Chapter 20- The Beginning of the Blog
A/N: There are a few slight spoilers from the ComicCon panel in this chapter, but if you didn't watch it, and are spoiler free, the slight reference probably will not make sense to you anyway. Also, sorry about it taking so long. I really wanted to artistically keep all of this in one chapter, and apparently, I only write so fast.
Blink... blink... blink. The cursor keeps mocking Robin with its blink... blink... blink. She used to write stories all the time for work. She just doesn't understand why she can't do this. She knows it's because this time, the story is about her. She is sharing her life. When she thinks back on the last ten days since Barney suggested she might be pregnant, she can't believe how much has changed. She's now practically chained to their bed, but there is a baby inside of her. Not that there wasn't a few weeks ago, of course, but she just didn't realize it, nor would she have ever expected it. Everything that she had been feeling before those ten days makes sense now, but she still had not wanted to think about putting all the pieces together. She really had wanted to be pregnant. She had not admitted to anyone, let alone herself, that she did want to have a family. She had to keep it bottled up for self-preservation. There was no way she was going to admit to herself that she wanted something she couldn't have. The consequences would have been too dire. So she did what she always had done and pushed the feelings aside.
That wasn't to say that she isn't freaking out about this. To say she is just freaking out would be an understatement. The panic attacks she'd had in the last week about becoming a mother were worse than those of Barney's after their engagement. It didn't help that she spent sixteen hours a day for the last three days in bed a day just thinking about the baby. There is so much to do, so much she isn't ready for. She isn't even sure she can do it. Frankly, Barney seems to be the calm one in all of this. How, she has no idea, but he is. Maybe it is because he got to go to work and think about something else. It was just that the last three days had made it seem so real.
The first two days of being in bed weren't that bad for Robin. Since they had found out on a Friday, she got to spend the weekend with Barney. They had lounged in bed, watching movies, talking about the baby and getting her set up with some nearby food and a rolling desk that she could reach from the bed. The only times that he left her alone were when he went to get food, and even so, that was only to the door to get the delivery. She was grateful. He didn't have to spend all of the time with her, but he did anyway. But the harsh reality of Monday morning was horrible.
Barney was already gone by the time she woke up, but he had left her a note on her new desk. It makes her feel somewhat better, but it still doesn't help her feel any less lonely. So she tries to figure out what she can do with the day. She doesn't feel like shopping for baby things, because she wants to do that with Barney. She also isn't supposed to start her research work until two. She wants to call someone, but she knows everyone will be at work.
During their talk over the weekend, Barney and Robin realized that if she was going to do this blog, and start it this week, as her boss had requested, they needed to tell their families, and fast, because they didn't want them finding out about her pregnancy the same way the rest of the world would.
Robin really wants to tell everyone in person, but that's out of the question, with most of her family being three thousand miles away. She would have to settle with calling or e-mailing something to her mom and sister. She could tell her dad and Carol in person, but she isn't sure that she wants to do that either. She can't imagine him being ecstatic about becoming a grandfather.
Barney's family, however, is a completely different story. She can't wait to tell them, and she knows that everyone is going to be ecstatic, especially Jerry. Yes, Loretta would be excited, but this isn't her first grandchild. This would be Jerry's first grandchild, and for some crazy reason, she wants to tell the whole family in person. Only problem is that she can't leave the apartment. So in less than 3 days, both families would have to visit them, and it would not be easy to pull off. So she figures, what a better way to spend the day than to make this all come together.
The first thing she does is call Barney to make sure that his schedule is open all week. It goes to voicemail, so she tries his secretary. She finds out that his schedule is clear for the week, and she asks her to keep every night open. She figures that they should tell Loretta first, after all, she is the parent with the closest relationship to either one of them. She was always there for Barney, and frankly she deserves to hear the good news before anyone. She almost likes Loretta more than she likes her own mother, although she really doesn't like her mother that much anyway. All she had gotten out of that relationship were some long talks on the phone, lectures, and a pop music career. All things she could have done without. So she calls Loretta, and fortunately she is free and able to come over for dinner tonight.
Next, she calls James and invites him over as well. She knows Barney would want it that way. Fortunately, it is Tom's night with Eli and Sadie, so he is free and they can have a grown up dinner, just the four of them. Well, the five of them.
Then she calls Jerry. He lets her know that the three of them, Cheryl, JJ and himself, are free on Wednesday. He doesn't know about Carly, because she is in the city taking a summer class. He invites them to come out to the suburbs for a visit. She has to insist that she host, of course, because she doesn't want to give anything away. He finally agrees, because he likes her, and sets the date for Wednesday. Finally she calls Carly, who has matured a great deal since they first met her, and she is indeed free on Wednesday.
Now all she has to do is think of a fun way to break the news to everyone, since it will come as quite a shock to all of them, because they both spent years telling everyone they were never having children. She spends the next hour scouring Google and Pinterest for any idea. Every single one of them is entirely too cutesy for her, like the couple standing against a wall with a plus sign between them and an equals sign and a three on their left. Cute was never her thing. Her father took that out of her when she was very young. She also finds a story about a woman who gave her parents a copy of the sonogram in the frame, but again, that seems too cheesy for her and Barney. Everything she sees is making her more nauseous than her morning sickness. But just about when she is ready to give up, she comes across a simple picture of a onesie with a due date and it hits her. It's perfect. Perfectly her and Barney: a picture of the maple leaf onesie. She can send a picture of it to her mom, dad and Katie. They will all love it. Well, her mom and sister will love it. Her dad will probably find a way to make it into a big joke. Now all she has to do is figure out what Barney did with it. She remembers throwing it on the table, which seems like such a long time ago now, but she hasn't seen it since. Maybe he doesn't even have it anymore. He might have thrown it away after their fight. She really hopes he still has it though, because it is just too perfect. Now she just has to figure out how to tell Barney's family.
At two, she realizes she just spent the last four hours looking at pregnancy related things and planning on how to tell their families about the pregnancy. She can't help but laugh at how crazy this is. She never thought she would be taken over by this pregnancy stuff, but she has to admit that it has been fun, at least for today, if only because she was making fun of everything.
When Barney gets home, she tells him about her day, and she stops short about telling him about the onesie. She asks, "whatever happened to the onesie?"
"The onesie?" he asks, thrown by the question.
"Yes, the maple leaf onesie. I had this idea for how to tell my parents, but I need it. You didn't throw it out did you?"
"Uh, no, I hid it. I wasn't ready to get rid of it yet when you stormed out, because I still thought I was right, but I knew it upset you. So I buried it in the back of my desk. Why?"
She explains exactly what she is thinking about, and he declares "wow! How perfect is that! What do I need to get?" She smiles and rattles off the list. When he is walking around the room, gathering the items she requested, he mentions, "maybe we should give a copy to all of my family too. It would be an awesome way to bring it up."
"Perfect." She smiles. Just what she was looking for, plus a lot less work.
One photo shoot, some photo editing software, and two printed pictures placed in envelopes later, Loretta and James arrive.
"So what's the big dinner emergency, Wuv-Wuv?" Loretta asks.
"Can't I just want to have dinner with my family?"
"No." James answers before Loretta has the chance. "We've never done this before," he gestures, motioning around the room.
"Ok, fine," Barney concedes, "We never do this. But I have something for the both of you, and I couldn't wait to give them to you," he explains while handing them both an envelope.
"What is this for?" Loretta questions.
"Just open it," Robin answers.
Loretta and James both stare at the image of a maple leaf onesie lying on what looks like a woman's red-shirted torso with the date 2/13/15 at the bottom. Loretta is the first to realize the shirt that Robin is wearing matches the one in the picture, and she immediately squeals with delight.
"Really?"
"Really," both Barney and Robin confirm, smiles spread across their faces.
The congratulations continued throughout dinner, and after they finally left, Robin realizes it would be a great time to call her mom. Even with the time difference, she should be free at this hour. She fills Barney in on her plans, and he offers her the time alone to talk to her mom. She was going to suggest to him to spend some time 'alone' while she was on the phone anyway. So she leaves with a wink, telling him to pick a good 'movie', and that hopefully she can come help finish him off before it's over.
When she is back in the bedroom alone, she uploads the picture on to an email for her mom, and hits the send button on the computer at the same time she hits the send button to make the call on her phone.
"Hi, mom."
"Hi, Robin. It's been such a long time. How is New York? How is the job? How is Barney?"
"Everything is good. I actually just sent you picture that I want you to look at."
"Right now?" her mom questions.
"Yes, right now mom."
"Give me a few minutes to turn on the computer." Robin groans. Her mom is so technologically illiterate. "So has anything interesting happened at work? I've noticed that you haven't been anchoring for the past few days. Is everything alright?"
Robin sighs. "Yes mom, I just took some time off. Are you almost there?"
"No the computer is still turning on." At this point, she could have just called and told her. "How is my son-in-law doing?"
"He's great mom. Not much to say."
Sensing that Robin doesn't want to talk yet, her mom changes the subject.
"Katie brought this lovely boy home for dinner the other day. His name is Dean. I think he will be good for her."
"That's great mom. Did she find a job yet?"
"No, not yet. She is still searching, but you know how that is. It took you a long, long time to get where you are in your career." Robin rolls her eyes. She really doesn't need to do all this small talk.
"I know mom. Are you almost there yet?"
"Yes sweetie. I don't understand why this is so important. It's just an email." Robin is silent. "It is just an email, right?"
"Yes, mom," Robin says, trying to hide her real reasons for the email.
"Alright. I'm opening it." She pauses. "I'm not sure what I am looking at though. That is a cute baby outfit, but I don't understand why you are sending me this picture. It's not like I have any grandchildren to buy it for, or anything. Maybe someday for Katie, but she is still working on finding the right guy and…"
"Mom…"
"Yes dear?"
"Think about it," Robin says, waiting for the puzzle pieces to click together in her mom's brain.
"OH MY GOD! YOU'RE PREGNANT!" she screams gleefully into the phone, as Robin waits for the endless parade of questions to start. "How long have you known? Do you have a doctor yet? When are you due? Did you tell your bastard father yet? Oh, I'm so happy, and so happy for you!"
Her mother went on and on. Unfortunately, she has to pay attention to this conversation, even though she is missing Barney. She is wondering how he is doing out in the living room without her. She continues listening to her mother jabber on, and has just about wrapped up the conversation when Barney comes in just his boxer briefs and curls up next to her. She wonders just how long she has been on the phone for, but she makes the excuse that it's getting late here, which is the truth. She finally breaks free of her mother's chitter-chatter, and falls asleep in Barney's arms.
The next day, she got the chance to have breakfast with Barney before he left for work, but it just left her more time to be lonely.
She starts the day by herself off by opening up her email. For the most part, her mail consists of the usual junk mail and one or two from her boss about her work. However the most interesting one is from Tracy.
It's not that Robin doesn't like Tracy, she really does, but they don't have as close of a relationship to each other as Robin has with Lily, or even Tracy has with Lily. She always sensed that there was something between them that wasn't quite right. Maybe it still had to do with Ted. This email, however, seems like something Lily would have sent her. Maybe it's a peace offering that has to do with the babies.
Robin,
I was doing some looking around today at work and found some websites you might like to look at. I also thought it might keep you busy today. :) Hopefully Ted and I can drop over soon to see you!
Tracy
It was genuinely nice of her to think of Robin. Maybe she should count her lucky stars that Ted is doing this right now too. That way, at least they have someone going through this with them, even if she is the only one stuck in bed.
So she clicks on a link. What can it hurt? It turns out, everything. The first website she clicks on is like a baby encyclopedia. There is no way she would be able to digest all of this information, let alone sanely. There are so many things to look at. Personalized baby calendars, baby names, information about how to eat, how to sleep, how to parent. It is overwhelming, and that is when the worst panic attack of the week begins. She works her way through it, she has had them before, and she knows how to deal with them. She just tells herself everything she told Barney a year and a half ago on how to calm down. She reminds herself that she doesn't have to read this all today. She still has six months until the baby gets here.
When she has calmed down enough to look at the website again, she clicks on the link for the personalized baby calendar. They never did figure out when the baby was conceived, so maybe this can help her narrow it down. It doesn't, but it does tell her exactly what is happening with the baby this week, week 13 of being pregnant. Apparently the baby is the size of a peach this week, and is forming vocal cords and teeth. And, it already has fingerprints.
Now, however, she is motivated to find out exactly when they might have conceived, because she is immensely curious. Even if it is just to narrow it down to a week. She scours the internet for a calculator that will figure out the date of conception based on her due date. She eventually finds it, and she is stunned by what she finds. She can't wait to show Barney, but she's disappointed because when she looks at the clock, it is only 11 am.
She spends the rest of the day until her two o'clock research time trying to figure out a way to start her blog. She thinks for about five minutes, then thinks of some sort of question that sends her into a panic, and looks up the answer on the websites that Tracy sent. The day cycles this way until almost two, when she starts to break down into another panic attack from having too much to think and worry about. She tries to calm down and think about them actually making this baby.
Barney arrives home that day slightly worried about Robin and the baby. He spent the whole day feeling like something was wrong, and that he needed to be home, so when he hears Robin yell out to him, he starts to panic.
"I think I figured it out!" Robin shouts out as she hears Barney open the door. He immediately runs back to the bedroom.
"What? Is everything ok?" he asks, out of breath from sprinting across the living room.
"I think I figured it out," she explains giddily. "When it happened."
"When what happened?" He is confused beyond belief.
"Oh, sorry, context. You weren't here with me. I forgot." He rolls his eyes. He wasn't expecting the pregnancy brain to kick in this soon. "I found this baby website today. It's called the Bump. Well, I didn't actually find it. Tracy sent it to me. It is a bit cheesy for me, but I did find something useful."
"And that is?"
"Well it's a week by week pregnancy calendar. You can see what is happening each week, but if you put in your own information, it will tell you what is happening when."
"Ok, sounds cool, but you still aren't getting to the point here Robin," he mentions, slightly aggravated by her long explanation.
"I know, sorry. Damn pregnancy brain. I have it already. I think I figured out when we conceived."
"How did you figure that out? I thought we said it would be impossible to figure it out."
"Well, we will never know the exact time for sure, but look at when it was around." She turns the computer screen towards him to show him. His jaw drops. "It can't be exact of course, but…"
"Wow," he says breathily. "So it happened in Mexico?"
"If they are right with my due date, yes, it happened in Mexico. Neither one could help but think back to their trip.
They decided to take a second honeymoon trip, because, well they could, and to get away from the craziness that was Ted and Tracy's upcoming wedding. It was still two weeks before the wedding, and they didn't tell anyone else they were going until they got there, because they knew the rest of the gang would never approve of them leaving at the time. Ironically, the one who didn't say anything was Tracy. Robin didn't know if she just didn't want to say anything, but she seemed sincere when she told them to have a great time. They arrived at a wonderful resort on the Saturday before their first anniversary. Barney had planned the whole thing, and she had no idea where they were going or what they were going to be doing when they left for the airport.
As usual, Barney had spared no expense, and had booked a private ocean front suite with a private plunge pool and Jacuzzi at a secluded resort south of Cancun. Apparently, it was a favorite destination for some of Hollywood's rich and famous. Not that they happened to have a brush with any of the celebrities that frequented, but they certainly got to act like them. Between the private beach, private pool, and butlered room service, they almost never left their little slice of heaven, which meant, of course, that they spent almost the entire time having sex everywhere and every way that they could. But, there was one time that was different from all of the rest.
On the day of their anniversary, Robin was awoken by a loud knock on the door. She looked at the alarm clock, and realized that she and Barney had fallen asleep for a few hours after a quite wild afternoon romp. It was five pm, and as she heard the knock again, she realized Barney was nowhere to be found. She figured that he must have locked himself out when he went to get something. She quickly got up and covered herself a towel to open the door.
"Mrs. Stinson?" a short Mexican woman on the other side of the door asked.
"Yes?" Robin answered in a panic. She thought something terrible had happened to Barney.
"I here for you appointment. To get you ready."
"Ready for what?" Robin interrogated.
"Mr. Stinson say not to worry. You see."
So Barney was behind all this. She wasn't sure how she had expected the rest of their anniversary to go, but this was certainly not it. A private, romantic dinner, maybe, but not this.
The woman rolled in a cart and instructed her to sit down. She started doing her hair, and not in a way she would have normally, but in a fancy updo. Robin really wanted to know what was going on, but she knew better than to ask, because the woman probably didn't know anyway. When she was finished with Robin's hair, she started on makeup. Right before she left, she stuck a plumeria flower in her hair and told her that Maria would be along soon to help her get dressed.
When Maria knocked on the door, she was anxious to see why someone would be helping her get dressed, and into what. Maria brought in a white long garment bag, as well as two smaller paper bags. One was from her favorite lingerie store in Manhattan and the other was from Tiffany. As much as she wanted to see what was in the jewelry bag, her gut was telling her that she should look in the garment bag first.
As much as she had been suspicious enough to be expecting to see a white dress in there, she was shocked at the dress that she saw. It was the other dress she had fallen in love with while dress shopping. She almost loved it more than her original dress, but she and Lily agreed that its free flowing skirt, short train and simple bodice were much too casual for their formal wedding. She never told Barney about that dress, but here it was, in front of her, in all of its glory. She started to tear up at that moment, because she realized that this isn't something he just threw together. He did his homework. How Barney had pulled this off, she would never know.
The dress fit like a glove, as did the foundation garments for the dress. The diamond earrings perfectly matched the dress, but there was an empty box in the bag from Tiffany. She would have to remember to ask Barney about it. She has no idea how he ended up pulling this off. She is still in too much shock to be able to think about it. The last thing that Maria gave her was a bouquet of white plumeria, orange lilies, and pink orchids, while she escorted her out of the room. Before they left, Robin glanced at the clock and noticed that it was seven. It seemed like the shortest two hours of her life.
When she arrived at the beach, Barney was standing in the sand wearing a suit with no shoes, which was ironic, even for him. There was another man with him. They waited for her to approach, and soon it was just the three of them. When she arrived at the spot the he was standing, he got onto one knee and asked her, "Will you marry me? Again?"
She couldn't believe that he had planned all this. "Of course! Do you think I would really say no?"
It was a very short, but sweet, beachside ceremony that was perfect in every way. The box that had nothing in it in her room was for the anniversary band for the other side of her engagement ring, which he gave her during the ceremony. Every minute of it was perfect, unlike their first wedding a year earlier. It was finally the time for their moment of peace.
After the ceremony, they walked a down the beach, and came across a table for two.
"How did you do all this?" she asked, unable to wipe the smile off her face.
"You're surprised I take it?" he answered with his trademark grin on his face.
"Yes. First of all, the dress. How... how did you even know?"
"Lily told me," he answered resolutely.
"Of course." Robin shook her head. Leave it to Lily to blab.
"But no one else knew about this. Even Lily doesn't know why I wanted to know. This is just for us."
"Why? Why the big romantic gesture. You hate those."
"I felt like I owed it to you, after the wedding went so horribly."
That topped the list of sweetest things Barney had ever said. "Thank you so much. I love you, Barney."
"And I love you Robin. I never thought that I would love anyone half as much as I love you."
And as special as their vow renewal was, it was later that felt even more so. When they arrived back at the room, after a few scotches and cigars, they found the room bathed in candlelight. It was the most beautiful thing that Robin had ever seen.
"How did you?" Robin asked, stunned.
"A magician never reveals his greatest trick," he teased.
She smiled at him and shook her head, and the sparks between them became magnetic. But this time was different. They had had sex in many different ways, and in many different places. They had even made love before, as much as they both hated the phrase. But there had been something magical about that time. She didn't know what it was at the time. She thought that maybe it was the magic of the evening, or the bottle of scotch that they had shared. But they had been in those situations before. The night of their engagement was incredible, but it was nowhere near the night in Mexico.
"So you think it happened then?" Barney questions.
"It was completely different that time," she says dreamily.
Barney looks over at her and smiles. "It really was." He doesn't want to burst her bubble, but he needs to say it. "You know we will never know for sure though."
"I know," she sighs, "but to me, that was it. That was the time. That was when we made this," she says, putting her hand on her stomach.
"I agree," he agrees. "Just thinking about that night makes me…"
"Yeah," she replies breathily.
In that moment, he pulls her in for a kiss, a kiss like they hadn't shared since they found out about the baby.
He slowly unhooked and unzipped her dress. She unknotted his tie. She was so enraptured that he had done all of this for her. She had never felt so loved in her entire life. The way he held her, the way he caressed her. It was like all of their nights rolled into one. The fire of their first night when they broke the bro code, the passion of their first time together as a couple when they avoided the talk, the carnal need of their November affair, and the tenderness and love of their first time as an engaged couple. It was everything and nothing like before. As he thrust into her, she thought about how it was never like this. If there was any truth to his nanny scam in the few months before their engagement, it was this. The number of orgasms she'd had so far were sure to wipe her from the face of the earth. The feelings were so intense; she had been on the verge of tears. Not bad tears, but good tears. She felt as though something was taking over her body. Something she had never felt before.
"Damn it!" Robin wails in frustration, breaking apart the kiss. Thinking about that night has made her horny, and now all she wants to do is climb on top of him. She knows she can't, but that doesn't stop her from wanting it all the more.
"I know. This sucks," he whines. Thank god it is only three and a half days until their doctor appointment, when they can clear this all up, and get back to sex.
"It's for the baby, remember?"
"I know. I'm sorry. I love the two of you so much."
"And we love you."
"God, when did we get to be so corny?"
"I don't know. Let's blame it on this," she says with a laugh, while touching her stomach.
Later that night, Robin emails Katie with the picture, but she decides to wait for Katie to call her back. When her phone rings, she holds it away from her face, expecting the squeals of enthusiasm that reverberate over the speaker.
"AHHHHH! OHHHH MY GODD! You're pregnant! I am so happy!"
After she fills Katie in on the details, Katie realizes it is getting late, and she tells Robin to go to bed, because she wants a strong niece, and the best way for that to happen is to get some rest.
"I don't even know what it is yet, Katie."
"I know. I just have a feeling it is going to be a girl." Robin hadn't thought much about what it was going to be, and she didn't really care, but she had always pictured a little boy in a suit.
"Alright, Katie, whatever you say."
Finally, though, it is Wednesday. It seems like forever ago that she was at the doctors. She misses seeing the gang every day. Lily had stopped by briefly to say hi the day before, but that was all. She misses going to MacLaren's. She misses going to work. She misses just getting to leave the apartment. She misses her old life. And it has only been five days. At least the nights haven't been boring, with all the family visiting, but she knows after tonight, that is going to end too.
She figures that before she gets too lonely thinking about all of the things that have changed or gives herself another panic attack, she should try to start working on the blog. She thinks and thinks. She thinks about how she never wanted this. She thinks about how she said she was never having children. She remembers arguing with Ted years ago, trying to convince Lily why she shouldn't have a baby. And yet, here she is. The idea of being a mother scared her back then. Ted was right. She was scared of babies. She is slightly less afraid now, because she has had the experience of being an Aunt to Marvin, but she is still scared about it. She left a stranger hold him, and left his stroller roll out into the street for crying out loud. She types two sentences onto the blank page.
-I'm not the kind of woman that wanted this. 25 year-old me said she was never getting married or having children.-
The words don't seem right to her. She understands how important it is to start this blog on the right foot, with the right words. She stares at the screen, and just keeps staring. She is getting nowhere. There are so many ways she can go with the blog, and she has no idea which way to go, or how to make the words feel right. She keeps staring until her eyes start to drift shut. When she wakes up, she realizes that she slept through her entire free time. She even slept through lunch. She's starving, so she gets her lunch out of the fridge at the side of the bed and starts her work for the day. So much for working on the blog, she thinks.
The rest of the day goes by in a blur. The Whitakers arrive around 7, and thankfully, Barney made it home just in time with the food from their favorite restaurant.
"I could have cooked you know," Cheryl chides.
"I know, but we never get to host," he insists. "Not to mention Robin can't leave the apartment."
Robin is jarred by Barney's slip. Barney, thankfully, manages to keep a straight face.
"Just kidding. I let her go places. Sit down. We have something to give you."
They decided they should tell them the same way they had told Loretta and James. He hands out the envelopes, and they wait for the reactions just as they had the other night.
This time, it is Carly who figures it out first. "OMG! Really?" she squeals. Maybe she hadn't matured as much as Robin thought.
"What?" JJ asks, clueless as to what is going on.
"You're going to be an uncle."
"Really?" Cheers erupt from the family. Barney had never felt quite this complete before. A baby on the way and his father sharing the news with him. This would have been a crazy dream just a few years ago.
After the joyous meal, Robin knows the last person she has to tell: her father. It was the one she was looking forward to the least, but they had somewhat repaired their relationship since he moved to New York. She at least owed it to him to tell him before he found out about it on WWN, but it wasn't like he watched anyway. Maybe she could get away with not telling him for a while. She realizes that he should know, so she sends him the email too. She isn't expecting to hear anything from him for days.
The cursor keeps blinking and she keeps thinking about how much has changed. She is getting used to this, although she is missing the connection with Barney. She misses being with him. She thinks about how her life has changed. She never expected her life to turn out like this. She spent her life running away from marriage and kids, but here she is married and pregnant, and happy about it. She doesn't know when this changed, when Barney changed her, but somehow he did.
At that moment, she realizes it: the perfect way to start her blog. She should start it with what she was just thinking about. She types the document before her brain can forget what she just worded perfectly.
- I'm not the kind of woman that ever expected to be writing a blog like this. I spent most of my life running away from marriage and kids. But now I find myself married and pregnant, and for the most part, I am happy about it. -
She thinks about what changed all of that. What made her want all this? The pregnancy scare. The moment that everything was taken away from her. The moment that she thought she was pregnant with Barney's child, and then it was gone, forever. That's when this changed. That's when her resistance against children ended. Mostly, because she thought it couldn't happen anyway, but there was something appealing about imagining those children. Imagining what they would be like. How beautiful something that was the two of them would be.
- I was told a few years ago, after a pregnancy scare-
No. She couldn't write that. No one knew about that. The only other person in the world that knew about that was Barney. Ted, Marshall, and Lily still didn't know about why she found out about her infertility. There had to be another way to word this.
- I was told a few years ago, after thinking I was pregnant, that I would never have children.-
And then it came pouring out of her.
- I never really wanted children, but I had always wanted to keep my options open. When I found out about my infertility, I was heartbroken in a way that I never expected. Over time, I made my peace with the idea of not having children. Between then and now, I found the love of my life, who I never thought I would find, and married him. We both knew going in that neither of us needed children to make our life complete. But a few weeks ago, all of that changed. We defied the odds, and somehow, I ended up pregnant anyway. It turns out that the doctor from a few years ago had made a semantics mistake- it was unlikely that I would ever become pregnant, not impossible. However, the cause of my "infertility" is also the reason that I am writing. I am on bed rest, meaning that I must stay in bed for the remainder of my pregnancy in order to keep the baby healthy. So viewers, for the next 28 weeks I will be filling everyone in on what is likely to be a pretty grey existence- no joke, all of the walls in my apartment are grey- as I continue my pregnancy, and hopefully my life changing story can help you in some way.-
That was it. All that she had been trying to write in the last few days came pouring out of her in less than five minutes. Maybe this won't be so bad after all. She just has to write what come out of her, and she just has to trust, that it will indeed come, no matter how much she doesn't know what to write. And if nothing else, she can just look at her stomach for some sort of inspiration. She knows she can find it there.