Sometimes he thinks back to conversations he had with Peggy, back when he was still 'Skinny' Steve Rogers.
"You must have danced?"
He'd told her what made sense; that he'd never gotten around to asking any women to dance, that he was just waiting for the right one, and in a sense he was. No one seemed worth the heartache of rejection back then. Now, no one seemed worth the time.
But he never said he had never danced, because that would have been a lie. Bucky would never have let him enter the world unprepared, he was too good of a pal for that. As kids (when their heights had been more or less the same) he'd practiced with Steve. They'd learnt the waltz together from an old pamphlet they'd found on the sidewalk, trying their best to follow the diagrams of little footprints and numbers and dotted lines. They never danced with music, mostly because they couldn't afford it, but also because these practices were secret, between children who didn't want to embarrass themselves when they finally met the loves of their lives.
They stopped practicing when Bucky started going out dancing. One day, when Bucky was around 17 years old, he'd rushed to Steve's house and told him about this girl who'd taught him how to swing, and for some reason, Steve couldn't help but feel a sharp sting in his chest. He blamed it on the humidity that had hit Brooklyn recently, blamed it on his weak lungs, but really he knew what it was. He was jealous. Of who, he wasn't sure yet.
"When you're feeling better, I'll teach you!"
"That's okay, Buck. I'm not gonna be dancing anytime soon, so there's no rush."
By the age of 16, he'd already begun to realise that him getting a girl just wasn't going to happen.
He'd told Bucky this, but the man was a damned stubborn fool when it came to Steve.
"One day, Stevie. You'll see, someone's gonna realise what you're worth. The world can't stay blind forever."
Steve could only hope that that was true.
He'd danced with music for the first time in 1938, on his 20th birthday. Things had been tough that year, with himself getting sicker, the economy getting worse, his mother getting paler and weaker. The world of Steve Rogers was spiralling out of control, and Bucky being the bud that he was had wanted Steve to just forget for a while.
"C'mon, let me take you out. It's the 4th of July, let's celebrate!"
"I don't have money, Bucky."
"You let me take care of that, Steve. It's your birthday and I'm gonna treat you."
Bucky had been working at the theatre for the past few months at the time, and whatever money he'd gotten went to his siblings' schooling or Steve's medicine, and it was beginning to weigh on Steve's conscience. However Bucky Barnes had a stubborn streak to rival Steve's and he would not be dissuaded. So, Steve found himself in front of a very much closed Sunset Theatre near the docks, before Bucky quietly let him in round back and they had free reign of the theatre, thanks to some notes he slipped the security guard before the man took his leave for the night.
"Where d'you wanna sit, Steve? The whole theatre is yours."
"Where are you gonna sit?"
"Right next to the projector."
"Then I'll sit right next to the projector."
"Stevie, you can sit in the middle, or down front-"
"Next to the projector. Best seats in the house."
"You punk."
When the film first started, Steve had felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He'd never watched a full film before, in the theatre. It was usually sneak peaks from the theatre windows when Bucky let him around or public viewings in the park. And now they had the whole theatre to themselves. This was a whole new experience, and if he started acting antsy and overconfident it was alright because Bucky was acting just as much like a child as he was. They'd ended up climbing the seats in imitation of the actors and singing along, loud and out of key. Then a black man with a very familiar voice came on screen and started singing, and Steve was yanked to his feet.
He didn't even know what hit him, he was suddenly flying to the left and to the right with Bucky's arms around him, giving him the occasional instruction of where to put his feet, but everything else seemed to come naturally. He was swinging! And Bucky was swinging with him, singing aloud to the song as they danced, practically hollering the words out to be heard over the singer's voice. Somehow, even as Steve's lungs grew tighter and his legs started to ache, he never wanted the song to end. But it did end eventually and when it did, they were both so out of breath, they just collapsed boneless on the chairs and watched the rest of the film in silence.
They walked home in equal silence, the streets empty and the bars full at the time, the fireworks long finished. Bucky mentioned how the song reminded him of Steve, which just made Steve snort and call Bucky a jerk while ignoring the strange tug he felt in his stomach at the words. From then on, Bucky deemed that Steve's song, and never failed to remind Steve of that by singing it around the man from time to time. Steve tried to deny that same tug he got in his stomach when he heard Bucky humming that song, and if he eventually accepted that tug for what it was, he kept that secret to himself.
In 1940, Sarah Rogers passed away.
"A strong heart will take you further than any physical strength. A strong heart means you'll never quit..." was carved into her tombstone with the last of the savings Steve had.
The savings had been for his own medicine, but he had decided then and there that he would not give Sarah Rogers a pauper's burial and Bucky agreed, even chipping in a little with the money.
Bucky had forcibly moved into Steve's apartment within a week of the funeral, with Winifred Barnes' blessing of course, and started working in the docks lifting orange crates for a living. Steve had tried to cope as best he could. Life moved on, and death would always be the end game, but the loss of his mother still hurt him deeply. She was perfect in his eyes, and he didn't understand how God had decided she didn't deserve to go on. He tried to keep a front up in front of Bucky, but he knew the man could see right through it.
Which was why he wasn't all that surprised that Bucky would do something like this.
Bucky had rushed into the apartment like the cops were on his tail and demanded the time. Steve was halfway through saying a quarter past six when Bucky was out the window onto the fire escape. He was gone for a grand total of thirty seconds, full of metal clanking, weird creaking sounds and under-breath cussing. When he came back, he had their upstairs neighbor's radio in his arms, a cable still attached to the apartment upstairs. "What the hell are you doing?!" Steve demanded in horror, but Bucky just shushed him and turned the radio on, fiddling with the nobs till be found the station he was looking for.
They sat in silence, while the announcer talked about the latest baseball game scores, when suddenly the man on the radio said "I've had a special request from a friend to air a special song. So here it goes. Stevie, this is for you." And the shrill cry of trumpets and the crooning of a jazz singer filled the air.
"You didn't." Steve said in a deadpan voice, but Bucky was already bringing him to his feet and laughing. "C'mon, dance with me Stevie." They danced a little slower this time around, Steve huffing every now and then as though he weren't enjoying it, as if he was only doing this for Bucky, as if he didn't feel like kissing that damn smirk of his face.
"Y'know, they probably think you were talking about your dame, right?" Steve stated as he spun around. He gave a rather unmanly squeak as Bucky dipped him, all suave smugness, before pulling him back to his chest. "I know they did. I told him it was for my sweetheart." Steve slapped him in the arm for that, because really…he had no right to make Steve fall even more in love with him.
Things started looking up after that.
One year later, Bucky was drafted. A month after that, so was Steve.
There were a lot of things to get used to in the future. For one, everything's value had changed. Lots of money didn't buy quite as much as it used to, and the life of a person was now quantifiable in dollars and cents. What was considered a nation-wide crisis was very different as well. Instead of world wars or the great depression, there was some girl called Justine Bieber being arrested, and a Mr. Jenner turning into a Mrs. Jenner overnight. He still wasn't comfortable with all these touch-everything technologies and to this day, he had no idea what 'the vine' was that Clint kept talking about. Granted, he had talked about it a lot less recently, gushing over the instant-gram videos instead, another thing Steve didn't want to ask about, under threat of being called a grandpa. Again.
He was at a loss in this world, which was so far ahead of him and turning at a faster and faster pace each day without him being able to catch up. Sometimes he just got that sinking feeling, that gut wrenching feeling, like when you've just missed your train and your still trying to catch it, just running beside it as it speeds up and leaves you behind, reaching out even though it's pointless and the end of the platform is coming to meet you. He hated that feeling. He used to have it many times a day, hiding behind his stiff smiles every time he missed a reference or got left behind in a conversation.
And then Bucky and Hydra happened, and everything was better and worse at the same time.
He'd started talking to Sam, about that 'missing the train' feeling, about how he didn't know what to make of this new world, or what to make of himself in this new world. He talked to him about trying to find Bucky, but he hadn't talked to him about Bucky from the past, because for some reason all the feelings he had for the man seemed too private. Even with gay rights and the legalization of gay marriage in the US, even though Steve knew it was alright to love a man, he still didn't feel like sharing about Bucky.
So he talked to Sam, and he learned about modern technology and politics and ethics, and he looked for Bucky, and he talked to Sam some more, hoping he'd just get the earth back under his feet.
"So…it's been three years now." Sam said as he fixed his bowtie a little.
"It has." Bucky answered, pulling at his cuffs and looking Sam dead in the eye through the mirror they were both standing in front of. Sam chuckled at the silent intimidation and turned to look at Bucky.
"It's nothing. I'm just saying…"
"Say it faster, we're due outside for Tony's speech any minute now."
Another chuckle, because they both knew what he was going to say and Sam knew very well that Bucky was a little scared to hear it. "You need to tell that man that you love him. It's obvious it goes both ways, and it's obvious he's just waiting on you. You've gotten over most of your issues, you're both doing well, and I think it's time to take the next step."
There it was, the blunt truth, and Bucky felt like his stomach was trying to escape from the soles of his feet. "You don't know that for sure." He muttered, fidgeting with his penguin suit, but Sam just sighed and rolled his eyes. "I don't think there's anything I'm surer about." "I'll think on it." Bucky replied, and they both shared a nod and exited the rest room, just as a wave of people entered chit-chatting about the amazing birthday party, and how lucky Pepper was.
They were both really lucky, just looking at the stupid extravagant ways that Tony was trying to woo her (like this over-the-top birthday party) when he already had all of her. They were a wedding short of being a married couple. Bucky's eyes wandered over the crowd looking for the Avengers, all in varying states of sobriety. Clint was currently throwing steak knives at a wall, forming his initials. Bucky suspected he was halfway drunk. Coulson was just sitting next to him, holding the platter full of knives, giving slight instructions like 'the next one should be a few millimetres to the left' or 'are we doing cursive, or block letters? Let's do block letters, there aren't that many knives left.'
Natasha was with Bruce at the bar, discussing something in depth that looked like it may or may not have to do with the fate of the world as a whole. They were getting really into it, when Thor joined in eagerly from nowhere, having heard a certain word that he seemed to understand. Steve was standing nearby, where the bar's counter-top met the wall, looking…well, Bucky was a little biased, but he was sure he had just glimpsed heaven.
Steve was wearing a tux like the rest of them, but his hair was styled in perfect 40's fashion which just brought all sorts of memories flooding back to him, about holding Steve close as he laughed and tripped through a fast paced dance for the first time in the back of a dark theatre hall, his eyes shining so bright Bucky was sure he would never need the sun again, and suddenly Bucky knew what he had to do.
He made a short detour to the DJ and Tony, before heading straight for Steve. He noted the way Steve's smile lit up his face when he caught Bucky's eye, and how it seemed to just get brighter and brighter the closer he got to the man. "Bucky! I was looking for you. Where'd you go?" "Was just talking with Sam for a bit. How's the party treating you?" he asked, leaning against the bar, looking out over the party.
"It's okay, I guess. It's a shame I can't enjoy the free bar."
"You could always dance. There's plenty of nice women here."
Steve's face fell a little, though he shot Bucky a quick (skin-deep) smile.
"You know I don't dance, Bucky. I'll just keep waiting for the right partner."
Before Steve could change the topic, the music stopped abruptly, causing everyone to stop dancing. Suddenly, a shrill trumpet sound came through the air, a slight static-quality accompanying the music proving that this wasn't 'remastered' or whatever they called it nowadays, this was an oldie…and Steve knew just what song it was. Bucky chuckled when Steve turned his wide, hope-filled eyes to Bucky.
"I get that you're waiting for 'the one' an' all, but do you mind settling for little old me for now?" he asked, taking Steve's hand in his metal one (it had taken a while, but it was now just a part of him as everything else was) and tugging him to the dance floor. Steve's shocked look didn't fade, even as Bucky wrapped his arms around him and started swaying, then suddenly they were flying again, Bucky expertly twirling Steve this way and that, the footwork coming back to Steve like riding a bicycle. And then, when the recorded voice of Lois Armstrong started singing, so did Bucky.
He started off clearly showing off his voice, singing the verse smoothly with a confidence that Steve had missed so much. "Now, I don't care what the weather man says, when the weatherman says it's raining. You'll never hear me complaining, I'm certain the sun will shine. I don't care how the weather vane points, when the weather vane points to gloomy, it's gotta be sunny to me, when your eyes look into mine."
But as the chorus came, Steve found Bucky's face suddenly inexplicably closer to his, as he sang out almost in a quiet questions "Jeepers creepers…where'd you get those peepers? Oh those weepers, where'd you get those eyes? Gosh all, git up…how'd they get so lit up? Gosh all git up, how'd they get that size? How they hypnotise." Steve couldn't breathe for a moment, and he wondered if this is what Bucky did, if he made him the breathless boy he used to be before the serum, and he just stopped dancing. Bucky stopped dancing too, of course, with a worried look in his eyes. That wouldn't do.
"You remember? The film, the song, the dancing?" Steve asked breathlessly.
Bucky's smile broke out broad across his face as he mumbled "Honestly Steve, it's one of the things I think I never forgot. How could I forget those eyes?" he asked sheepishly, reaching out to take Steve's hand, maybe to start dancing again (there was still half a song left) but he found his wrist being gripped by Steve instead. "Dance later." Steve all but growled and yanked Bucky towards him, and suddenly there were lips crashing on his and the whole world except for Steve disappeared, with Steve's lips on his, Steve's fingers in his hair, Steve's hand on his hip, Steve's heat pressed against his front, just Steve, Steve, Steve.
When they both finally separated for air, there was a loud applause all around them, and they looked around to see the whole crowd going crazy, a few snapping pictures with their phones. Clint was on a bar stool clapping so hard it looked like he would fall off, Coulson was grinning and watching the scene while making sure Clint wouldn't fall off, Natasha raised a glass in congratulations, Thor was shouting blessings that sounded a lot randier than was expected of an alien prince, and Bruce and Sam were looking a little moved by the whole thing (Sam's eyes appeared waterier than usual, and Bruce's bottom lip was wobbling).
Steve and Bucky weren't really sure how to escape the spotlight at this point, just nodding their thanks at people's congratulations, when Tony's loud voice came over the PA system.
"Alright, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I let you guys have your moment at the expense of my speech time. It was a lovely speech too. I'm glad you're both finally together. Lord knows old-people love is sweet, but old-people pining is just annoying. That being said, let's get back to the real party here. Music!"
A song that sounded very poppy, and surprisingly juvenile, pounded from the speakers and Tony yanked the birthday girl onto the stage to dance just as the lead singer shouted "Shut up and dance with me!" Soon everyone was dancing, and Steve and Bucky had retreated to the bar. Sam clapped a hand on Bucky's back when he arrived in congratulations, complimenting him on his fast action.
Clint suddenly came bursting into the bubble from the bar stool, leaning against Coulson happily. "So that was the song you kept singing!" he laughed, making Steve raise an eyebrow curiosity. Coulson just rolled his eyes at Clint's antics and mentioned tucking him in for the night, but Clint wasn't done yet.
"He'd just stare at you sometimes, Cap, like you were some work of art straight off the canvas that came to life just for him or something, like the sun was shining out of your ass or something! No Natasha, he's gotta hear this, I won't shut up! Where was I? Yeah, then he'd start singing or humming and stuff and you never seemed to notice so I'm telling you now, because that's hella sweet. He's a keeper. You hear me, Barnes? You're a keeper. I like you. A lot. But not like that, because you have Steve, and I have Coul…son…is it too late to shut up?"
Coulson snorted at the suddenly very nauseous look on Clint's pale face. "C'mon, bedtime." He muttered, leading Clint away with a kiss on the temple to placate him. It did wonders, with Clint now basically dangling off of Coulson's shoulders in relief and joy. The whole group just chuckled while Bucky pulled Steve a little closer. "Why didn't you tell me earlier that you remembered all that?" Steve asked conversationally, though the curiosity in his tone was obvious.
"I needed some time to understand it…and I was just waiting for the right moment, I guess."
For a moment, they both just got lost in each other's eyes, and they wondered if they'd finally found their happy ending.
Then Natasha said conversationally "So, we've been planning a field trip across the
AUTHOR'S NOTES
SO, if you hadn't figured it out already, the song is Jeepers Creepers by Louis Armstrong and it came out for the first time in the movie Going Places in 1938. I just like the timing of the movie, and honestly, can't you just imagine Bucky getting lost in Steve's eyes and just being like "Damn, where'd you get those eyes?" and comparing them to the sun and talking about them being hypnotizing and so on.
Either way. Got two links below, one is to the scene from the movie where the song first came out (its faster than any other recorded songs, so that's cool). And another link which is to two people swinging to Jeepers Creepers, just in case you couldn't really get the full imagery through my narrative (choppy, so choppy, I'm sorry). The fic wasn't based on the swing video, though, cuz i found that later. Like yesterday. I found it yesterday.
Link to the scene in the movie 'Going Places: watch?v=dQXyiH5ddnQ
Link to what swinging to Jeepers Creepers probably would look like: watch?v=1aRsQUENCQc
...what else can I say? Hoped you all liked it.