Christian joins Ana in the TV-room where she's slouched on the sofa watching some show. He's exhausted and lies down and puts his head in her lap. The entire evening has been spent in the study on the phone trying to get a grip on the mess his sister is involved in. Nobody hardly knows anything yet, but at least he's got the lawyers going. The seventeen hour time-difference means that he's been able to catch people during working hours.
There's nothing more he can do for his sister now and tomorrow his parents will be there with her. Having Ana here relaxes him. Although he's been stressed out and angry during the past hours, just knowing that she's somewhere in the apartment keeps him grounded.
It's also odd having Ana here for the night. Seeing her walking around in his apartment is both sweet and bitter and adds to the feeling that he really should change his living arrangements. It's too much like going back in time to see her caressing the keys of the piano with her fingers, checking the fridge for a snack, opening a bottle of wine. In a way time has been standing still here.
Tonight Christian's going to share his bed with Ana all night long. Despite them having spent quite a lot of time together the past two months, they've only spent a few nights sleeping next to each other. Or entangled rather. Even in his sleep Christian clings to Ana, like he's afraid she'll disappear while he's sleeping. Which he is, except constantly. A part of him is waiting for the day when Ana will tell him she's changed her mind. No matter how well things seem to be going, no matter how many times she says she still loves him.
Right at this moment though he can feel himself sinking into a well-needed relaxed state. On his back with his head in Ana's lap he closes his eyes while she caresses his hair slowly and absentmindedly.
"I'm sorry about what's happening with Mia," Ana says quietly and he can feel her watching him. Although it's not clear whether she's sorry for his sister's sake or for his. Maybe both.
"You still assume a lot of responsibility for everybody else's well-being. Trying to organize or fix things so others won't have to worry."
Christian opens his eyes again and sees her beautiful eyes, large and concerned, looking at him. He gives her a faint smile – of course he does, always has and always will.
"But who takes care of you?" There's a strange look in her eyes now which Christian can't interpret. Guilt?
"Baby, you do." He takes the hand still caressing his hair, kisses it gently and places it on his cheek. "For example, right now you are taking excellent care of me."
And instinctively he knows what she's thinking – that she left him alone and that he's been alone since. Which is true, despite the some or other brown-haired beauty keeping him warm for a few hours and always leaving him wanting. But they've promised each other not to go there, no guilt-trips down memory lane. Christian is about to remind her, but Ana interrupts him.
"Will you promise something, Christian?"
He looks at her questioningly. "If I can. What is it?"
"I want you to promise that you will never hide things from me just because you think I will get hurt, or be sad, or find something mildly annoying. Whatever it is, what you go through I want to go through with you. I don't need, or want, to be taken care of in that way. And it's very, very important to me that I get to be there for you, even when you don't realize you need me to be."
Wow. She's so sincere and Christian is speechless for moment, trying to sort through the wave of emotion surging through him. What is she actually saying?
The promise seems easy enough to make, but she knows him – so knows that it goes against a deep need to protect, and for that matter control, the people he loves and cares about. But he also understands why this is important to her. For all their apparent differences they're very much alike, deep down.
"Ana, I promise you I will do my best as long as you do the same for me." He can see she's about to question the meaning of what he just said, but then nods; they both know she can show the same tendencies as him when it comes to protecting people.
Christian sits up next to Ana, pulls her close and presses his forehead against hers. Slowly he starts grinning.
"What?" Ana says, trying to stay serious but failing miserably.
"What you just said." Christian kisses her nose, then her mouth. "It sounded almost like wedding vows."
Ana immediately goes crimson, as he knew she would.
"I loved it," he says, taking her hot face in his hands and kissing her deeply. She only hesitates for a second and then gives in completely, leaving him breathless and incredibly turned on. But when his hand slides under her top, she pulls away from him.
"Would you play for me?" she says almost apologetically, glancing down his trousers.
Christian is surprised. "What, the piano?"
"M-hm. I've missed hearing you play."
He smiles at her, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. He associates most of his piano playing with missing Ana, not having her at his side where she belongs.
When they had been together for about six months and she had moved in with him, his need for nocturnal piano playing had almost disappeared. Then she left him and he stopped sleeping again.
Even if he's not entirely comfortable – when did he even play for someone last? - how could he deny her? So he takes her hand and leads her to the big room and the piano. When he sits she sits down next to him in her back-then-favorite position; back against the piano so she can watch him while he plays.
Christian chooses a recent piece he knows he's never played for Ana before – anything else would be cutting it close to too painful tonight. But Ana seems to be enjoying it; she's pulled her feet up on the piano bench, arms clasping her legs, chin resting on her knees. After watching him for a while she closes her eyes.
When Christian finishes Ana doesn't move at first. She's completely still and her eyes remain closed. Maybe she fell asleep?
He touches her arm gently and when she raises her head to look at him she has tears in her eyes.
"What baby?" he says worriedly, taking her hand. "Why are you sad?" He really hopes she doesn't feel guilty again. Too much guilt will destroy them for sure.
But Ana smiles. "Don't mind me, it's stupid. You play beautifully and I love listening."
"OK, Ana, how about trying that honesty thing we just talked about? How do you think it makes me feel when I find that you're crying but you tell me I shouldn't be bothered because it's stupid?" His voice is gentle but firm.
Ana blinks a couple of times. Then she nods, although barely noticeable.
"Yes. Yes, you're right." She looks away so he can't see her face. Is she embarrassed?
"I've never told anyone this. Not even Kate." Ana's voice is quiet and apologetic.
"Over the years I don't know how many nights I've woken up, missing you next to me, thinking I would find you by the piano."
Her voice is so low Christian has to concentrate to hear every word.
"It was as if I heard you play in my sleep; I woke up with a tune in my head so sure I could just walk out of the bedroom door and find you. Just to realize that someone was next to me but that it wasn't you."
Christian's chest tightens. Oh, the things this woman is still hiding from him. He wants to throw himself at her right now, but she's not finished yet. She turns to face him and the tears have returned.
"You see, every time my first reaction would be devastation that it wasn't you laying next to me and that it never would be again." Ana sobs. "Then I would feel incredible guilt for waking up wishing the nice man next to me was someone else. He didn't deserve that."
Ana shakes her head, fighting not to cry. "So I'd make up all kinds of excuses for these dreams, memories, whatever it was. Promising myself to be a better wife."
Now she looking at him and even with her the tip of her nose and eyes reddish from crying she's fucking gorgeous, but he wants her to keep on talking. This is something he needs to hear. So he just squeezes her hand for encouragement and she goes on.
"Eventually I would feel a little better and try to go to sleep only for my mind to start spinning with who was sleeping next to you now, who was listening to you play in the middle of the night? Who got to comfort you when you had nightmares?" She whispers the last sentence and now the tears are flowing freely.
Christian is staring at her for a moment. Then he closes his eyes and shakes his head slowly. Again he's reminded that he's not the only one who has suffered during the last decade.
Instead of answering, he pulls her up and lifts so she can throw her legs and arms around him. As he carries her towards the bedroom he can feel her sobs becoming fainter, her breathing calming.
Tonight Christian doesn't even try to keep the lights on in the bedroom – the moonlight and city lights are more than enough for his purpose – and without a word between them he pulls off her t-shirt, jeans and underwear. As Ana lays down on the bed naked he undresses scattering his clothes on the floor, all the while not taking his eyes of her.
Her body looks almost translucent and other-worldly in the night light. And she's back where she belongs – in his bed and his life. Lying down next to her on the bed he starts stroking her hair and face, then cups her chin with his hand.
"It's important that you know something, Anastasia." He sees her eyes glinting at him in the semi-dark but she doesn't say anything. It's his turn to talk.
"Not even once." Christians voice is dark with emotion and desire. Ana raises her head slightly, not understanding and he continues.
"Not even once has any woman stayed the night. Not in my bed, not in my apartment. Not after you left."
He pauses, releases her chin and lets his hand slowly follow the line of her body down to her hip and up again. On it's way back his hand just grazes her nipple, but she gasps and bites her lip. Christian inches closer, his body still not touching hers but so close he can feel the warmth from her skin.
"With the exception of my family and Gail, no woman has heard me play the piano since you. Or before you. Do you understand, Anastasia?"
His hand is now caressing her white thigh, slowly closing in on her sex. Her eyes don't leave his and Christian knows that she does indeed understand. But he will say it anyway.
"For what I am, and what I need, there is only you. You're the only cure for my nightmares, my loneliness and my freakishness." Ana still doesn't say anything, but her eyes tell him she loves his words – that she needs to hear them as much as he does saying them.
He kisses her breasts one after the other, then gently pushes her on her back and separates her legs so he can touch her freely, which he does – stroking and teasing. This will not be long; it's one of those times when his emotions are so volcanic they have no where to go but inside Ana.
Feeling her as wet as ever he can't wait any longer, so he pulls himself on top and pinning her arms over her head pushes himself inside her hard. Ana calls out - he thinks his name – and he puts his mouth over hers, letting his tongue fill her as he keeps on thrusting fast and hard.
"Are you mine, Anastasia?" he growls into her mouth.
"Yes, Christian." Her voice is just a breath.
"Will – you – leave – me – again?" For each word, he slams into Ana. He can feel her building – her body tensing, meeting every thrust, trying to feel him even deeper. She won't last much longer and he doesn't want her to. He needs to come too, or his chest will explode.
"No, Christian!" she whispers desperately. "No, baby!"
"Why? Why – won't – you – leave?"
She needs to come now, this is going to be over for him soon. He lets go of her arms so she can hold him and as she presses him to her chest she comes violently, her body convulsing beneath him.
"'Cause I love you-I love you-I love you ..." Hearing her whispers and feeling her muscles pulsing around his cock sends him over the edge and he comes, pouring ten years of his longing into her.
…. ….. ….
They've made love again, slowly this time. It's amazing how Ana can make him feel. With her sex isn't sex. Instead it's … everything. With other women sex has always for him been about control and release. With Ana his body talks and tells hers every single emotion he has that he can't put into words. And she responds.
They should sleep, it must be three in the morning, but he wants this to last as long as possible. Tomorrow night she will be back at her place and there will be no telling when Christian will have her for an entire night again.
Ana's head is resting om his chest, her warm breath tickling his scars. It feels good, soothing. With her laying close to him Christian even feels confident that the Mia-business will be sorted.
Ana stirs a little and mumbles that she's sleepy. She asks him if he's alright.
"I am so alright right now. You're here."
"I am here." He can hear her smile. "And I will be here tomorrow. Good night, baby, I love you."
He kisses her hair. "And I love you. Sleep now."
Ana falls asleep almost immediately, but Christian lies awake for a while longer, savoring the moment. He should to talk to her tomorrow morning – or should he? After weighing the pros and cons for a while he comes to a decision and so he can finally go to sleep.
…. ….. ….
Since they forgot to close the blinds the night before, Ana is woken up by the daylight pouring in through the huge window, despite it being a gray, rainy day outside. She's tired and her muscles ache, from the exercise no doubt. She's not as fit as she was last time around with Christian. But that will undoubtedly get better.
And just like last time around Christian is holding her tight while sleeping soundly – his head on her chest, arm around her waist and his leg over hers. She can barely move, but she doesn't want to anyway. He needs her, he's safe like this and she's the only one who can do this for him. Her heart swells when she thinks about what he told her last night. Ana is not only his first, she's still his only.
Laying as still as she can, she watches the rain pour down the glass of the window. It's beautiful and very meditative. She doesn't even notice that Christian has lifted his head and is looking at her.
"Good morning, beautiful," he says while untangling himself from her and making it a bit easier for her to breath.
"Good morning." She smiles at his tousled hair and mischievous grin. How can he look this good in the morning, sleep-deprived and just-woken-up? It it isn't natural or fair, but she still loves looking at him.
Suddenly Christian sits up straight, stark naked in the revealing daylight and Ana pulls the sheet a little bit closer, making sure it covers all the vital parts. Of course Christian notices and frowns at her, making her flush. But he seems to forget and he's back at smiling at her again, almost shyly this time.
"I need to ask you something Anastasia, before my courage fails me."
Oh shit, he sounds so serious. What is it now? Lovers during their time apart? Sex with Thomas?
"OK?" she says, tone uncertain. Christian takes a deep breath, like he's about to jump into the deep end of the pool.
"Anastasia. I love you and I see no other future than one which you are in. And Sara. So would you please consider moving in with me?" He looks at her pleadingly, but seeing her face blanching he quickly adds:
"I don't mean right this moment, and I certainly don't mean to this apartment."
He waves his hand dismissively at his home of fifteen or so years.
"I mean we could talk about it, think about how and when and where … I really mean consider it, together."
Jesus. But of course she will - there would be no other way forward than this anyway. She feels a shadow of doubt about Sara wanting to move, but they'll sort it out.
"Of course I will, Christian," she says warmly. "I would love to consider moving in with you."
Christian is positively shining with bliss, making Ana giggle. He looks like a little boy on Christmas.
Then the sly grin is back and he pokes her chest. "Then I should finally be able to catch a glimpse of you naked in daylight, for sure."