Chapter 22- Sweetness and Laughter
"Well that wasn't what I was hoping for," Barney says dejectedly as they finally settle into the back of the town car.
"Me neither, but it's for the baby," Robin sighs.
"Yep for the baby," he reluctantly agrees.
"So what's the surprise?" she asks, hoping that the surprise isn't ruined.
"The surprise. Riiiight," he teases.
"Oh, don't tell me you're not going to tell me now," she says condescendingly.
"Nope. Not going to tell you. You're going to have to wait and see. But it doesn't matter, because we are almost there."
"We aren't anywhere close to the apartment."
"I know."
"But I'm not supposed..." Robin stutters.
"Don't worry about it. Come on, we're here," he exclaims, dragging her out of the car.
She looks out the car, and they are nowhere other than Madison Ave, standing in front of one of the trendiest maternity boutiques in all of New York City.
"Barney? What are we doing here?"
"Well, you said it yourself; you are going to need some new clothes. But don't worry, I called ahead, and they have a very comfy chair and footstool waiting for you inside of one of the dressing rooms, and a personal shopper to go get you things, so you don't have to be on your feet very long at all. Actually you never have to get up, as long as you don't have to pee."
"Barney... you didn't have to..." she insists. This will be one of the top things on the list of sweetest things he's ever done for her.
"I wanted to. You deserve it," he explains, using his sincere voice, the one he only uses with her. "You will have to go through so much more for all of this. It's the least I can do." He knows it's true. There is so much that he wishes he could take on for her. He wishes that some days, he could stay in bed, and she could be free to move about.
"Thank you so much. I love you."
"And I love you. But enough of the sweet talk. Let's go get you some clothes that fit you and the baby." And she smiles, because this is just what she needed.
After the long trip to the boutique, which was tiring nonetheless, regardless of the fact that she was on her feat for none of it, she decides what she needs is to see the girls. They hadn't spent any time together since they both announced their pregnancies last week, and Robin missed them. Plus, rewarding Barney with a night of not having to wait on her hand and foot was a good way to show him that she appreciated the shopping trip earlier.
"What did the doctor say today?" Lily asks, and Robin goes pale. Lily starts to panic "What, is something wrong with the baby?"
"No. It's not that, it's just, well, apparently," she pauses, not quite sure how to say this and what their reaction is going to be, "one of the things about bed rest is that you can't have sex."
As soon as the word sex leaves her mouth, Lily and Tracy burst out hysterically laughing. It is not the reaction she was expecting, all though she doesn't know what she was expecting. Sympathy maybe?
"It's not funny," Robin insists. She was hoping that they would take this seriously, but they obviously didn't.
"Actually, it is. Maybe you don't see it now, maybe you won't for a while, but it is," Lily spits out between giggles.
"Yeah, someday we will look back on this, and you will be laughing with us," Tracy giggles along.
"Why is this funny?" she demands. She doesn't get it. At all.
"It's like karma!" Lily tries to explain. Tracy nods her head in agreement.
"I still don't get it," Robin retorts.
"Come on, this has to be the longest Barney has ever gone or will have to go without sex."
"He's gone two months before," Robin defends. They really don't see her side of Barney do they? Yes, it isn't going to be easy, but he will be just fine.
"Really?" Lily asks, shocked.
"When?" Tracy questions.
"Right before we got engaged," Robin says matter-of-factly. There was more to him than met the eye. But, she figures, if he hadn't told her, she probably wouldn't have believed it either.
"But I saw him pick up girls," Lily insists, because, yes, he had picked up some girls in the beginning, but he never did anything with them. They were all a part of the play, in order to keep his appearances up. It would have been incredibly suspicious had he not been picking up girls, because that was what they knew.
"He never slept with them," Robin defends.
"I find that hard to believe," Lily says skeptically.
"Well, he didn't, ok! Just drop it," Robin demands.
"Jeeze, don't be so hormonal, Robin," Lily teases.
"Damn it Lily!" Robin screams in her Patrice voice. The room becomes uncomfortable for a few moments, until Tracy changes the subject.
"So Robin, did you get any maternity clothes yet?" Tracy asks.
"Aww, that is such a good story! Yes, actually, on the way home from my doctor appointment today, Barney surprised me with a shopping trip."
"But I thought you weren't supposed to go out," Lily says curiously.
"I'm not, really, but we went to this great boutique on Madison Avenue..."
"Veronique?"
"Yep, and Barney had arranged a personal shopper, so that I could sit down the entire time with my feet up."
"Oh my god I am so jealous!" Lily exclaims. "I could only afford to get a few things from there! And to just get to relax the whole time while someone shopped for me, I would think I would have died and gone to heaven!"
"I don't know if I can even get anything from there. I still have my student loans to pay off," Tracy adds.
"It was the best shopping ever. But I finally got some clothes that fit now. I had to wear yoga pants to my doctor appointment today."
"Oh, honey, I'm sorry. Can we see what you got? It has to be amazing!"
"Yeah of course, it's all in the front of the closet. Check it out."
Tracy and Lily go into Robin's closet, and start pulling things out, commenting on how cute everything is. They spent the rest of the night with Tracy modeling the new clothes, and drinking virgin piña coladas.
Meanwhile, Barney shows up at Marshall and Lily's apartment for guy's night.
"Hey, Barney!" Ted yells as Barney enters the apartment.
"Do guys have some scotch?" Barney asks Marshall as he walks straight into the kitchen. He hasn't had a single drink since Robin found out she was pregnant, because he didn't want to drink in front of him. He was hoping that tonight would end with him and Robin having sex, but that is out of the question. So he figures, he deserves to drink at least a few glasses of scotch, if not the whole bottle.
"Uh, I'm not sure. Try the cabinet above the stove," Marshall responds. Barney opens the cabinet, and finds a bottle immediately.
"Oh good," he sighs. It isn't the best stuff, but at this point, it will do.
"What's up, Barney?" Marshall asks.
"I just need a drink, and now. This last week with no scotch and no sex has been insane," Barney whines.
"Whoa, hold up. What?" Marshall questions, catching the 'no sex part,' while Ted just nods.
"Well, Robin can't have it, so I don't want to drink it in front of her. That would just be rude, Marshall," Barney spits out. Half way through Barney's explanation, Ted caught on to what Barney had said earlier.
"No, no. Not that Barney," Ted steers him back to what they are both curious about. "No sex? In what universe do you and Robin go without sex for a day, let alone a week? There is no way at this point that you two would stop having sex."
"We can't have sex," Barney mumbles.
"What?" Marshall questions, not sure he heard Barney correctly.
"We can't have sex!" Barney screams. "You happy?"
"What do you mean you can't have sex?" Ted asks.
"It's apparently part of the bed rest," Barney says, resigned.
Marshall and Ted start laughing hysterically.
"So you're telling me that you can't have sex for the next six months?" Marshall asks, chuckling.
"Yes," Barney spits out in disgust.
"That's hilarious!" Ted shouts out with a chortle. "I never thought I would see the day."
"Oh go on, make fun," Barney says, resigning to the punishment.
"Payback's a bitch Barney. It's like cosmic justice. All those girls out there, and now you can't have sex," Ted teases.
"Ok, ok. I get it. It's funny because now that I have settled down, I can't have sex anymore," Barney laments.
"It's only six months Barney. It's not forever," Marshall adds.
"Yeah, you and Robin will be back at it in no time," Ted agrees and looks towards Marshall. "And you guys will be strong enough to do it through the baby's cries."
"Haha," Marshall fake laughs, not appreciating Ted's quip. "Plus, it's for the baby. Remember that."
"I know. It just sucks. Just never thought I would pick a baby over sex," Barney says dejected.
"Yeah, neither did we buddy," Ted says, still laughing over the revelation, "Neither did we."
A/N: Veronique is a real maternity boutique on Madison Avenue.