I don't own Glee
This is one of the last chapters. I guess there will be about five left, just to give you a fair warning .
Oracleismyname: And Santana would look sexy in uniform too, lol!
Guest: Santana did not act just because she felt helpless. Yes, it hurt her to see her friend being harassed by Sharon, but she truly did think she would help by giving that woman a piece of her mind. And apparently, it seemed to have made an impact :-)
musicmad10 & helly1bradleywyatt: Finally, here it comes!
Chapter 66
The next few days Rachel's and Santana's relationship was still raw, but each of them tried hard to get back to the comfort level they had before. Rachel made good on her promise to herself to not hold back anything and give Santana the chance to be trusted. So she told her about Tom's last e-mail and that he wanted her opinion on his project. Quinn had quickly run to the supermarket to stock up on their food, while Rachel decided to use the chance to talk to her friend.
And, do you know what it is about? Santana asked with her hands. As if wanting to prove that Rachel's friendship was so important to her, she had put in extra effort to improving her signing skills. She had also scheduled some extra classes with Carmen. Rachel noted the improvement.
"No, not yet." Rachel left out the bit about why he hadn't told her. She didn't want to bring up her and Santana's fight again. "I've invited him to come over for dinner on Friday next week." Her hands accompanied her spoken words with signs.
Santana grinned. Maybe he'll want you to work with him on his project!
The former singer shook her head. "No, I don't think so. Even if, I'm not sure I'd be ready for it. Besides, I don't even know what it is, for all I know he might be wanting to sell shoes on Times Square."
Funny, Berry. I can so totally see you offering sneakers to tourists.
Rachel slapped her on the arm. "Shut up and behave. Otherwise I might not tell you what it is, just to spite you," she added playfully.
Santana looked at her for a second before she said: Yes, I think you would totally do that. Then she laughed.
"Yes I would!"
And what you said about not being ready…You know it's not true. What about that thing with those kids? You'll manage that, so if Tom asks you to work with him, you can do that as well! If not, I will kick your behind, Rachel, like you asked me to. You are ready!
"I didn't ask you to do that!" Rachel protested.
Yes, you did. You said you needed someone to kick your ass once in a while. I am someone and that is once in a while!
"Shit."
Rachel Barbra Berry, I did not just hear you swear? Santana mocked offense.
"Yes you did. Just because I'm usually not indulging in in profanities like you do it doesn't mean I can't use them once in a while."
No kidding. Santana held up her hands defensively and grinned. But I still get to kick your …" she leaned a little forward and drew quotation marks in the air "cute little butt" if that project is any good and he wants you to participate in any way! With that the Latina quickly turned and grabbed her bag, grinning as Rachel rolled her eyes.
"Gotta go." And she pointed towards the door.
Rachel just waved and shook her head. Santana would not let her get slack and she would not accept any excuses. God, was Rachel glad they had managed to set their differences aside!
Smiling she turned and took her and Quinn's plate from breakfast into the kitchen.
… … …
The following Thursday Rachel met again with Helena as planned to discuss further details of their project. They met at the same café as before and both women were happy to see each other again. Kayla could not join them; unfortunately she had to pull a double shift at the hospital.
Rachel had thought hard about which musical would be fitting for the pupils. She wanted to take the kids to a show where she knew someone so it would be easier to give the kids access to the area behind the stage and meet the actors.
In the end she made the logical choice and suggested Bohemians and Funny Girl. Bohemians because she knew the main actress – obviously – and Quinn knew sign language. It would make the interaction so much easier with all of them. And she knew that Quinn would do anything in her power to accommodate the kids in her show and speak with the director to give them a glance behind the curtains. When Rachel had asked her girlfriend what she thought about it, Quinn had been excited about the idea. She only asked to be given early enough notice so she could make the necessary arrangements with the director and rest of the ensemble.
Funny Girl was the other reasonable choice. It was the funnier story and Rachel still knew people working there and she knew the piece itself by heart. Which, in a way, did not make it easier, but for the kids she would be willing to make the effort of overcoming her own doubts and pain. Rachel had not contacted any of her former colleagues yet; she wanted to see what Helena would say about her ideas.
It turned out the other woman was happy about the suggestions. Rachel had the best contacts for those musicals and she was familiar with the script and music. It was clear that the young, former singer still had a hard time to deal with everything, but the teacher found it very courageous that Rachel went through with it nevertheless.
Helena wanted to watch both musicals for herself in order to get some better insight into the stories and which would be more suitable for the kids. In her heart she didn't have any reservations about either of them, none of them contained graphic scenes and she knew for a fact that the kids were familiar with movies about love stories. The one or other kiss might cause some giggles, but that risk she was willing to take.
Rachel smiled at Helena and signed while speaking. "You know, I'm still a bit torn about the whole project, but I'm also immensely excited. I just hope that the school board will agree for you to take the kids."
Yes, I hope that, too. If necessary, would you be willing to come to our school and talk to the principal? I don't think you will have to, but just in case there are too many doubts, maybe you could help me convince him.
"Sure, I'll be happy to do that. Guess I can give accounts of either visit to the shows – as a hearing and as a deaf person."
Exactly. That might help us give the kids even more insight into the whole musical experience.
"Do you already know when you would like to go?"
Helena wagged her head in a pensive motion.
Guess it would be sometime in April or May. I need to speak to Mr. Jamison, our principal, first and introduce him to my idea. If he agrees, we need to get the approval from the parents and the get the funding. Maybe the school will pay some of it, maybe the parents have to carry the whole load, we'll see. To be honest, I'd like for the whole outing the weather to be a bit better. Herding a school class through a potential New York snow storm is not something I am looking forward to!
Rachel laughed at that. "I can imagine." She looked outside and noticed how the white flakes had started to fall again. "I like snow," she added without realizing that she had spoken it aloud.
Only when Helena signed Me too, but not with twenty kids in tow, she came aware of it.
They continued to talk about their favorite kid memories in the snow and both found out that they loved to make snow angels. There was something about letting yourself fall backwards fully trusting in a soft landing, moving your arms and legs, feeling the white mass shift under your body and having a beautiful 3D picture in the end.
After another coffee for Helena and a tea for Rachel they said their good-byes and the teacher promised to keep Rachel informed about the progress.
"Say hi to Kayla if you talk to her," Rachel said when she hugged the teacher good-bye.
I will. She asked if it was ok if she contacted you again. She was sorry that she couldn't be with us today.
"Sure she can. But I can tell her that myself, I have her number," Rachel smiled. "Well, good luck with Mr. Jamison!"
Thanks. Bye!
Outside Rachel pulled on her gloves and looked down the street. A bit reluctant she made her way to the next stop on her list.
… … …
After the meeting with Helena Rachel had her first appointment with the speech therapist Shelby recommended to her. She had dreaded making the appointment but finally had convinced herself that it would not get any easier with time. So she finally had dropped by and made the appointment herself while she was running an errand close by.
Rachel had to admit after her first session that the therapist was really nice. She had worked with deaf people before, so she was familiar with Rachel's challenge. Rachel still had a very good way of carrying her voice and of inflecting it just right. Even being an expert in speeches and dialects, she hardly heard anything she would have to correct. Some people who lost their hearing had varying difficulties to adjust their speech without hearing themselves.
Jasmine Bernstein was intrigued by the young woman who sat in front of her. She wanted to know a bit about her background and for how long she had been deaf in order to work out the best therapy plan. She asked Rachel to tell her story, after they had established a way of communication through paper and pencil. Even though Jasmine had worked with deaf or hearing impaired people before, she was not very advanced in sign language. By way of listening to Rachel, she could also assess the level of speech impairment. However, the young woman did not seem to be shy to use her voice, she obviously had some exercise. That was good. Her pronunciation was still very clear.
The petite woman told her about her accident and the deafness it caused. Jasmine then wanted to know if she could hear any sounds, because it could influence her therapy, which Rachel had to negate.
Hearing aids aren't an option either?
"No. Currently not."
Currently?
Rachel stared at the word. Then she shrugged with one shoulder.
"The tests that were conducted some months ago showed that there is some nerve damage in the hearing center of the brain caused by the impact. I'd have to do more tests some day…" Rachel let her voice trial off.
I see. There might be hope still?
Why could she not leave this alone? "I don't know. After almost a year I don't think so."
Jasmine looked at the young woman in front of her. She seemed clearly bothered by these questions. I'm sorry to have brought up the topic, but it could have had an influence on the therapy, that's why I'm asking.
Rachel nodded once in understanding.
Have you had speech therapy before?
"Yes, I have." She explained about her first speech lessons right after the accident and how her former therapist thought that had a very good level of speaking still. Jasmine wanted to know if Rachel could explain how she controlled her voice, which caused a little confusion. After explaining a bit more in detail what Jasmine meant, the former singer tried to put in words what she did. It wasn't easy.
Rachel shrugged. "I don't know how to explain it. I mean, I just speak. It was weird in the beginning, but after I got used to speaking more and more, it got easier. I feel the voice vibrate in my throat. And varying that, I know if I speak louder or more quietly. Of course, it is hard to adjust my volume if I don't know about the noise level around me, so it can happen that people have to tell me to speak up, for example. If the noise level stays the same, it is ok for me. Speaking at a normal conversation level, I have already memorized how it feels. In the beginning my friends helped when I wasn't sure if my voice was too loud or too quiet. If the noise level around me varies, I feel very insecure. I don't want to scream if all of a sudden the noise level drops. I rather refer to signing then."
The therapist nodded. I can understand that. But how do you make sure you give the right intonations? So for example, when asking a question, some deaf people – depending on their degree of deafness and how long they have been deaf – don't raise their voice at the end of the sentence. You still do that.
Again Rachel shrugged. "I can only explain it the way I explained it to my friends. I still hear my voice in my mind. Not really, but you know, I just imagine how it would sound like, sort of. God, it's difficult to explain. I'm used to using my voice as a tool to express myself. I was a professional singer and my whole life revolved around my voice and training it. I guess it just comes … naturally. Does that make sense?" She asked frowning.
Sure it does. It's the same with singing. Some can carry a tune, others have to practice a lot and some might never really learn it. Speaking is a little bit like singing, if you will. Excuse the blasphemy here, Jasmine smiled, but Rachel was not offended.
Even if the tone does not vary as greatly as when you are singing, you still have to raise or lower your voice to a certain degree. You need to form the vowels and consonants correctly and you need to push the air through your nose or mouth in the correct way. Some people start to sound nasal after a while.
"Do I do that?"
Sound nasal?
Rachel nodded.
No. Not really. But it might make sense to do some exercises that it stays that way. I honestly don't think you will have great problems in the near future, but the more you are learning to consciously notice how the sounds you make feel in your throat, your nose, your tongue, your head, your lips etc., the easier it will be to make sure it stays that way.
Rachel was a bit relieved. She had feared that the therapist would tell her that her speech had immensely deteriorated and nobody else had dared to tell her. But so far, she seemed to sound ok.
Jasmine asked her to pronounce some words for her and then showed her how to exaggerate the pronunciation a bit in order to make the different sounds "visible". She placed a cotton ball on Rachel's hand and then asked her to say words like bin and pin or waste and haste. These were words that sounded similar but the p and h at the beginning of the word made the little cotton ball move, whereas it lay still with the b and w.
You see, you still manage that perfectly. Learning to speak and keeping that level of speech in live often happens subconsciously. We hear and copy, we practice as children until we can manage it perfectly, comparing the sounds we make to those we hear around us. The same happens when learning a new language. You listen to people how they pronounce their words and you try to move your mouth and tongue in order to pronounce them the same or at least make a similar sound. This is also happens with your native language, but on a much more subconscious level. As said before, this process happens automatically so you don't necessarily realize it throughout your life. But if the acoustic stimulation is cut off at some point, you have no way of comparing and correcting yourself. This is why the speech patterns often deteriorate a little or a lot, depending on the person, the degree of hearing loss and the effort the person puts into training their speech further.
Also, many speak less and less, because they don't feel comfortable. It seems you are used to speaking and talking.
Rachel nodded. "Yes. I didn't in the beginning, but I noticed that it is so much easier for me to express myself and in the beginning not many people knew sign language, so they didn't understand me. Besides, I have hearing friends and family. That is why I finally started to use my voice more and more again."
That is very good. Keep it up! Jasmine encouraged her and smiled.
Rachel was glad when the first session was over. They agreed to work on a monthly schedule, to make sure Rachel kept her level. Jasmine could help her early enough to correct her speech should she notice something.
Rachel put on a brave face. Even though she was relieved that her speech had not deteriorated yet, it was weird being there. Talking used to come naturally to her. She sang before she could walk and now she needed help with the most basic thing. Even though she was still doing okay, having to "monitor" her speech was a concept she had difficulties getting used to. It was frustrating despite the good news.
Rachel, I can imagine that it must be very frustrating, especially having been a professional singer. But believe me, this lifelong training does help you now, even if it is only a small consolation.
Rachel just nodded. This was what her other therapist had said as well. It was indeed only a very small consolation. They agreed on the next appointment and Rachel hoped that she would just get used to the whole process without giving it too much thought.
… … …
Rachel tiredly plopped on the sofa after having draped her coat over the hook next to the entrance. She kicked her shoes off and put her feet on the rim of the coffee table.
Quinn turned and took in the slightly frustrated expression of her girlfriend. She placed a kiss on Rachel's cheek and turned her head gently so she would face her.
How was the session?
Rachel shrugged, turning back, staring at the TV.
Quinn bumped her with her elbow. Come on, spill. Was it that bad?
Rachel sighed. "No. It wasn't. It's just so frustrating to practice with someone how to talk." Rachel did not elaborate and Quinn could just tell by the clipped answer how upset she was.
Ok, I can understand that this is upsetting. Would it help if you thought about it as getting extra actors training?
"But I'm not training any accents or other languages. I'm just trying to talk normally!" Tears threatened to fall. "I mean, she said I'm doing really ok, but I don't know that! I'll never know!"
Angrily she wiped at her eyes. She did not want to cry. She did not want to wallop in the old self-pity and frustration again. Still, she could not stop the tears from flowing.
The blonde set up and gently kissed the full lips before she signed: Rachel, this woman you are visiting is an expert. She is supposed to hear little things and correct them. Did she tell you that you sounded strange or something?
Rachel shook her head slightly. "No. Not really."
Quinn frowned. Then what did she say? What happened?
Quinn knew that meeting with the speech therapist was not easy for Rachel. But she was proud of her that she went anyway. She had offered to come along, but just as expected Rachel wanted to go alone. Now Quinn tried to find out what was causing this depressing mood.
"She worked with a couple of deaf people and she said that over time, it was normal that the ability to use pitch would – or could – decrease. She didn't have to correct much yet, she gave me some exercises I should do."
Is that what is bothering you? Rachel, it is ok to be sad or frustrated. You don't have to pretend to be okay with everything all the time. Least of all with me. Quinn tucked a strand of brown hair behind Rachel's ear.
"I know. It's just… "
What? Quinn waited a moment. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, sweetie.
Rachel finally took a deep breath. "When she heard that I was a singer, she asked me if I had tried to sing… after the accident or if I at least had tried to run some scales. When I said yes, she wasn't even surprised."
She wasn't? Quinn asked astonished.
"No. I mean, she makes people with various speech impediments practice a lot of things, so I guess she has heard everything so far."
So, what did she say?
"She asked if I could show her, so she could get a better idea of what kind of exercises we should take up and where possible problems could lie. Actually she said that if I kept practicing singing, as long as I was feeling comfortable with it, it might help me also on the long run with my speech." Rachel's voice had gotten quieter and quieter so Quinn had to lean forward to hear her.
Did you show her? Quinn shyly asked.
Rachel shook her head. "Nooooooo," she breathed. "I couldn't." She looked at her hands.
Would it be easier – just in case you want to practice – to do it with someone you don't know?
Rachel shrugged tiredly. "I don't know. She gave me some exercises. I would need someone to help me in any case because I have no idea if I'm doing it correctly."
What are you supposed to do?
Rachel went on explaining some of the exercises Jasmine had shown to her. It wasn't anything difficult - and didn't involve singing - and the specialist had pointed out that she should remember how it felt now, because this would be her reference as her speech was still quite perfect.
Rachel just didn't know with whom she would feel comfortable practicing. It felt weird doing it with Quinn. Not because she didn't trust her, but somehow it would be easier with someone she wasn't around every day.
Maybe Kurt would help.
Quinn studied Rachel from the side. She seemed to pick up on her sentiments, because her next comment was: I'm not sure if you want me to help you with this, but I won't be offended if you choose someone else to do these exercises with you. Not that I wouldn't want to do it, but I can understand if you'd want someone else to work with you. Sometimes… these kind of things are weird to do with your partner or someone too close to you. I never liked to do my exercises after my accident with my mom. Can't really explain it, but I always found it easier doing them with someone else but her.
"Thank you for understanding." A quick, grateful smiled flitted across Rachel's face. The she added playfully: "I'd rather have you reap the benefits of my crystal clear voice instead of doing these strange exercises with me."
Quinn was glad that the playfulness was back.
Very thoughtful, indeed, Quinn grinned and kissed her girlfriend. Don't dwell on it too much, Rachel. I also need to practice a lot to keep my voice smooth. It's just the normal process… even though if it is for different reasons. Then again, maybe not so different. You're an actress. It is sort of a training for your profession.
Rachel thought about that for a moment. "Maybe you are right. Maybe I should start thinking like that. I don't have to become an actress, I already am one. I might have to go differently about the job now, but I already have quite some experience in the business." She lifted her eyes and drank in the sight in front of her, Quinn lazily lounging on the couch, with her eyes fully focused on Rachel. "Thank you."
What for?
"For being so understanding, loving, supporting and just perfect."
"Uh," Quinn sighed. You are laying in on thick, but yes, that's me, Quinn joked and received a punch on the arm from her girlfriend.
"Shut up and kiss me."
Happy to oblige!
… … …
Two days later, Rachel found an e-mail from Tom waiting in her inbox. She had asked him if he would like to come over for dinner, because she was still very much interested in his idea.
Hi Rachel!
Thanks for the invitation, I'll accept and thanks for considering Nellie. I know you want to see her so badly, so I promise I'll bring her.
Happy to see you next Friday!
Tom
Rachel grinned and replied immediately. She was happy that Tom still wanted to discuss his project with her. She had been too upset last time they saw each other to be a good consultant.
Friday afternoon she went shopping for the dinner. Quinn had to work so Rachel was happy to spend the evening with her friend. She prepared some stuffed peppers, for Tom with chicken and vegetables and for herself just with veggies. Nellie received a doggy treat and a bowl of water which she gratefully slobbered up after they arrived.
"Don't you give that poor dog anything to drink?" Rachel joked while she took Tom's jacket and hung it in the closet in her hallway.
Tom pulled a piece of paper out of his jeans pocked and answered in writing: One of our neighbors just fed her a piece of very spicy meant, no matter how often I explain that this is not healthy. Before I can stop either of them, the little devil gulps down everything. Then she is running around like crazy, drinking three gallons of water. I'm just glad she doesn't get sick.
"Oh my, worries of a dog owner. Let me fill that bowl right up again," Rachel laughed and scratched the pretty dog with the gray and white fur behind the ears. The light blue eyes looked up at her, then a paw was placed on Rachel's forearm, as if the dog wanted to thank her.
"My, you are so well behaved," Rachel told her and Tom chuckled. She brought the bowl back filled with fresh water and placed it on the floor again.
Then she asked Tom to sit down while she placed the dinner on the table. As a conversation was a little difficult while Rachel was busy, Tom glanced around the tastefully decorated apartment. The border collie had found a place under the couch table and was looking up at him with her head on her paws.
When Rachel sat down next to her visitor, he smiled at her.
"I hope you'll like it. Quinn is the better cook, I have to admit."
Rachel watched the pen scratch over the paper.
It smells wonderful and I'm sure it'll be great.
They ate in silence for a moment until Rachel commented: "I'm dying to hear about your project. But I can understand if you want to finish eating first, because it is a little difficult to eat and write at the same time."
Tom shook his head. No problem, I do it all the time. Especially in the last weeks while working on my idea, it seemed like I never had time to sit down to eat. I was always busy doing something in parallel.
"Ok," the brunette said between two mouthfuls. "Then shoot. What have you planned?" She looked at him excitedly. She knew how it was to hold on to something that felt true and right, no matter what everybody else said or wanted you to do. And she was a little proud of him that he had not been tempted by some very favorable role offers to veer off his path.
Tom took another bite and while chewing, scribbled his explanation down.
I've decided to make a movie. It's going to be a small and independent production, but I've managed to secure some funds and some sponsors who are interested in the story. So basically the financing is done. I just need the rights for the script and, well, then I need to get the actors under contract.
"Wow, Tom, that sounds great! You really want to make a movie?"
He nodded and smiled.
"What's it about? Do you already have the script?" Rachel was enthusiastic. She had thought about many things, but not that Tom would want to venture into the film business.
Tom looked at his hands before he answered. Well, that's the tricky part.
Rachel frown. "What is?
The handsome guy sighed. "All of it."
"What do you meant?" Rachel was confused. "I thought you had the funds and everything secured. Usually that is the most difficult part in the production."
He nodded. "It is." Then he remembered to write his answer down, but Rachel made a dismissive hand gesture.
"I got that. Ok, why don't you start from the beginning?"
While Tom took up the pen again, Rachel apologized. "I'm sorry. I should have asked an interpreter to help me out here. I'm asking a lot from you to write everything down."
Tom looked up and shook his head, a firm expression on his face.
No. Don't apologize. I came prepared, he pointed at the paper. Besides I wanted this to be between you and me for now.
Rachel nodded slowly. "Okay. Then let me hear it."
"Okay. Now or never," he mumbled, before taking a deep breath.
When we met a couple of weeks ago, I was really shocked to hear what had happened to you. Guess you noticed.
Rachel looked up at that and smiled. "Yes I did notice. But I'm glad you found the courage to speak to me again that evening."
Tom grinned and pointed at himself, saying "Me too."
Rachel dropped her gaze back to the paper and read on.
What you told me got me thinking. I had already this idea in my head to start filming. I have always loved making little films; it started all in high school with a small project in art class. I never really stopped, but having eight shows a week did not leave me much time to keep filming. Anyway, all the time while I was on stag, singing in Broadway shows I felt that something was missing. And finally I knew what it was. I wanted to film again. But nothing small, I wanted to do something bigger. Ok, not movie blockbuster like, but still something memorable with a great catching and interesting story and people. Something special, you know.
Rachel nodded. "So you decided to give Broadway the boot to follow your dream," she smiled.
Tom nodded. He took the paper back. Rachel scooted closer so she could read along while he was writing. That saved some time.
"What's the story about?"
He poised the pen a moment over the paper, before he continued.
The story is about a young and talented singer who lost her hearing.
He looked at Rachel to gauge her reaction. Rachel's eyes went wide and she sucked in her breath. Before she could say anything he continued.
I would like to base the story on you.
Rachel's eyes flicked between him and the paper. Then she just managed a weak: "What?"
Tom felt that his friend had to digest this for a moment, so he let this information sink in a little more. He just nodded with a reassuring expression on his face.
When Rachel did not react, he added: I thought about it a long time. Please, before you say no, will you read the script? I haven't disclosed any names and the story doesn't necessarily revolve around Broadway. But your story has been inspiring to me and your input would be so valuable.
Blinking a couple of times she then stuttered: "My story? … How? … I mean why…?" Noticing that she was not uttering a coherent sentence, she closed her mouth again.
Tom felt like he had overstepped a line. Of course he wanted to ask Rachel for her permission to turn her story into a movie, but he had not said it in so many words.
I'm sorry, Rachel, if I didn't explain before. I'd like to ask you first of course if you are ok with your story being turned into a movie.
Rachel got up from her chair and started pacing between the table and the living room.
"Uh …. gee." Rachel wiped her hand across her forehead, trying to get her brain to work again after that piece of news.
"What have you told the financiers about the story? You must have told them something so they would buy into it. What have you told them?
Tom held up his hands in a calming motion. Don't worry, I did not give them names, but the abstract I gave them told the rough outline about a musician who lost her hearing and fought her way back into live. Don't worry, they don't know anything about you or what happened. Of course they soon want the whole script before they finally commit to signing the contracts.
Rachel sat down again, letting out a long breath.
"Ok, I thought you would have gone ahead and told them about me without…"
"No, no, I would never do that!" He interrupted her.
Rachel frowned, but got the gist of the message from reading his lips.
"Ok. For a minute I thought you had… anyway, wow, I need to digest this." She stood up and filled a glass with water, gulping it down. When she walked back around the counter, Nellie stood there, looking at her with her blue eyes, clearly sensing that Rachel was a little distressed. The brunette bent down and ruffled the fur on the pretty dog's head and back, more to sooth herself than the dog.
"Your daddy is crazy, you know that?"
Nellie looked at Rachel and then flicked her tongue out in a consoling doggy kiss. Rachel leaned back and laughed, swiping her arm across her face.
"Uh, I love you too, sweetie."
Slowly, she stood up again, her hand still resting on the animals head, gently massaging the soft hair. The little interaction had given her some time to let the news sink in, enough so she was able to carry on a normal conversation.
"Ok. So… tell me, what makes you think that a) my story is so interesting that you want to turn it into a movie and b) that other people might be interested in it too? I mean, there are hundreds of people out there having to fight their way back to participate in a normal life after having suffered injuries or illnesses. What makes you think my story is so special?"
You. Was the simple word that Tom wrote down as answer.
"Me? Why me?" Rachel really didn't think that her story was one that was in any way special. Besides she wasn't even sure she wanted to share it with the world.
Granted, having done her interview had caused some reactions in the scene. She had received some interesting feedback from various sources. Even two more magazines had asked for another interview with her, which she had gracefully declined. Well, she wanted to decline, but Santana had handled the whole thing, not willing to give back the reigns as her interim manager and had told the people in question that Miss Berry would get back to them later. This had at least bought her some time without shutting all doors.
Rachel had been curious as to why Santana hadn't let her just say no.
Because you never know what this might be good for, the Latina had answered with a look that didn't leave much room for discussion. With a huff (but a hidden smile behind her hand) Rachel had let the former co-captain be.
"Tom, you really have to give me a little more here on this, before I can buy into it. Honestly, why me and why my story?"
Ok, I expected you to be skeptical, so I sat down at home and wrote down a little reasoning. Mind you, I came well prepared! He wrote with a grin and pulled out another paper from his bag which he handed to Rachel.
The brunette just raised an eyebrow while accepting the folded paper. Carefully she unfolded it and was impressed about how much Tom had written.
"Wow, you really gave this whole thing some thoughts, huh? You surely did come prepared."
"Well…" Tom shrugged and smiled.
He surely meant everything he had told her, Rachel thought. All the trouble Tom went through – starting with willingly having a conversation half written down and ending with the fact that he had indeed written his whole reasoning down. He had taken all the circumstances into account. She began to read.
Dear Rachel,
I thought that once I spilled my idea, you might need a little convincing and explaining. So, let me do just that.
Ever since I was a child, I was fascinated by people who had an inner fire. Something that kept them going, that pushed them in one direction. I wanted to know what drove those people, what created this intense inner wish to do something specific, to do a certain job, to follow an inner vision. What made them tick? Where did they get their motivation from? And then I was wondering, what would happen if – for whatever reason - that inner fire, that inner motivation was taken away from them. What would be left? How would they go on? Would they be able to find motivation again in their lives? How would they compensate their loss?
I had this idea already before I met you the first time at Quinn's theater and before I knew that you had lost your hearing. But I always thought of you. Because you are one of these people who always fascinated me. You've had this fire in your look, in your poise, in your voice, your whole being vibrated with it. You were always so focused, so intent on what you wanted to achieve.
When I met you by chance at Bohemians, I was so happy, because I wanted to ask you if I could interview you for the research of my film. But you brushed me off and when I later learned what had happened, it really shocked me.
Guess that wasn't hard to figure out. I'm really sorry I left you standing in the restaurant. Luckily I came to my senses. When I went home that evening, after we had talked, I was even more intrigued by your attitude. How you tried to move on, how you dealt with your friends, your girlfriend, the whole way you presented yourself. Then, when we met again later, even though you couldn't hear, you never stroke me as handicapped or disabled. You were still you; you still have that passion and love for live.
"Oh my," Rachel sighed.
Tom opened his hands in an inquisitive gesture. "What?
"I'm impressed by what you seem to see in me. But I am nowhere near as perfect as you describe me here. I have had my shares of way high ups and downs, believe me. And if you ask my friends, they will tell you that just recently I had another of my big meltdowns and I'm not proud of my behavior. Not. At. All. This last year… it has not been as sugar coated as it might seem. And even though I might smile or laugh again, it doesn't mean that I'm taking it all easy. It is still hard."
She gently placed the letter down on the table.
Tom wagged his finger and pointed at the paper.
"I know there is more to read." Rachel cocked her head. "Maybe you should learn the whole story before you plan on making it immortal on the silver screen."
The handsome young man laughed at that. He scribbled his answer on the other piece of paper.
I think it can only intrigue me more. And yes, I'd very much like to hear the rest that I don't know. But maybe you should read on.
Rachel looked up and held his gaze for a moment, before she focused her attention back on the letter.
Your accident has had such an immense impact on your life, still you try to get on with it and I think that could be a very motivating message to people out there. You always were true to yourself. You still are now. And I believe that this is what carries you along in the end. And that is something that does not let you stop. Because if you are true to yourself and your dreams and wishes, then nothing and no one can stop you, no matter how big the obstacles and what the circumstance are. You know what you want and you never doubted that you can get it. It's the conviction and the passion that drives you. Not outer circumstances. Those fall into place. The most important thing comes from within. You have never forgotten what you wanted and you always knew you would get it, no matter how or when, but you never stopped believing.
I really believe that this is a motivational story to tell and that is why I would like to base the movie on your experience.
Please think about it before you dismiss it completely.
Tom
The brunette leaned back in her chair after finishing the letter. "Jesus, you really mean that." It was more a statement than a question.
"But you have forgotten one point."
He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "What?"
"What you describe is all in the past. Right now, I have nothing to focus on. I don't have a job. I don't know exactly what to do. So how can that be motivational? You do need a moral of the story in the end."
Why not take this chance as a way of getting back into the business? I trust you. I believe in you. Help me make this movie and it might open more doors for you. I have thought about it a lot. And I believe we can make it work. It will be my first project of that kind, and it will be your first project of that kind as well. So we can learn from each other? And what best than to learn from friends?
He was so enthusiastic about his idea that it was hard not to get pulled along. Rachel allowed herself the benefit of the doubt and found a small smile spreading across her lips.
Was this actually real? There was a friend sitting opposite of her, offering to become a partner in making in his movie – something she would never have dreamed of! It was almost too good to be true.
"I… I don't know what to say." His words were genuine and true and together they would be able to gain a lot of experience, something that might help her further in her career should she really decide to pursue her acting dreams. Maybe it was a good thing to collect some experience behind the camera first.
The little voice in her head held her back to become too enthusiastic.
"Ok, let me think about it. Give me a couple of days. I need… to digest this."
Tom nodded. Fair enough. We can discuss any further details and the outline of the story – if you are willing to go ahead with it – next time. I'd really like you as partner on this one, especially when it comes down to the script and the execution.
"Fine." Rachel forced herself to take a deep breath. She was a mixture of excitement, happiness, fear and doubt. All feelings seemed to race through her heart at once, bouncing her back and forth. She felt almost dizzy from all the emotional ups and downs she just experienced.
"God, if I had known you'd drop such a bomb, I probably would never have invited you," she managed to joke.
Tom punched her lightly on the arm. C'mon Berry, you were never one to shy away from a challenge!
"Well, some challenges I'd like to skip, to be honest."
But not this one!
She slowly shook her head. "Noooooo," then she smiled. "Probably not this one."
Tom smiled and pushed the script across the counter.
Nellie nuzzled Rachel's knee and placed her head on her leg. When the brunette turned her attention towards the dog, the little gray and white beauty placed a paw on her thigh as if saying, you can do it!
"Oh god, how can I fail if even you seem to have faith in me?" She laughed and placed a kiss on the dog's head.
… … …
When she told Quinn about the news over Skype later that evening, the blonde seemed speechless for a moment.
"That's exactly how I reacted, but not with so many words," Rachel joked which helped Quinn out of her stasis.
Wow, Rachel, that is incredible. How did Tom get this idea?
At that moment Santana seemed to come home as well, because Quinn waved someone closer who was off screen.
Can I tell her?
"Sure," Rachel shrugged. "If you two keep it amongst yourselves before I have taken a decision. Which means you especially, Santana." Rachel was ok with sharing her news with Santana as well. She wanted to show her that she worked on her trust in her friend and that she believed the Latina would not betray that again.
"What? What's going on?" A frowning Santana appeared next to Quinn's face on the screen.
Quinn quickly filled her in.
"Oh my god!" That exclamation didn't need an interpretation and Rachel just nodded.
So, spill the details! The blonde urged her girlfriend and Rachel repeated the reasons for Tom's choice in the story.
"I'm so totally gonna be your manager!" Santana exclaimed excited when the brunette had finished, remembering belatedly to sign her words as well.
"Uh, Santana, I haven't made a decision yet. So please keep this under wrap. And I mean it! Before I decide anything, nothing of this gets out. To no one!"
The Latina sobered, remembering too well her recent trespass of Rachel's boundaries and that her rash behavior had almost cost their friendship. She didn't want to go through that again.
I get it, she signed. But if you do it, you'll need a manager!
"And what makes you think she'll choose you, Santana?" Quinn asked with a smirk while interpreting at the same time.
Because of my kick-ass attitude, because I won't accept any crap and because of my charming good looks, Santana typed in the chat window.
Rachel rolled her eyes. "Let's not forget your incredible experience in the business."
Ah, that. I'm smart, I can learn quickly. Besides, you can teach me a few things.
"Ok, before this gets out of hand, I still need to think about the whole thing, okay?"
Rachel, why do you have doubts about this? This was your dream! Now you have such a great chance with a wonderful person that you already know to take on another fantastic project. What's holding you back? Quinn asked her sincerely.
The petite woman shrugged. "I just need to think about it. I need to figure out how I can do this without my hearing. If interaction in this business with so many different people, I need to find a way so they can communicate with me. Besides, I still have to think about how much of my story I want to be included."
Santana watched her friend for a moment. She waved to get Rachel's attention, who had started to pick at her fingernails. Then she started typing again.
Berry, you know as well as I do that there is not much to think about. You can still decide how much of your story you want to tell. Or how closely related the story will be to your life. But honestly, I think there is no doubt about the fact that you're gonna do it, one way or the other.
And before you think too much, before you let too many doubts come creeping up, just say yes.
Quinn shoved her friend with her elbow after reading those words.
"San, I think we should give Rachel some time and let her decide. Even though Santana is right, Rachel. I'm convinced you can do this! Trust in yourself! Look at how far you have come! There is nothing stopping you! We believe in you. Believe in yourself!"
Quinn's eyes were intense when she delivered those words, while her hands formed the signs in parallel.
Rachel pressed her lips together shortly before whispering "Thank you."
Interesting how many people came along in her life and placed such utter faith in her, challenging her to rise above her own doubts and face life again, in all its facets and aspects. Interestingly enough, her path did not lead her away from her dreams; on the contrary, they led her right back to what she loved.
How could she not muster the courage to take on these challenges?
I apologize for the many time jumps in this chapter, but I wanted to tie up some loose ends. Hope you still liked it. If not, constructive criticism is welcome.
I'll try to update the next chapter quicker. Promise!