I.

Michonne could feel the sun beating down on the back of neck as she knelled on the grass. A quick look at her watch told her it was a little past noon. The chill in the air was harsher than the day before, but the sun produced a blanket of warmth. Sunny autumn days used to be her favorite part of the year. The world was so crisp and clean that inhaling the cool air would invigorate her. It wasn't having its usual effect today. The roller coaster her emotions had her on made enjoyment a fleeting feeling lately. Removing her brain and existing on a plane of nothingness for awhile seemed ideal. She was starting to believe the process of thinking was overrated.

Rick wasn't helping things either.

It had been close to a year since they first locked eyes across the fence of the Prison. Their relationship held a deep intimacy, but Michonne could count on one hand the number of times they've actually touched. Yet that morning they were two steps away from ripping each other's clothes off. He didn't start to come on so strong until the reemergence of Craig. If he felt threatened by another man being in her life then Michonne wasn't interested in being a pawn in his alpha male struggle. Especially since she still didn't know what was going on between him and Jessie. Jealously had never been a part of her wheelhouse, but she wasn't going to let Rick keep her at his side while he was sniffing around for other options.

And if he did want to explore their relationship in new ways then she just didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to prevent the breaking of both of their hearts.

Michonne took out four rocks from the pocket of her sweater, and added them to the pile directly under the tree. Two were gray, one was tan, and the last had a hint of aqua blue. The stones reminded her of childhood. Summer days playing hopscotch with boxes drawn by sharp edged rocks when chalk couldn't be found. She smiled at getting to teach Judith the game one day. Things weren't all bad.

"Hey, I thought that was you out here." Michonne turned to see Maggie and Glenn walking down the steps of their back porch. Maggie smiled while giving her friend a hug. Glenn waved to her with his good arm. His left side was still in a sling.

"I think Noah's is finally finished," Michonne said.

"I think so too," Maggie said. "I'm glad we put his and Beth's right under the tree. I remember hearing him say when we were on the road after...after Grady, how much he missed the magnolia's near his home."

Michonne and Maggie linked arms while leaning on each other. They took in the view of the rest of the rock memorials. Small mounds of rocks were scattered around the backyard in remembrance of Hershel, Bob, Beth, Tyreese, and Noah.

"I'm hoping one day I can find some petunia seeds to plant around the rocks. Beth always loved the purple ones. Daddy used to bring us bunches of them every year on our birthdays," Maggie wiped away the wetness forming at the corner her eyes, "He said he wanted to set an example of how a man should treat his girls."

"Hershel was a good man," Michonne said. She squeezed Maggie's hand a little tighter.

"He was," Maggie said, "It sounds so awful to say, but I glad Daddy died before Beth. It would have broke him to loose his little girl like that. Some days it makes my heart a little less heavy thinking they could be somewhere happy together"

"After all of this you still have your faith?" Michonne asked. She had grown up in the church, but life had taken her on a different path with her beliefs. Agnostic was what she considered herself to be before the world changed. She hadn't been plagued with thoughts of the afterlife, but she remembered feeling slightly more at peace at the thought of Andre and Judith being together before they found the little girl again. Her baby boy wasn't with Judith, but maybe Mike and her mom were somewhere holding him close.

"I didn't. For a long time I didn't," Maggie said, "I remember when I told Gabriel his church was just four walls and a roof. I meant that. I still do, but when I prayed with him and Sasha that night I felt something. It could have been God or it could have just been my imagination. It's a comfort though. I like to think that we may be able to see the people we love again. In this world I'll take whatever I can to get through the day."

"I can't argue with that," Michonne said. She walked over to Hershel's rock memorial. "Do you think I can absorb some of your father's wisdom if I stand here long enough? A word or two would do me some good right now."

"I've tried that," Glenn said from where he sat on the back porch steps, "I thought I heard his voice once. He told me to be smart and we all have jobs to do. Then there was something about Spaghetti Wednesday."

Maggie laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like Daddy."

Michonne smiled and took a good look at Glenn. She saw him wince in pain every time he moved his left arm.

"How are you doing, Glenn?" She asked.

"I won't be pitching for the Braves anytime soon, but I'll be all right. I'm healing."

Maggie looked back at her husband with love and pride. "Yeah, he's as tough as they come. A little bullet's not going to bring him down," Her eyes hardened as she turned back to Michonne. "I wish that piece of shit Nicholas wasn't all right."

"Maggie..." Glenn said.

"I know. It's just eats me up that he's still living relatively well after trying to kill you and causing Noah's death."

"I hate it too, but we can't be judge, jury, and executioner. Not if we want to continue to be civilized people." Glenn said.

"How is he anyway?" Maggie asked Michonne.

"It was Rick's turn to check on him yesterday. Last time I saw him he was quiet as usual. Still limping on his bad leg. Carol, or one of the other ladies on meal duty, brings him food three times a day. He has all the comforts he needs. He just can't leave the house."

"Deanna said she was going to make a decision about him soon, but," Maggie shook her head," She's still grieving pretty hard."

"Rick told me you were taking on most of the work lately."

"I have been. We all experienced so much lost out there, but we kept going because we had to or we'd die. They even have the privilege to grieve here," She looked back over the memorials again, "Must be nice."

"We all have jobs to do," Glenn said quietly.

"Yes we do," Maggie smiled sadly, "Speaking of which I have to head over there now."

"I'll walk with you." Michonne said.

Maggie went over to where Glenn sat. "C'mere," She said and leaned down to give him three quick kisses on the lips then one long kiss. "I'll see you later."

"I love you," Glenn said briefly clutching his wife's hand.

The sun had brought many people out their homes despite the cold. Walking through the streets Michonne noticed the community members were a lot friendlier to her and Maggie than they were to Rick. The men nodded and moved to the side to allow them to pass. The women smiled and waved.

"So," Maggie said, "I talked to the new recruit again this morning to make sure he was doing okay..."

"And he told you we knew each other." Michonne finished.

"Yes he did," Maggie stopped walking and grabbed Michonne's arm, "Why didn't you tell me? How are you not freaking out? This is pretty huge."

"I've been freaking out since I laid eyes on him again," Michonne let out a frustrated sigh, "Why do you think I needed some of Hershel's wisdom?"

"So was he a friend or...?"

"He was my high school sweetheart. I'd known him my whole life."

"Wow," said Maggie, "I don't know what I would do if I saw one of my boyfriend's from high school again." The women started walking again passing yet more polite Alexandrians.

"One of the many, huh?" Michonne said.

Maggie shrugged. "Guys liked trying to turn the religious man's daughter to the dark side. It's good Craig's here though. We really need another doctor. I'm thankful the bullet went right through Glenn, and Rosita was able to clean the wound. With danger lurking around the corner with the Wolf people who knows what kind of medical treatment we'll need. Even if he's just a Dermatologist."

"His mom wanted him to be a surgeon, but he said after the first semester of Med school he knew he had the hands of a Dermatologist instead." Michonne smiled at the memory.

"Does Rick know?" Maggie asked.

"He was there when I first saw him again."

"How did he take it?"

Michonne shrugged. "How he usually take things."

"So he was a bit of an asshole, but you know he does it because he cares." Maggie said.

Michonne smirked at Maggie knowing Rick so well. "He was actually pretty understanding at first. His trust issues surfaced this morning though."

"Mmmm not surprising," Maggie said. They had reached Deanna's. Maggie stopped to turn to Michonne. "You know how Rick is about you."

Michonne raised an eyebrow. "And how is he?"

"Don't play dumb. Everyone knows you and Rick have a relationship the rest of us are not part of. Sometimes you guys act more married than me and Glenn. He's not going to like someone else competing for your attention."

Michonne sighed. "Well, he needs to get over it."

"Don't count on that happening."

"I'm on my way to invite Craig over for dinner tonight. Jessie wants to cook for Rick, and it turned into this big thing." Going outside the walls to take on a herd of walkers sounds more appealing than this dinner. Michonne thought to herself

"Sounds like a clusterfuck in the making." Maggie said.

"Pretty much."

"So are him and Jessie..."

"I'm not really sure what's going on there." And she really didn't know what was going on between herself and Rick after their intense morning, but she didn't want to delve into that conversation with Maggie right now.

"Jessie's nice. Like most of the people here are nice. I feel for anyone who went through what she did with Pete. But...I don't know. She kinda reminds me of Lori in a weird way."

"Really?" Michonne asked.

"Yeah, not in looks or anything, but she has that homemaker almost helpless quality Lori had. The way Rick fixated on her for awhile...I think he saw that in her too."

Michonne didn't know what to do with that information. If he needed someone in his life to be helpless then she definitely wasn't the woman for him.

"I think you and Glenn should come to dinner tonight too. I may need allies." Michonne said to change the subject.

"Sorry we are committed to a triple date. There will be old, frozen pizza rolls and Scrabble with Abraham, Rosita, Tara, and Eugene."

"Tara and Eugene on a date?"

"Friend date. In fact he's on a mission to find Tara a good woman."

Michonne couldn't help but smile. "Good ol' Eugene."

The front door opened and Spencer stuck his head out. "Great, Maggie you're here. Mom's been looking for you. Hey Michonne."

"Hey, Spencer," Michonne said. "Tell your mom to let me know if she needs anything."

"Will do."

Maggie looked at Michonne. "Duty calls, but I will need a full recap of this dinner tomorrow. Should be interesting." She gestured with her head to a spot behind Michonne. "I think that tall, handsome man is coming to see you."

Maggie disappeared into Deanna's house as Michonne turned around to see Craig walking towards her.

II.

Craig walked towards Michonne with a big smile on his face. She noticed how his brown skin glistened in the sunlight. There was a time when she couldn't get enough of running her hands all over him. Couldn't stop herself from kissing his full lips all the time.

"Hey I was just coming to see you." She said.

"And I was looking for you. Look at us in sync just like the old days."

Michonne looked down with a smile. She looked back up at him. His height was always was always so attractive to her. It made her feel safe. That was before she knew how capable she was of protecting herself.

"Let's go walk by the pond," She said. More multicolored leaves had fallen into the water overnight. It was a beautiful sight. You could almost forget what was beyond those walls.

"Remember the last time we were near a body of water." Craig asked. She laughed when he wriggled his eyebrows at her.

"Oh, God. Skinny dipping that first Thanksgiving home from college. I think it was colder that night than it is today."

"I remember the cold did your body good." He said while looking her up and down.

"Stop picturing my naked body."

"I was picturing your eighteen year old body, not the current body."

"Well stop that too."

"Okay, okay." He put his hands up in surrender.

Michonne looked out at the pond seeing memories from the past instead of the toy boats the kids were racing. "I forgot how wild I used to be."

"Fighting for survival has a way of making you forget everything else."

"Mmmm. Sometimes." She picked up a handful of pebbles lying at the edge of the water. She handed half over to Craig with a smile. They immediately started to skip the stones on the water. Competing to see who could land the rocks the farthest like they used to do when they were kids.

"So why were you coming to see me, Turtle Dove?" He asked.

Michonne playfully swatted his chest. "Please do not call me that name in front of anyone."

"Okay, Chonney. Is that better?"

She held up her index finger and thumb inches apart. "A little."

He beamed down at her, drinking in her face. "I missed you so much. I was on my own in those woods for I don't know how long. It's like God answered my prayers when I saw your face yesterday."

"If there is a God." Michonne said.

"You still a heathen, Chonney? What would Sister Bernice say?"

"Sister Bernice," Michonne grimaced at the mention of her old Sunday School teacher's name, "I swear she had a vendetta against me."

"Well you did kill her cat."

Michonne swatted at him a little less playfully this time. "That was an accident! Lil Jesus ran out into the path of my bike. And he didn't die. He was just a little banged up. He was all right in a couple of weeks."

"See that's why she didn't like you. You know that cat's name was Jonah not Lil Jesus."

"Oh, shit that's right huh. Lil Jesus is a better name though. What did Jonah do but get swallowed by a whale?"

"Now you're sounding like Michelle Robinson with all of those questions she used to ask."

Michonne threw her head back and groaned. "She used to get on my last nerve. Every week she had all of those questions making us stay in that little hot classroom longer than we had to"

"That day you just snapped and said, 'Girl if you don't shut your ass up,' I thought were going to have Sister Bernice's homegoing service soon with the way her eyes popped out of her head. She probably prayed for your little demon soul every night after that."

"Mom and Dad were so mad at me I had to say a hundred Hail Mary's on the way home. I told them that was a Catholic thing and we were Baptist. Dad stopped the car in the middle of the street and said I needed all the forgiving I could get from Jesus, Mary, and Joseph."

Both of them fell into an uproarious laughter. Tears blurred Michonne's vision from laughing so hard. It felt cathartic to let go like that. She avoided talking about her past for such a long time she didn't realize how good it would feel to remember the good times in the face of all of the bad.

"There's a dinner at my house tonight. You should come." Michonne said once their laughter calmed.

He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss. She just shook her head at him and smiled. "There's no place I would rather be, Chonney."

"I'm glad you're here." She told him sincerely.

"And I'm glad you're here." He said. He pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms tightly around him basking in the familiarity of it all. All the worries she had the day before fell away at that moment. It didn't feel like he was out of place in her life right then. A faint smile played at her lips as she contemplated getting used to this again. From the corner of her eye she caught a flash of a brown Constable's jacket disappear around a corner. Her heart sank as guilt set in at possibly being seen by Rick in Craig's arms.

III.

Michonne walked at a fast pace until she reached the front gate of the Community. She told herself she was doing a quick patrol, but she was really trying to spot Rick. Guilt seeped in deeper the longer she couldn't find him. She chided herself because she didn't have anything to feel guilty about, but she didn't have time for logical thinking at the moment.

Tobin was manning the gate.

"Hey have you seen Rick?" She asked him.

"No. He hasn't gone outside the gate since I've been here, unfortunately." Was the man's reply.

Michonne didn't have time to deal with Tobin's thinly veiled hate. She spun around to head towards Daryl's place. She knew he'd returned that morning. Maybe Rick went to check in with him.

"Oh. Hi, Michonne." She heard someone call out. She spotted Jessie walking towards her carrying a brown paper bag.

"I just did a little shopping for tonight," She held up her bag. "Thanks so much for agreeing to the dinner."

"No problem." Michonne wasn't in the mood for a long conversation

"Like I told Rick we all have to eat, might as well do it together."

"Mmm, well I'll see you tonight." Michonne turned to head in the opposite direction.

"Michonne, wait." Jessie paused, grinned and shook her head. "I feel a little embarrassed asking you this, but Rick is so closed off sometimes. I tried to get him to tell me his favorite meal and couldn't get a straight answer. I decided on lasagna. Do you think he'll like it?"

"I'm sure Rick will eat anything you put in front of him." She turned to try to get away again, but Jessie kept talking.

"I was just hoping you could give me a little more insight on him. You two seem...close. Your group said so many good things about him at the meeting a few weeks ago, and I really want to get to know that man." She walked closer to Michonne to keep anyone from overhearing her. "He told me he wouldn't save anyone else the way he saved me. I never had any man look out for me like that. I just want to make this dinner perfect."

"Dinner will be fine." Michonne said as she finally made her escape. She was shocked he uttered those words to Jessie. The Rick Grimes she knew made it his life's mission, since the start of the new world, to save people. That's why their family would follow him to the ends of the earth. At least she thought she knew him. Jessie had obvious hearts in her eyes for Rick, and if what Maggie said was true then maybe he felt the same way. Michonne didn't want to try to compete with the memory of a dead wife. She could never win that battle.

IV.

Rick couldn't remember last time he cried. He thought maybe it was the day Lori died, but he couldn't be sure. He had no memories of crying for any of the other family they lost. He didn't know if he blocked out the memories or the tears just didn't come. All he knew for sure was his heart got a little heavier with each death. But right at that moment as he laid on his bed, with Judith sound asleep on his chest, he felt tears on the verge of erupting down his face.

He planned to take a nap before the night's dinner, but he'd been staring into a void for the past forty-five minutes. The ceiling acted as a canvas playing different images over and over like tortuous memories conjured up from his soul. The hospital where he awakened in chaos almost two years before flashed into the camp outside of Atlanta being overrun with walkers. Before he could stick a knife in the head of one of the undead the images flashed to him running helplessly with his son held close while trying to make it to Hershel's farm. He put his Sheriff's uniform away for the last time as the image bleed into him stabbing Shane in the heart with Lori looking on with disgust and anger. Hershel was walking out on crutches with one leg for the first time while Lori tried to catch his eye with a smile. He tried to smile back, but he knew it didn't look genuine. There was still too much anger and sorrow in his face the last time they saw each other. He collapsed on the ground in grief as he heard his baby cry for the first time before walkers invaded the prison and their home came crumbling down by the hands of the Governor.

The images looped over and over again until the narrative started to change. She was there by his side now. She was helping him find refuge after escaping from the hospital. The sharp katana decapitated two walkers simultaneously before anyone in the Atlanta camp could get bitten. Her hand guided Carl away from the path of Otis' bullet. They sat together near Hershel's barn as he listened to her warn him about Shane. Lori embraced him as they reassured each other they'll always be friends but they were no good as a married couple anymore. Then she was standing on the grounds of the prison watching him plant seeds. She smiled and strolled up to him to wipe the sweat from his forehead before he kissed her; savoring the feel of his lips on hers.

She had always been with him in his soul. It was inevitable that their paths would cross.

She was supposed to be his, but he saw them. He saw how she laughed like he'd never seen before. He saw how his arms wrapped around her body like they belonged there. He saw her smile blissfully.

When she stood in his bedroom weeks ago confessing she would always be with him he knew. He wasn't ready to admit it yet, but he knew.

But now it was too late. He was losing her.

He was losing Michonne before she could ever know how much he loved her.

A/N: The next installment will finally be the dinner. Thanks for all the reviews. I hope you enjoy!