Chapter 24- To Test or Not to Test

"We should probably talk about the test that the doctor wants to do this week," Robin mentions to Barney as they are finishing up their Chinese takeout in bed late Monday night.

"Sure, the amniocentesis, what about it?" Barney asks. He isn't sure what Robin is getting at. To him, it is just a test. Why would there be a reason to talk about it? It is just a matter of getting it done.

"I'm not sure that I want to do it," she murmurs.

"You don't? Why would you not want to do it?" he questions, stunned that she is even thinking about not doing it.

"I don't know. There is just something telling me it's a bad idea," she admits.

"I can't believe you don't want to do this," he asserts. "Why wouldn't you want to know if everything's ok?"

"I...I…" Robin stutters, unable to answer him.

"You're scared that something's wrong and you don't want to face it, like you always do," Barney accuses.

"No!" she raises her voice. "That's not it at all, I…" Robin tries to say before Barney cuts her off.

"Yes it is! I can't believe this, I thought we were past this!" he yells angrily.

"Barney, just listen..." she pleads.

"No, I just can't deal with this right now!" he roars as he storms out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

For the first few seconds, she can't even believe that he just stormed out, and she stares off into space completely dumbfounded. It doesn't take long before the hormones take over, and she is gushing tears like a fire hydrant, becoming a blubbery mess. She had been waiting for him to blow up at her for a while now, since he has been doing everything for her recently, plus going to his stressful job. And worse, she knows his stress relief is sex, and while there are ways for him to take care of that and even her to help, it still isn't the same. The surprise of it all, though, is over what he finally blew up at. A test? Really? Almost everything that they can find out from the test can be found out another way, and to risk the baby's life for one or two results? There is no way she is going to risk this baby's life any more than she possibly needs too. And if that means not taking a test, or sitting here in bed for the next six months, then that is what she is going to do. It's ironic to her, because she has no idea where this mothering instinct came from, but right about now it seems to be rearing its ugly head.

Meanwhile, Barney is perched on the couch in the living room, wondering how the conversation got so out of control. He is angry that she doesn't want to do this. It is a routine test. He knows Lily had it done. He takes a few deep breaths. He wonders why she wouldn't explain it to him.

"Crap," he mutters out loud as it hits him. He never let her finish. He jumped to conclusions, berated her with accusations, and never gave her the chance to speak. He should win the worst husband of the year award right now. It's not like she could even come to him and make it right. He wonders why she even puts up with him sometimes. He knows he needs to fix this right now. He gets up and slowly makes his way back to the bedroom, hoping that he can salvage this, and maybe have an adult conversation this time.

He slowly opens the door and enters the room, and Robin looks up to face him. He sees her crying, and the look on her face makes him immediately start rambling.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to storm off. I just think we should do this, but I didn't listen to why you don't want to do it. I want to listen to you now. I want to make it up to you for being such a jerk."

"Thanks, but I first want you to promise not to do that anymore, because I can't follow you now," Robin snivels, still trying to regain control of her hormones. "I need you communicate with me now. That is the only way this is going to work."

"I promise. I was sitting out there, and I realized I never left you tell me, and I'm really sorry. I want to know why you don't want to do this," he grovels.

"I'm scared that if we do it, I'm going to miscarry, and then…" she stammers, "and then we won't ever have a baby." She starts to cry again. What she says hits him like a freight train. He didn't think about that.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry. I am such an ass," he berates himself.

"It's ok. You didn't know. You haven't been here, researching it with me. Nobody told you it was a risk," she says reassuringly.

"No it's not, Robin," he apologizes again. "I wasn't thinking. I should have listened to you. You are the one growing the baby." The sentiment makes her smile again, finally being able to wipe away the tears.

"It's really ok. I forgive you."

"No, how can I make it up to you?" he questions.

"You can just be here with me. I miss you. I want to fall asleep next to you," she divulges. He doesn't need to make it up to her. She understands what happens, and she wants to be on the same page with him.

"Ok. I can do that." It astonishes him every day how amazing she is, and how willing she is to forgive him so quickly.

"Thanks," she replies, smiling at him, but her face turns serious. "Are we ok then? Are you ok with not having the test done?"

"I don't know. There is a part of me that still wants to know," he admits.

"I can understand that. I really can. If there was a way to find out without risking the baby, I would do it in a heartbeat. But think about it this way. If there is something wrong with the baby, what are we going to do about it?"

"I don't know. Have it anyway? I love it already."

"That's my point. We are both attached to it already. We could do this test, lose the baby and get the results that there was nothing wrong. Or there could be something wrong, but we can't do anything about it anyway. And anything that can be fixed we can find out about through the ultrasounds. So really, it doesn't matter if we get it done, because the results aren't going to change anything. And I don't think it's worth risking the baby for something we can't change."

"I never thought about it that way. How much time did you have to think about that?"

"All day," she chuckles. "I sometimes forget that you don't get to kick your feet up on your desk at work, relax and research baby things all day."

"Someone has to keep the North Koreans in line, Scherbatsky," he jokes. "But in all seriousness, I get it. I see your point, and I agree with you. I don't think that we should risk it."

"Good, I'm glad. So, want to watch a movie?" she asks.

"Sure. You pick and I'll go get it."

Barney and Robin settled in for the night, watching a movie while cuddled in bed. They had survived their first fight since they had found out about the pregnancy. There was no getting naked, there was no walking out the front door, there was no throwing plates, and no angry make-up sex. Somewhere in the last 5 years they had grown up. When it happened, they would never know, but they were slowly but surely on their way to becoming parents.

8/28/14

The baby is now the size of an orange, and is apparently starting to move around, although I can't feel it yet. I am starting to get used to being on bed rest, and I finally have a routine down. I start off my morning by having breakfast with my husband before he goes to work. After he leaves, I take a short nap, and wake up feeling ready to do some work. Then, I will watch some tv or do some baby research, eating lunch somewhere during this time. At two, I start my research work for WWN. Yes, just because I can't go to work, doesn't mean I am not still working. After I finish my work for the day, I spend another hour or two reading before my husband comes home. Sometimes during this time, a friend or two will stop by. It's great to see them, because I used to spend so much time with them. At some point in the near future, my friend Tracy is even going to try to teach me how to knit. I am not nor have ever been a crafty person, because I was a tomboy growing up, but I thought it would be an interesting skill to learn. I can even try to make something for the baby.

This week was the topic of a huge decision, one that I never even considered when I got pregnant. It might seem almost trivial to someone show has never had a baby. My husband and I had to decide if we were going to get amniocentesis test. The test involves drawing amniotic fluid, or the fluid around the baby, through a needle. It can tell you about genetic birth defects and other genetic issues, as well as the gender. You might think, 'why do you even need to think about doing this? You should obviously get it done.' That is what I thought at first, too. The problem is, there is a risk of miscarriage with the test. We had quite a long debate about whether we should risk losing the baby to see the results of a test that might not even matter. In the end, we decided not to do it. We are already incredibly excited about the baby, and we would be devastated to lose it, especially knowing that I would probably never get pregnant again. Our final agreement was that no matter what the test results said, we were going to keep the baby, so knowing the results didn't matter. But, the whole experience of the doctor recommending the test, and the risks involved, made wonder is the doctor is always right. My gut told me that I should not have this test done. Maybe it is best for me to trust my instincts. My instincts tell me to do everything possible to protect the baby, and that's what I want to do.