HELLO! I'm alive, yes. I don't know what kind of magic gave me inspiration to FINALLY finish this chapter but lets thank the gods, right?

Chapter 15 – Disordered

He didn't call Claire when they got home. She was having fun, and after the weeks they had, he felt she needed it. But he made Conner shower and, since he couldn't sleep, they sat in the sofa. Clark didn't ask anything. He felt that so soon, Conner wasn't going to say anything. He just stayed there, with him, hoping he could feel safe enough to talk.

It took almost an hour, but then, Conner got closer to him, putting his head on his shoulder. Clark took him as a sign, and hugged him. He felt Conner sigh, and melt into the embrace. They stayed like this for a very long time. Watching TV, hugging each other. He knew Conner was different from Claire. He wouldn't talk then. Maybe later, so he just let him be comfortable. It was all he could do now.

~.~

Claire learned about what happened the next day, when she noticed her little brother down for some reason. She refrained from talking about it, but her eyes begged Clark for answers. Eventually he pushed her aside in her bedroom and told her what happened, when Conner decided he needed more time alone and locked himself up in his bedroom.

"But… I thought Batman and Manhunter made sure that nothing was going to happen!" She said.

"Me too, sweetie. But they didn't know M'gann was so powerful. She overtook the exercise. That's why it went wrong."

"So what can we do?" she asked, looking lost.

"For now just be here for him. When he's ready to talk, he will."

"You sure, dad?"

"I'm hoping."

~.~

Conner heard them talking. He knew they were worried with him, they wanted to help him. It warmed his heart that his family was there for him, after the whole exercise fiasco. But he didn't know how to tell them… he didn't know how to say what he felt when everything seemed hopeless in his mind. What would they think of him?

Would they send him away? Back to Cadmus?

Or would they just ignore him?

His heart was twisting with worry and pain from his own thoughts, and he didn't know what to do.

He just hoped it would pass, quickly.

~.~

One thing Claire needed to learn (and quickly, if she wanted to be a superhero) was patience. She had promised her dad she would give Conner time to think things through, and to actually look for them. She promised she would wait.

But she couldn't.

The week passed by without any changes.

Conner would go to school with her. He would smile and talk to their friends normally, like nothing was wrong, until they turned faces. And then he looked miserable. He would do the things he needed – like eating, answering questions, studying, playing football at the gym class. But everything he did was on autopilot. And, worst of all: he was avoiding Claire.

Maybe he knew she was going to ask. Maybe something about the exercise was about her, and he didn't know how to tell her. Whatever it was, he only had the minimum of social interaction with Claire. When they got home from school, he would just turn change clothes and go to the Cave. Where his friends were. Where his girlfriend was. He didn't come back until after dinner, and then he would say a few words to them and lock himself up in his room.

It was driving her mad. She couldn't stand it anymore. She had to talk to him, and it was going to be today.

So, when they were almost at their building, she asked:

"Do you mind helping me with cleaning? I have tons of homework and I like to do these things at normal speed." She said. "It helps with focus and control of my abilities. And… you could give it a try with yours, too."

He looked at her and – maybe – saw her eyes, full of hope to spend an afternoon with her brother. So he nodded, without saying one word.

She considered a win.

~.~

When they were home, she changed to a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Conner did the same, and she smiled at him, trying to break the ice:

"Well, looks like we're starting to think like real twins."

He gave her a small smile, and nothing else. She took a deep breath and decided to do things slowly. No matter how soon she wanted to help him, one thing that her father said stuck with her: he would only talk when he was ready to.

So her job today was to make sure to him that, no matter what happened, no matter what he was feeling, it was okay to talk about it. It was okay to tell them. They wouldn't love him any less. Nothing would change. She hoped it was enough to get him out of his shell, even if it went slowly.

She started showing him where the cleaning supplies were. And then, she said what she needed to do and how she liked – cleaning was her responsibility at home, dad never cared much, he trusted her taste (she was granddaughter to Martha Kent, after all). When she was sure he understood, she went with him to the living room. It wouldn't do giving him a space and leaving him alone in it. She needed him to talk with her.

He started with the coffee table. Taking out things that didn't belong there – like magazines, pamphlets, old newspapers; and cleaning the dust. Claire started with the small tv rack, cleaning the family pictures and small decorative things there, as the home appliances.

She eventually started humming a song, to break the silence. It was a new pop song that wouldn't get out of her head ever since she heard. Then, out of nowhere, she talked.

"We never took pictures with you."

Conner stopped cleaning the carpet and looked at her.

"What?"

"Family pictures. You're here for, what, four months already? And not a single picture. We need to fix that."

"Why would you need pictures?"

She held a portrait of her and her dad that they took in Canada, when he had to travel for the Planet and took her because she was on Spring Break.

"To put here, with the others. It's part of the decoration. The memories we built together. So we can remember the good times."

Conner blinked, and then shrugged.

"I suppose we could take one, then, if you really want me there."

"Of course we want you here!" She put the portrait back. "It's settled. I'm gonna ask dad for a picnic tomorrow. The three of us. We can go to the Park and have a nice day and take lots of pictures. It's gonna be great!"

Conner nodded. Claire figured it was enough.

"Kon, can I ask you something?"

He looked at her, and she could see the hesitation in his eyes.

"Yes…?"

She sat down on a chair, looking straight at him.

"What happened in the exercise that you are so afraid of telling us?"

It was like a deer caught in the headlights. Bingo, then.

"Whatever it is," she continued "you don't have to be afraid. We still going to love you, no matter what."

Conner finally blinked out of his shock, and sighed, sitting at the couch.

"I… I'm not so sure of that."

"Why don't you try?"

He looked at her.

"It doesn't matter to me. I'm sure it won't matter to dad, either. We're your family. We're here to help you through anything. And most important: family is accepting. Is loving."

Conner gulped. Then he sighed again.

"I… Don't know where to start."

"From wherever you want." Said Clark.

Claire turned in surprise to the window, and so did Conner. Their dad was there, all loving eyes, looking at Conner. He had the Superman suit, and he changed to normal clothes in the blink of an eye, sitting beside his son and holding his hand.

"Whatever you want to tell us, we're here Conner. Like Claire said, you don't have to be afraid to open up for us."

Conner seemed to create courage from that, and he nodded.

"So… here's the thing." He started. "You know the basics: we're on a simulation built to go wrong, no matter what we did. We saw the League die. And then our teammates. Wolf died. Until then, I wasn't very sad, like the others, we knew in our subconscious that it wasn't real. When M'gann took control… Suddenly I was very aware that I was alone again. I couldn't find Claire anywhere, so I assumed she died, too. I was alone again. The team was there, but they… weren't all family. Not like you are."

Clark held his hand tighter, and Claire went to sit on his other side, holding his other hand. Conner felt like he could actually tell everything, with them giving him strength.

"Then I was in the position Cadmus created me to be. I was the only kryptonian left on Earth. I was…", he looked at Clark, "holding your burden, so to speak. And I felt…"

He gulped again.

"You can go on, son."

He took a deep breath.

"I felt… peace. For the first time since I opened my eyes."

Claire and Clark looked at each other, but otherwise didn't talk.

"The world was ending, everyone I love was dead or dying, and all I felt was peace. Peace with myself. I was finally doing what I was born to do, what I needed to do, and… I wasn't afraid at all. And… Now I'm scared of that."

He looked at Claire, then at Clark, his eyes full of doubts and tears.

"I'm scared of what this feeling means. I'm afraid Cadmus still have something in me, or even worse… I'm afraid what they did to me can't be undone. I'm… I don't know what to do about that."

Claire just hugged him, and Conner let himself be hugged.

But his eyes still looked for Clark's, full of doubts, fears and insecurities.

Clark smiled at him.

"When you're afraid of something, the first step to let it go is admitting to yourself. I'm glad you told us that. I don't know if Cadmus still has some sort of control over you, but we can investigate on that. And if they don't, it doesn't mean something's wrong with you, Conner."

He looked at him through wet eyes, a flicker of hope in them.

"We have to face the truth: you're my clone. You were created to eventually replace me, but you have a mind of your own. Whatever feeling you have on your subconscious can be a side effect of how you were created, but it doesn't say a thing about you or your character. You chose to leave Cadmus. You chose to stay with us, to learn how to use your abilities for good. That's what matters, son. We can figure out the rest. You only have to let us help when you feel like you need it."

"There's no shame in asking for help." Claire completed.

"Yes." Clark added with a smile. "Why do you think the Justice League exists? No hero can do everything alone. That's why we join forces. You can't save the world alone."

Conner finally smiled.

"It makes sense." He said. "Thank you. I was afraid you wouldn't want me anymore if I told you that."

Before Claire said anything – like she was, outraged as she looked right now – Clark spoke again.

"Claire told you before: we're family. No matter what, we still going to support you and love you. You can trust us, son. You're part of us now."

Conner wriggled free out of Claire's arms, just to hold his father instead, who hugged him with everything he had.

And even if his mind was still shaken and maybe a little confused and broken, Conner felt he could trust them. He felt a little peace in knowing they were there for him. No matter what.

None of this is beta'ed, so tell me if you find mistakes so I can fix it.

YES, I totally took that phrase from the JL marketing. Btw, awesome movie.

I HOPE I can come back soon. Read and review, please?

xx