Chapter 27- A Bit of a Problem
A/N: Sorry I am a day later than I wanted to be with this. I ended up with a cold and pink eye, and have spent a lot of free time sleeping. Good news is that there should be less time in between this and the next chapter.
I also originally wanted to write the ending scene with Tracy, but Marshall seemed a bit better when I got around to writing it. Let me know what you think!
"Robin, we have a bit of a problem," is the first thing she hears when she picks up her phone on Friday afternoon.
"What's that?" she asks Barney. She doesn't think she is going to like what he is about to say, since he seems upset.
"I'm at the airport," Barney murmurs.
"What?" she questions angrily. "What do you mean you're at the airport?"
She is confused. He told his boss that he couldn't go on any business trips right now, and she thought that his boss understood that.
"I'm sorry," he rambles hurriedly. "It was a last minute thing. Blauman was supposed to go, and he had to cancel because of a family emergency, and I am the only other one that can handle the negotiations. I don't want to go, but I have to. I know I wasn't supposed to go on any trips, but I have to go."
So it's not his fault. She's not happy about it, but it makes sense.
"When do you leave?" she whispers, still adjusting to the idea of him being gone.
"My plane leaves in a half hour."
She sighs.
"How am I supposed to-"
"I don't know. I'm really, really sorry." He sounds apologetic, something she rarely hears from him. "You aren't mad are you?" he asks meekly.
She wants to say no, because she doesn't want to stir up trouble, and she understands, but she is a little angry.
"A little. You could have at least come home first," she says with a sorrowful tone.
"I tried, believe me," he explains. "By the time I found out about it, it was already two hours until takeoff, and I had to come straight here in order to not miss the flight."
"I'm not really mad," she sighs. "I'm just going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss you too. You'll be fine. Just call Lily and Tracy. I am sure they can help out till I get back."
"How long are you going to be gone?"
"I don't know," he sighs. "I have to stay until the negotiations are over. It could be a day, it could be two weeks. I can't really say. I've got to go though, they are calling my group to board."
"I love you," she says quickly.
"I love you too. I'll call you as soon as I get there. I promise."
"You better. Bye."
"Bye."
I need to see you all after work. Does 6 work?
Yep I'll be there. - Ted
Sure, should I bring something for dinner?- Tracy
I might be a little late. I have to pick up Marv.- Lily
No problem!- Marshall
"Robin? I've got the Chinese." Tracy calls as she opens up the door to the apartment.
"Great!" Robin shouts from the bedroom. "Hang on, I'm going to come out."
She walks to the living room and plops down on the couch as Tracy goes around the kitchen collecting dishes and drinks for the rest of the gang.
"Did you get dumplings?" Robin asks.
"Yep. You still have pickles in the fridge?" Tracy responds.
"Yep," Robin answers. Tracy walks over and puts everything on the coffee table.
"So why are we here?" Tracy questions while sitting down next to Robin on the couch and handing her the dumplings.
"Barney is on a plane to who knows where," Robin moans and then takes a bite of dumpling.
"I thought he wasn't going to get sent anywhere," Tracy states while opening her container of lo mein.
"It was a last minute thing that only he could do. The only other person that could go is away on a family emergency, apparently," Robin sighs.
"Oh. That sucks. What are you going to do?" Tracy questions.
"I don't know. That is why I asked you guys you come here. I'm hoping you can help," Robin pleads.
"Of course! What do you need?" Tracy asks sweetly.
"I don't know for sure. I was hoping we could figure it out together."
"Yeah sure!" Tracy says excitedly. "I could come over in the morning if you want. I can start late next week."
"That would be great. You sure it's not a problem?"
"Not a problem at all, and I am sure everyone else can take some time too," Tracy encourages.
"Time for what?" Ted says as he enters the apartment, with Marshall following closely behind.
"Time to help Robin," Tracy explains.
"What do you need help with? Where's Barney?" Marshall questions.
"A business trip," Robin states.
"Oh," Ted and Marshall mutter at the same time.
"Well, I have a busy week, but the courthouse is not far from here, so I could bring you lunch," Marshall proposes.
"That sounds great Marshall," Robin responds.
"Yeah, and I can stop by after work and make sure you have dinner," Ted offers.
"Thanks Ted." Robin starts to get emotional. She really does have amazing friends.
"Sorry I'm late, what did I miss?" Lily says, as she runs in the door holding Marvin and about 3 other bags.
"Barney is on a business trip," Marshall fills her in.
"To where?" Lily asks while handing Marvin to Marshall and switching the bags in her hands for a food container.
"No idea. I barely got to talk to him before he left."
"Oh. I'm sorry, but we will help in any way we can. Let's make a schedule," Lily says, taking over the lead, and Robin couldn't be happier. This is just what she needed today.
It's been five days now. She's been alone for five days. She's lonely. The problem is she doesn't think she can do this anymore. Barney being gone doesn't bother her as much as not living her life. She was used to Barney being on business trips, but when he was, she usually threw herself into her work or spent all of her time with Lily. But now she couldn't do any of those things.
It's not that she isn't appreciative of her friends help. She is grateful. She has no idea how this week would have turned out without them, but for crying out loud are they getting on her nerves. She was used to her routine, and now it is completely different. It is throwing her off and making her cranky, but she doesn't want to tell them, because she is entirely dependent on them. She needs them to bring her food. She needs them to keep her company. Every little thing they do annoys her, though, and worse, it is things that shouldn't annoy her. They have been checking up on her more than they need to. Someone is constantly in her apartment. She isn't used to having people around this much. But more than anything, she wants Barney back.
She didn't realize how much she had grown to depend on him before, and how wonderful he made her feel about having to stay in bed all day. It's not like she isn't getting support from the rest of the gang, they just don't make her feel as special about it like he does. The worst part is that he barely has time to call her.
She still has no idea where he is. She knows it is somewhere in Asia, based on the time difference and the international number that shows up on her phone, but she doesn't know the exact country. Normally, it doesn't bother her not to know, but it does this time. She doesn't know if it is the hormones or the weird maternal instinct kicking, but this time it worries her that he might be in North Korea. Maybe it is because there is more on the line this time. It's about more than just her or Barney, it's about the baby too. What if he doesn't come back this time?
There is always a chance that he might not come back from one of these trips. He may deny it, but she knows it. She knows how dangerous his job is, and has always been. It's part of the reason that she doesn't know his full job title. She asked him about it last year. He responded with his usual brush off of 'please', but she didn't let it slide. She felt that as his wife, she should know what he does.
While she was expecting him not to tell her anything, she wasn't expecting the seriousness and honesty that came out of him. Until that point, she always thought it was a big joke, or that he thought his job wasn't cool enough. She knew it wasn't a joke, but he always referred to it that way in front of them. She was startled this time because he looked straight at her and was honest. It wasn't that he was always blowing it off, or that he didn't want to tell her. He couldn't tell her. He was sworn to secrecy by the company, and it wasn't that he didn't trust her, because he did, but if anything ever went wrong, it was better for her to know absolutely nothing. He went on to say that some of the things he did weren't necessarily kosher in the eyes of the US government, and if anything ever went wrong, or he was found out, he didn't want her wrapped up in anything.
She understood that. She really did, although it did make her reporter side come flying out. All of a sudden it made her want to know more. She started snooping at documents that were lying around the house. The things she read didn't make her sleep any more soundly. After a few files, she decided maybe he was right. She didn't want to know anymore. The things she read didn't necessarily bother her, but they didn't sit well with her either.
Of course, this business trip that he suddenly had to go on is making her feel awful. Now there is another person to think about. What if something goes wrong in the negotiations? He is probably dealing with communist leaders that could care less if he has a wife and unborn child at home. He is good at his job, but there is always that what if. She isn't sure that she can do this mother thing at all, but she is positive that she won't be able to do it without him by her side. What if she does all of this, gives up her whole life, and then can't be a mother. She can't deal with this by herself.
She shouldn't feel this way right now. She shouldn't feel like she doesn't want to do this anymore. She doesn't want to be pregnant anymore. She doesn't want to be stuck in bed anymore. Would a good mother really feel this way? Would they feel like they didn't want their baby? Sometimes she feels like she is only excited about this because Barney is. Maybe she was 'infertile' for a reason. She isn't meant to be a mother. She is meant to be an independent woman who loves her career, not a pregnant woman spending all day in bed growing a baby.
It doesn't help that Tracy looks like a fricken goddess. She's got this tiny little bump and is still going about her normal life, playing the guitar in the band, going out on dates with Ted. Of course, this is probably a cosmic punishment, because she said all of those years that she didn't want a baby. Tracy wants babies, so of course it is going to be easy for her. Tracy gets to have it all, where she only gets to have one thing. She gets a baby, or a career, not both. It's just not fair. She should be able to be one of those pregnant women walking around in the adorable maternity clothes that show off the bump, going to work, spending time with her friends, but no. She is stuck here in this prison, without her partner in crime.
She throws herself against the pillow and sobs. She can't do it anymore.
"Robin?" Marshall questions carefully. He's been watching her cry heavily into her pillow for a minute now. He isn't sure he wants to interrupt, but he can't stand to see her cry like this, especially since she is normally so strong.
"What are you doing here?" she snaps, partially angry that he interrupted her and partially embarrassed that he caught her crying.
"It's lunch time. I brought you a sandwich." He treads carefully, knowing it is probably a dose of hormones talking.
"I don't want it. Go away!" she screams, her shouts muffled by the pillow.
Marshall puts the lunch down on Barney's bedside table, kicks his shoes off and climbs into bed with her.
"What's wrong?" he asks gently.
"Nothing," she snaps.
"Robin," he sighs, while grabbing her and pulling her into a bear hug. His strong arms around her help her calm down somewhat, but she is still upset.
"Robin? What's wrong? Can we talk about it?"
"I... I… I… don't know," she sobs.
"What were you thinking when you started crying?" he questions.
"I… uh… I guess about how much I miss Barney." He can tell that she is lying. She was never the best of liars, but he knows there is more to it than that. She has been telling him how much she has missed Barney all week.
"He'll be back soon," he tries to console her.
"If he comes back," she says sarcastically.
"Robin," he castigates. "What makes you think that? Of course he wants to come back."
"I'm not worried about him wanting to. I'm worried about him not being able to," she sniffles.
"He is going to come back."
"How do you know that Marshall?" she shouts. "How do you know he isn't going to get kidnapped or killed? You of all people should know how dangerous his job is."
"Nothing is going to happen," he says softly.
"You can't say that Marshall, because you don't know!" she continues to shout. "But I know I can't do this anymore. I can't be a single mother. I can't be a mother! Who am I trying to kid with this? I'm not meant to take care of a baby."
"Robin," he whispers as he hugs her tighter. "You are going to be a wonderful mother."
"No, I'm not," she sobs.
"Yes, you are."
"No, I'm not. I can't do this."
"Do you remember the first time you held Marvin?" She nods. "You couldn't put him down. You basically took care of him that night, and you did it all by yourself. You can do this. I know it is hard staying in bed. I can't even imagine having to do that, but I think what you are doing is amazing."
"No, it's not," she whispers through the tears.
"Yes it is. In fact, you are already an amazing mother."
"What do you mean?" she asks, curious as to what he might mean.
"You are already doing everything you can for this baby."
"But I don't want to be doing it anymore."
"Robin, you are just having a pre-parental freak out. Everyone has them. No one ever thinks that they are ready to be a parent, or that they are going to be a great parent. But as long as you keep doing what you are doing, you are already the best parent."
Huh. It made sense. She never looked at it that way before. She is doing everything she can for this baby already.
"So I'm already great mom?"
"The best, Robin, the best."
"Thanks Marshall."
"You're welcome. Are you hungry for your sandwich now?"
She laughs. "Starving."
"That's the Robin I know!"
"Thanks."
9/18/14
This week has been quite different. For the first time since I've been on bed rest, my husband had to go on a business trip. He had asked his boss not to get sent anywhere during my pregnancy, but it was a last minute trip that he was specifically needed for. It's been quite hard on me, having him gone, especially him being in a different time zone. For the first time, I haven't been excited about being pregnant. I am lucky enough to have friends around that are able to help me, but it's not the same as having the emotional support of my husband. I never thought I would be the kind of person to miss him so much when he is gone, but for some reason I do. But between the overseas phone calls and having other people with me, it has been hard to stick to a schedule this week.
My husband is still not back yet from whatever foreign country he is in. I am hoping for him to be back soon, because I really miss him, and I am ready for things to get back to normal, or as normal as normal can be. He thinks that tomorrow might finally be the day, and I can't wait. I do wonder how much the baby has grown this week and how much I have grown this week. I wonder if he will be able to tell the difference. I do hope he is home soon, because in the next week or two we should be able to find out the sex of the baby. I would hate for him to miss that, since we are both looking forward to finding out. Don't worry, I will be sharing the news as soon as I find out!