41 : ALL OUT OF LOVE

"Steve, wake up!" A female voice sounded followed by a painful groan from the bed.

"Shhhhh…..my head hurt" Steve said pitifully into the pillow

"Get up right now, Steven Rogers! Thor is cooking breakfast, and you need to eat something."

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh…I'm dying!" Steve moaned into the pillow turning away from the female voice booming above him

"Steve stop being such a baby! You're not dying you are just hung over. You'll feel better if you eat something."

A child like "nope" was followed by a flurry of covers cocooning the captain into his bed, and at that Jane gave up and walked out the door. She kept the door open so Steve could smell the delicious meal. The Captain slowly got up from his bed and joined his friends in the living room.

Thor let Steve have his breakfast first. The three enjoyed a quiet morning together recuperating from the previous night. After a cold shower, Steve's begun to think about the night before, and decided he needed to clear things up. He walked into the living room, and told his friends something they didn't expect to hear this early in the day.

"I'm going to go talk to Natasha" Steve said calmly

"You can't be serious, Steve! You just fought with Rumlow a couple of hours ago!" Jane nearly shouted in surprise

"Do you really want to go over there, and get yourself assaulted by Clint, too?" Thor added with a shake of his head

"I'm not giving up on her. I'll take all the physical abuse I have to until she is mine again." Steve responded with determination

"Steve, listen to me, I wish it wasn't true but you have to let her go. It's time for you to move on. She has made it pretty damn clear that she doesn't want to see you." Jane said in a desperate attempt to save her friend from more pain.

"Guys I don't know how to explain it. I'm not being conceited or crazy when I said this, but I'm pretty sure that she wants me back as much as I want to be with her. I just ….I feel it." Steve says while rubbing his hand over his heart.

"Friend, do not continue to tread so optimistically over this matter. Lady Natasha has repetitively stated that she despises you. I wish it were not so for you sake but Jane's recommendation is sound, you must let Lady Natasha go." Thor said gently while he looked at this friend sadly.

"I'm telling you guys that is what she wants everyone to think, what she wants me to think….but it's not how she truly feels. I know her…..I know her heart. She is trying to protect herself by pushing me away and convincing everyone around her that she hates me." Steve became quiet for a moment before adding. "She's trying to convince herself of it too but I know she loves me. I know it!" Steve said frantically

"But Steve…" Jane began

"No, I don't want to hear it, Jane!" Steve interrupted

"Friend Steve, you are speaking unreasonably. You must face facts." Thor tried to reason

"For me to truly believe she hates me I would have to hear her talk to about me when she didn't know I was around."

"So your saying is that if you heard her disparage you without knowing you were around you would finally believe it was over." Jane asked incredulously

"Yes. That's the only way I would believe her." Steve trailed off as he stared at the faces of his unconvinced friends. "Actually let's find out, shall we?" Steve got up "I am going to go to her room right now!"

Thor was about to pull Steve back but Jane stopped him. Steve needed to do this once and for all, for his own good. She knew there was only two ways this could end.

Steve gathered all his courage and walked to Natasha's room. He stopped in front of her door, and listened through the wood to the voices behind the door. He heard Nat's voice, Maria's and Pepper's.

"Pepper told me he beat the crap out of Rumlow last night." Maria said.

"Yeah" That's all Nat said.

"I have to say he is still pretty territorial toward you, Natasha." Maria added

"He just doesn't want anyone to spoil his prize." Pepper responded irritable, angered that Maria was even remotely defending Steve.

"But he has never acted that way toward anyone else before. If she truly was just meaningless sex to him why would he fight his own friends over her? That doesn't make any sense!" Maria said avoiding Pepper's icy glare

"He just wants to make sure he is the only one to conquer her. He is being a total caveman! He doesn't want her to be a notch on anyone else's bed post. It has nothing to do with Natasha herself. He's just a total chauvinist!" Pepper said shrilly

"I am not saying Steve is not a complete jerk off!" Maria said suddenly "All I'm saying is that he is acting out of character. He is usually the bag 'em and tag 'em type. Not the bag 'em, and defend their honor type." Maria finished holding her hands up in surrender as Pepper glared at her.

"Could you two please stop talking about him like that?" Nat spoke up finally looking at her friends pleadingly.

"Natasha Romanoff, you had better NOT be going soft and thinking about letting him back into your life!" Pepper yelled "You don't need to be protecting him! Keep in mind that he is the jerk that walked out on you, and broke your heart."

"Oh don't worry about that…. I hate him, Pep. I just don't like speaking negatively about anyone." Natasha added lamely not even believing herself.

Pepper stared hard at the red head. "Are you sure, Natasha?" Because it sounds to me that you are defending him, and that leads me to believe you may still harbor feelings for that asshole!" Pepper said angrily

"Yes, I'm one hundred percent sure I'm over him. Honestly, I made a mistake falling for him to begin with. You can trust that I won't make that mistake twice." Natasha said convincingly while inside her heart suddenly squeezed.

"You made the right decision, Tasha." Maria said kindly although she still harbored some doubts "It's healthier for you to have that bastard out of your life."

"I need a fresh start…. a new beginning without the name Steve Rogers being a part of it. I am done thinking about, and speaking about him. He is dead to me. " Natasha said firmly, her voicing echoing like the slam of a judge's gavel at a sentencing hearing.

Steve wasn't entirely shocked by what he heard but it somehow it still crushed his hopes of getting Natasha back. He felt his heart shatter into a thousand pieces. She had made her decision sound so final, her voice detached, and emotionless. Steve tried to breathe through the pain in his chest, and accept that there was nothing he can do to change her mind.

He began to turn away but stopped when he felt something slither across his chest with the movement. His snowflake pendant he thought. Its light chain felt like a noose around his neck, the pendant burning into his flesh, until it felt like a weight he couldn't bear to carrying any longer.

In a panic Steve nearly ripped the chain off realizing it was the first time he had removed it from his body since he had put it on. It had always seemed like a beacon of hope, a symbol of the uniqueness of his and Nat's relationship. It had always brought to mind a freshly fallen snow, each snowflake different and new, like his relationship with Natasha. His feelings for her had been different from anything he had ever experienced, pure like the snow, making him a new man…a better man. But now it was nothing more than an object, a fake snowflake, representing nothing more than his failure.

He looked at it one last time before dropping it in front of her door. He had tried his best, and had failed to get her back. There was nothing more he could possibly do when she already made the decision to ice him out of her life. He laughed bitterly as he thought how ironic it all was; his snow princess was now his ice queen, freezing him out of her life forever.

If that wasn't a sign from high above then he didn't know what was. She no longer belonged to him. He had irrevocably screwed things up and it was time to let her go.

Natasha knew that although she had given her friends the responses they had wanted to hear she was lying. She wasn't over Steve, she would never be over Steve, and she couldn't lie to herself anymore.

When she uttered the words "he is dead to me", she felt like her heart was screaming the opposite thing. She knew she wanted him back more than anything but part of her still afraid of another heart break.

Steve was trying so hard and she knew that. She couldn't ignore everything he had done to get her back.

She had seen his eyes fill with immense pain when she had yelled all those things to him.

He shared her feelings. She knew he did. But the bet still stood as a chasm between them. Their relationship had started off because of that bet. He had lied and manipulated her to win a bet. Her mind just couldn't seem to get past that.

Her heart on the other hand keep reminding her that the things he did for her while they were together were too sincere to have been faked. She had felt it. She had felt how caring he was, the way he had done everything to make her happy. Why would someone fake all those things for someone just to win a bet?

She needed to talk to him.

"Hey! Are you going to go to the bar with us tonight?" Pepper asked.

Nat forgot that she had made a promise to the girl. Talking with Steve just had to wait then.

"Sure" Nat replied and got up from her bed.

Steve snuck out of his room because his friends Thor and Jane were falling asleep on the couch. He needed a drink. He needed to drown in as much alcohol as he could to make his heart stopping hurting.

"Grant! A pint of beer" Steve said as he sat down at the bar.

Grant handed him a pint of beer and Steve quickly poured a shot of whiskey in it. He needed to get drunk as fast as he could. At least it would help him forget all of this for a very short time. Skye looked at Steve worriedly as the Captain had already drowned three pints of beer and was now moving on to a shot of absinthe.

He was babbling unconsciously on and on about himself and Natasha. Ward and Skye could barely understood half of what he said.

The bar was almost empty. There were only a few people left. Steve never moved from his spot and was obviously drunk out of his mind right now. He heard a song in the background and he recognized the voice.

Notice me, take my hand

Why are we, strangers when

Our love is strong,

Why carry on without me?

"Whoa! I think I drank too much" Steve said and shook his head

"Yeah, you have" Skye muttered

"I'm pretty sure that is not Britney Spears' voice and the green fairy in my head sounds like Natasha"

"Because she's the one who singing, man" Grant said and turned Steve's head to the stage

There she was, Natasha Romanoff sitting on the stool with a microphone in her hand, singing with the saddest voice he ever heard. Her beautiful voice squeezed at his heart and Steve absently rubbed at the pain in his chest. He felt like her voice was piercing through his skin.

Every time I try to fly I fall without my wings

I feel so small I guess I need you baby

And every time I see, you in my dreams

I see your face, it's haunting me

I guess I need you baby

Why had she chosen this song? As if she was trying to communicate something with him. Did she even know he was here? Did she even mean what she was singing? Hadn't Barton told him that she only sang songs that reflected her emotions?

I make believe that you are here

It's the only way I see clear

What have I done You seem to move on easy

Steve got up from his seat and left. He couldn't take it anymore. If he stayed until the end of the song, he would not be able to control himself, he would run up to the stage, kiss her, throw her over his shoulder and take her away to someplace they could talk.

I may have made it rain Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry

Grant had to drive Steve back to his dorm. Thor and Jane took on the responsibility of putting a drunk Steve to bed. He continued to mumble drunkenly while they undressed him, they could only catch words like 'Natasha', 'Love', and 'Hate' but it gave them some ideas as to why Steve was so drunk.

At night I pray

That soon your face will fade away

And every time I try to fly

I fall without my wings

I feel so small

I guess I need you baby

And every time I see you in my dreams

I see your face, you're haunting me

I guess I need you baby.

The girls had to take Nat back to her room when she began to cry. All of them could see that it was really hard for both Steve and Nat to keep doing this to each other. Both of them cried themselves to sleep that night in separate rooms.

Nat cried, knowing she belonged to Steve, and would never be able to stop herself from loving him. While Steve cried because he was completely in love with Natasha and she didn't want him in her life anymore.

Steve woke up at an ungodly hour, with a terrible headache and found that someone, likely to be Jane, put a glass of water and Advil on his bed side table.

He began to pack up his stuff. He had decided to move out of dorms and wouldn't tell anyone; not even Thor. He would disappear for a while until he had recovered from his heart break. Because he knew that the next time he saw Natasha he wouldn't have the courage to let her go.

"Josh, could you pick me up at the university and have someone take my car back to my parents apartment?" He asked his mother's driver.

"Of course, Mr. Rogers. Right away."

Josh helped Steve load all his belongings into the limo. He had only left some of Natasha clothes and personal belongings in a box in his now empty room.

"Where to Mr. Rogers?" Josh asked

"Take me to my parent's penthouse." Steve said closing his eyes, and leaning his head back against the head rest.

Steve tried not to look back but he couldn't. This place was his home and to leave it was very hard but it was something he had to do.

When he arrived at the penthouse, Steve found his mother in the kitchen, sipping her coffee, and reading a newspaper.

"Hey, mom."

"Steve." She greeted and went to hug her son. "I got your message. What's wrong, baby? What happened?" Steve's mom asked worriedly.

"There's nothing wrong, mom. At least nothing to be worried about, I just needed some time away."

"No, Steve. You are running away. I'm your mother, and I know you. What are you running from Steve?"

"Trust me, if there was something, I would tell you right away." Steve lied.

Steve knew his mother was aware he was lying but he appreciated she respected that he wasn't ready to tell her yet. Steve turned to the doorman and the driver.

"Kevin, Josh, can put all my stuff in my room, please?"

Steve led them to his bedroom on the second floor before Josh and Kevin went downstairs to find their employer waiting for them.

"Did you notice something off about him?" Sarah asked

"I heard him talking in his sleep on the way here. He said something that sound like 'Natasha' and 'I'm sorry'." Josh told her.

"I will deal with the matter and thank you for your help."

The two men left the penthouse and left Sarah to deal with her son. She knew Steve and Natasha must have some problem in their relationship. Good thing for her, she had a whole week to spend with her son to set him straight. She liked Natasha and Steve together, and she would make sure the couple would be back together by the end of the week.

Steve cut off all communication with his friends. Thor and Jane called him twenty times with no response before they gave up.

Steve decided he would make it easy on everyone, and just take himself out of the situation. That way no one would have to choose sides. Thor and Jane wouldn't have to take care of him and they would be able to start spending time with the group again. Natasha would be able to move on with her life without him.

He had finally given up. He had finally had to admit, there was no way he could get Natasha back in his life.

AN:

- Special thanks to my dearest friends, sleeplessinbudapest & internetangie!

- Thank you to my proofreaders, chrwrigh.

- Please kindly leave a review.