42 : LOST & FOUND

"Where the fuck could Steve Rogers be hiding?!" Natasha yelled irritable to no one in particular.

Nat popped down onto the couch when they returned home from their Steve Rogers' hunt. Nat had tried calling him times in a row with no luck, and she was getting tired of hearing his voicemail message. While Natasha tried getting through to Steve telephonically once more, Jane was trying to get through the doorman of the Rogers' building. But Kevin was refusing to let them in since none of the Rogers was there.

Finally, the two girls had given up for the day and headed back to the dorm with pizza and beer.

"Natasha you may have to accept the fact that he doesn't want anyone to find him right now." Jane replied "I mean things really have been really bad between the two of you the last couple of weeks. He probably just needs some time to get his head straight."

"I know that Jane! Believe me I know." Natasha sighed heavily "I've said the most terrible things to him. Things I really regret now. But..." Natasha began only to be cut off by Jane.

"It's obvious that your last conversation sent him over the breaking point, Natasha. It's the only explanation for his disappearing act." Jane said without malice
'No that can't be it, Jane. As horrible as what I said to him was the last time we spoke it wasn't any different from the things I've said to him before.' Nat trailed off suddenly. "Holy shit! No it can't be possible!?' Natasha suddenly stood up, and began pacing. 'No! No! He must have somehow heard what I said to him."

Natasha was panicking, and muttering to herself while Jane watched in confusion.

"Heard what?" Jane asked "Nat…heard what?"

"When I was talking to Pepper…" Natasha stopped pacing and threw her hands up the air "Oh God….I shouldn't have said those things! Why did I say those things, Jane!? WHY?! I wasn't thinking….I promise Jane I wasn't….Oh God…Oh God….I didn't mean it!...And he must have heard me! Oh NO" Natasha said fretfully. "Jane I'm so screwed!"

"Natasha!" Jane yelled, trying to get her attention "What exactly did you say?"

Natasha took a deep breathe, her eyes filling with tears thinking back on what she had said and the realization that Steve must have heard her. Her heart was pounding so hard she thought she might actually have a heart attack. "I said terrible things, Jane! I wasn't thinking! I just wanted to get Pepper off my back! I was so tired of her 'I hate Steve Rogers' speech that I basically just agreed with her. And he must have heard me! That's why he left his necklace at my door step. Oh Jane, I really screwed up bad this time!"

Jane shook her head sadly while listening to Natasha's words, these two people really had hurt each other badly. It broke her heart for them. There had been so many misunderstandings, jumps to conclusion, and hurtful words between the two of them that she just didn't know if they could get past it.

"Jane….I swear I didn't mean any of what I've said! I was just so hurt, and scared." Natasha dropped back down to the couch now exhausted by her realization. "I just want him back, Jane….I just want him back….." Natasha said it so sincerely that Jane's own eyes filled with tears at her friend's declaration.

"Then get him back, Natasha!" Jane said simply

After five days of lying in bed in a haze of self-pity, Steve now found himself aimlessly walking the streets of Manhattan. He had spent his day wandering around the city trying to figure out a way to get through to Natasha. Over the course of the day he had realized that everywhere he looked something reminded him of her. Instead of breaking his heart as he had expected it had only strengthened his resolve to get her back. She really was a part of him. Even his home was filled with memories of her. They were tethered. She was his home, and home was where the heart is. She was his heart. It wouldn't truly start beating again until he got her back. With a confidence he hadn't felt in weeks, Steve decided it was time to get his Natasha back.

Steve was on his way back to his apartment with a spring in his step, walking past an elderly woman exiting Fine Fair grocers. They exchanged a smile before continuing on their journey. As Steve was about to round the corner, he heard a scream and turned to see three thugs surrounding the old woman.

"Give me your bag or I will hurt you, bitch" One of the thugs said menacingly grabbing at the old woman.

Steve ran back to help her without thought. As he approached them he easily jerked one of the thugs away before throwing a powerful punch at another. One of the braver thugs turned to him with a knife in his hand. Steve braced himself entering into the unfamiliar territory of a knife fight. He inhaled and kept his focus on his opponent.

"You shouldn't have messed with us, boy." The thug sneered

Steve ignored the threat, and said "Tell your friend to let her go."

Instead of responding, he lunged forward to attack Steve. Steve dodged and used his arm to block the knife while his assailant used his momentum to twist to the left. As the two circled each other, Steve took off his jacket and wrapped it around his arm to protect himself from the blade.

A crowd had gathered, and on lookers where frantically calling the police while Steve was able to disarm the guy with the knife by biting his arm. He punched the guy in the face effectively knocking him out, and quickly turned to the last hoodlum.

"Let her go! Don't hurt her!" Steve shouted

"What about no?" The last thug replied before stabbing the old lady and running away with her purse.

Steve caught her body before she fell to the ground. He used his jacket to apply pressure to the wound, and slow down the bleeding.

"Someone call 911! Somebody help!" Steve shouted at the people watching. "Stay with me. There is an ambulance on the way. You are going to be okay! Just hold on a little longer!"

The old lady smiled before closing her eyes. Steve was relieved to see she was still breathing.

Suddenly it seemed there were police, and ambulances personnel everywhere. To Steve it seemed that everyone was moving in fast forward, and before he knew what was happening he was surrounded by uniforms pointing guns at him.

"Put your hands up! Step away from the woman!" An officer yelled at him.

"I'm just trying to help." Steve stayed where he was continuing to put pressure to the woman's wound.

"Son! Step away and put your hands up." The officer said with force

As an EMT stepped forward to assist the old woman, Steve slowly moved away, and raised his hands in surrender. A policeman came forward and roughly pushed him against a wall. Next thing Steve knew his arms were being twisted behind his back, and handcuffs were being slapped around his wrists. Steve was pushed into a patrol car, and advised of his Maranda rights. Steve felt helpless as he was taken into custody, and for the first time the Captain was surrounded by people who weren't listening to him.

As Steve was brought into the precinct, he overheard his arresting officer on a walkie talkie with the old lady's attending EMT saying that she had been taken to Beth Israel hospital, and was being admitted for a single stab wound. But before Steve could hear if she was okay, he noticed that across the station two of the old woman's assailants were being brought in. Once again Steve tried to explain the situation but once again he was being ignored and instead was taken to booking for printing. After the longest day of his life, Steve found himself alone in a holding cell, at the 42nd precinct in the lower east side of Manhattan.

"Well fuck….." he said with a dry laugh before dropping his head into his hands.

As an officer walked past his cell, Steve stood and shouted "Hey! Don't I get a call?"

"Why would anyone care about a low life like you?" The policeman shot back "You stabbed an old lady in cold blood!"

"I didn't do it!" Steve said passionately "Think about it! Why the hell would I stick around if I had stabbed her!?" Steve asked angrily and I added "And I know my rights! I GET A CALL!"

"Fine, make it quick." The officer said obviously not believing Steve's declaration of innocence.

The policeman sat him down in front a the phone, uncuffing him briefly, only to recuff him to the table. Steve quickly dialed his mother but her assistant told him she was in Romania. His dad wasn't an option since Steve would actually willing stay in jail for the rest of his life than ask his father for help.

He tried Thor next but unfortunately for Steve there was no answer, and he was forced to leave a voice mail. Running out of options, Steve called his football friends, but it seemed that no one was available, and Steve was running out of people he trusted.

Steve finally gave up and was led back to the holding block. Steve was exhausted, and still covered in the old woman's blood which was making him nauseous. He had a pounding head ache from the dozens of questions thrown at him by the police. And he was starting to feel hopeless that the old woman who he now knew as Miriam would never wake up and confirm his side of the story. He had already been told that CSI had found his fingerprints on the knife which was enough to hold him. Although he was confident that the surveillance feed would exonerate him, he also knew that it would take time for forensics to review it. Which meant he would be stuck here until someone bailed him out. Steve sighed tiredly, and sent a silent prayer skyway that someone would come for him.

Thor and Jane were happily walking down the hall to his room from their movie date. It was almost midnight and Jane was preparing to go to shower when Thor pressed the voicemail button and Steve's voice could be heard.

"Hey, buddy. To make a long story short, I just got arrested. I'm at the 42nd precinct off Houston Street in Lower East Side of Manhattan. Can you come bail me out? I really hope you get this otherwise I'll be in holding until Miriam wakes up, and….Shit…I'll explain later. If you can make it I'll owe you big time, man."

Jane looked up at Thor who was frowning.

"I will go get everyone." Thor said. "Friend Stark could help us."

"I will meet you in the parking lot."

Thor ran to Tony's room and viciously banged on his door nearly shattering the wood. Tony opened the door quickly and Thor found everyone was there watching a Doctor Who marathon.

"Thor, you had better have a fucking amazing reason for nearly breaking down my door!" Tony warned.

"Steven has been arrested. We may need your help in order to bail him out."

"Fucking amazing reason number 17 accepted. Let's roll before Rogers' is nominated Miss Cell Block 6." Tony replied without batting an eye

Everyone quickly turned to Thor, obviously shocked at the news. They all immediately forgot their angry towards him and got up to grab their belongings.

"How is he?" Natasha asked, worried about Steve.

"He didn't say on the message." Thor answered

"Come on, red, you'll just have to ask him yourself when we bust him out of the clink" Tony interjected as he led the group downstairs.

They squeezed into two car. Thor's Escalade and Jane's Minivan. They headed into the city with no thought but to help their friend. The night shift patrolmen were stunned to see a group of preppy looking college kids with a hot little red head in the lead rushing the dispatch desk at 2 in the morning in the LES, and a few even mumbled that now they had seen everything.

"We are here for Steve Rogers." Natasha said without preamble.

"Sir, what my friend here means is that we have come to bail out Mr. Steve Rogers." Thor said with authority.

"Friend or Relative?" The desk sergeant asked without looking up from his paper work.

"We are his friends. His mother is traveling aboard and his father is in Washington…." Natasha began but was cut off by a bored voice "Fill this out. Cash only. Pay at parole, first door to the left. It'll be an hour."

They let Tony deal with the bailout process. As promised it took an hour for Steve to be released from holding. Steve slowly walked out of the cell block, and was shocked by the faces waiting for him.

Steve walked to the group cautiously. His clothes were covered in dried blood, his body was exhausted, and his heart felt heavy; but beyond that he was elated to see HIS Natasha was here too. He looked at her hungrily nearly about to reach for her before remembering he was covered in blood, and had just been arrested for assault with a deadly weapon. His eyes immediately broke eye contact, and he looked away ashamed that she had to see him like this after everything that had happened recently. He wasn't even sure why she had come. She hated him didn't she? So then why would she be here? And was his mind playing tricks on him? Did she actually look like she wanted to throw her arms around him, and hold him to her.

Seriously, he didn't know how to react anymore. Part of him wanted to ask what the hell she was doing here, and a larger part wanted to fall to his knees, lay his head against her breasts and just cry.

"Thanks, guys." Was all he could say.

"We should get you cleaned up, and get you something to eat…." Jane began, but, was cut off by Steve who just said "I want to go home"

Steve got in Thor's car and sat quietly in the passenger seat. He made sure that Natasha wasn't in the same car as him. Nat looked at Steve with worried eyes before heading to Jane's vehicle. Steve sat quietly, unsure of how to talk to what he now considered Nat's friends. When they arrived at Steve's apartment, Thor and Jane parked while Steve took the rest of his friends up to his loft. He left them in the living area, and headed to the bathroom to shower. When Thor arrived he went straight to Steve's bedroom, collected some clothes, quietly knocked on the bathroom door, and told Steve he had fresh clothes on the floor.

"How is he?" Nat asked again when Thor came down to the living room.

"He hasn't talked since we got him out of the police station." Thor replied

"I'll go check on him." Nat said

"No, Nat!" Clint, Pepper and Darcy said at the same time.

Nat knew exactly why they were protesting. In their opinion they figured Steve would use this as an excuse to get close to her again, and that she would fall for the same trick again. She knew in her heart that they meant well, and were only trying to protect her. But she had already made up her mind. Steve was her man, and her man needed her. She wasn't going to let their concern stand in her way.

"Guys! Steve is our friend, and he needs us!" Nat said, and turned to head up the stairs

Tony grabbed Pepper's hand when she started to go after Natasha. Bruce and Jane simply shook their heads at Darcy in warning. And Clint wisely sat down to watch his best friend run up the stairs already knowing Natasha had let Steve back into her heart.

"Tony what is wrong with you? Are you seriously stopping me from going after her right now?!" Pepper asked incredulously

"Pep, if you hadn't noticed, she wants him back as much as he wants her." Tony said

"But he will hurt her. This is stupid. I am not letting that little weasel naw his way back into her heart" Pepper made to follow Natasha, but this time it was Jane that blocked her path.

Jane was literally at her wits end with these people, and was about to speak her mind even if it cost her some friends.

"She has already chosen, Pepper." Jane said. "She told me that she wants him back."

Pepper let out an unlady like snort. "She doesn't know what she wants. She's confused! I know what's best for her!"

"We have to let her choose for herself, Pepper. This is none of our business." Bruce said sagely. "Besides I for one believe in Steve. He cares about her. Everything he has done after his mistake has proven that. A man who didn't care wouldn't stand up to her against his friends or beg for her forgiveness. You can't fake the kind of pain he has been in these past of weeks."

"I hate to admit it but Bruce has a point, Pepper" Clint suddenly spoke up. Everyone including Thor was shocked that he was defending Steve.

Pepper seemed to settle down after Clint had spoken. Even though she didn't want Nat to get hurt again, she had to let her make her own decisions. She looked one final time at the stair case before turning to sit down.

Nat slowly made her way into the bathroom. She didn't want to spook him. Steve sat on the tiled floor of the shower in his boxers almost as if he had forgotten to take them off. He sat still and let the shower pour over his body. She could smell the rust of blood in the air as the water washed it away from his skin.

She stepped into the shower but he didn't even look up at her. Natasha found it ironic that the last time they were in a shower together had been under similar circumstance, and it had led to them breaking up. She was hoping that this shower would lead them back together.

Once again she had a vulnerable Steve in a shower with only her to comfort him.

Nat stopped in her tracks. As much as she wanted to be there for Steve the similarities were too fresh to ignore, and she didn't want history to repeat itself. As if he was reading her mind he didn't acknowledge that she was here with him.

She had to make a decision, either overcome her fears or let whatever she and Steve had go for good. "Well fuck that noise" Natasha thought to herself, and moved closer to him breaking his stillness.

"Go away." He spoke up first but didn't look up.

"Get up" She retaliated, folding her arms across her chest.

"No, leave me alone"

"Get the fuck up off the floor right the fuck now, Rogers!" Natasha said

"Fuck off!" Steve yelled angrily. He finally looked up at her but his eyes didn't reflect his harsh word. "Leave me the hell alone!"

But for the first time in weeks Nat followed her heart and not her ears, and she didn't listen to him. Instead her hand reached for the dial on the shower handle and turned off the water before sitting down next to him. He scooted away but she followed. He gave up and let Nat do whatever she wanted but he avoided looking at her. She reached her hand out to touch his arms but Steve shirked away.

"Don't touch me!" He said. His voice becoming gentle. "I'm covered in blood."

"No, you are not. Let me look at your arm." She commanded and Steve let her pull his arm to her. She thoroughly inspected the scratches on his arm. "What really happened?"

"Three thugs tried to rob an old lady I helped her, she got stabbed, I got blamed" He told her dryly "I got arrested. End of story."

"That is not the end of story, Rogers." Natasha could hear the insecurity in his voice, and was hit with the realization that he actually thought she may believe he had done it. "You're a hero. You saved that woman. The story is far from being over."

"Wow. I'm fucking flattered. You actually believe in me." He sarcastically replied. "A hero even, huh? Funny a week ago I was the devil, now I'm a hero." Steve didn't know why he was doing this, just this afternoon he had decided to get his woman back and now he was pushing her away. But he couldn't seem to stop himself. "I wonder what changed, hmmmm? More importantly why believe me now, but when I say I have feelings for you, you tell me to take a hike?"

"Steve…I"

"Why are you even here anyway? Last I remember you said you didn't want a fuck to do with me and that you wanted a new beginning without me!" Steve's anger began to rise when the weight of the arrest and everything crashed on him; a part of him knew he was taking his stress out on her but it was her turn to listen.

"Steve….please listen….I"

"No, Natasha you listen. You want a new beginning without me! HUH? Do you know what it feels like to hear?! To know you want to erase me? NO! You fucking don't because I never said that!" Steve's nostrils flared her words came back to haunt him.

So he had heard what she said to Pepper and Hill the other day. Natasha thought.

"God Natasha, I want you….every fucking day…I fucking want you! I can taste you in my mouth, smell you on my skin….I can't eat, I can't sleep…I can't fucking breathe without you, and YOU want a new beginning?!"

Steve began to hyperventilate building up to a glorious implosion of anger that would have included a tirade of phrases like "well you can't have one...you are mine…" when Nat reached out to cup his face and force him to look at her. She could see the pain in his eyes. They had hurt each other long enough and they had to stop this before it dragged out any longer.

"Okay, Steve. We need to talk about this, from start to finish so we can finally move past this." She said. "No lying and no hiding. We can ask whatever we want to know about each other and set the record straight once and for all."

He turned and looked into her beautiful green eyes. His eyes softened and he relaxed. She finally saw the gentle Steve she cared for.

"Okay, that's a good idea. I will go first. I will tell you anything you want to know." He said. "When I first met you, I only wanted to bang you. You're hot and I was thinking with my dick. I threw that party for one reason alone, too find a girl to fuck, and I wanted that girl to be you."

Nat tried not to judge Steve for his past behavior and continued to listen to what he said.

"I made a bet that night with my former friends. The bet was that I would have you in bed within three months and when I was done they could have their chances with you." Nat couldn't help the look of disgust that crossed her face. "I know, it was wrong! That behavior is sick. I see that now. I'm not that person anymore." Steve took a deep breath and continued. "I initially befriended you just to get into your pants. I lied and pretended that I cared so you would let your guard down."

"What were your exact lies, Steve?" Nat asked even though she knew it was going to hurt.

"I pretended to be okay with hanging out with you and your friends just to get you to trust me. I tried to make you feel special when I gave you my jersey because everyone knew I had never done that before. It's a big deal for a guy to give his jersey to a girl. My lucky charm comment too. I would have literally lied about anything to make you trust me."

Nat remained quiet the whole time and Steve feared she hated him for what he was revealing to her.

"You can hate me all you want because I deserved it."

"Tell me everything, Steve. Before I make that decision, I want to hear the whole story."

"Then everything changed, I saw you crying over Alexei and I knew I really did care for you. I wasn't expecting that I would feel anything. I was worried and angry at whoever caused you pain. Me and the guys flew to Russia to beat the crap out of Alexei and made him stopped calling you."

"Wait! You what?"

"Flew to Russia and beat him up."

"Are you crazy?"

"A little" He replied. "No one makes my little red cry and gets away with it. The day I saw you crying is the day I vowed to myself that I would do anything to make you happy. That's the truth. I don't want to see you cry because it broke my heart to see you sad."

Nat looked up at him as he said the last sentence. It was the same sentence that the mysterious artist wrote down as a caption on his work.

"After that day, I genuinely did everything, for you, Nat. That wasn't a lie or fake or anything. I really wanted to do it for you. Only to make you happy. Then, the more time I spent with you, the more I started to feel something for you. After we kissed under that mistletoe, I felt something I had never felt before run through my body. Then we kissed again and I knew it wasn't some fling anymore. Then I screwed up by leaving you the morning after we made love."

"Why did you leave me?"

"I woke up and freaked out. I got scared. I saw you and then a million thoughts ran through my mind. I was afraid of getting hurt so I ran away. I left because I was afraid. I was sure that my feelings for you were real but my defense mechanism got the better of me."

"I guess we're both fucked up, huh?"

"Yeah." Steve nodded in agreement. "But you're not just a bet, Natasha. It started off that way but you are more than that to me."

When Nat looked into his eyes, this time, she saw the Steve Rogers she allowed herself to fall for. His eyes told the truth.

"Now I've told you everything. But in case you want to know more, ask away."

"That's all I needed to hear."

"What about you? Did you really mean it when you said you don't need me anymore?"

"I lied. I just said it to make Pepper stop smothering me. I knew I missed you and I wanted you back but I was scared."

"It really hurt, Nat. You could have slapped, punched or yelled at me, and I would have just kept coming but when I heard you say that…..it was like a knife through my heart."

"I'm sorry." She said.

"No, you don't have to apologize. This whole mess is my fault. I'm the one who is sorry. I'm so sorry for hurting you like that Nat. I promised you that wouldn't, and it kills me that I broke that promise. Even if you don't take me back….I just need you to forgive me"

"I forgive you" She quickly replied without any hesitation.

His eyes widened "Really?"

"Yes, Steve, I forgive you….and I want you….I want you so fucking much I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't breathe….I can taste you in my mouth and smell you on my skin" Natasha quoted back to him. "I just plain want you in my life, in my world, in my bed….just you."

Steve's eye watered at hearing her quote back his words to him. He exhaled a breath he hadn't known he had been holding "Nat, I don't want to hurt you again." He said as a weird fear suddenly took over him.

"Steve, I need you back in my life. Let's just ….let's just be together" Natasha said suddenly unsure of where Steve was going with this.

"You're making a big mistake, Natasha. I'm no good for you. I'll hurt you." Steve suddenly had an overwhelming sense of panic.

"Guess what? If you push me away right now YOU WILL HURT ME!" Natasha said angrily suddenly at her wits end with Steve "Cut the shit, and stop being such a pansy ass, Rogers! You are starting to piss me off! And trust me you won't like me when I'm angry!" Natasha added with a fang tooth smile and what looked like an assassin's gaze.

Steve put his face in his hand and sighed, "God I'm such a jerk! I'm sorry, Nat. I can't believe I just went full-fledged women's channel on you!" Steve tried his hand at humor

"We can make it, Steve. We are going to be alright."

"Nat. I will not promise you anything this time because I might end up breaking it." Steve said "But I will say this, you are the most important thing in my life and I would rather cut off my throwing arm than hurt you."

She smiled at that "I'm okay with that. No promises. I won't hurt you and you won't hurt me. But for the record if you do hurt me again, and I'll have that throwing arm as a trophy."

Steve gave her a smile she hadn't seen for a while. He pulled her into a hug, reluctantly avoiding her lips. She knew he wanted to kiss her. She was amused when he gave her a peck on the cheek and kissed her hand.

"Thank you for forgiving me and giving me the chance to prove myself."

Nat relaxed in his embrace and closed her eyes, listening to the steady thump of his heart. She smiled and finally let exhaustion take over her. She hadn't slept much over the past three weeks. Now that she was back in his arms encased in his security she felt she could finally rest.

Steve's arms pulled her all the closer to him. He had missed her so much. He wanted nothing more than to feel all over her against all of him until nothing separated them not even air.

How could he have possibly had second thoughts about this thing he and Natasha had? How could he deprive his mother of little red headed grandchildren. He smiled to himself.

I love you, He said in his mind. He would say it out loud again when—

"I love you, Nat." He blurted no longer caring about planning or timing now that she was back in his arms.

He heard her hum in response as she began to slowly drift off to sleep in his embrace. These past three weeks had been hard on both of them and Nat was clearly exhausted.

When he finally said those three words to her, it felt right. She was the one he had been waiting for, the one to save him from himself.

He vowed to himself in that moment he would love her and protect her for as long she would let him.

Steve carried Natasha out of the shower. He changed her clothes and tucked her into bed. He was about to leave when he heard a sleepy voice utter a command that floored him.

"Don't you dare, Steven Rogers. You get back here, and you stay with me."

He smiled and slid in next to her. Nat immediately wrapped her arms around him and snuggled closer.

"Don't leave me." She mumbled.

"I won't" He replied and kissed her forehead.

Steve held her tightly in his arms all night and finally allowed himself to follow her into the world of dreams.

It was the first night that either of them had slept soundly since the last time they shared a bed. The next morning Pepper opened the door to Steve's room only to find the couple curled around each other, and Steve Roger's biggest adversary found a big smile stretching across her face; even she knew love when she saw it.

It would seem that things had returned to the way they were supposed to be.

AN:

- Special thanks to my dearest friends, sleeplessinbudapest & internetangie!

- Thank you to my proofreaders, chrwrigh.

- Please kindly leave a review.