently blows, making her squirm and moan with anticipation.
Pinching her nipples hard he starts to gently lick her clitoris with the tip of his tongue. He slowly increases the pressure, making his tongue wide and pressing it against her. Ana whimpers and involuntarily presses herself against his mouth and Christian knows this is going to be quick, so he releases the pressure and start licking her lightly again. She moans with disappointment.
Taking matters into her own hands, she grabs his hair and pushes his head towards her sex. Christian decides to give her what she wants and starts licking full-heartedly, pressing and releasing, long strokes, quick strokes. Her clit is amazingly swollen and lovely and she breaths faster, pulling his hair so hard it hurts. Oh, he loves this, when Ana is so lost in sensation she looses control, and he's the one who can grant her release.
As she starts climaxing, her body shaking with desire, Christian stops licking her and quickly, while she's still coming, thrusts deep inside her. He moans loudly; he can feel her muscles clenching his cock and it's so good. He keeps on thrusting, deep and hard, and without even having finished her first orgasm he can feel Ana building towards another. She wraps her legs around him to get him closer, meets every thrust and Christian picks up the pace.
He looks down on her and her eyes are half-closed; she looks only semi-conscious. "I love you, Anastasia." Her answer is incoherent, but with short, quick breaths she clasps his hair again. "Yes, baby, come with me," Christian mumbles, going faster now. And she does, voicing her climax, which in turn takes him over the edge. Violently coming together, they cling to each other.
Christian wakes with a start. For a moment, he thinks he's had the most wonderful dream ever, but then he feels Ana's chest rising and falling as she sleeps. It's not a dream. His arm is resting over her chest, his leg over her legs. She's pinned underneath him.
Carefully removing his limbs as not to wake her, he gets on his side and just looks at her. Long eyelashes resting on slightly freckled cheeks, mouth open in a funny-looking way. She's breathtaking.
Christian knows that they have things to talk about, like where they go from here. He has a feeling Ana will want to take things slow, but he doesn't really mind that much. Obviously he would like to keep her close every second night and day, but since there is a little girl involved he will have to work on curbing his possessiveness. And he will gratefully accept anything he can get. He can't remember when he last slept like this, like a baby; both his body and mind just relax around Ana.
There's a beep and a hum coming from the floor where his jeans are left in a pile. Trying not to disturb the sleeping beauty next to him, he bends down to fish up his phone. It's a message from Taylor asking him if he would like to be picked up somewhere to go to work. Christian texts back: No, have a car.
When he lies back down again, Ana is awake and smiling at him. "Hey, gorgeous", she says. Christian grins widely. "That's my line." He leans over and kisses her gently.
"It's getting late, don't you guys have work and school today?" Christian asks while running his fingers through her lovely morning-after hair.
"Nah." Ana yawns and stretches lazily. "Sara has the day off school today, so I've taken the day off too. If this was a school day she wouldn't have been allowed to sleep over at Jamie's. I'm going over to Kate's and Elliott's for brunch around ten, they invited me after you dropped me off yesterday."
Christian looks at her, smile playing at the corner of his mouth. "What?" Ana peers at him questioningly. Then the coin drops. "Ah, you're coming with me, aren't you?" Again he grins widely and nods.
"Hm." Ana says.
"Hm?" He was hoping for something slightly more communicative than that.
"It's just that … this happened so fast and I'm not sure I'm ready to share this with Sara just yet. I don't know, I haven't had a second to think this through …" She looks confused and slightly apprehensive for his reaction.
"Ana, of course, don't worry about it." Christians says gently. "It's probably a good idea for me and Sara to get to know each other a bit better. There's no hurry. As long as we're honest with each other we'll figure it out. Now can I pleeease come with you to brunch at my brother's house?" He makes his huge begging-Bambi eyes at her and she bursts out laughing.
"If your CEO-of-the-world duties can spare you to spend a workday with the populace, I would love for you to join me. And let's not tell Kate and Elliot that you're coming, it'll be our surprise."
Christian snorts. "Anything to make Kate speechless. This will be fun."