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40 : BECAUSE OF YOU
"How did you let this happen?" Pepper asked.
"We didn't use protection…" Nat whispered brokenly
"Let's take her to the clinic." Tony spoke up "Let the doctor check so we can be sure."
They helped Natasha get up and took her straight to a clinic the Stark family had been longtime patrons of to ensure Natasha's privacy.
Tony and Pepper stayed with Natasha throughout the exam knowing that although she was putting on a strong facade she was close to breaking down.
The three huddled together in the observation room while the doctor asked Natasha some questions. Natasha spoke frankly, and replied truthfully. She told the physician her period was a week late and showed her the positive pregnancy test before they began the diagnosis.
"May I ask if you know who the father is? The doctor asked kindly. "I assume you will be advising him of your condition?"
"Yes, I know who the father is, but by his own choice he is no longer a part of my life." Natasha responded dryly
Tony looked over at Natasha's strained face, and could see the emptiness in her eyes. He shook his head sadly. He truly felt sorry for Natasha but he couldn't find it in himself to judge Steve. He understood Steve's behavior better than anyone did, he knew that if he himself was placed into the same position he wouldn't have acted much better.
Tony related to Steve, Steve was a guy who had spent most of his life dealing with abandonment issues, father issues, and commitment issues. Steve would never be the type of guy who would let another person into his life easily. Tony understood that because he too was afraid of getting hurt, and dealing with the pain of someone abandoning him.
The doctor asked two more questions before leaving the room to get the results.
"Why would you have unprotected sex, Natasha?!" Pepper asked incredulously as soon as the doctor left.
"I don't know! We weren't ….I wasn't thinking, Pepper! I thought he …I thought he….Dammit Pepper… I thought he felt the same way I did! I got lost in the moment. You don't think I realize how stupid I was! I made a mistake!" Natasha cried hysterically
"Are you planning on telling him?" Pepper asked quietly
"No! Why would I tell him? If he didn't want me, what makes you think he would want a child?!" Natasha responded harshly
"But he will find out, Nat. It's not something you can hide forever." Pepper said reasonably
Natasha looked away, stared hard at the wall before quietly saying, "I'm planning on joining my family in France."
Pepper gasped at a loss for words. "Nat…." But Tony cut her off "I think we should wait for the results before you plan your escape route, Nat." Tony said.
The doctor returned with the results. Natasha held her breathe, waiting for the result.
"Natasha, you are not pregnant." The doctor informed her, and they all sighed in relief.
"How is that possible? The test was positive." Natasha asked.
"Home pregnancy tests are not 100% accurate, Natasha." The doctor advised "In your case it read inaccurately and gave you a false positive."
The doctor released her and Tony took the girls back to campus.
"Not a word about this to anyone" Natasha told both of them before heading into her room to think.
Even though Natasha wasn't pregnant she continued to spiral into depression. She had taken Steve's betrayal so hard everyone began to notice that her luster was quickly fading. She appeared to be only the shell of the Natasha they had known, and the consensus was that she couldn't continue on like this.
On Natasha's part, she was really trying hard to cope with the heartbreak, but the stress of it was wearing on her. She was back to smoking regularly again, to her friends disappointment.
"What? I'm not pregnant! I'm allowed to celebrate it, aren't I?" She told Tony once he found her on the roof top.
Every morning Natasha sat on the roof top, trying to gather what was left of herself and move on with her life, but she couldn't seem to find her footing after Steve had shattered her into a million pieces.
She felt so pathetic. Everyone had tried to warn her but she had waved them off. She had been so blinded by her infatuation that she had failed to see the Steve Roger's her friends had tried to point out to her.
She knew her friends were trying to get her back on her feet, but if she was honest, she didn't have the energy to do anything. She wanted to run away and never see him again. They were trying to console her but it just wasn't working. No matter what they did to help her she still felt terrible.
Even if it hurt to think of him, she still thought of him often. She told herself every time that the person she thought about was an illusion, a lie. The person she had known was not the real Steve Rogers. The real Steve Rogers was so disgusting she didn't want to think about him.
Sometimes she thought to herself that if she hadn't had find out the truth she would have been a lot happier. She could have just let Steve lie to her, but on a second thought, it was better that she found out now before she loved him more than this.
She took a deep breath and decided that she needed to see him one last time. Even though she knew there was no point in seeing him again, and that potentially it would do her more harm than good. She just needed to do this. She went to the stadium. There were people lounging around watching the football team practice. She stood at the bleachers, trying to locate the man she was looking for.
And there he was, back to his usual self, flirting with Sharon Carter who had her arms woven around his neck and kissing him on the lips. Natasha took a shaky breathe, and stared hard at the couple. Before exhaling and deciding she couldn't do this to herself, she wouldn't just stand there and watched him with another woman.
He had already moved on. It was time she did too. Without a looking back Natasha turned and left the stadium.
Steve turned away at the last minute and Sharon's lips were pecking on his cheek. He would not let anyone kiss his lips unless that person was his Natasha. Sharon pouted but was undeterred by Steve's reaction and held onto him.
"Come on, Steve" She said and flashed him a seductive smile. "Let's go back to the way things were"
"No, Sharon. I can't do that. I won't do that." Steve answered unmoved by Sharon's attempt at seduction.
"Aww, come on." Sharon purred "We can have so much fun together, and it's not like you're with Romanoff anymore."
"I don't want to, Sharon" Steve said trying to pull away from Sharon's grip
"Don't deny what we had together, Steve. We were good. So good." Sharon said and ground her hips against Steve.
"I can't, Sharon." Steve insisted "I love Natasha. I am in love with her and I want her back."
"It's too late for you to do anything, Steve" Sharon said angrily
"You may be right but I'm going to try."
Steve gently shoved Sharon away from him before heading to the locker room.
He didn't know why he'd declined her offer like that. Sharon was a sure thing with no strings attached. In the past he would have used any girl to take pleasure with, but he was finding that the only thing he knew for sure was that he only wanted to be with Natasha.
Until her. Until his Natasha.
Even if she had made it clear that she didn't want to see him again, he couldn't accept that it was over. She had ruined him. He was as good as dead without her. He didn't want anyone but her. Only Natasha would do.
What would Peggy say if she knew that he had fucked this one up too? Maybe he should go and ask Peggy what he should do. He was at a loss as to how to approach Natasha. Maybe Peggy would have some advice as to how to get his love back.
Steve drove his car to the coffee shop that Peggy currently working at for her thesis.
"Dark mocha Frappuccino" He ordered. "And can you get Peggy for me, please?"
"Of course, sir" The barista said
Steve got his coffee and sat down next to the window. A moment later, Peggy sat down in front of him.
"Hey" She greeted "What are you doing here?"
"I need to talk to you." He replied "I need some advice."
"About what?" Peggy asked folding her hands in front of her, and giving Steve her full attention.
Steve was reluctant to tell Peggy the whole story so he kept quiet for a moment. Peggy knowing Steve as well as she did took the initiated at his silence.
"It's about Natasha, isn't it?"
Steve nodded, "I lost her too, Peg."
"What happened, Steve? You guys were clearly in love with each other."
"I slept with her and then I left. I'm not sure why. I was afraid, I guess. Now, she won't even listen to a word I say." He told her "You always know what I should do. Can you help me with this?"
"Don't give up, Steve" Peggy said and held his hand. "Just go and try to talk to her even if she shoots you down. You love her. That's the only thing that matters."
"I'm trying, Peggy. But she won't even listen to me"
"If you want her back, you have to fight for her. Don't just let her go like this."
Steve stared at Peggy's face inquisitively "Peg, should I have fought for you?"
Peggy sighed "When we were together you were far too lost in your own power, Steve. I broke up with you to see whether you would choose me or power. But we were too young, too stupid. I don't blame you for that. Now you have obviously found someone you really love and she's the one you were meant to fight for. She knows the real you, Steve. Not the guy that you pretend to be. That's why you're working so hard to get her back. She is your home, Steve. Don't let her get away."
"You always know me better than I know myself."
"No, Steve, I'm just telling you the truth. You were just too scared of getting hurt to see what was right in front of you." She replied "Now, stop procrastinating and go get her back."
"Thank you, Peggy."
Steve was walking along the hall way to his room when he saw a familiar figure walking his way. It was Natasha. This was his chance to talk to her.
Nat heard footsteps and looked up to find Steve Rogers walking towards her. She began to walk away from him but Steve wouldn't let her get away so easily.
"Wait! Nat, just listen to me" He shouted and ran after her.
He caught up to her and grabbed her arm. Nat whirled around from the force he used to pull her to him. She struggled wildly to get out of his embrace.
"Let go off me!" She yelled, but Steve only locked her tighter in his arms and ground her against the wall with his body.
Nat felt weak in his embrace again. He always had this way of making her knees grow weak.
"Fuck off, Rogers. Let me go right now." She said urgently, twisting and turning to break his hold.
"Nat, please let me explain." Steve tightened his grip
But she wouldn't listen so Steve did the only thing he could think of to get her attention he crushed his lips with hers. He needed to make her listen but Natasha remained still refusing to kiss him back.
"Natasha, please. You have to believe me" He said in between kisses "I really do have feelings for you."
Before she could say anything in response, Steve kissed her again. He needed her. He needed to touch her, to feel her in his arms.
"Please believe me. Please forgive me" He whispered against her mouth before taking her lips between his again and again until he felt Nat surrender.
Nat stopped struggling and leaned into his body allowing herself to enjoy his touch. Before she knew it she was kissing him back passionately. She heard Steve moan against her lips. The memories of their night together haunted her mind so she shut her eyes tightly to stop the images.
Steve pressed her hard against the wall and hungrily plundered her mouth until he felt a salty taste in his mouth and heard a quiet sob. She was crying. He quickly pulled away and saw tears running down her face.
"Stay the hell away from me!" Was all she said before she pushed forcefully pushed him from her and ran away.
"Nat…" Steve whispered
But she didn't hear him as she ran as fast as she could to her room. After all the bad things he had done to her the fact that he still had the power to seduce her had running scared. The way her body had responded to his touch was terrifying, and evidence as to how much she had missed him.
"You are crying again" Pepper noticed when her roommate stepped into the living area.
"Girl! You have a date with Loki tonight." Darcy reminded. "Why are you crying before your date? Your face is going to get all puffy!"
Clint suspected something was up. He knew there wasn't many things that could make Natasha cry.
"Did Steve harass you again?" Clint got up from his seat.
Natasha didn't reply so they all knew that Steve came after her again.
"I will kill him!" Clint bellowed and rushed out the door.
Clint returned without a scratch. Apparently, Steve hadn't defended himself and let the loner punch him. Clint and Tony were watching the NFL while the girls were helping Natasha dress for her date.
"What do you think of this Loki guy?" Clint asked. "I haven't met him yet."
"I heard that he's Thor's little brother. A strange kid but I think he will treat our girl better than Steve did."
"Hope so because I don't want to punch anyone else tonight."
A cough sounded from Nat's room. The girls stepped out of the room to reveal Natasha in her beautiful black dress.
"You look beautiful, Nat." Clint complimented "I bet you will turn every head in the restaurant."
"Your eyes are swollen." Tony noted which earned him an elbow from Clint.
"Don't listen to him." Clint added quickly
Tony dropped her off at the restaurant. He wished her good luck and told her he would pick her up if she needed him to. She stepped into the fancy restaurant to find her date. Darcy, Pepper and Hill had set her up with Thor's younger brother.
The host led her to the table where a good looking, black haired guy with a pair of sharp green eyes was sitting. He immediately stood up.
"Miss Romanoff." The guy said and kissed her hand. "I'm Loki."
"Nice to meet you, Loki."
Loki pulled the chair out for her to sit. Nat knew he was observing her. With the awkward small talk finished they now were out of conversation so they sat in silence before Loki broke the tension.
"You don't want to be here." He said
"No, it's not that. I just…"
"I know why we are here, Natasha. Everyone knows about what happened between you and Mr. Rogers. But I have to say, he does not deserve you after what he did to you."
"It's a little more complicated than that, Loki." She replied.
Loki reached his hand and laid his hand over hers in support but Nat immediately pulled away. Loki couldn't help but notice the terror in her eyes before she got up.
"I'm sorry. I have to go. I am not ready for this. I don't want to get hurt again. I'm sorry." Natasha said before running away.
Everyone was furious that Nat left Loki but they could understand her. She didn't want to risk getting hurt again, and it was too soon for her to get back on the dating scene.
Natasha hadn't heard anything about Steve for two days now. It was like he had disappeared from campus.
Today was the second playoff game and it was a home game. The only thing anyone could worry about was whether Scott Summers could take them to victory without Steve Rogers who was benched after his bad performance.
Steve sat on the sidelines in case anything happened and he needed to be in the field. He was't interested in the game and just stared aimlessly.
Natasha was there too but she hadn't worn his jersey. Pepper had helped her get rid of everything Steve had given her. Even though her roommate had insisted that she should take off the snowflake charm, Natasha kept wearing it.
Marvel was 2 touchdowns behind and Fury sent Steve into the game. The Captain was able to score one touchdown for his team but he was low on time.
"Steve Rogers has to prove himself to be the best quarterback in east coast. It will be really hard for Marvel to get two touchdowns and win this game." The announcer said
Steve to a knee as he strategized the game plan for his team. He sized up the play, and had his players advance down the 40 yard line until they finally reached the 20. Steve knew Sam and Rumlow would be waiting for him at the end zone. He also knew he had the option of having Pietro Maximoff the running back in position. Steve smiled to himself. He knew the play, and he felt confidence ooze from his pours.
The ball flew steadily from his hand straight into Pietro's waiting grip who quickly ran into the end zone before the defense knew what had happen with the ball.
A loud cheer erupted from the crowd, but Steve didn't even flash a smile to celebrate his pass play. He simply walked back to the bench and sat down. Coach Fury told the defensive line to hold them back and intercept any throw they could. Marvel needed another possession to win the game.
The camera man panned to show Natasha on the jumbotron but the Captain showed no visible reaction to seeing her. Nat was simply sitting primly and showing no signs that she had noticed Steve's play. Steve was aware of only one thing that Natasha wasn't wearing his jersey.
His angel wasn't on his side anymore.
Steve was back on the field after Simon intercepted the ball. Coach ordered a throw play and Steve advanced his players to the 20 yards line with 10 seconds on the clock. He used their last time out to give them more time for formation. The audience got to their feet, and held their collective breathe.
"49, 63, 54….hut" Steve yelled as time seemed to stand still.
Steve took the ball to shoulder height, scanning the field, before sending the ball in a bee line straight into the waiting hands of Sam who was perfectly positioned for an interception.
And just as quickly it was as if time sped up, Steve Rogers had taken his team to victory once again. The crowds chanted his name, but when the celebrating died down their Captain was nowhere to be found.
Tony and Clint dragged Nat to the bar to celebrate their team's victory. Everyone was in great spirits except for one certain red head. Nat watched as the patrons celebrated Marvel's win, but, could not find it in her to join the celebration. She got up only to go to the bar to talk with Skye and Ward.
"I guess I have to sit here with you guys." Nat said. "Those guys never shut up about football."
"It's okay" Skye replied
Tony had gone back to his room with a girl while Clint and Jessica were heading out earlier than anticipated, which left her, Jane, Darcy and Pepper.
But trouble reached Natasha when Brock Rumlow decided to sit next to her. Jane saw Rumlow heading toward Natasha, and remembered Steve's warning.
Steve had left the stadium before anyone could see him. He wasn't in the mood to celebrate his victory. Thor, being the good friend he was, followed Steve back to the dorm to find the Captain was downing his fifth bottle of beer.
"Hey, buddy." Steve said
"We were looking for you." Thor told "Your fans wanted to celebrate this victory with you at the bar."
"Not interested. I am way better off here with the love of my life." The captain replied and gulped down his beer.
Steve was obviously drunk and just as Thor suspected, he found a bottle of vodka that was half way gone between the cushion.
"Friend, you need to stop drinking"
"I'm celebrating my victory! Come join me, Thor."
Thor sat down next to Steve and took a shot of vodka.
"What's troubling you?"
"Did you see Nat in the stands? Did you notice she wasn't wearing my jersey." Steve replied "It's hurt, you know? To know that the only thing that gives you strength isn't on your side anymore. But I guess I had that coming, huh. Not like I didn't hurt her."
"You should let her go." Thor said frankly "This feeling you have is going to kill you."
"I wish I could but I can't, Thor. I've tried but she's the only thing that I want—I need…"
"You should let Jane and I tell her the truth"
"You know what yeah, go ahead…. if she'll listen to you…"
Before Thor could say anything, Steve's phone rang.
"What is it, Jane?"
"Steve you need to get to the bar right now. Rumlow is all over Nat—"
Steve hung up before Jane could finish. Thor raised his eyebrow in question.
"We have to get to the bar….NOW" Steve said and hurried out.
Thor drove the car for them as Steve was too drunk. The moment the car stopped, Steve ran into bar and saw Rumlow was talking to Nat and put his hand on her legs. Rumlow leaned closer to whisper something in her ear. And Steve saw red. He rushed in and jerked Rumlow away from Nat.
"What the hell, Steve?"
"Get your hands off her!"
"Let her decide, dude." Brock replied "You said yourself she was just another whore that you bagged and tagged"
"NO, SHE'S NOT!" Steve growled
Steve tackled his friend to the ground but before they could fight, Ward and Thor intervened.
"Get the fuck out of my bar if you want to beat the crap out of each other." Ward said as he and Thor dragged both of men outside.
Jane, Nat and Darcy followed behind. Steve's football friends were there too. They separated into two sides, the ones who supported Rumlow and the ones that supported Steve and Thor.
"Are you going do this, man?" Brock asked "You made a deal with us, Rogers. You are the one who fucked her and left, Steve. Now she's fair game."
"And I told you not to touch her." Steve growled
"Yeah, and what are you going do about it? Huh. Come on whatcha gonna do? You gonna fight us over some little fucking whore…"
Before Brock could finish his sentence, Steve punched him really hard in the face sending him to the ground from the force. As Brock was about to get up, Steve sprang at him, tackling him to the ground. Simon, Jack and Frank were about to help Brock but Thor, Luke, Danny and Sam stepped in.
"Let them fight on their own" Thor said "Or you three will have to deal with the four of us."
"You do know the consequence of this, right, all of you? You have declared yourself a war with us."
Thor laughed heartily "And how exactly do you expect to win? As I recall all your prior victories have been because Steve and I have been on your side."
Thor could see that they knew that fact too. They lost the two most popular people from their group so they stepped back and let Steve and Rumlow deal with their own business. The quarterback was bigger and stronger and had rage fueled strength on his side, Brock didn't stand a chance.
Steve let go of his former friend when he saw that Brock was covered in blood. He had made his point clear to everyone.
"If any of you try that again you'll look like this."
Simon and Jack quickly took Brock to the hospital. Steve turned to Natasha who was standing between Jane and Pepper. He walked to her but Darcy pushed him away from Nat.
"Don't you dare come near her" Darcy warned with a taser in her hand.
"Are you alright, Natasha?" Steve asked. "Did Rumlow hurt you? Did he take advantage of you?"
"This is what you wanted, isn't it? You had your turn so it was time to pass me around to your friend?! Isn't that what you agreed to?"
"Nat..."
"I will never ever forgive you, Steve. I protected you when everyone was against you. I convinced everyone that you had changed. You hurt me and you betrayed my trust so tell me Steve why should I believe you again?"
"Because I will continue to prove it to you until you believe me again."
"Sorry Rogers I am not making that mistake ever again."
Overall, it was a very rough night for everyone. Now that Steve had declared war on Rumlow, he put his balance of power at risk.
Natasha was crying herself to sleep once again. Pepper had to check on her all night to make sure that Nat was all right. After a sleepless night that morning Clint found Natasha on the rooftop again but this time some unknown fear caused him to run to the edge and pull Natasha away from it.
"Are you crazy?" He asked "Were you going to jump?!"
"Don't be stupid! I'm not that crazy, Barton!" Natasha said irritably
"This is the fourth time I've seen you leaning over the edge of the rooftop"
"I was just sitting here, Clint. You are over reacting!"
"Well don't ever do it again."
"I maybe emotionally unstable but I'm not going to end my life over a guy, Clint"
"Glad to hear that because Rogers isn't worth it."
Clint led Natasha back into her dorm. They sat on the couch and Clint handed her the breakfast he'd brought for her.
"I know everyone has been telling me to get over Steve that he isn't good enough for me or that he didn't really love me…."
"Because he didn't love you, Nat. He wanted you for sex." Clint interrupted
"What about last night? What about… he was trying…Clint…he was begging me to take him back?"
"I don't trust him, Nat. It could be some sick game….. but we don't know that for sure." Clint replied honestly "It's really up to you, Nat. I'll admit he has been trying really hard to get you back and to protect you. It is up to you to decide that whether you believe him again or not."
"I don't know what to do Clint! What if I make the same mistake again?"
"What did your heart tell you?" Clint asked sincerely
Nat sat back and thought about what her heart told her
AN:
- Special thanks to my dearest friends, sleeplessinbudapest & internetangie!
- Thank you to my proofreaders, chrwrigh.
- Please kindly leave a review. Your review is the best encouragement for me to keep writing this :)