Here's an almost double length chapter to serve as a halfway point. Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. Enjoy.

1-Up Girl: Chapter 6.

(Meanwhile, on Mewni)

Lord Mildrew was on the verge of a Class 5 panic attack.

But then again, how could he not be?

The situation in Whimsy Valley was escalating wildly out of control.

When he'd promised his dearly beloved sister Artemis that he'd help her husband with his latest civil rights campaign, he'd expected to just donate some money to the cause or help circulate a petition. Heck, at most he thought he'd just help Atlas get his foot in the door with the other nobles.

But now, after just three short weeks, he was one of the founding heads of a full scale revolution.

Boy, when things go wrong.

Ever since King Brando and his Hobyahs showed up out of nowhere, all talk of a peaceful resolution was thrown right out the window. Now everyone, Atlas included, was convinced that the only way to stop Queen Moon's reign of terror was for Monsters and Mewmans to band together and remove her from power by force. And with his Magic Arrow granting the Monsters new abilities that rivaled even the Wand's power, it was starting to look like they just might pull it off.

Not that Mildrew was entirely against this, mind you. After all, the Queen's actions as of late had been most alarming. Sending children into Monster populated areas to act as suicide bombers? Absolute madness. Plus, there was the little matter of him being passed over for King by an ill-mannered barbarian with the IQ of a mule hoof due to Her Majesty's unbelievably bad taste in men. So really, a good old fashioned dethroning wasn't entirely unjustified.

But on the other hand, even a quick and easy insurrection will have casualties. Innocent civilians could get caught in the crossfire. Like women and children. Or old people. Good heavens! What if someone he knew got hurt? Or worse? What if something happened to Atlas? Or young Solaris? Artemis would never forgive him if he let anything bad happen to either of them. Nor would he ever forgive himself.

Good Lord, it was like a nightmare.

"Uncle Mildrew?" asked a familiar voice from somewhere behind; shaking the Mewman Lord out of his trance. "Are you alright?"

Acting on instinct, Mildrew spun around and, to little surprise, he saw his young nephew standing at the mouth of his tent.

"Oh, um, hello there, Solaris." He replied, attempting to hide his anxiety. "Yes, I'm quite alright. Just… reviewing our roster. You know, keeping of track of how many soldiers we have so far. Which ones have Stands. What they do. That sort of thing. It's all rather boring really. Nothing you'd be interested in."

"Actually, I'd kind of like to hear about some of that." The young lad replied. "If I'm going to be King someday I'm going to need to know about these sorts of things."

"King?" his uncle repeated confusedly.

"Oh, that's right, you weren't at the rally this morning. Well, to summarize, the people have spoken. Both Monsters and Mewmans. By an almost unanimous vote, they want my father to take the throne once the Butterflies have been remove from power. Which means someday soon, I shall become the Prince of Mewni. And as such, must be prepared for my future role as King."

"Well, I'm just… delighted to hear that, my boy." The older Mewman said as he nervously tugged on his shirt collar. "But… don't get too ahead of yourself. We still have a long way to go before the… gulp… fighting starts."

"Oh, but it won't be that much longer, Uncle. Already we have over six thousand Stand Users in our army, and more Monsters are coming in every day. Very soon we will have the power we need to obliterate the Queen, the High Commission, and all those selfish stuffed shirts in the capital in one fell swoop."

"Now wait just a minute, Solaris. It's all well and good to want to help the less fortunate. But don't forget that those 'stuffed shirts' are your people too."

"Those people are nothing but selfish, lazy parasites feeding off the sweat and toil of others. They are the reason so many Monsters and Mewmans go to bed hungry. They turn both races against each other just to keep themselves in power. And worst of all, they had the gall to brand you a coward just because you refuse to spill another person's blood. They are pure evil and they all deserve to die."

"Now wait just a darn minute." Mildrew said in the most authoritarian tone he could muster. "I may not be your father, but as long as you are under my watch you will not say such things. Is that clear?"

"But Uncle…."

"No buts. Now listen, Solaris. I know that you are very intelligent for a boy your age, and because of your upbringing you are much more… enlightened than most Mewmans. But all that aside, you are still a child. And a very sheltered one at that. In all your fourteen years you've never ventured far beyond this valley; let alone made it to the capital. So don't go spouting off about things you don't understand."

"But Uncle…"

"But nothing. Solaris, the world is much more complicated than you realize. You can't simply organize people into categories and decide which ones deserve to live. That kind of thinking is what creates people like… well… like that poor Higgs girl you've got locked up in your cellar. It's like your father always says, 'you can't base your assumptions on what other people say. You have to discover the truth for yourself using your own eyes and brains.' Eyes and Brains, Solaris. Eyes and Brains. Remember that."

"Yes, Uncle."

"Good. Now where on Mewni did you learn such poisonous propaganda?"

"At the rally this morning. It was part of King Brando's latest sermon."

"Ugh. Of course it was." The Mewman lord said with disgust. "Who else but that goblin faced ghoul could spin such rhetoric."

"But Uncle, King Brando and the Hobyahs are working miracles. It's because of them that Monsters and Mewmans are finally working together towards a common goal. And it's because of their Magic Arrow that the Monsters finally have powers of their own; powers that rival even Queen Moon's magic. How can you speak so ill of them?"

"Sigh. Solaris, I know that King Brando and his… associates seem like they're here to help. But you must understand. People rarely do things for others without wanting something in return."

"What do you mean? Father helps people all the time and never asks for anything."

"Yes, but most people aren't like your father. Most people, even good ones, expect to be compensated for their efforts in some way. And believe you me, this Brando character, whatever he is, is no exception."

"Okay… but then what does he want?"

"That I don't know. But until we figure that out, I believe it would be in everyone's best interests if we were all a bit more wary of our mysterious benefactor."

"I don't know, Uncle. I think you're just getting all worked up over nothing."

"Hmm… Maybe. But on the off chance I'm right, I want you to promise me something. I want you to promise me that if things turn ugly you'll stay close to me so I can protect you. Can you do that for me, Solaris?"

"Well… alright, Uncle. I promise. But I still think…."

But before the young swordsman could complete his sentence, the air was suddenly shattered by the sound of a tremendous explosion.

"Oh, good grief." Said Lord Mildrew in an odd blend of fear and exasperation. "What now?"

XXX

(Across the camp, several minutes later)

With incredible speed for a man his size, Lord Mildrew hurried across the camp with his young nephew following close behind.

A large crowd had formed on the field's southern end and as he attempted to navigate his way through it, the portly nobleman caught fragments of several rather unsettling conversations.

"Ah-Ha-Ha! Did you see that bitch bounce when Master Hanzo clocked her in midair? Priceless!"

"Yes, Master Hanzo is most impressive. And his MacArthur Park is almost godlike. With that Stand we can at last resurrect our ancient forests."

"Hanzo's cool, but my main man Bright-Eyes is the real deal. Did you see what he did with Barracuda? Man, I ain't never seen icicles move that fast."

"Lady Alice's Stand is most intriguing."

"Indeed. White Rabbit is not a force to be taken lightly. Though its effects are most… bizarre."

"Pfft. Whatever, man. We all know Buff Frog is the real OG. I mean, did you see the way he was movin'? It looked like time was standin' still?"

"Quite so. I dare say News of the World could give even Omnitraxus a run for his money."

"A Stand that can outdo even the God of Space Time. Queen Moon better watch out. Heh-Heh."

And so on and so forth in the manner.

Before long, Lord Mildrew finally reached the center of the unruly mob, where he found the four subjects of conversation, Hanzo, Bright-Eyes, Alice and Buff Frog, along with one other.

To his great astonishment, he saw the legendary defender of Mewni herself, Mina Loveberry, standing beside the Monsters. Only something wasn't quite right. She appeared to be punching the air, but her fists kept hitting something solid. And her mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out. It was very peculiar; even by Mina's standards.

"Ah, Lord Mildrew." Said Alice almost indifferently. "So glad you could make it. We were just wrapping things up."

"Um… yes… well, I do apologize for my late arrival, but eh…what exactly am I looking at right now?" the nobleman asked confusedly.

"What do you think it is, fool." Hanzo answered sharply. "We were in the middle of a routine training exercise when this raving lunatic attacked us out of nowhere."

"Oh dear, was anyone hurt?"

"Heh. Of course not." The scared ape-man said smugly. "The fool charged in expecting a slaughter. But she was ill prepared to deal with a group of Stand Users as powerful as we. Heh-Heh-Heh. You should have seen the look on her face when MacArthur Park swatted her out of the sky. Priceless."

"Oy, it was a right proper brawl, that's for true." Bright-Eyes chimed in with his usual good-natured demeanor. "She gave us quite the run for our money, she did. But thanks to ol' Boo Fly over there, now we got her contained."

"Boo Fly?"

"Yes, he is right over there." Buff Frog spoke up, while pointing to a smallish, insect like Monster hovering nearby. "His Stand, Hip-2-B-Square, is like see-through cube of that can trap anything. Virtually indestructible. And apparently soundproof. Very useful."

"So it would seem. But… what do you plan to do to with her now?"

"Well, I can't speak for everyone else, but I think cutting out her tongue might be a good place to start." Hanzo said, in a tone that sent shivers down Mildrew's spine. "And after that… who knows?"

"Yes, well… before we do anything too… draconian, how about we try talking to her first." The Mewman lord reasoned, before shirting his focus. "Excuse me, Mr. Boo Fly? Do you think you could turn off the noise cancelation without shutting down the barrier?"

"Um… I'm not zzzsure." The insectoid answered with a slight buzz in his voice. "But I can try. Hold on."

A few moments of intense concentration later and Boo Fly managed to pull it off.

Now they could hear what their captive was saying.

"…con-flabbin', salt-lickin', skull duggers! Stop ignoring me!"

"Ahem!" Mildrew cleared his throat, instantly gaining her attention. "Miss Loveberry, a pleasure to see you, as always."

"Who in the bling-bloo-blazes are you supposed to be?"

"I am Lord Mildrew, heir to the…"

"Oh wait, now I remember you. You're that sissy crybaby Queen Moon dumped because you weren't manly enough for her. How you been? Wow, you got fat."

"Yes, well… be that as it may, I regret that I must inform you that you are in direct violation of the Mewnian Constitution. As it states in Article 12, Section 8, Subsection 9, Paragraph 4, 'No members of any officially recognized Mewnian Military Forces may invade, occupy, or otherwise enter with hostile intent the designated territory of Mewnian Nobility, unless they are given express written permission from said nobility or a direct order by the Queen'. And since it is highly unlikely that you have either, I would be well within my rights as a nobleman to report this transgression to the proper authorities."

"Blah, Blah, Blah, Big Words, Blah!" Mina replied, childishly. "I don't have time for your sorcerer's tricks, Melbin. Incase you haven't noticed, this valley's been invaded by Monsters! And it's my duty to stop them!"

"Well, that's very noble of you, Miss Loveberry. But I'm afraid it's not necessary. You see, there is no invasion. These Monsters are here as guests of Sir Atlas Whimsy, the Baronet of this valley. So you're services will not be required. Good day."

"What? But they attacked me!"

"From what I gather, you were the one who attacked them. They were merely defending themselves."

"That sounds like traitor talk to me."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Yeah… I see how it is. Ol' Queenie Moon gives you the heave ho, so you give the ol' one-two-buckle-my-shoe to these freaks to plot your revenge! So obvious!"

"What? Ugh, never mind. Look, I wasn't going to bring this up, but you were placed on indefinite suspension by Her Majesty because of your irrational behavior. Which means you are currently not affiliated with the Mewnian Military and as such I could have you arrested for trespassing and high treason."

"Treason? Me? HA! That's a hot one. Everyone knows I'm Mewni's greatest hero. The people love me."

"No, we don't!" shouted one of the Mewmans in the crowd. "And you're no hero either! You're nothing but a menace!"

"Yeah!"

"Screw you!"

"Fascist!"

"Somebody find some rope and a strong tree!"

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa!" Mina cut in, sounding both confused and aggravated. "What's with all this negative chit-chat-yak-yak-flim-flam? Don't you know who I am? I'm Mina Loveberry. Defender of Mewni! It's my job to protect you slobs!"

"Oh yeah?" said another Mewman in the crowd. "Who were you protecting when you had your goons torch my father's barn?"

"Or when you threw my only mule at a low flying duck!"

"Or when you marched my brother and his entire platoon straight off a cliff!"

"My son is dead because of you, you f***ing lunatic!"

Clearly, this lack of support amongst the commoners was news to Ms. Loveberry; as evidenced by her almost childlike look of rejection. Unfortunately, this look was soon replaced by one of pure, primal rage.

"Why you ungrateful little goo-gahs! When I get outta here I'm gonna rip all your heads off! Traitors! Traitors everywhere!"

"Everyone, please!" Lord Mildrew spoke up, in a desperate attempt to regain control. "Let's not lose our heads."

"You heard, Lord Mildrew! Let's cut off her head!"

"Hang her!"

"Stone her!"

"Cut out her tongue!"

"People, please!"

"SILENCE!" roared an all too familiar voice that echoed in the minds of everyone in the area; causing all of them to instantly button their lips.

From out of the crowd stepped King Brando, with a smile on his lips and his beloved crow, Mr. Jones, on his shoulder. Almost immediately, everyone in attendance, both Monster and Mewman, dropped to their knees and kneeled before the Hobyah King.

Everyone that is, except for Mina and Mildrew.

"What seems to be the problem here, Mildrew?" asked the goblin faced man in a high squeaky voice.

"There's no problem here, Your Majesty. Just a simple misunderstanding. This woman thought the Monsters were invading, and I was just explaining to her that…"

"Stop talking." The Hobyah King said in a casual yet commanding tone. "You're services are no longer needed, Mildrew. Go away."

"But, I…"

"I said, go away." Brando repeated, a little sterner this time.

Not wanting to argue with the strange creature, Lord Mildrew obeyed and allowed him to get closer to their unruly captive.

"Oh my, such an unusual specimen. Don't you think so, Mr. Jones?" he said to his pet bird, as if it were a real person.

"KAAAW! KAAAAAW!"

"Yes, I quite agree. She will be very useful to us. Very useful indeed."

"Um, excuse." Mina spoke up confusedly. "I don't mean to be rude, but what in the hoo-ha-hell are you?"

"Young lady, I am the leader of these Monsters. And if you want to stop us from overthrowing the royal family, you had better kill me right now." The aged creature said teasingly, before looking over to Boo Fly. "Mr. Boo Fly, please drop the barrier."

"Uh… what?"

"You heard me, drop the barrier now."

"Um… okay. If you're zzzzsure."

And just like that, the barrier was gone.

And Mina was ready for action.

"Big mistake." She declared boldly as she transformed into her beastly battle form. "Now you're gonna get it!"

Without any further warning, the hulking brute threw a devastating punch straight at the Hobyah King's face. But just before her fist could make contact…

"Stop."

Her entire body froze.

"Whuh-Wha-What the hay?" Mina asked with both shock and alarm. "What did you do to me?"

"Stand up straight."

Without hesitation, the beastly Mewman obeyed.

"What's going on? Why am I doing this?"

"Power down."

Mina instantly reverted to her normal form.

"Hey! Cut it out! Stop making me do things!"

"Now, look me in the eyes, you babbling imbecile."

Against her will, the mighty Mewman warrior did as she was told. And once they were staring into each other's eyes, the Hobyah King began to chant.

"Hobyah~ Hobyah~ Hobyah~"

"Hey, what are you doing? Cut that out!"

"Hobyah~ Hobyah~ Hobyah~"

"Stop it! Stop it! Leave my brain alone!"

"Hobyah~ Hobyah~ Hobyah~"

"No! Please! Mommy!"

"TEAR DOWN THE HEMPSTALKS!"

Suddenly, Mina let out a bloodcurdling shriek as her head started flailing wildly. This nightmarish scene continued for about a minute or so, before she finally ceased her thrashing and let her head slump forward.

Naturally, Mildrew was deeply disturbed by what he'd just witnessed; even more so by the blankness in Mina's eyes and the trail of drool running down her chin.

"What… what did you do to her?" he asked, sounding completely horrified.

"Nothing much." King Brando answered. "I just shattered her mind."

"You what?"

"You heard me. Everything that was once Mina Loveberry is now gone. All that remains is an empty shell. A soulless little doll who will obey my every command. She'll be much more useful to us this way."

"But… how? How could you do that to her?"

"These aren't kid gloves, Mildrew. If you want to change the world, you must be willing to get your hands dirty." King Brando replied, before turning away from the Mewman Lord. "Come along, Mina. I have much to teach you."

And with that, the Hobyah King and his zombified slave disappeared into the crowd.

Naturally, Lord Mildrew was completely speechless. What he'd just witnessed was like something from a nightmare.

Suddenly, he felt someone grab his left arm.

He looked down and saw that it was his young nephew, Solaris; his face a portrait of pure terror.

He remembered their conversation from earlier and understood.

Things just turned ugly.

End Notes:

"Wow, and Ms. Heinous thinks she's all that."

Thanks for reading.

Peace.