I.

Michonne spun an old compact disc on the surface of the desk where she sat. The CD was labeled "Songs To Get Busy To." She figured it was one of Aiden's mixes. She didn't want to speak ill of the dead, but she shuddered to think what poor girl he was getting busy with. She sighed and hopped down from the desk. She walked over to the window to watch the mundaneness of the community. The turnout for the training was worse than before. The Alexandrians just didn't want to learn to defend themselves.

It was just as well. She wasn't in the mood to teach anyone. Flashes of memories inundated her head. The stitches were breaking and a waterfall of emotions was threatening to drown her. She thought she was finally healing. She was a part of a real family and she loved each one of them. They had a nice place to lay their heads at night. She had the kids...and Rick. She wasn't sure what she and Rick had, but she knew there was something. She resisted exploring what it was. Looking further into her feelings might ruin what they built. But it was different than what she had with the rest of the family. It was an inside affection that had a way of pushing everything else into the shadows as they stood together in the light. But the light was moving and the shadows were becoming more visible. She could see Mike and her sweet baby boy in those shadows. Her mom was there, and in the back, forgotten until today, there was Craig.

She couldn't shake the feeling that Craig shouldn't be there. He belonged in a time with a different Michonne. Did she have room in her heart for someone else? Even if it's someone who used to be so special to her? She started to feel like an awful friend again. He had as much right to be here as she did. He deserved a warm meal and a cool pillow every night too.

She moved away from the window to the middle of the room. She needed to do something to build a barrier to the flood of emotions and memories. She started moving slowly into her Tai Chi moves. She was rusty, but after a few minutes her body started to flow into each move effortlessly.

"Mother Christ! That's some good form you have going on." Michonne turned around at the sound of Abraham's voice. The large man walked through the door carrying a black duffel bag.

"What are you doing here, Abe?" She asked as she dropped out of the position she was in.

"Rosita said you were trying to do another training. I found a bunch of sweet knives in the armory the other day. Thought you could used to them." He looked around the empty room. "Either you are helluva quick teacher, or these crazy fucks still refuse to do a gotdamn thing to protect themselves."

"Definitely the latter." Michonne said.

"They better pray to God these Wolf assfucks don't come knocking at our gate." He placed the duffel bag on the desk. "We can all keep a couple knives. Least we be prepared. I know Rick has his machete and you have your sword. I'll leave a knife for Young Carl."

"Mmmm," Michonne said, "Sounds good." She walked back over to the window. The leaves in the pond mesmerized her. She zoned out until in her peripheral vision she saw Craig walking towards the Pantry with Morgan. She quickly moved to the side before she could be spotted by the pair.

Abraham walked over to the window and tried to see what had caused her to almost jump out of her skin. "What's going on with you?" He asked. He walked back over to the desk and sat down with his arms crossed over his chest.

Michonne sat next to him and sighed for what felt liked the 50th time that day. "You ever had the past go to war in your head?" She asked.

"Almost every gotdamn day since this shit storm started." He said

"What do you to keep it at bay? You seem to be doing okay since we got here."

"Food, hot water, and a bed help. But it's really Rosita." He said. Michonne didn't think she'd ever seen him smile so sweetly. "She won't let me feel sorry for myself anymore. God love her."

She smiled at that. "That's sweet. Who knew Sgt. Abraham could be such a softy."

"So far only you and Rosita, so it better not leave this room." He looked over a Michonne. "So is your past haunting you? Is that why you jumped away from that window like you seen a ghost?"

"Aren't ghosts everywhere these days?" She asked.

"Don't start with that philosophy mumbo jumbo with me. I'm just a career solider from Texas who used to love Jesus."

Michonne laughed. "Okay, no philosophy." She paused for a moment. "I just need to get out of my own head sometimes."

"Is that why you were doing your Tai Chi moves?"

Michonne was somewhat impressed he knew what she was doing. "What you know about Tai Chi, Abe? I thought you didn't like mumbo jumbo."

"One of the cadets I went through basic training with used to do it all the time. He said it kept him calm. Didn't help much from where I stood. He was still crazier than a mouse in a shit parade."

Michonne laughed. She was glad Abraham came by.

"You know what else stops the bad memories?" He asked

"What's that?"

"Drinking."

"Is that really the best idea?"

"Then tell me a better one" He said

"It doesn't matter whether it's a good or bad idea anyway. The well's a little dry at the moment. I barely had enough to spike the punch at Tara's party." She said.

Abraham put one of his meaty arms around Michonne. "You just have to know where to look, my friend. I have two 6-packs stashed in Father Dingbat's church. Why don't we go chase those demons away?"

The alternative was to stay here and be alone with her thoughts. Maybe a few drinks were the barrier she needed. She shrugged her shoulders. "Let's roll."

II.

Michonne laid in bed her hands covering her face. Her body felt warm and clammy. She wished she could get up a take a cold shower to get some relief, but her body wouldn't cooperate. Her alarm clock had been yelling at her for the last five minutes, and she didn't have the strength to roll over and hit the snooze button. Three beers. That's all she had. Her hangover shouldn't be this bad. Or maybe it was four. She'd lost count sitting there in Gabriel's church with Abe; listening to him tell stories. Now she was paying for it.

She heard her door open slightly followed by two soft knocks. "Michonne?" Rick said.

"Hmmmm?"

She heard his soft footsteps as he walked over to her bed and turned off the alarm clock. Her hands were gently removed from her face. Exhausted eyes opened slowing. The sunlight streaming in from the half-opened blinds felt like syringes pricking their way into her brain. Michonne just wanted to curl up into a dark corner until her body stopped betraying her. But she knew Rick wasn't going to leave until he knew she was okay so she opened her eyes fully.

Her breath caught in her throat. Rick was leaning over her shirtless; wearing only a pair of dark gray sweat pants. She couldn't stop her eyes from traveling over the light covering of salt and pepper hair on his chest down to his toned stomach. Dark eyes lifted up again to meet his concerned blue ones. Any other time she would have adverted her eyes away in embarrassment at being caught checking him out, but he held so much tenderness in his eyes, she couldn't look away.

"You still hung-over?" He asked.

She regained her composure and sat up a little. "I'm not sure what I am right now. I think I've become a lightweight. A few beers took me out." Rick didn't respond to her. He just placed on of his hands on her forehead like her mother used to do when checking for a fever. He went into the adjoining bathroom. She heard the faucet start to run, and cabinets opening and closing. He walked back into the bedroom with a small basin of water and a fresh towel. He placed the basin on the night stand and soaked the towel into the water. He brought the wet cloth to her face; gently wiping away the sweat.

"Mmmmm. This feels good." She said. Michonne relaxed equally enjoying the cool, wet cloth and his soothing touch. He moved down to her neck. Her shoulders. Finally, her chest; just above her breasts. She became acutely aware that she was wearing a very thin tank top. Much to her relief and chagrin he didn't try to go any further down.

"I'll be right back." He said. He returned a few minutes later with a bottle of Advil, a glass of water, and a plate of crackers. He pulled a chair close to her bed and sat down. "Here take these." He shook out two pills from the bottle and watched closely as she swallowed and then downed the tall glass of water. "Eat a couple of these crackers. You stomach is empty."

She gave him a small smile. "Thank you for holding my hair back as I threw up everything I'd ever eaten in life last night."

"You've saved my life about a hundred times over. It's the very least I could do." He smiled at her. "We didn't get a chance to talk last night. I came back up to check on you a couple of hours after I put you to bed. I was going to make you some food if you were able to get anything down, but you threw a pillow at me. Thought it was best to let you just sleep it off after that."

Michonne looked over at the door where the offending pillow still laid. "Sorry about that."

Rick laughed and wet the towel again and placed it over her eyes. "Don't worry about it." They both became silent. She could sense Rick was staring at her. She felt his rough, callused hands take hold of hers. He made tiny circles around each knuckle. "What's going on Michonne?"

"I'm not sure myself."

"Who is he?"

"Someone I used to love." Again silence.

"I thought he may have been special to you." He finally said.

Michonne removed the cloth and looked closely at Rick. He was staring down at her bedspread. "That seems to worry you."

Rick looked back at her and shook his head. "I'm not worried. It's just...I guess I'm just protective. I want to make sure he's not someone that's going to hurt you. Do you trust him?"

"I don't know. None of us are the same people we were before the world changed."

"But you want to, right?"

"I don't know what I want. I don't know what to feel about him right now." She sat up completely. "I hadn't seen him in awhile before everything happened. I was busy with life. My career. Mike and...," She paused and looked away from Rick's probing eyes. "Just everything."

"I imagine seeing him today was a big shock."

"Yeah. It's a lot to process."

"So you try to help that process by getting drunk with Abraham?" Rick let go of her hand and sat back in the chair while giving her an incredulous look.

Michonne took a cracker from the plate and started to chew slowly. Her empty stomach was starting to growl at her. "It seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Just so you know. Drinking with Abraham is never a good idea. The man can out drink a whale."

Michonne laughed then clutched her head. "Ugh. Yeah I'm feeling the pain of my bad decision making now."

Rick stood from the chair. "Scoot down." He told her.

"What?"

Rick smiled at her confused face. "I said scoot down." He motioned for Michonne to move down the bed. She followed his instructions. Once there was enough room between her body and the headboard, Rick climbed into the bed behind her. "Now lean back." He said.

He had one leg on the floor and the other on the bed. Michonne tentatively leaned back and sat between his legs, against his chest. He tenderly undid part of her hair that was still braided before bringing his hands to her temples. His fingers started to massage circular motions. It felt so good; she leaned further into his chest. His warm body smelled like soap with a hint of Judith's baby powder. "How does that feel?" He asked.

She could feel his voice rumble through his body. "Mmmm. Like heaven." She said.

"How long were you two together?"

"From middle school to my sophomore year in college."

"So this was a first love."

"Yeah. Supposedly first love is the sweetest."

"Lori was my first love."

Michonne turned slightly so she could look at him. "Really?"

"Really."

"You didn't love anyone before her?"

"I had girlfriends, but I was never in love until Lori. We met at nineteen and married by twenty. We had ten really happy years together. Then it all fell apart. I never quite understood why."

"People change a lot in ten years. That's what happened when with me and Craig. When you're in high school you think you have the world figured out."

"And then you get out in the real world and you realize you don't know shit." Rick finished for her

"Pretty much. I think Craig would have married me at nineteen if I'd agreed to it. I can't imagine how different my life would have been. How different how I would be."

"You still would have been an amazing person no matter what." He said as he moved his hands to her forehead.

"You're just saying that so I won't throw another pillow at you."

Rick laughed. "Yeah you almost took my head off."

"When did you realize things weren't working for you and Lori anymore?" She asked

"I'm not sure, but I do remember that last time I felt good in our marriage. It was Valentine's Day and Lori was going through an obsession with bird watching. I was usually awful at picking gifts, but I saw this ring in the jewelry store shaped like an owl. She loved it. She almost cried when she opened the box. She felt I really understood her..." Rick trailed off and leaned his head against the headboard. He moved his hands moved down from her head to her shoulders, working out the knots. "The house, the marriage, the kid, and the secure job were the dream. I had it, and was still unhappy. Only Carl brought me joy."

"Well, that's no surprise. He's the best." She said.

"Yes he is."

Rick's hand moved down to Michonne's arms, rubbing up and down from her shoulders to her forearms. Michonne couldn't remember the last time someone took care of her like this. She couldn't remember the last time she let someone take care of her like this. She rested her head in the crook of his neck. His hands made their way to her stomach continuing his circular motions there. The intimacy of the moment wasn't lost on Michonne. Any other time she would have stopped it. She didn't want to complicate their relationship. But all the events of the day before had brought up the part of her that she usually kept hidden and mute. That part of her that was savoring being this close to Rick. She turned her head to look up at him. He was staring at her, but she couldn't read what was in his eyes. She felt his heart race faster, matching the beat of her own.

"Rick..." She started not sure what she wanted to say.

He brought his thumb to her face and started tracing the outline of her lips. "Yeah?" His voice held a slight tremble.

"I..."

"Dad," They heard Carl call from downstairs, "Judith wants her breakfast."

Both let out a long exhale. Tension still hung thick in the air, but the spell was broken.

"I guess Dad duty calls." Rick slid out of the bed and walked to the door. He turned before leaving. "You coming down?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to take a quick shower."

He smiled at her. "Okay."

Michonne fell back on the bed and pulled a pillow over her face wondering if things were easier when she was wandering around all alone only having to worry about killing walkers.

A/N: Your feedback has been so lovely. I appreciated you all for reading and commenting. I hope you continue to enjoy.