Chapter sixteen
Ana's head is resting on his chest, her fingers circling the white marks. It doesn't bother him in the least; he didn't even think twice about it when Ana asked if she could touch the scars, like she used to. On the contrary, her fingers haven't lost the magic touch. Just like then, her touch calms his nerves and makes the mental pain that is always present at the back of his mind subside. He's never understood it and he already stopped questioning it back then; he's just grateful.
"Anastasia." Christian speaks softly, afraid to ruin the moment.
"M-hm?" She sounds sleepy, her voice a bit hoarse. He kisses her forehead.
"Would you mind terribly if I stay tomorrow night as well? I could work from here while you're at the fair."
"You're staying. I'm not letting you leave. Besides I think you're good for morale. I seem to cope better with annoying people with you in the vicinity."
Christian snorts. "I know what you mean."
They go quiet again and soon Ana's fingers stop circling his scars. She's probably fallen asleep although it's still early and he will too soon. He can already feel how well he'll sleep tonight.
"Anastasia?" At first she's quiet but then replies with a grunt.
"I'm falling in love with you all over again."
Ana raises her head from his chest to look at him. "I thought you never stopped?" she says quietly.
"I know, I didn't. But still it feels like I'm falling head over heels."
Ana puts her hand on his cheek, pulling his face closer to hers. "Christian, I feel the same way." She kisses him, he kisses her back. She's wide awake all of a sudden. "Listen; it's way too fast all of this, but I don't really care." She sits up in the bed and Christian knows the romantic moment is gone and they are about to talk serious shit. It's all over her.
"It's not like I can help myself anyway," she mutters and Christian laughs quietly. She looks completely adorable in the soft light from the evening city outside the windows, with the tousled, brown mess of hair framing her face. He only wishes she wasn't so shy to be naked in front of him, she didn't used to be. But she won't undress until the lights are out and now she's clenching the sheet to her chest. He loves the way she looks and he has to make sure he tells her again and again until she believes him.
"And that's the problem. If we were to take it easy things would develop slowly and we would work things out as we went, but now …," she hesitates. "I just want to know if we have a plan? I mean could we even have a plan after seeing each other a couple of weeks? But if I let myself go and you change your mind …" Ana looks down and starts rubbing her thumb on an invisible stain on the sheet.
Doesn't she know? Christian sits up and pulls her onto his lap. "Ana, last week when we made love for the first time in … I told you my plan. I don't need to think about it, I don't need time. If we slow things down it's because you tell me it's necessary for Sara's sake or whatever reason, but I am not letting you go this time. As long as you don't want me to."
"I don't want you to, Christian. I would want to be able to just let go and let myself believe that everything will be fine as long as were together. But I have baggage – a long marriage and an eight-year old with a dead father. I don't even know how you feel about that? I mean, really feel about it? If you are going to be involved in Sara's life there will be a lot of talking about Thomas, pictures, mementos … and I'm afraid you'll suddenly weird out on me … us. I don't know if you'll be able to handle it? It's who you are and I love that part of you with everything else, but I'm not sure how it works with … the current situation."
So, she thinks Christian is going to go ape shit because he'll be jealous of Thomas. And of course, she's not completely wrong. He's glad she brought this up; it clearly needs to be addressed.
"Did you know that Sara and I already talked about Thomas? She told me a bit about him when I put her to bed." Christian starts slowly.
"No?" Ana looks up and meets his eyes again. He gets the feeling she also thinks he might be angry at her for bringing this up this subject. God, what did he do to her ten years ago? He holds her tighter.
"I got jealous at first as I can't bear to think of you with somebody else. Sara never noticed though, and we had a nice conversation. Ana, these days I am much better at controlling my temper and my jealous streak. Anyway it's my issue and something I have to work with. If it starts to affect you or Sara, I'll deal with it. Do not worry about this please; it would break my heart if I knew you're afraid to be yourselves in front of me, just dreading my reaction if Sara talks about her father. I will never let that happen."
He can feel Ana relax in his lap; this must have been a weight on her mind and difficult to bring up. Again, he feels proud of her for being such a protective mother and ballsy.
"As long as I know you're mine, Anastasia, I'll do anything to make sure we work out," Christian whispers in her hair. "We're ten years older and we don't need go through the same bullshit as last time. Let's stop wasting time and just be together. Let yourself go, baby. I'll catch you."
To his surprise, Ana lets go of the sheet, turns in his lap and straddles him. He's already hard, how could he not be with Ana in his lap?
She takes him gently and eases him inside her, not making a sound. Christian moans, turned on by the surprise but confused; they were having a pretty serious conversation, after all. He has no problem going with the flow, though. He's flexible.
As Ana moves her hips slowly, her elbows rest on Christian's shoulders and her fingers are buried in his hair. He keeps her pace steady with his hands on her buttocks and although they just started he can feel her getting close already. Ana pulls his hair and puts her mouth to his ear, breathy and hoarse.
"Nothing turns me on like you loving me. Help me let myself go, Christian."
They've ordered room service, since they never got as far as going to dinner. With pleasure, he watches Ana devour a burger. She must be starving. He's hungry too and he wishes he'd gone for the burger also, instead of the tiny piece of fish on his plate.
They're sitting on the floor in t-shirts, each with a beer, and it's more romantic than any restaurant he could have picked. And they don't have to behave.
"So tell me about Nicole," Ana says in between mouthfuls. She's also feeding Christian her chips, after noticing him glancing at her plate repeatedly.
He startles. "Why, what do you want to know?" he asks apprehensively. Where is this going?
"Don't worry," she smiles. "There's no reason other than it's nice to know more about what you've been doing the last decade. We have a lot to cover, but I think I'd like to start with Nicole. I mean, you dated her quite a while and she knows Kate and Elliot. Are they friends?"
In other words; will she show up at places they will go to? If it was him, he'd like to know that too. He decides to tell everything she wants to know.
"No, they're not fiends. In the year and a half we dated I took her to dinner at Elliot's maybe four times. As far as I know that's the only time they've met her, apart from at a couple of functions."
Ana nods, satisfied. "Have Carrick and Grace met her?"
"Yes, they met her a couple of times, but only at bigger functions that required a date. I never took her to a family dinner." He looks at Ana, she seems fine. Not jealous really. Still, he kind of likes that she cares about this, it evens the playing field a bit.
Ana nods again and keeps on eating. Christian is kind of hoping she'll be full soon. It's a big burger and he wouldn't mind finishing it.
"How did she react when you told her you weren't going to see her anymore? Was she ok with it?
Christian makes a face. "Not so much."
Ana looks at him questioningly and waves for him to continue, mouth full.
"Ok, so I thought we had a good arrangement going. I was always very clear on how I looked at it. But apparently she's been waiting for me to ask her to marry me."
Ana coughs and splutters small pieces of bread and burger over her own lap. Grabbing a napkin, she hands the half-eaten burger to Christian, who willingly accepts.
"Christian! That's quite a discrepancy!"
"Isn't it, though? I thought so too, and I questioned how the fuck she had interpreted what I've said her to me wanting marriage? She said that all her friends had similar relationships. One day it was time to settle down and then you just married someone suitable, career-wise, appearance-wise and financially. Apparently she and I were a perfect match. Everyone she knew said so."
His voice has a distinct tone of disdain. Ana stares at him. "Wow, your world is so different from mine."
"Ana, it's not my world. I visit from time to time, but trust me when I say I don't fit in. Anyway, apparently I have now wasted a year and a half of Nicole's life and thus diminished her chances of finding a husband. I understand there's no telling what she has to settle for now."
Now Ana looks sympathetic. "Poor Nicole." Christian just shakes his head, but hides a smile. It's typical Ana.
"So you think there's any risk she'll come after us with a gun? Or a whip?"
He looks up from the burger to check if she's serious, but she has that cute mischievous look that he loves. He gives her a small smile.
"No, that's not her style. She and her friends are more socially lethal than anything. They'll slander me until it's not in their interest to do so anymore."
He takes a bite from the hamburger. "It'll be tough. You know how much I care about my reputation among women." Christian's voice is dripping with irony. He pulls a face of disgust, making Ana laugh out loud.
When they've finished eating they take a quiet shower together, washing each other slowly just like they used to do. He gets to see her this time, although she did turn the dimmer down in the bathroom. Christian enjoys every second; this is another thing he didn't remember that he's been missing. He gets warm all over when he realizes that this will probably happen a lot from now on. The many, many sweet details of their previous life together that he'll be delightfully reminded of.
Back in bed, they each try to do a bit of work before turning in. Ana's reading up on her notes for tomorrow's meetings, and Christian goes through his emails and returns some calls. It's Friday night so he keeps the calls to a minimum; even though he knows and demands that his employees do their job whenever he needs them to, he knows they perform better and are more loyal if he treats their private lives with respect. Just because work is everything to Christian he's aware that it doesn't apply to everyone. And maybe it won't apply to him much longer. So anything that can wait until Monday, will.
Turning off the lights, they lie in bed facing each other. Christian tries to imagine how it will feel to fall asleep like this every night. Ana's huge eyes glinting in the dark, the faint warmth of her breath on his arm, the sound of her rubbing her feet to get them warm – she always did have cold feet.
"Tell me about Sara," he says suddenly. "And don't be afraid to mention Thomas, I'm fine. Believe me; I'm so fine right now." He reaches in and kisses her, but pulls back to let her speak. Instead he starts playing with her hair.
"Yeah, sure." She doesn't seem to know where to start so he helps her.
"Tell me more about what she likes to do."
"Ok. She's very into soccer for some reason, not watching so much, but she likes to play. I know she can look fragile, but she's seriously tough on the field." Christian laughs, she smiles. She doesn't sound proud as much as surprised at her daughter's talents. "I don't find soccer fun at all, but I love to watch Sara play."
"She's very social, finds friends easily, but her best friend is Eric who lives on our street. They're in the same class, but they never played together until last year when they found an injured bird on their way home from school. The other kids thought it was disgusting apparently, but Eric and Sara took it to his place and they cared for it for a few days. Sara was spending all her free time with Eric and the bird."
Ana's looking it Christian warily and he thinks she's wondering whether this can really interest him. It does and he nods encouragement. Ana shrugs and continues.
"Then one morning the bird was dead. It was very traumatic and the kids organised a funeral to which I and Eric's parents were invited. The funeral was, at least in thought, very inspired by her father's. For obvious reasons Sara was more devastated than Eric, but he came home with her after school almost every day and they talked about Thomas and the bird and death. And they played of course. Had more funerals. A few Monster High dolls had to bite the dust." She smiles a sad smile and Christian caresses her arm gently.
"I think she found more comfort in talking to Eric than to grown-ups, and the bird dying became a sort of metaphor for Thomas' death which gave them a way to approach it. Anyway, they're inseparable now." Ana snorts. "Wow, that's a bit more than you asked for."
"No, no, it's perfect," Christian reassures her. "I want to get to know her. And it's like you said; the more we know about each other the better. Anyway, it's a melancholic but sweet way of finding a best friend, I think."
"I do too." Ana kisses him, several times and inches closer to him. "I meant to ask you something, but you have to promise to tell me if you think it's too soon? Because I want you to be comfortable."
Christian raises his eyebrows, but nods.
"Would you like to do something with Sara on your own? You know, go to the movies or whatever. Something simple."
Christian's surprised. He would have thought this was one of those things that would have to wait. But he trusts Ana's judgement; it's her daughter.
"Yes, I would like that," he says humbly. "I you don't think it's too early?"
Ana shakes her head. "No. You two are good together already; she's comfortable with you. I think it's easier for you to get to know each other without me tagging along. But again, only if you feel comfortable and want to, Christian."
"Ana, please. I want to. And I'm not exactly new to hanging out with kids, although I realize that would be a surprise to many. On top of that, Sara seems to have fallen for my charms already. We'll be fine."
Ana slaps his head lovingly. "No one resists, do they?"
"You've tried but failed a few times if I recall. But then again, when it came to you I really put my mind to it. Once I saw you there was no going back."
"I know, baby," Ana says, yawning now. "My first meeting isn't until ten tomorrow. Are you going to let me sleep in the morning?" She nudges his chest with her finger.
"No. And I'm not letting you sleep now."
A/N: Just a quick thank you for all your replies to my question yesterday. You guys are amazing.
Don't get too used to this updating pace; I'm recovering from the flu and spending a lot of time in bed - nothing better to do :-)/ Niftynickis