AN: I took quite the risk, catching this. But it was worth it. You idiot! Did you have a death wish? Well… My god, you're crazy. I lived. But what if you didn't? It wouldn't matter to you, would it? I take it back. You're an absolute moron. Thanks, Kitty.

Johanna Crane-Mm, Johnny Depp. They did die. Painfully. I hear poor Arlen's morgue was a little overcrowded-not used to people dying en masse. Nothing like Gotham.

Just-Me-and-My-Brain-He was so cute when he was younger. I was not 'cute'. Yes you were! You were cute and innocent. Thank god that's over.

It took longer than he'd like to admit to work up the nerves to go down into the basement with a jar and Granny's old gardening gloves. He's looking for something specific, and his chances of finding it are increased in the basement.

Ugh.

He's nervous. Not scared-it takes a lot to do that anymore-but nervous. So many things could go wrong. He could be bitten. He could be caught. Worse, Granny might catch him down here and lock him in to teach him a lesson. But he's not going to lie down and take this, no more. He's sick of being shoved around and mocked and just…just no.

There. That corner, the one where the light doesn't reach, that's where he can catch one. Flashlight in one hand and the jar in the other, he heads over there, watching his steps for anything else that might be down here-he was bitten by a black widow once and nearly died.*

Uh-huh, there's one-easily missed if you're not looking. He swoops the jar under it, catching it in the glass, and retreats to get a good look.

Yes. There's the marking on its back, a clear violin. He has been successful. Now, as long as it doesn't die between tonight and tomorrow afternoon, he's set.

He sacrificed the better part of his library time picking the lock, but he did finally get in and shoo the now rather traumatized spider into a nice, dark corner of the locker. His part is done. Now all he has to do is hope that it stays where it belongs and reacts like it should. It would be just his luck to get a freak of nature…

It'll take some time to find out if this worked. But he is patient. He can wait as long he needs to. But eventually this idiot will have learned his lesson.

Oh, yes, he'll have learned it well.

It's two months before the unfortunate victim comes to school missing a finger. Fiddleback bite, they say. Had to amputate because of the location. Shame, that. You know, it's funny, but the bite must have occurred not…what, three days after he shoved Jonathan Crane in a locker? Odd. Almost…almost Karma, one might say.

And the really strange thing is that Crane visited him in the hospital. Brought him his homework. Must have said something, though, because he's dead scared of him-won't even look at him. What a wuss, scared of Crazy Crane.

But still…the school is regularly sprayed…and that spider didn't have a web in the locker.

Strange things happen around here.

THE END

*Black widow bites are seldom fatal-though they hurt like a bitch-but Jonathan's immune system is crappy and the bite occurred when he was like…eight. Not a great combination.