Chapter seventeen
I'ts Monday morning and Ana is sitting on the porch of her house, a large coffee in her hand, watching the life of the neighborhood around her. On sunny days this is her favorite spot to have her morning coffee.
She's dressed in dungarees and planning to spend part of the day in the garage working on the chair. She wants to give it to Ray on his birthday and it's only two weeks away. Ray doesn't really need a chair and he could certainly make an equally beautiful piece of furniture from scratch. But this particular chair had Ray written all over it when Ana found it and she's put her heart and soul into making it perfect. She wants to give him something special and personal this year.
Ray has been her rock, even more so than ever, since Thomas' death. He always helps out with Sara whenever Ana needs it, he saw her through the funeral arrangements. He even drives to Seattle for Sara's soccer games now and again, and keeps himself updated on her achievements in school.
Ana wonders what Ray would think if he knew about Christian. Then again, he might already know that Christian is back in her life; more likely than not Sara has mentioned him during her weekend at Ray's. He probably won't say anything until Ana brings is up, which is just as well; she's not ready to talk about her and Christian yet. Or define what they have out loud.
The weekend she just spent with Christian was magic and when she's with him everything appears very clear and simple. But when on her own again her thoughts start running amok and she gets anxious. It pisses her off – it like her brain is trying to identify every single problem that could occur and solve it before it even happens. It's exhausting.
Christian has changed in ten years, it's obvious. His confidence goes deeper than before and he seems more at ease, like he's accepting himself finally. When she said she never stopped loving him he believed her without question; she seems to feel much more insecure than he does.
But if she gets hurt it's one thing; Sara is another matter entirely. If Ana brings in a man in her daughters life it's very likely that Sara will want that man to … not replace her father … but certainly take on fatherly duties. Ana has seen the need for attention in her daughter's eyes when she's around both Elliot and Christian. It's surely completely unconscious, but there's no doubt Sara is looking for a father figure. So if Christian wants the job, which he implies he does, it's important that he stays. Then again, Christian never left her, did he?
What's eating her is not really whether Christian would be a stayer or not. He is. But he used to be so controlling and possessive. Ana can handle it, she always could, but how would it affect Sara? Of course Christian says he'd never let it, and perhaps Ana should trust him on that.
If she considers a relationship with one of America's wealthiest men from her own point of view she has no issues; she's done it before and knows what it entails for herself. But what if, for example, it puts Sara in the spotlight from the media at some point? Ana doesn't want that kind of life for her daughter; the two of them are happier being nobodies. She can't help but think of poor Nicole – what a sad life. The question is: will Sara be safer with Grey and all his resources in her life or could she become a potential target?
On the other hand, Ana has to admit to herself that all of these points are moot. How could she ever stay away from Christian Grey now? She's loved him for so long and now he's back and wants to be with her. All this time apart and yet they still love each other? They have no choice than to just figure it out as they go along. So how come she can't just relax and stop analyzing everything?
Well, that's why she has a workshop in the garage. As a seasoned over thinker, she's managed to find a way to deal with her brain overheating.
She finishes her coffee and gets up, a bit stiff from sitting on the stone stairs. It's time to get to work. And what she really needs to figure out, instead of worrying about things that don't make a difference, is when and how to tell Sara that mommy's dating. Since she and Christian sort of decided they're doing this, she's not comfortable with sneaking around Sara.
If Ana's mother had been alive Ana would have talked to her; she certainly had the experience. Now it's either Kate or Ray and at the moment she isn't comfortable with either.
Leaving the empty coffee mug in the sink, she grabs an apple. She's just about to go to the garage when there's a knock on the door. Ana sighs, hoping it will be quick; she wants to get going on Ray's chair.
It's Christian. Doesn't he ever just call before coming over? Give her a chance to change and look good just once?
"Christian? What are ..."
Christian interrupts her. "Is Sara in school?" He sounds slightly out of breath.
"Yes, of course." Ana's confused, why would he ask that, could something be wrong?
"Good," he snaps, "'cause this is an emergency."
He walks through the door forcing Ana to take a few steps back; she's seriously worried now. Christian closes the front door, turns and grabs her by her upper arms.
"Christian, please tell me ..." Ana starts but is quieted by Christian pulling her close and kissing her hard. When he finally lets her mouth go she has to catch her breath.
"Jesus, fuck I missed you, Ana," he mumbles. "And you're wearing those again …" he adds, almost moaning.
Ana looks at him in disbelief. "So nothing's wrong? You come over and scare the shit out of me ..."
Again he interrupts.
"Of course something's wrong. I missed you so much I couldn't work. I can't concentrate. I keep seeing you in front of me in that little negligee and just-fucked hair and it's driving me insane."
Ana smiles. No way she can be upset with him.
"That does sound like an emergency." Just to tease him she bites her lip. He groans.
"That's not even the worst part." Christian sounds almost guilty. "I keep on getting this fear that you're going to slip away again."
There he is; her insecure Christian.
"Well, in that case I'm glad you came over to check," she says warmly. "And as you can see I'm right here and I won't be going anywhere. Not without you at least."
He grabs her waist and lifts her so her face is level to his and she wraps her legs around him. He kisses her and smiles.
"So now we're doing this, right? It's you and me now, no doubts?"
"You know me, I'll always worry about a million things. Especially when it comes to Sara. But I'd like us to do this."
Christian kisses her again, longer and deeper this time.
"You know me Anastasia. You know I'll do all in my power to make sure Sara has everything she needs."
"Christian, I know. But we'll come to that conversation eventually." He looks at her questioningly. Ana shakes her head and leans back. "So I understand you like these." She looks down on her dungarees, paint-stained and with the odd tear. "Can't say I blame you; they're seriously hot."
"Right? The thought of you sweaty and dirty, with a power tool in your hands ..." He groans again.
Ana giggles. "Somebody's gotta do the drilling in this family – there's no-one more white-collar than you, baby."
Ana stiffens. Oh shit. She just said family. But Christian just looks at her, gray eyes shining and a small smile playing on his lips.
"So which way to the garage, Miss Steele? I'm going to show you my excellent drilling skills."
In the garage? Another first, then.
Ana and Christian have been back together for two months. Apart from Elliot and Kate, who only have a vague idea, no family or friends know. It's been easy to keep their meetings secret – since Ana works from home a lot and Christian doesn't have a boss they see each other during the day.
It's been lovely. Mostly the two of them have been staying at her place, but a few times they've done little outings. Once they've had lunch at Escala, which Gail prepared for them. Ana feels a little closer to Gail now that they share a secret; she couldn't help but hug her when they arrived at the penthouse, after the delicious lunch and before Christian drove her home. The abundant hugging only resulted in a raised, and amused, eyebrow from Christian.
Ana's been neglecting her social life completely; luckily that means mostly Kate and Ray, but she has a few more friends she tries to keep in touch with. But she's had to work evenings to catch up what she's postponed to spend time with Christian. Ana knows he's been doing the same thing, but then he always works anyway.
Christian had also made time to do something with Sara. Since her daughter's been nagging Ana to take her back to Christian's prototype farm to see the lambs, that's where he took her. Which completely won Sara over, obviously. She came back with an "adoption certificate" for the two lambs, for her to share with Jamie. Apparently the "adoption" means that Sara and Jamie have to visit the animals from time to time, to make sure they are being well taken care of. Sara is very proud, and the certificate has been featured in a show-and-tell at school.
It feels really good. They've had a lot of time on their own for talking, kissing, making love and more talking. Together they've been silly and serious and, quite often, breathless. It's been a perfect bubble, but now they have to take the next step and tell everyone beginning with Sara. To wait longer would just risk her finding out the wrong way.
Ana will tell Sara tonight. She doesn't think there will be a problem – her daughter thinks of Christian as awesome after the deal with the lambs. Still Ana's a tad nervous.
Sara comes in from playing around six with Eric in tow. It' Friday so the kids want to have a sleep-over at either house. Ana says no since she's made plans for them to have a night for themselves, which causes Sara to throw a minor tantrum. Not the best start.
They compromise and Eric stays for dinner after which Ana and Sara walk him home. It's a beautiful, warm summer's evening and Ana's enjoying the two eight-year olds' theories on space travel. Since she knows nothing about the subject and can't answer their questions, they're left to speculate freely. The sleep-over drama from earlier is forgotten.
When Eric is safely deposited at home and they're back at their house Ana and Sara cozy up on the couch with tea and crisps – their Friday Night Special. At first they talk about their day a little but eventually Ana steers the conversation toward Christian. She asks what Sara thinks of him; the answer is nice and cool.
"I'm glad you like him, because Christian and I have started seeing each other. As in he's my boyfriend." Ana says carefully.
"Okay." Sara nods, eyes in the crisp bowl.
"You feel fine with that? Anything you want to ask me?" Ana looks closely at her daughter. Sara didn't even flinch when she told her.
"No." Shake this time. But then she looks up at Ana, her eyes suspicious. "Does that mean that you will be kissing him all the time? With your tongue?"
She looks disgusted. To her and Eric kissing is the most vile thing in the world right now. They have to cover their eyes for movie-kisses.
Ana coughs, trying to stifle her laugh by pretending to choke on her tea.
"No, Sara, no tongue-kissing, I promise. I might give him a little kiss sometimes and we might hold hands or hug sometimes. I hope you think that's okay?" Ana is serious again.
Sara nods, she can live with that. They go quiet and Sara asks if they can turn the TV on. She seems to have lost interest. This was very undramatic, much more so than not getting to have a friend sleep over.
After few minutes Ana relaxes and mentally starts to compose a text message to Christian, letting him know that all went well. And that they gladly will accompany him to Bellevue tomorrow. Then she'll be seeing Grace and Carrick for the first time in ten years and they will meet Sara. Another thing to be nervous about; considering how they back then more or less looked upon Ana as Christian's savior, they must have been pretty upset with her for leaving him.
But all these steps have to be taken for them to be together. Next in line will be Ray.
Her thoughts are interrupted by Sara.
"Christian used to be your boyfriend before I was born. Grandpa told me. Then you married dad."
Ana stops breathing for a moment. Where is this going? Her daughter's train of thought can be very unpredictable at times and it's difficult to know what's coming next.
Sara's eyes are back on the TV.
"If I get married ..." Sara's yet undecided on the merits of marriage, "… and my husband dies, maybe Eric can be my boyfriend."
She takes a few more crisps while she ponders this. She seems to like the idea. "But there will be no kissing whatsoever."