It had been a terrifying moment when she had been called before Starscream. The Decepticon addressing her as he verbally punished Alexis for her supposed lack of attention upon Thundercracker. She almost laughed at that. Knowing full well that while the Decepticon in question believed that he owned her, he obviously wanted nothing to do with her if he could avoid it. And when Starscream threatened Alexis with her very life if she didn't serve the Decepticon better, she was sure that was the end.
Instead, Alexis found new tasks given to her by Thundercracker, little odd jobs that more than kept her busy as Thundercracker watched from a distance. He never said much to her and the gaps between when he actually did were so long that when he did speak she listened.
Why Thundercracker wanted to know her name that particular day or even spoke to her at all was an unsolved mystery. Why he actually, or at least from Alexis' point of view, protected her from the Barricade one during the last game of telidaw she was still analyzing.
Why he didn't kill her when she tried to escape though was the most dominant question of all. Alexis actually felt the life pouring out. Felt her lungs tighten as they fought for air. Felt the world grow cold as her thoughts took off in a wild rush of imagery and sensations, a light building behind her eyes as she ceased her struggling, surrendering as her body shut down.
And then she came to. Thundercracker hovered above, metal, patches and lines of blue dominating her view. She saw the hard edges of his feet; higher still, smooth surfaces melded under and met sharp panels. Cables and wiring were visible at certain angles, his hands with those fingers that suddenly looked so deadly long and pointed. Alexis' neck shifting even further, her eyes wandered over his vast cockpit. Only to be directed at the wings that were spread out for display behind him, a tension apparent in his dominating stance that was dangerous as it was threatening. It was the first time Alexis fully looked at him, especially with being so near. A part of Alexis was fascinated because just moments prior he was a jet, and she had been inside of him. The whole prospect of what he was and what he was capable of daunted.
But she only dwelled on that for mere seconds for they actually argued. So focused on just being alive Alexis was barely aware of him pinning her down the first time. The second time though, gone was the dreamlike world she had been in and the distant place she almost traveled to. So when he touched her again Alexis felt it with an awareness, she didn't know herself capable. His digit was everywhere and all around, pressing firmly and yet ghosting over. The way he looked was as terrifying as ever but now full of vulnerability and unvoiced questions. Terror grew, transcending into a pounding in her chest before trailing down her body with a surge of distinct pleasure.
Disturbed, she wrestled and destroyed the misplaced reaction, feeling betrayed by herself. Alexis knew enough that it meant absolutely nothing and everything to do with the fact that whether he meant to or not Thundercracker crossed a boundary no one ever had as his digit lingered on her body.
Confidant in the fact that it was just to do her own unfamiliarity, the fear and very present tension which made her head throb, Alexis dismissed it all. And then forced herself to forget about it. Finally, Thundercracker backed away as he made excuses. Alexis was taken back to the base. Wind crashed painfully against her exposed skin, fear turning to anger, turning to loathing.
And now, she was in a predicament that even as Alexis knew she was responsible for she despised with a passion. After their return, Alexis was forcibly confined in Thundercracker's quarters. No longer allowed to return to the other humans as she found herself sleeping, eating, and living with the Decepticon as she was forced to maintain and serve him at all times.
Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if he at least spoke to her. But since the act of her trying to regain freedom, he said less to Alexis than ever. As if her wanting to be free of her circumstances was some form of personal insult.
Alexis felt that spoke volumes of his arrogance even as she found yet another reason to dislike him.
"Wake up."
Shifting on her mat, Alexis moaned. Half awake she turned around, curling on her side, she tried to get back to sleep. But being picked up, tiny vibrations tickling up her spine, she found herself moving. The last of the sleepiness was cast out. Alexis was now entirely awake.
Eyelids splitting open she realized how quick they must have been going. Already Alexis found they were outside the base. Movement stopping, Thundercracker settled on the metallic ground, bringing her down on his right leg. Alexis stood there momentarily. Slightly in a daze she was overwhelmed by the scents. Comforted by the cool breeze, and humbled by the dark sky above that spread with a vastness, stars twinkling rhythmically as she found her mind dancing among them, a blissfulness of just being outside again that was near overwhelming.
How long ago had it been since she had tried to escape? Weeks. She had been shut inside Thundercracker's quarters for weeks no contact with anyone but him. His taciturn nature becoming less noticeable as she too lost herself in the silence. An occurrence that made Alexis start imagining things.
Like how she caught him staring at her sometimes. Or the way he would react when she accidentally touched him. Or for that matter, how he went out of his way so that she didn't touch him. Instinctively, her mind whispered interpretations. Warnings of sorts that had her brain going back to the time he had blocked her down with his large finger. A supposed example of what the Decepticon wanted from her even as Alexis emphatically denied it.
And Angela did say they didn't see humans as such. With that and the overall manner in which he treated her, Alexis concluded that her imagination was running twisted and wild as it saw things that were just not there.
Still, she wished even now that despite the momentary freedom, she had been given unexpectedly, however, ultimately false yet reviving still she would have traded it just to be able to talk to her friend again. For she was full of questions that she desperately needed answers to. Alexis' mind shuddered and came back to itself when she found a touch upon her back.
"Sit," Thundercracker ordered.
Every time he commanded something of her, Alexis fought with her pride and self-respect before she was forced to give in. Thundercracker tapped behind her legs. Alexis fell forward on her knees only for his finger to appear in front, pushing her back into a lopsided sitting position. After that she felt winded, the action happening so quickly that the rush in her stomach had yet to settle. She shifted for her own sanity. Alexis needed to keep an eye on him, not comfortable at all with her back facing the Decepticon.
"Alexandra."
Her eyes widened at Thundercracker calling her that. Somehow feeling exposed, she shivered. His digit returned, wandering down her spine only to drift back up. The touch floated above her hair and then one of Alexis' legs which was pushed forward in the process.
"Look at me," he commanded.
She didn't even realize she had turned away from him but doing so halted his touch. Shaking, she managed to stand up. Bare feet finding needed traction she took of in a run along his leg toward his knee. Alexis expected to find the ground below them at the end only to meet nothing but the growing darkness of the very edge of the base. Alexis tried to stop, but to no avail as her body toppled over.
Alexis crashed into the void. Free falling, eyes stuck open, her stomach long lost as she kept going. Wind played and tugged around her body, hair whipping in and out of view. Once more, she looked into death's eyes. Yet this time she was aware of it. This time, everything slowed down as she was allowed to process it.
Regret filled her, sadness as well. A sorrow of loss of what would never be as she accepted what was to come. Alexis closed her eyes. She saw her family and her brother, somehow managing to group them all together as she felt herself embraced by them all and so very much loved. Time caught up with her once more; the momentum such that Alexis knew death would be instant and in mere moments. She said the quickest prayer of her life, forgave everyone that had ever wronged her and after that despite the odd placed peace of the inevitable she did everything in her power to try to will her body to stop.
For she wanted so desperately to live.
Only seconds had gone by since Alexis had fallen over, and seconds before it would be over. As if an intruder who invaded her mind fear caught up, a raw, desperate scream erupting as she reacted. Trees came into view, the idea of a painless death quickly quelled. Now Alexis knew she was to be beaten to a pulp first. Defensively she crossed her arms over her face. Blinded, she became lost within the rush in her stomach. Taking the last second, she prepared herself for the oncoming pain.
She felt it. Felt its embrace, felt her body slowing down fingers tight around her body the air calming as her ears cleared. Alexis heard an engine, her hands dropping from her face, she looked down. Thundercracker had saved her, the two hovering over the tree line just inches away that if she lengthened her legs the top would have brushed against the soles of her feet.
They were completely still now. And even over the roaring of his engines Alexis heard the distinct sound of her own heart, it echoing between her ears as tears leaked quietly out of her eyes. Alexis looked up, her eyes seeking his optics. There was no anger there, no bitterness, just an astonishment even she could pick up on the usually stoic mech.
When Alexis remembered what had brought her to where they now were, unbridled anger came to the surface. But denial was still firmly placed, her mind wanting to draw different conclusions.
"I am not some sort of Guinea pig to be experimented with and probed." Her voice was so dry, her tone so terribly low and throaty from the lack of use for several weeks, the fall, and the recent screaming.
"No, but you are my slave," he answered, as if that was the definitive answer to it all.
They landed yet still he held on. He placed Alexis on his left open palm, bringing her up and closer as Thundercracker commenced his study. The Decepticon's optics lit across her flesh, the bright orbs magnified by the surrounding dark pitch of the night.
Alexis' adrenaline was still coursing through her veins, the blood rushing acutely through her body. She felt an awareness of senses that came sharply into focus. The world was suddenly brighter, sounds louder; the very night air thick and heavy upon her flesh.
"And self-termination was not dictated," he suddenly finished out of nowhere, a rather curious expression on his angular curved face.
"I wasn't trying to kill myself," she argued, such hostility in her words that she couldn't bring herself to care about. "I was trying to get away from you."
"Explain." He tilted his head. Thundercracker's gears wound tight as other mechanisms clicked softly.
"I believe that is for you to do," Alexis shot back with belligerence. She was aware of the danger her tone was putting her in and yet long away from the state to be able to stop it.
"Have you a mate?"
At that moment, Alexis' adrenaline left with a vengeance. A weakness moved up her legs that had her body pitching. She fell forward, moaning at the soft impact.
Thundercracker's words suddenly caught up.
Flushing, her hands pressed against him. The fingers on her right hand slipped easily between one of the gaps between his large fingers. Alexis' body trembled as her vision went in and out, darkness pressing into the light, lines shooting and curving only for the light to grow before once more fading away as the visual battle began again before her eyes.
By the time she could see clearly she was curled on her side, one of her hands folded firmly over the edge of his hand. Alexis tried to sit up, but dizziness came. Settling back down, she waited for her second near-death experience to play its course through her emotions and body. Or at least enough that she could handle things better without looking so utterly weak and helpless.
And then once more Alexis' head turned upwards. Her gaze landed on Thundercracker whose attention upon her was strikingly fixed.
"Why do you look at me like that?" she murmured more to herself than to him.
"I see something in you," he replied, his voice echoing outwards.
She flinched. Not believing he heard her. "What?" Alexis heard herself asking.
"More," his answer was cryptic yet utterly revealing.
Alexis paled and without any further delay her mind let her know what he was really saying. Finally, she managed to sit up. Alexis wished desperately that she wasn't anywhere near him let alone touching him with her body. Her skin crawled as her throat clamped closed. With determination and a will, she was able to say more, "What you want isn't possible. What you..."
He interrupted, "It is. It can be."
With that comment, the rest of the blood rushed out of her face. Pain pierced her chest deeply as Alexis realized she approached the entire topic all wrong. To have even continued it was obviously an encouragement.
"No!" Alexis shouted, the anger returning as she used it. Shaking her head, she scooted back. Suddenly, she didn't care how far up she was or that if she went over she would probably be injured. She just couldn't deal with it anymore. Couldn't handle the whole scenario as she thought desperately of how to get out of the muck she had crashed into. "I won't allow it. Touch me again and I will..."
"What?" he challenged. His tone was controlled yet extremely brittle.
Alexis found her ability to speak impeded by his tone of voice. She fought for control over her own emotions. It wasn't anger that finally let her speak but a fear that terrified Alexis beyond most.
"Is that how you get your pleasure? By forcing yourself on another? I don't want you to touch me!"
Once more, the air rushed around. This time Alexis was thrust down on the ground as she fell back awkwardly. She landed in a bush, branches pushed harshly into her spine, leaves and some sort of nut cutting into the flesh of her palms.
"I don't force myself on any femme. Ever." His voice was gone of any hint of emotion, but his eyes burned. She was cascaded in his light in spite of the distance. "Not even a slave."
"Then..."
He cut her off, "Your refusal is noted. This conversation is terminated. We will not speak of it again."
As a couple more weeks passed Alexis almost forgot about what had happened and about Thundercracker's revelation that frightened beyond all reason. For something unexpected happened. He started to treat her with civility. It wasn't much at first so it took Alexis a while to notice the change, but by the time she did Alexis was so accustomed to it that it barely registered.
Yet she knew she didn't hate him anymore.
Perhaps because along with the civility came conversations that surprised and oddly delighted her, as the gap between such an alien culture lessened as she found certain things out. She started to see Thundercracker in a different light. Identified that he had an honor code and morality though while twisted and dim did exist. That gave her hope.
Thundercracker never touched her again. Not in the manner he had and as the incident drifted further in the past Alexis rather slowly got to know him. He was extremely complicated though. For when she thought she had something figured he would twist it back into the unknown. Or when she believed she understood him better he would do something that made Alexis remember that despite how he now treated her; she was still only a slave to him.
Still Alexis caught the Decepticon looking at her. But it wasn't quite the same even as sometimes the intensity behind his gazes made the breath stick in her throat as the hair on her arms lifted.
"Do I mistreat you?"
Alexis was just about to fall asleep when Thundercracker's voice drifted through the dark of his quarters. At one point, she would have thought his question irrelevant in regard to what she ultimately was to him, but she was starting to find more behind his few words then another's endless prattle.
"No. Not really," she yawned, turning over onto her stomach. She saw the faint dimness of his optics across the room from where Thundercracker was sitting on his berth. So far, she had come that now she could be somewhat relaxed around him and even engage in a polite conversation.
"And yet you would still do whatever it took to be free?"
"Freedom is important. Without it, I cannot be who I am supposed to be," Alexis let him know.
"Through me, you are protected. Out there you will die," he said succinctly, a curious bend to his words.
"Probably," Alexis agreed. "But it would be my life and my choice."
Several long moments drifted by before he spoke again, "I have decided."
For a moment, she felt elation, thinking somehow after spending those months with him that he was starting to see reason and was starting to understand.
"Tomorrow you will return to the slave quarters," he finally said. His tone was so firm that to argue, a perilous thing at the best of times, was not something she was about to do.
Alexis turned over on her back, a hand brought to her mouth as she bit down what would have been a sob, tears wiped bitterly off her face. Curling into a ball, she brought the blanket tight around her body. She then wished she had what it took to get through to the Decepticon.