Chapter 15- The Good, the Bad, the Ugly, and Hope

The doctor opens the door and rolls in the ultrasound machine. She instructs Robin how to sit, and opens her robe to expose her stomach. Barney comes over to hold her hand. He wants to be right by her side when they see the baby for the first time. The doctor squirts the cold gel onto her stomach, and Robin winces at the chill. Even her Canadian-ness does not prepare her for how cold it is. The doctor places the probe on her stomach and starts the exam.

"Wow," the doctor says, shocked. "We already have a heartbeat. Always a good sign." Robin and Barney smile at each other. If there is a heartbeat, that means there is definitely a baby.

"I am amazed. From what I can see, the fetal measurement is about two and a half inches, which would put you somewhere around twelve or thirteen weeks." They are stunned yet again. That is almost three whole months.

"So that means?" Robin asks, wanting to hear if the thought she is thinking is really true. Is she really already at three months?

"You are already almost out of the first trimester, and everything looks like it is developing properly. You are extremely lucky to have made it this far with no problems." Robin nods still in shock. She can't believe it. Twelve weeks? Already out of the first trimester? She is stunned, and she can tell that Barney is too.

"I've been pregnant for 12 weeks?" she manages to ask the doctor.

"Actually you've only been pregnant for ten weeks, but we consider you to be in the twelfth week," Dr. Black explains. "We base the weeks off of your cycle, not from the moment of conception." The doctor turns the monitor to them. "Here is your baby." She shows them the spot on the monitor where the baby is. Robin squeezes Barney's hand, and puts her head on his shoulder, trying to hold back the tears that are forming again. Looking at the screen, she can already see hands and feet. This baby looks nothing like the peanut shape of Lily's first sonogram, the shape that she couldn't even find. This baby looks like a baby. It's all real and she feels like all is right with the world.

The longer that Barney stares at the screen, the more he realizes how real this is. There is a baby. A real baby. A baby with arms and legs, hands and feet, and fingers and toes. It still almost feels like a dream to him. He had considered becoming a father a few times throughout the past few years, but now here he is, looking at his baby, and not just his baby, but the most awesome baby in the world because it is part of the two of them, and it is the happiest moment of his life. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Unfortunately, it is too early to tell. We usually cannot determine the sex until at least 20 weeks. I can print pictures and a video if you would like, though." Robin nods her head and turns to smile at Barney. The doctor finishes the ultrasound and wipes the gel off of Robin's stomach. She feels like she won't be able to wipe this crazy grin off of her face for days, but the doctor interrupts their moment of joy. Robin starts to stand up to put her clothing back on, but before she can, the doctor interrupts.

"We do still have some things to finish and discuss before you leave." The serious tone of the doctor's voice scares Barney, almost as if there is something wrong. "First, we always do a full gynecological exam at the first appointment, just to make sure that nothing is wrong with mom that could affect baby. Second, I have some recommendations for you that we need to discuss. It is up to the two of you, if you," she says as she looks at Barney, "would like to stay for the exam, but I do need to speak with both of you."

Robin knows he might be uncomfortable with this so she looks at Barney and sweetly says, "You can stay if you want," while secretly hoping that he will stay.

He can't imagine being anywhere else right now, but he does understand the significance of her allowing him to stay. She is allowing him into a very personal part of her life, and he is thankful to be a part of it. "I'll stay"

As the doctor does the exam, which he actually has no interest in seeing, because frankly, he wants to keep some of the mystery alive, he tries to keep his focus on Robin's face and the illustrations around the room. After a short while of blissful ignorance, a memory pops into his head, and he finds himself laughing.

"What?" Robin snaps, chiding him for his slightly immature behavior.

"Sorry, I was just thinking about Lily's story from their first doctor appointment with Marvin. You know, the one where Marshall kept saying he knew so little about vaginas?" he giggles. His laughter becomes contagious, and even the doctor starts to laugh.

"I heard about that guy. He was the talk of the office for a while," the doctor admits while finishing the exam. Robin readjusts herself on the exam table as the doctor starts to speak. "Now, I know that you are both very excited, but I am very concerned about this pregnancy. As I said earlier, you are considered to have a high-risk pregnancy. Normally, just based on your age and lifestyle, we recommend relaxation for mom, but since you are diagnosed with hypopituitarism, we need to be extremely cautious of miscarriage and early delivery." Both Robin and Barney's hearts sink at this news. Of course it wouldn't be easy for them, Barney thinks, because nothing about their relationship has ever been easy. "While you have may have managed to make it this far without any complications, that doesn't rule out complications in the future. In fact, getting this far without knowing about the pregnancy may have caused more harm and stress. We want to put your body and the baby under as little stress as possible, so that you have the highest chance to carry to full term." Robin thinks that her life has been fairly stress free since she married Barney, so she really isn't sure what the doctor could mean.

"The first course of action that we will take is hormone replacement therapy. We are going to start you out with an injection today, and I will write a prescription for more. You are going to need to give yourself an injection every day, preferably in the morning, so that your hormones do not cause your body to miscarry. Also, we will monitor your hormone levels with blood work, which we will do once every two weeks. I would like to see you here once a week, just so that I can keep a close eye on your progress. The most important part of this equation, though, is up to you. I highly recommend that you be on modified bed rest and a modified diet for the remainder of your pregnancy."

"Bed rest? Like lying in bed all day?" Robin is appalled. The doctor can't be serious. She is supposed to stay in bed all day? Giving herself a shot every day is one thing, she can handle that, but this is completely different. She would have to give up everything about her life right now. Work, the bar, hanging out with the gang. This is why she said she was never having kids. You really do have to give up your whole life for them.

"Well, sort of. In your case, you will need to spend most of your day sitting in a reclined position. You can do this wherever in your home you feel most comfortable; couch, bed, recliner, it doesn't really matter as long as your feet are elevated."

"What about work? I can't give up my job." Barney hears her reaction and knows exactly what she is thinking. Her career has always been everything to her. Giving it up, if only for a year, is going to kill her. It would kill him to have to be the one giving up work. Her career was why she always said she didn't want to have kids.

"You can work for up to 4 hours a day, as long as your job isn't stressful and you can work from home. You're a journalist correct?"

"Yes."

"That is ok as far as stress goes, just all work has to be done from home. You should only be on your feet to use the bathroom, to move from one place to another a few times a day, and to take a shower of no more than 10 minutes a day, at least for the first portion of your pregnancy. Once you are to a stage of viability, about 27 weeks, we may reevaluate. I have a printout to highlight the exact dos and don'ts for your specific needs. You can read that over today and tonight and you can let me know if you have any questions in the morning." All she can think about is what is going to happen to her job. She knows she has to do this, but she still hates to think about what this is going to mean for her career. She knows she is going to have to talk to her boss in person about this.

"Ok, but can I at least go into work today to talk to my boss?"

"Yes, but I would like you to start your new routine as soon as you get home. I understand that this is going to be difficult, but our goal is to get this baby to as full-term as possible. That is all I have for right now. I am going to go calculate your due date and I will come back with all of the paperwork you need, including a letter for your employer. Remember, you can call with any questions whenever you need. Do you have any more questions before I go?" They both shake their head no. "Also, if you have any cramping or spotting, it is crucial to go to the emergency room immediately." Robin acknowledges with a nod again. "Great, I will send a nurse in with your shot."

"Thank you," Robin curtly replies.

"Have a great day."

Robin is feeling apprehensive the second the door closes. This is more than she is cut out to handle. Barney is feeling just as apprehensive, but he knows that Robin is probably having second thoughts at this point.

"What's wrong?" he gently asks, coming over to stroke her hair.

"I'm just really nervous right now. I mean, what if I can't do this. Oh my god, I can't do this. I can't stay in bed for the next six months! I can't! How..." she turns and sobs into his shoulder.

"It's going to be ok," reflexively leaves his mouth, but at the same time, he is just as worried as her. It is going to be a big change for the both of them.

The sound of the nurse opening the door calms Robin down enough to stop crying. The nurse hands her the vial and shows her how to set up the needle as well as the spot on her thigh where she needs to insert it. She does it all with ease, after all, she is still the same person whose father abandoned her in the woods alone on her 14th birthday. It's not that she can't do this, she realizes, but it is probably going to be the hardest six months of her life. She doesn't know when, but at some point the doctor brought the paperwork into the room. The nurse hands the paperwork stack to her, and it is enormous, but right on the top is a small note with a date. Her due date. February 13, 2015.