A/N: To make things easier and hopefully cause less confusion in new readers, I've gone ahead and deleted the rest of the old fic. If anyone wants that version, either PM or email me and I will send it to you. Consider the first two chapters the prologue (I would merge them but I am not motivated enough to do that), the story is really going to take off now and take on a life of it's own. Yes, yes I know, I am probably going to get some flak over Kuja's characterization. There are reasons, be patient.
Updated: 6-28-2015
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This wasn't the way Kuja had envisioned dying, not even in his wildest dreams did he imagine plummeting off a cliff on a flimsy gondola propelled by a spell cast by a red mage who should have been committed before she even got this far. The scenario, rescuing a royal person held captive against their will, accidentally taking a fatal hit and inspiring them to greatness in the process, had been considered at length when he was feeling particularly morbid and dramatic. If he was going to die, he might as well do it theatrically and make it into the history books.
Having discarded every bit of dignity he had, he clung to the seat of the gondola, mimicking the Prince and the little boy-mage. Over the red mage's cackling, he could hear someone screaming. It might have been him.
They flew through Alexandria, the further they went, the faster they seemed to get. His entire front half was drenched from the water spilling over the sides, the chill reminding him that he was still alive. The waterfall was directly in front of them, close enough that Kuja could see the edge. For a moment, he couldn't hear anything but the sound of his heart beating, then the wind started roaring and the screaming picked up again, only it was three voices now, not just his own.
One heartbeat, the edge drew closer, two heartbeats, closer still, three, a soft gloved hand groped for his own, squeezing it tightly enough to bruise; he returned the favor gladly. On the fourth beat, they went over then passed the edge of the waterfall, propelled by the wind.
The wind immediately stopped, replaced by the sound of a large amount of water falling all at once. Then for a moment, they glided through the air and for one blissful moment Kuja thought they might make it, then the boat tilted backwards, the back flooding with water -distantly, he registered the red mage spluttering as she was drenched- and they dropped like a stone.
The screaming returned, drowned out by the roar of the wind in his ears. He didn't think it could get any worse, and then he started floating away from the boat, body dragged away from the force of the wind. Eyes wide and skin tingling all over, he glanced at the person he was attached to by the hand. As he did, he came to the realization, like a swift stab through the heart, that this was it. This was how he died.
From the look in the prince's blue eyes, several shades lighter than his own but just as gorgeous, he had come to the same conclusion. For one heartbeat, they stared at each other, then Kuja pulled him forward, determined to make his—to make their last memory a good one. Their faces drew closer and for a moment they shared the same breath. Their lips brushed, not enough to be considered a proper kiss and then, as suddenly as they started, they stopped, hanging in mid-air inches above the boat.
Kuja blinked, seeing the action mirrored by the man in front of him. He blinked again, brain scrambling to make sense of it all. Before he could even adjust to this new situation, they dropped, boat landing in the water with a splash, three wooden thumps sounding out afterward.
Then the laughter started, edging on hysterical. Ass in the air over a gondola seat, face inches away from the prince's own, he realized that he was still alive. It wasn't a comforting revelation
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Always late to the party, Steiner made his way towards the royal chambers, well-polished, but cheaply made armor clanking with every movement he made. The door to the prince's quarters had been left open, which was highly unusual and suspicious. Stomach dropping (he was going to be blamed for this, he knew he was), he approached the door as quietly as he could, peeking around the edge of the doorjamb. For a moment, all he could see was blue. The prince had his quarters decorated with his favorite color, ordering that every bit of the stone that made up the castle to be covered with fabric. They had thought he was crazy, but did it anyway, but Steiner was now noticing that it was warmer in the Prince's room than it was in the rest of the castle.
"Your highness?" He called out, frantically looking about just in case he had missed the prince's black-clad figure lurking in a corner somewhere, or under the bed. A man could hope. His only answer was silence.
Then he heard it. The screaming, the roar of a wind spell used in a way it was not intended to be used.
He knew it.
He was out of a job.
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Vivi picked himself up from where he had fallen, gloved hands clenching at the wood. The boat shuddered beneath him and he felt like he might fall again. He, like everyone else, was soaked to the bone, which was a relief because he thought he might have peed his pants when they went over the waterfall. He glanced around nervously, eyes immediately drawn to his teacher. She was standing exactly where she had been before she had cast the spell, her arms wrapped around herself as she laughed so hard there were tears in her eyes.
Time slowed to a stop and his chest started to ache when he realized her laughter might be directed at him and the embarrassing thing that had happened in his pants. Then he glanced at the other two and a giggle escaped before he could stop it. Eyes wide, he bit his lip and glanced back to Skyvra. Somewhere between the first and second look she had stopped laughing and was smiling at him fondly, a devious glint in her red eyes.
He ducked his head down, pulling the brim of his hat down so she couldn't see his face. Whenever she had that look in her eye, the next thing out of her mouth was usually something that made him wish he had never accepted her as a teacher. "Is everything intact?" She called, laughter bubbling up from the back of her throat. He peeked out from under the brim to make sure she wasn't talking to him. Her eyes were on the prince and the silver-haired man who had unwillingly tagged along with them.
"Shut up." The prince snapped, detaching himself from the other man and pushing himself to his feet. His face was oddly flushed. Vivi assumed he had also peed his pants as well and didn't want anyone to know. The other man groaned, mimicking the prince's actions, shooting a glare in Teacher's direction when he was on his feet.
"You did that on purpose," he accused, scowling like she had 'accidentally' set him on fire, tripped him on top of a stairwell and then mocked him for falling and flailing. Vivi had personally borne witness to this and the shouting afterward, so he was pretty confident that that was the same expression.
Teacher looked at him, expression falling blank in the way that meant she was the most amused a person could be by these events. "Of course I did," she admitted, not betraying a single hint of the emotion she felt. Her accuser blinked, tilting his head to the side as he carefully regarded her, eyes narrowing. He opened his mouth to say something back, but before a single syllable could escape his mouth, the gondola shattered into a million pieces beneath them, dropping them into the river.
"Well, this just became a little more interesting." Teacher announced, wringing out her blue-white hair.
"If by interesting, you mean difficult." The Prince snapped back, looking like he would rather eat a bug than be here right now. Vivi sighed, slumping forward in defeat.
The universe must have really hated him today.
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TBC
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Thanks to all for reading and reviewing over the years, I appreciate it.